


Undercover

by cr8zymommy



Series: M/R Series [1]
Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: Domestic Violence, M/M, Past Rape/Non-con, Past Sexual Abuse, Slash, Undercover as a Couple
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-25
Updated: 2014-08-25
Packaged: 2018-02-14 15:09:24
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 36
Words: 132,279
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2196471
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cr8zymommy/pseuds/cr8zymommy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Derek/Spencer slash. The two men go undercover as a couple at a college campus to draw out a killer. But can Reid keep his secret from his best friend? Not just his feelings, but something bigger than that. SLASH, read warning on chapter one.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I'm slowly bringing this over from FF.net, and I'm trying to edit a little as I do. Fix spelling errors, and change the fact that I call Derek 'Morgan' and Penelope 'Garcia' all the time, but I use the others first names lol. So I'm going through and putting in people's first names where it's appropriate. It's making it take just a little bit. Be patient with me! I hope you guys like this.
> 
> To anyone who is reading this for the first time and didn't see it up on FF.net, this is a Reid!whump story involving Spencer in a slash domestic violence situation. Be prepared for a bit of graphic talk here and there. You've been warned! The first chapter was written short, just a teaser to see if people were interested. The chapters are a little longer as time goes on :)

“Johnson’s team sent over their case file for us to look over.” Aaron said. He stood at the edge of the table, near the TV. It was unusual for their team leader to be the one to present the case, especially with JJ standing right beside him. Because of that everyone seemed to be a little more on alert than normal. All eyes were trained on him. “At Penn State University’s College of Liberal Arts they have a confirmed serial killer. I’ve offered Johnson our assistance in this.”

As Aaron spoke, JJ passed out case files around the table. Everyone opened theirs, looking at what was inside. The instant Spencer saw the pictures inside, a bad feeling built in his stomach. All the people in the pictures were couples. Gay male couples. It hit just a little too close to home to see the gay men slaughtered in those photos. He shivered only slightly, reminding himself to tune back in to what Aaron was saying.

“Now, as you all see, all the victims are gay males. The ages vary from early to late twenties for both partners. Five out of the seven couples were interracial.”

Emily flipped the pages in her file. “The first two were both white while the last five were interracial. I’d say he’s perfected his victimology.” She input.

Checking the dates of everything, Spencer furrowed his brows. “There are fourteen deaths, which mean seven different couples. They’re all killed around two months after the start of term and there’s three terms per year at Penn State. That means that the Unsub has been killing there for over two years. That’s quite a bit of control and quite a long time he’s been free to roam.” He looked up at Aaron, seeing his boss nod at his words.

Holding his folder in his hands, Aaron looked around the table again. “I’m going to lay this out plain. They’re no closer to catching this guy than when they started. He could be either an older student or even a teacher at the University. The only way they can think of to catch him is to go undercover. Obviously, Johnson’s team is out of the question, as they’ve all been seen in connection with the case. As has most all of the police department there. Not to mention that none of them are trained to observe quite the way we are. Johnson called me to see if we might be able to help and I told him I would talk to all of you first.”

That bad feeling in Spencer’s stomach grew. Undercover? His mind had absolutely no problem making the leap from what Aaron was suggesting to the only two people who would be able to fill that role. He couldn’t stop himself from looking up quickly, a flash of eyes over towards Derek before they went back down again.

It didn’t take everyone else very long either. Derek was the first to speak up, which wasn’t really surprising. “You want the kid and me to go undercover at Penn State as a couple?” he asked with surprise. The surprise stung just a little. What, was it that unappealing to Derek to have to fake a relationship with him?

Spencer chewed on his lips, trying to keep himself under control. His eyes were locked on the file in front of him despite the fact that he already had it memorized. Control. He needed to bring himself under control. Derek probably didn’t mean that the way that it had sounded. They were friends, after all. And really, they were the logical choice. Derek, obviously because of the interracial factor in the last five couples. Spencer, because he was the only one close to Derek’s age who could be paired with him and still have one of them be the right age range.

On top of that, everyone knew that Spencer was in a relationship with another man and that Derek was bisexual. Maybe Aaron assumed that it would make it a little more comfortable for them to fake it. If only he had any idea. Internally, Spencer cringed. The last thing he wanted was to be stuck living with Derek for a while. He’d always harbored an attraction for the other man—an attraction? More than that, so much more—but he’d long ago learned to bury it, back before Derek had even made his bisexuality known to the others. And now, now it was too late. _You have Michael now_ he reminded himself. _You have someone who loves you. And who is going to absolutely_ hate _this._

“Spence?”

JJ’s voice pulled Spencer back up from his thoughts. He lifted his head, flushing slightly when he saw all eyes were on him. “Sorry.” He murmured. “I was thinking.”

“What’s new?” Emily teased him. Her friendly smile took the any sting out of the words.

JJ rolled her eyes but gave Spencer a smile. “We were trying to get your opinion on this. Morgan seems to be up for it, but we don’t want to commit you to something you aren’t up for doing. The rest of us will understand, no matter what your decision is.”

This time Spencer bit the inside of his lip, trying not to show his nerves. He forced down any emotions he felt and tried to focus on facts. “How long would we need to be undercover?” he asked his boss.

“Two weeks to get established and then potentially two months until he comes after you, if he takes the bait. Hopefully sooner than that if we can. But no more than three months, maximum.” Aaron said.

Two and a half months? Inside, Spencer cringed once again. Michael was going to absolutely hate that. Two and a half months apart? He hated when Spencer was gone for a few _weeks_. This was going to make him blow a gasket. _You can’t say no, though. No matter how uncomfortable this makes you, you can’t turn it down. If you can’t suck it up and do your job, you don’t deserve to even be in the FBI at all._ He scolded himself. The mental lecture gave him the strength to lift his chin just a little. “I have no problems with it. So long as you’re ok,” He looked over to Derek. “then I’m fine.”

A grin spread over Derek’s lips. “Well then I guess I should say hey, roomie.” He teased.

Rooming with Derek. Sweet God. What had he got himself in to?

Aaron shook his head at the two, smiling slightly. He had complete confidence in the two friends being okay to pull this off. “We’ll need to leave tomorrow to give you enough time to set up a home before term starts. Pack some clothes and any personal items you want. We’ll have Garcia take care of the lease on a furnished house near campus. Report in the morning and we’ll discuss the details of your cover before we all catch our flights out in the afternoon.”


	2. Chapter 2

As Spencer parked his car in the parking lot at the BAU, he let out a soft sigh. Rarely did he drive his car anywhere, most especially to work. But today there hadn’t been a choice. He hadn’t felt up to walking to the bus stop, or dealing with all the people on the ride in. After turning the engine off, he simply lay his head back and let his eyes close.

The night had not gone well. Michael had reacted just as badly as Spencer had expected he would. The ache that sat in his body was testament to that.

How the hell had he got himself into this kind of situation? He was a profiler, for God’s sake! A trained observer. Shouldn’t he have seen the signs long before he got himself into this hell he now lived in?

 _You’re an idiot_ he told himself. _Not even worth the degrees or the job you have. You’re supposed to be trained to know the minds of the sickest people in the planet. But you couldn’t see the signs of violence in your own boyfriend. It’s your own damn fault you’re in this mess to begin with. It doesn’t help that you piss him off all the time. Count yourself lucky you even have someone in your life._

In that moment, he could perfectly see the evolution of their relationship. He could see all the little things Michael had done to downgrade Spencer’s self-esteem until there was almost none left. Not that it had been hard to do. He’d always suffered from a low dose of self-esteem. It had made him easy prey for a person like Michael to swoop in.

The first two months had been wonderful. From the first date to the first kiss, it had been like a Godsend. Part of Spencer had known that his heart wasn’t fully in the relationship; how could it be, when someone else held his heart? But the person who held it was so far out of his league that there wasn’t even a slight chance of them ever being together. Spencer had accepted that and had tried to move on. Now, he could see how that had made him vulnerable to Michael.

Two months, two days and fifty four minutes from when they became boyfriends was the first time that Michael had hit him. Just a slap to the face, which had shocked Spencer almost speechless. Looking back, he didn’t know why he hadn’t left then. Why he had stayed. But, he had.

Two months, twenty days and eight minutes; that was the first time he’d ever beaten Spencer. Not just hit him, but full-fledged beat him. Again, he should have left. But he hadn’t. Again, he’d stayed. That night was also the night he lost his virginity, and the first night Michael had raped him.

It still amazed him that none of his co-workers had recognized anything wrong with him. Or, if they had, that they didn’t know what it was. _Maybe they do know_ his mind taunted him once again. _Maybe they just don’t care. Maybe they think Michael is right; you’re worthless and you deserve this. If you didn’t piss him off, he wouldn’t have to hurt you. But you just keep making him mad. You’re such an idiot._

Logically, he knew the beatings weren’t his fault. He knew that. But it didn’t stop the little thoughts from plaguing him. At one time, those had kept him there. Now he stayed for wholly different reasons.

Four months, seven days and eleven minutes; that was when Spencer tried to walk away. He’d come home to his apartment, his mind and heart steeled with resolve. He was not going to live like this anymore. He was tired of hurting; tired of covering up the bruises at work. Just, tired. Of everything. But when he’d told Michael that they were over and he needed to leave, Michael had flipped.

He’d beaten Spencer more severely than ever before. Then, when Spencer had been a bleeding mess on the ground, Michael had told him that if he ever thought to try to leave him, he would go after the precious team he loved so much and kill them all. He would take away everyone that meant anything to Spencer.

So, he stayed. What else could he do?

It had now been twelve months, thirty days and…forty four minutes since they’d become boyfriends. In that time, Spencer had lived his life in a constant state of pain, the only breaks being when they went on cases. Those were the only times his life felt anywhere near normal anymore. The only time he felt human. Even if he spent half the time lying to his friends, it still felt so blessedly wonderful to be around them. At the same time, it was exhausting.

He’d perfected the art of covering bruises. Even ones that might have been seen; those he had learned to cover with makeup or stories of his own clumsiness. Bruises, welts, broken bones. Once he’d come to work with a broken wrist and three fractured ribs. The ribs he hadn’t told anyone about. The wrist, he claimed he’d fallen in the ice at the bus stop. They had believed it. Just like they believed him when he had been hospitalized over break and Aaron had found out, bringing the team. He told them he’d been mugged. That had been seven months ago, before Michael had learned control. They’d bought that story.

No one ever saw what was underneath his clothes. No one saw the old bruises or the new, or the scars he had collected.

Shuddering, Spencer prayed he had decently covered any marks this time. This beating had been a bad one. He’d known it would be from the instant Aaron had delivered the news.

Lost in thought, Spencer saw the night replay in his mind, images he wished he could stop but couldn’t seem to find the strength. They were forever burned there.

 _“You have to do_ WHAT _?” Michael snarled. He rose from the couch, stepping away from Spencer. Fury was snapping in his eyes._

_From his seat on the couch, Spencer instinctively drew in on himself, preparing for the explosion that he knew was coming. “I’m sorry, Michael. I have to go. I wish it wasn’t so long, but it’s undercover work. That takes time.”_

_“Two and a half months, Spencer? You expect me to just accept that you’re disappearing on me for two and a half months and that it’s just for work? You’re trying to leave me, aren’t you?”_

_Panicked, Spencer rose, his eyes going wide. “No, no!” he insisted, reaching for his boyfriend. When his hands were slapped back, he bit his lip and pulled his arms around his waist. “I swear to you, I’m just going undercover. I have to, Michael. I’m the only one that fits the criteria.” No need to tell him that Derek was going to be there with him. If he did that, there was no telling what Michael would do. The topic of Derek was a touchy one in their house._

_“What exactly are you doing? What’s this big undercover assignment that’s so damn important?”_

_“I…I can’t tell you.” This part was hard. He knew it would infuriate Michael even more. Make him more suspicious. “Until the assignment is over, who I am and what I’m doing is classified. Only my team and Johnson’s team are privy to the details. That guarantees a smaller chance of my cover being blown.”_

_The blow to the face was expected but no less painful. Spencer found himself on the ground, the taste of blood in his mouth. The only thought he had was that he hoped Michael hadn’t bruised his face. It was hard to hide bruising on his face._

_When he saw the look in his boyfriend’s eyes, Spencer knew what was coming for him and he whimpered. With a skill born of practice, he drew into the shelter of his own mind. There, he still felt the pain, still knew what was going on around him, but in a detached sort of way. He could almost watch like it was happening to someone else. While his body was beaten and violated, Spencer prayed for it to be over and thanked whatever God there was that he was going to have two and a half months to recover before he had to deal with this once again_.

Now, though, he found himself thinking of all the things that could go wrong with this. He was going to be living with Derek for potentially two and a half months. How was this going to work? They would have to pretend to be boyfriends the entire time. Did the Unsub watch the couples before he took them? Did he stalk them first? How far was this charade going to have to go?

More than that, _how was he going to hide the marks on his body while living with Derek_? Derek, his best friend. Derek, whom he loved more than anyone else and could never have. Derek, who was one of the most observant people that Spencer knew. His best friend had already guessed that there was something going on with Spencer. Over the past year, he had cornered Spencer on multiple occasions, trying to talk to him about what was going on with him. Asking him what was wrong. Reminding him that he could talk to him if he needed. Each time, Spencer had to fight back blurting out the truth. Each time, he had to lie.

How would he hide it now? What if he was changing and Derek came in and saw his body before the bruises healed? What if he saw the scars that peppered Spencer’s skin? His light complexion seemed to make those scars stand out. Panic started to grow. There was no way he could do this. No way whatsoever. Derek would find out the truth and then he would be furious. He’d want to kill Michael. Most of all, he wouldn’t let Spencer go back home. Then…then Michael would come after the team. Spencer knew he couldn’t be responsible for that.

_Get a grip! You’ve kept your secret for twelve months. You can keep it for two and a half more. Use this time to think, you idiot. Use it to try and figure out what to do. To have time to heal. Don’t be an idiot and throw away a two and a half month break—two and a half months without a single beating—just because you’re a little afraid. Quit being such a coward!_

With that bolstering thought, Spencer climbed carefully from his car. He would not change his mind. He was going on this assignment and that was that.

Carefully he pulled his fragile shield around himself and headed toward the BAU. If he was lucky, no one would notice the slight limp or the way he sat gingerly. Hopefully they wouldn’t see through the makeup on his left eye that hid the slight bruise marring the skin there. Luckily that had been only minor. It was between his shoulders and his knees that had the worst damage. He had to force his arm not to wrap around his waist as he walked. Hopefully they didn’t notice that either. Thankfully, he could tell the ribs weren’t broken, only bruised. Two of them, if he counted right. But they _hurt_. He was going to have to be careful for the next little while to let them heal right and to keep them from the notice of Derek.

By the time he made it to the conference room upstairs, he was slightly dizzy but he was still walking steady. The others were already there, waiting for him. He shuffled in and dropped his bag beside his chair before taking a seat. It took all his practice to keep his expression contained when his backside came in contact with the chair and the pain rocketed inside of him. “Sorry I’m late. I had to drive today and my car wouldn’t start.” He lied easily. Too easily.

Aaron gave him a stern look but didn’t contest his statement. He shuffled through the paperwork in front of him until he found what he wanted, passing a file over to Spencer. “Here are your back stories. I imagine you can read and memorize it faster than I can explain it to you, but I’ll tell the rest of you.”

With half an ear Spencer listened to his boss talk while he looked over his file.

“Since the Unsub doesn’t know you two, you can keep your first names. That should make it easier to converse with one another and with other people. Morgan, you will be twenty nine year old Derek Isaac Mathews, originally from Los Angeles, California. You’re a bit of a trust fund kid, which at least one victim out of each couple was. That’s how you two have a house instead of Reid staying at the dorms. This means you don’t have to work, which will give you time to integrate yourself around the campus life. You’ve graduated high school but have no ambitions to attend college at the moment. You’re just along for the ride with your boyfriend. Your parents passed away three years ago in a plane crash. Because of that, you’re the sole heir of every bit of their money.”

“Sweet.” Derek said with a grin. The others chuckled at him.

Rolling his eyes, Aaron continued. “Reid, you’ll be twenty three year old Spencer David Allen. You’re going to Penn State to get a Ph.D. in Applied Linguistics. I thought that, as long as you were forced to go to class, we might as well make it something you might enjoy a little.”

At that comment, the young agent couldn’t help his small smile. “Thanks Hotch.” He smiled at his boss. Applied linguistics would be interesting; there was no doubt on that. At least he wouldn’t be totally bored in his classes.

“No problem. Now, you grew up in a single father home. You’re smart, but not listed as smart as you really are. We don’t want to scare him away with your brains, so we dumbed you down a little.” At the expression on Spencer’s face, Aaron gave him a rare smile. “You’re still listed with some of your skills, Reid. We made sure your transcripts list your ability to read at your normal pace. I figured that would be something that would be hard for you to hide. But none of the other victims showed signs of having that high of an IQ. This means you need to remember that your cover graduated all the grades at all the right ages and doesn’t know all the things you know.”

After a pause for another laugh, which grew a little at Spencer’s continued blush, Aaron kept on.

“You and Derek have been dating for three years now. You moved in together about six months ago. Finally, Derek convinced you to let him fund your college education. You two are leasing a house together for the duration of your stay at Penn State.”

He put his files down and looked at the two men, his expression even more serious than before. “Our Unsub stalks his victims before taking them. For weeks, it appears. All have been taken out of their homes. Each couple rented a home instead of staying in a dorm. Evidence says he came into their home anywhere from midnight to six am and took them from there. There’s no sign of forced entry on any home, which means he most likely manages to get a copy of the key or has access to the homes.”

“It says that they think he goes into the house while the couples are gone.” Emily added. Her eyes were scanning the file in front of her. “Do you think he’s setting up cameras or microphones?”

“Johnson kept this bit quiet, but there were cameras mounted in each of the homes. Things suggest that the cameras were in there _before_ the couples moved in, which adds to the belief that he has access to the homes. But University students and staff can participate in an outreach program that allows them to show houses to prospective renters, so there are plenty of people who would have that kind of access.”

“Damn.” Emily muttered.

“Ironically, they’re not in the bathroom, which is usually a common place that stalkers put a camera. There is one in the bedroom, living room, and dining room of each house, though. Hidden by things around them, but Johnson’s team found them while they were there. When he leaves, the Unsub doesn’t bother taking them with him.”

Penelope walked in just then, immediately picking up her boss’s explanation. “They’re just little cameras, no mic on them.” She said while bustling to the table. “They stream live to a website where he can access and watch it. They haven’t been able to hack the website where it gets sent to. Hopefully I’ll be able to when you guys get in there. Once you guys get there, you’ll need to be careful. I’ll give you directions on finding the cameras without being obvious once you’re there.”

“So basically we have to make sure we act our part even when we’re home, huh?” Derek chuckled and shook his head. “Ought to be interesting. At least we won’t have to worry about microphones.”

“That we know of so far.” Penelope corrected. “He could take those when he leaves.”

Derek rolled his eyes at her. “Thanks for the reassurance, baby girl.”

“Anytime.”

“Children.” Aaron drawled. All eyes turned back to him, each person chuckling at his dry tone. “Until we know whether or not there are microphones in the house, you two, try and act the part even in the house. If you need a serious, private conversation, go into the bathroom and pretend to shower. Or take a drive. Anywhere you can guarantee privacy. You’re going to have to _live_ as Derek Matthews and Spencer Allen.”

When Aaron turned toward him, Spencer nodded his reassurance. He tried to make his expression just a little confident. He could do this. He would do this. If anything, it actually made it a little easier on him. If he was playing a part, there was less of a chance that Derek would notice something was wrong with him. He would just put it down to Spencer trying to be Spencer Allen. That could only help him in his cause to keep his secret from his friend.

There were a few more details that were ironed out. When their flight was leaving to bring them in to Pennsylvania. They couldn’t fly on the jet, needing to maintain their cover right from the start. So the two were flying in on a regular plane. Penelope had prepared identification for them, as well as creating false backstories, making a paper trail so that anyone who looked into them would think they really existed. Spencer took his new license from her and put it in his wallet, handing over any identification in there that would label him as Spencer Reid on the off chance that the Unsub searched their stuff in the house.

Then Penelope gave them each a cell phone that she was set to monitor and they gave her their phones. Derek handed his over with the warning “Mess with it, mama, and your ass is mine.”

“Promises, promises.” She batted her lashes at him coyly and had the entire room laughing.

The last thing they handed over was their badges. Aaron was letting them keep their sidearm and Derek’s backup piece at his ankle, but those would need to be hidden somewhere inside the house. Spencer was given all the information and paperwork necessary to start his enrollment at Penn State; no one at the college had been informed of the undercover operation, which meant that Spencer really was going to have to act like a student. They couldn’t risk telling a dean or teacher and having it be their Unsub.

Finally the two men were ready to go. The last things they were given were two credit cards, one in each of their names, and a debit card in Derek’s name that was supposed to access his ‘trust fund’. Aaron warned them of the money limits on those and gave Derek a serious look when he told him not to go crazy spending bureau money. The only things they should need to buy would be essentials, or to use them to go out places. They had to be seen out and about as a couple as well. All the other couples had been known for going out to eat and to the movies and occasionally to a club.

Then, after brief hugs all around that had Spencer wanting to drop to the floor with the pain they caused, the others left to get their things ready to head out on the jet. Only Derek and Spencer were left in the conference room, looking at each other across the table. One look told Spencer that he may have completely fooled the others, but something about his act this morning had caught Derek’s attention.

Sure enough, a moment later his friend asked “Reid, are you okay?” Derek leaned forward on the table, his eyes serious. It was the same expression he wore whenever he was worried about someone he cared about. His friends, his family. Seeing it, Spencer fought with the same urge he always did; to simply unload his problems on a shoulder that he knew would be there for him. But he couldn’t. Most especially not now.

So Spencer forced a smile on his face and prayed that Derek either wouldn’t see through it, or wouldn’t question it if he did. “I’m fine.”

The worry in Derek’s eyes grew just a little. “You know you can talk to me, right? You can tell me anything, kid. It won’t go any further than us.”

The effort it took to keep his secret inside was monumental. “I know, Morgan. Thanks. But everything really is fine.” _I wish I could tell you the truth. I really do. I wish I could let you help me. I need help! But I can’t risk something happening to any of you. I’m sorry_.

“Is it the case? You not quite comfortable with being undercover for this long?”

“No, it’s fine.” Spencer shook his head, feeling an honest smile on his lips. Derek was like a dog with a bone when he wanted to be. “At least I’ve got you there instead of Hotch or something. Imagine living two and a half months pretending to be dating him.”

The two men shared a chuckle, the tension in the room momentarily broken. “Amen to that, pretty boy. That would’ve been just a little too serious for me. At least I can get you to have fun with me.”

Rising, they each grabbed their bags from the floor. Spencer only had one with him, not having had time to pack anything but clothes. He also had cash in there, just in case he needed to get some things that he might have forgotten. Cash couldn’t be traced back to his real identity.

“Well, _Spencer_ ,” Derek put special emphasis on his first name, making them both smile. “Let’s go catch our flight. You ready to put on the performance of a lifetime?”

Spencer met his gaze and nodded. “Ready. Let’s go.”


	3. Chapter 3

On the plane ride to Pennsylvania, Derek slept a little and Spencer pretended to sleep while discreetly watching people behind his lashes. Neither spoke about what they were about to do. They knew their parts and they knew what was expected of them. They also knew that the team would be arriving before they did and setting up with Johnson’s team at the station. Their team was going to be watching them right from the get go and they would be safe. Though they couldn’t put surveillance directly on the house, they would still be close, watching the house from a distance. Once they stepped off the plane, their life as Spencer Allen and Derek Matthews was going to start. They had to leave Reid and Morgan behind.

Spencer heard the announcement that their descent was starting and it was time to put on seatbelts. Looking over, he saw Derek sleeping against the window, his head on his bundled up coat. Stretching, Spencer glanced around the airplane once more. There were plenty of college age students here. What were the odds that any of them were going to Penn State? Those weren’t odds he wanted to risk. He’d been thinking about that for most of the flight.

With an internal sigh, Spencer prepared himself to play his part. He needed to be Spencer Allen now, on the off chance that one of these other passengers might end up being a fellow student. They didn’t need to mess this up before they even started it.

Leaning over, Spencer put himself close to his friend. “Derek, honey.” He spoke in a voice that others might hear as he tried to wake him. “Come on, it’s time to put our belts on. Come on.”

He saw Derek start to stir so he leaned in, lowering his voice so only Derek heard it. “Wake up, _Derek_. Time to start acting.”

Derek’s hand came up, resting on Spencer’s knee so casually that it almost startled him. “I’m up, I’m up.” The darker man grumbled. He shifted and blinked before yawning. A look from the stewardess had the two men putting their buckles on. Spencer turned toward Derek again, dipping his head just enough that he could murmur to him without being heard and it would make them look a little more believable to anyone around them. “The plane is full of college aged people. Center aisle, two rows ahead of us, is a young couple that has been perusing a Penn State pamphlet. They’ve looked over at us six different times in the past ten minutes.”

“Mm.” Derek mumbled. He too turned his head, letting their cheeks brush together, not noticing or not commenting on the way it made Spencer’s breath hitch for a single second. His lips were curved in a sleepy smile. “Good move. Apparently you’re more awake than I’ve been.” The hand on Spencer’s knee shifted, rubbing lightly. “Sorry about that. Anything else interesting I missed?”

“Nothing.”

As he settled back in his seat he tried to think how a normal couple would act in moments like this. All the other couples hadn’t been shy about their sexual orientation or their relationships, so that meant that the Unsub went after openly homosexual people. This meant they had to act the part in public. Holding hands, touching, acting like a couple. No one had advised Spencer on how to do that. _They probably assumed you would know, seeing as how you’ve been dating Michael for a year_.

But Michael didn’t like going out socially. Whenever they did, it eventually ended in Spencer being accused of flirting with someone, or something of the like. Michael also wasn’t big on public displays of affection. He thought they were crass and vulgar and totally unnecessary. Hell, he wasn’t big on _private_ displays of affection either. So Spencer had no experience to draw off of for this. The idea of asking was embarrassing, but was embarrassment worth messing up their case? If they ruined this, another young couple could die before their lives had even really started.

When the plane landed, the two profilers rose from their seats just like everyone else. Together they moved into the aisle, squishing into the mass of people that were making their way out of the plane. It took control on Spencer’s part to not flinch back from the other bodies touching his. He’d never been comfortable with touch in his life. Especially if it came from a stranger. The only person who he could remember touching him gently as a child was his mother. His father had avoided touching him, really.

A hand was suddenly on the small of his back. He was shocked, but not by the touch. He was shocked by the fact that he didn’t jump or flinch in any way. His brain instantly recognized that hand as belonging to Derek and he didn’t shy away from it. Didn’t try to discreetly move away as he usually did with people. Didn’t flinch like he did when Michael touched him. Nothing. If anything, he leaned _into_ it, seeking a small measure of comfort. The gesture wasn’t meant as part of their cover, Spencer knew. His friend knew him well enough to know how bothered he would be in this crowd. Derek had made this kind of silent gesture more than once to help Spencer get through a group of people.

They made their way off the plane and over toward the baggage claim. Spencer stopped there, watching for their bags to come around. The hand on his back shifted, wrapping around his side and toward his stomach before being joined by another. Then Derek was against his back, resting his chin on Spencer’s shoulder.

The small sound Spencer made would have been believable to anyone near them. No one would have guessed that his soft sound was the only reaction to the pain that suddenly flared to life from where Derek touched his sore ribs or from his body pressing against Spencer’s bruised backside. He chewed on his lip, trying to maintain his composure.

Derek’s voice was a soft whisper in his ear. “We’re supposed to be playing a part, pretty boy. You’ve got to relax a little. All the couples were affectionate in public, remember? It’d look strange if we just stood side by side.”

“I know.” Spencer managed to get out. He was proud that his voice sounded normal. Turning his head just a little, he let his cheek brush against Derek’s like Derek had done to him on the plane. It seemed a safe move. “I was just a little lost in thought and you startled me.”

“Sounds typical.”

The small teasing remark helped Spencer relax just a little. He tried to bring to mind couples he had seen in public before and the way they were with one another. Try to make this real, that was the goal. Try to look real. There was no knowing when they would encounter their Unsub, or someone who knew their Unsub. This had to look as real as possible.

He made himself lean back just a little in Derek’s arms despite the renewal of pain. One of his hands came up to rest overtop of Derek’s, which were laced loosely on his stomach. In his ear he heard Derek’s soft approval. “Much better, kid. Relax.”

Relax. As if it was so easy. But Spencer had become a talented actor over the past year. He used those skills now to force a relaxation into his body that he really didn’t feel. His lips curved in a smile he’d perfected. Slightly amused, totally relaxed, and absolutely false. Though no one ever saw that last part of it.

“There are our bags.” Spencer said suddenly, pointing with his free hand. He went to move forward but Derek kept a grip on him. Chuckling, Spencer tugged at his hands. “Derek.” He scolded, barely remembering to use his friend’s first name. “I need to get our bags before they go back around again.”

“They’ll come back.” Derek teased him. “I’m comfortable.”

“You’re a freak is what you are.” Still chuckling, Spencer extracted himself in just enough time to snag their bags. The instant he had them, Derek was taking both of them from him. Surprise had Spencer turning to look at him. “What’re you doing?”

“What does it look like?” Grinning, Derek winked at him and slung the bags over his shoulder. He wrapped his free arm around Spencer’s waist and pulled him close. “Come on, let’s go get a cab and check out our new place.”

Spencer put his arm around Derek’s waist in return, trying not to think about how good it felt to walk together like this. It was so different from how he felt when he was with Michael. He pushed away that traitorous thought. “I can’t wait to get settled in.” He forced himself to say. _Play your part, Spencer!_ “It’s almost surreal, being here.” Inside he smiled at his play on words.

The smile on Derek’s lips said he found it amusing too. “That it is. I hear college is one hell of an experience. This whole thing will be good for you. Might broaden your horizons a little.”

A snicker slipped out. Hearing it, Derek chuckled and squeezed his waist lightly. This time Spencer couldn’t control the small flinch he gave. He might have stumbled if Derek’s grip hadn’t shifted enough to hold him up. Spencer’s brain scrambled trying to come up with an excuse. “Sorry.” He said, trying to grin sheepishly. “I slept a little crooked on the plane and I’m a little sore.”

The look in Derek’s eyes for one quick second said he wasn’t buying the lie. But he too knew how to play a part. He smirked at Spencer and offered “I’ll rub it out for you when we get home” right as a couple of young women walked past. Their giggles could be heard as they walked away, growing a little louder at the instant blush in Spencer’s cheeks.

A real laugh bubbled from Derek. He didn’t give Spencer a chance to say anything before setting off again toward the airport exit.

* * *

It was an hour and a half later before they finally arrived at their new home. Spencer had seen the pictures so he knew what to expect. It was a single story, two bedroom house, standard to many of the college rental homes nearby. This was mostly a college community; the same one all the other couples had vanished from. It wasn’t a party community at all. This place was full of couples or even a family or two. The house was white, uniform. Holding hands, Derek and Spencer walked up to the front door. There Derek pulled out his key, unlocking the door to their home for the next two and a half months. He gestured Spencer in, smirking at him while the younger man rolled his eyes. The pictures had given him a general layout, but he knew that a typical person wouldn’t have memorized the layout images.

Immediately on entering he was in the living room. To his left was a wall that ran forward, stopping right before the dining room. On his right was a cozy living room, already furnished with comfortable looking furniture. A couch and a love seat, plus a stand with a flat screen TV. Nice. That would keep Derek happy.

“It’s quaint looking.” Spencer commented as he stepped further in. He didn’t pay any attention to the little details, like the area rug or the lamps. At least, not consciously. His brain was scanning the room like a profiler.

Behind him the door shut and then locked. Then Derek was stepping up to him, following him straight ahead to the dining room and the kitchen, which branched off to the right. To their left was a hallway that led to the two bedrooms, one of which had been converted into an office, and the single bathroom. Now was the perfect time to follow Penelope’s orders on how to search for the cameras. They could cover their searching by making it look like they were checking the house out.

While they wandered, they made comments on different features of the house, Derek going on about structure and things like that. All the while they scanned for the little cameras that they weren’t supposed to notice.  When Spencer found the first one, just barely noticeable, he had to remind himself yet again to act casually. The only reason he knew it was a camera was because he’d seen the same one at every crime scene photo. Their Unsub used regular household items to act as his cameras, made easier by these places being furnished when a couple moved in. The first camera Spencer found was a clock on the living room wall that was designed with the camera built into it. If the Unsub followed pattern, there’d be a similar clock on the dining room wall as well as a clock radio on the dresser across from the bed in the bedroom. The clocks were all styled the same at each crime, which meant that the man shopped a certain type. Penelope was supposed to be looking into where these styles were bought at.

While commenting on the color of the kitchen, which was actually a nice warm yellow color, Spencer gestured to the wall with his hand, turning away from the camera so that he could look at Derek and gesture with his eyes. His partner understood and smiled at him.

“Let’s tour the place later, sugar.” The endearment seemed to slip easily from Derek’s lips. Still holding the bags, he walked up to Spencer. “It’s late and we’ve been on that damn plane half the day. We should crash. Tomorrow we’ve got to go shopping and stock up on some food.”

“I just need to call dad first and let him know we got here safely.” Spencer smiled at his friend, amused at calling Aaron Hotchner dad, even in a joking context. “Why don’t you put our stuff in the room? I’ll be there shortly.”

“Don’t take too long, now.” Then, to Spencer’s total surprise, Derek leaned in and pressed a quick, gentle kiss to his lips. When he walked away he was grinning. Spencer was surprised to find he was smiling too; a goofy little smile. He gave his head a shake and pulled out his cell, pressing one of the buttons for the preprogrammed number. While it rang he wandered to the patio door in the dining room, looking out at the slowly darkening sky.

“Hotchner.”

“Hey, Dad.” Spencer couldn’t keep his smile from growing again. It was way too much fun to jokingly call Aaron dad like this. It just suited the man’s role on the team way too well. “Just wanted to let you know we got here okay. I knew you’d worry if I didn’t call and let you know.”

“Good. You guys settling in okay?”

“Oh, yeah. You wouldn’t believe it, Dad. Everything’s just like we thought it would be.” The words were common enough, but he knew Aaron would understand the meaning behind them.

“You found the cameras, then?”

“Yeah. No problems at all.”

“Okay. Garcia says she’ll work on trying to find a way to either access the cameras without alerting him, or at least find out where he’s streaming them to. Hopefully we’ll be able to trace him backwards from there. We’ll have you call a computer technician to come and help set up your internet and computer in a few days. That person will be ours and will have a machine with them that will tell if there are microphones in the house or not.”

Spencer rolled his neck, trying to let out some of the tension from the plane ride. He brought his free hand up to rub lightly at the knot there. “Sounds nice. I think we’re just going to crash tonight. That plane ride knocked us out a little. We’ll probably order in for a day or two. Once we’re settled, we’ll go shopping, stock the house with food. Maybe we’ll take in a movie or something if we have the time. I’ve got to go drop off my papers at school so I can be ready to go.”

“Sounds like a plan. Don’t forget to check in with us each evening. And remember, we’re all keeping an eye on things. We’re watching your backs.” Aaron reminded him.

Since Aaron couldn’t see him, Spencer rolled his eyes. “Yes, Dad. I remember. I’ll call you tomorrow, then.”

“Okay. And, Reid?”

“Yeah?”

“Try not to enjoy calling me dad so much.”

Humor lit his face. “Yes, dad.” He laughed when the connection ended abruptly. His smile was still in place when he pocketed his phone and turned to leave the dining room. There were sounds coming from the bedroom that told him Derek was busy putting their stuff away. He followed the sounds back to the bedroom.

Sure enough, Derek stood in front of the dresser, putting away the last of the folded clothes. When he heard Spencer step up, he turned and gave him a smile. “Hey, pretty boy. How’s your dad?”

“Oh, ornery as ever.” Spencer quipped. Resolutely he avoided looking toward the bed. That was the last thing he wanted to think about. All of the other things they had to do, the touching and the close contact, those he could handle. Not comfortably, but he could handle them. It was the idea that they were going to have to sleep in the same bed, as well as fake doing other things, that Spencer was having a hard time reconciling. On the ride to the airport, he and Derek had discussed this part, albeit briefly.

There was no two ways around it. They would have to fake having sex for the camera. This meant that it was going to have to look real. Having blankets over them made it a little easier, but still, they would need to be realistic. Especially if the Unsub did like he did with the others and peeked in the windows. Footprints underneath the windows at the victim homes suggested that someone had stood there, watching; there had also been footprints in well hidden areas that had views of the windows.

As if he could sense what his friend was thinking, Derek’s grin grew. He didn’t seem to be embarrassed by any of this. He just took it all in stride with a shrug and a smile. What Spencer wouldn’t give to be that easy going about this! Hell, about anything.

Suddenly uncomfortable, he rubbed at his neck again. “I think I’m going to go take a shower before bed.” He blurted out. Thankful that Derek was blocking the alarm clock camera that did, indeed, sit in on the dresser, Spencer worked to control the nerves that were filling him. What the hell had he been thinking? How on earth was he going to do this? He pulled the mask back up over his face, shutting out the emotions he didn’t want to be seen, and then he walked over and reached into the drawer that was open, grabbing a shirt and a pair of cotton pants. Then, for the sake of the camera, he made himself brush his lips over Derek’s before turning and leaving the room.

Once inside the bathroom, Spencer shut the door and leaned against it, his eyes sliding closed. Reality was really starting to sink in for him. He’d been forcing himself not to think of all the downfalls to this whole operation ever since it had been first brought up. But now that he was here there was no denying those downfalls anymore. He was going to have to act loving with the person he really loved and who didn’t love him back. He was going to have to touch and kiss and act comfortable with all of it while trying at the same time to not like it too much and give himself away.

The stumble at the airport had almost given away his other secret he had to keep. If Derek caught sight of any of the bruises on him, he was going to flip. But how could he keep him from seeing them? Not only were they sleeping in the same bed, but they had to fake sex and that meant that some clothes had to come off. Maybe he could convince Derek to have the lights off for that. That might work. At least long enough for the bruising to start to fade.

His one hand came up, pressing over his stomach just lightly. The bruised ribs were going to be another matter. As was the ache in his buttocks. Michael hadn’t been gentle, not in the least. Unbidden his boyfriend’s words floated back into his mind. _‘You think you’ll go off fucking whoever you want? I’ll make sure you won’t feel anything but me for_ weeks _. See how well you can cheat on me then!’_

The bruising, both inside and out, would definitely leave him feeling what his boyfriend had done. Not only inside, where he knew he would soon have another scar, but on the outside as well. His buttocks, his thighs. Handprints on his hips.

Tears threatened Spencer’s eyes. He pushed them back and walked over to the shower. He was supposed to be getting cleaned up, not sitting here throwing a fit. Switching his brain to autopilot, he managed to get through his shower and get dried and dressed without too much pain. The sweats and the shirt effectively hid every mark on his body, which was what he had intended.

After brushing his teeth, Spencer knew he couldn’t put off the inevitable. He used the shield that he’d learned while being with Michael and blocked off everything he could behind it. Time to be Spencer Allen, not Spencer Reid. No matter how much it cost him.

He strolled out, shutting off the light as he went, and headed to the bedroom. Derek was standing at the bed, dressed in just a pair of plaid pajama pants that made him look altogether too mouthwatering. Spencer was thankful he’d perfected his shield so much; it was the only thing that kept him from actually drooling at the sight of Derek’s chest, his arms, those _abs_. Oh, man.

“Bout time you got back, pretty boy.” Derek teased lightly. He was pulling back the bedding, obviously getting things ready. Once he’d tossed it back, he came around the bed and smiled at Spencer. This time the younger man was prepared for the quick peck Derek gave him. “I’m gonna go brush my teeth. Just hop on in, I’ll shut the light off when I come in.”

“M’kay.” Spencer mumbled around his yawn. Suddenly he found himself more tired than he’d thought. While Derek left, he did exactly as the older man had suggested. He climbed into the bed and automatically curled up, the same as he always did, making himself a small ball on his side of the bed. He hugged close to the edge, taking up minimal space.

He had no idea the image he presented when Derek walked back in. The older profiler had to work to control his expression of surprise and sadness when he saw the way Spencer was laying. _What on earth is going on with the kid?_ He thought to himself. Spencer had somehow squished his lanky frame into a tiny little ball that managed to take up just a sliver of the bed, right at the edge. Everyone knew that Spencer had a boyfriend at home. Emily was the only one to have met him, which was surprising to the rest of them. They all wondered why Spencer kept him such a secret. Or was it that the boyfriend—Michael, wasn’t it?—didn’t want to meet them? Derek had no idea. But he had suspicions about the man. There was something not right about the relationship Spencer had. The young agent had changed in the past year. Become quieter; more skittish. Almost like when he’d first joined the BAU.

Seeing Spencer lying this way, Derek wondered if maybe things were worse in Spencer’s relationship than he thought. Why on earth was Spencer laying that way? It seemed to be instinctive, too, because there wasn’t tension in him. He actually looked like he was already asleep. That suggested that this was how he typically slept. That thought was painful.

Shutting off the light, Derek made his way over to the bed, sliding underneath the covers. He reached out to Spencer, looping his arm around the kid and pulling him back. He felt Spencer startle and then go taunt before finally loosening up. The reaction made Derek ache. _What’s happened to you, pretty boy_? He thought to himself. _What’s happened to you?_ He wondered if maybe it was just being here, being stuck acting like a couple in this house. Everyone knew Spencer wasn’t big on touching other people. That might be why he was so tense and jumpy here.

_But he didn’t even flinch when we talked about what we’d have to do. Even when we talked in the car, he didn’t flinch about the idea of having to fake sex, but he did blush. But he just looked at me with that neutral expression he wears all the time anymore. I hate that look. When did he get so damn good at hiding things from us? From me?_

Cuddled up to his best friend, Derek tried to calm his brain down enough to go to sleep. One thing was certain, though. While he and Spencer had all this time together, Derek was bound and determined to find out what exactly was going on with his best friend; the man he’d fallen for a long time ago.


	4. Chapter 4

Two days later, Spencer woke to feel the weight on the bed shifting right beside him. Instead of looking up or even opening his eyes, he just grunted at the intruder and buried himself down into the blankets. When he heard laughter, he grunted again and tried to pull the blankets unsuccessfully over his head. Something was stopping him, though. One eye cracked open to peek at whatever had dared disturb him. He found Derek sitting on the edge of the bed, fully clothed and grinning at him.  “Good morning, sleepyhead.” The older man said teasingly. “About time you woke up. I’ve already been on my run and had a shower.”

“Nmmff.” The unintelligible sound was the only thing Spencer could get out. No one, absolutely _no one_ , should be this happy in the morning time. His one open eye rolled to check the clock .When he saw it was seven thirty am, he corrected his earlier thought. No one should be this happy this _early_ in the morning. “Go ‘way.” He mumbled.

Again there was laughter. “Nuh uh, it’s time to get up. We’ve got to go pick up the car at the dealership by eight thirty, remember? I set up a taxi to come pick us up at eight and take us over there. So you’ve got a half an hour to get that ass of yours up out of bed and ready to go.”

“Don’t wanna.” Spencer grumbled at him. He tried to roll and bury his face in the pillow but Derek’s hand was suddenly there, pressing into the bed and effectively cutting him off. He rolled back onto his back to glare up at his friend’s face, which was grinning down at him. His brain didn’t even register the fact that Derek now had a hand on either side of his head and was essentially pinning him down, something that would have sent him into a panic at any other time. “Mm, Derek. I’m tired.” He whined. Mornings were not his best time of day. Most especially when he’d spent part of the night just trying to get comfortable enough to fall asleep.

Derek bent down and kissed the tip of his nose, laughing when he squirmed to get away. “Be tired later, pretty boy. Now, up, up.”

With a loud sigh, Spencer gave up. There was no way Derek was going to let him go back to sleep. His brain shifted to the next most important topic. “Coffee.”

“You think I’d risk waking you up and not having coffee, Spencer? I don’t have a death wish, you know.” Derek moved back so Spencer could sit up. He pointed to the nightstand, where a tall takeout cup of coffee sat. “I even made it sickeningly sweet for you. I know you can’t start your day without putting yourself in a diabetic coma.”

It wasn’t the most mature response, but Spencer was tired and he couldn’t think of anything to say to that, so he simply stuck his tongue out at Derek while sitting up the rest of the way. Amidst Derek’s laughter, Spencer picked up the coffee cup and took that first, bracing sip. It was like sheer heaven. He hummed lightly with satisfaction before taking another drink.

Derek chuckled and ruffled his hair. “You’re cute when you practically orgasm over coffee.”

Blush crept into Spencer’s cheeks. He blinked tired eyes at his friend and debated the best way to answer that. Finally he shook his head, deciding he hadn’t had enough coffee to verbally spar with anyone right now, let alone with Derek. Their verbal sparring matches were always entertaining and they kept Spencer on his toes.

Laughing, the other man rose from the bed while Spencer practically inhaled his coffee. “I’m going to go check out the office and see what we can do for setting up a computer and such. Why don’t you go ahead and get dressed before the cab gets here? I doubt you want to go to the dealership in your jammies.”

“They’re not jammies.” Spencer murmured indignantly.

Derek kept laughing while he walked out the door. “Sure, sure, kid!”

Scowling, Spencer looked down at himself, taking another drink. These weren’t jammies. Jammies were what children wore. “They’re not jammies!” He called out again while he stood up. “They’re just lounge clothes.”

“Whatever you say, dear!”

The teasing reply actually managed to pull a smile from Spencer. He grabbed clean clothes from the dresser and made his way out, towards the bathroom, drinking down the last of his coffee. After a moment’s debate, he poked his head in the office and took aim, launching the empty cup at the back of Derek’s head. Before his friend could say a word, Spencer shot off down the hall and darted into the bathroom. The sounds of Derek’s warm laugh echoed down to him, making him grin.

While he changed, he smiled to himself. He was going to make the best of today, no matter what it took. This was almost like a little mini vacation for him. When he’d been trying to get comfortable in the middle of the night, he’d thought about it. Aside from the random uncomfortable parts, this really was a vacation. He was with his best friend, whom he always had a good time with. Why shouldn’t he just relax a little and enjoy himself? It wasn’t like he often got the chance to relax. He’d be an idiot if he messed this up.

Brushing his teeth, Spencer almost snorted at himself. How pathetic was his life that his relaxation time came while working undercover on a case? Most normal people relaxed _away_ from work. Not during it. Then again, as his friends often teased him, he wasn’t a normal kind of guy. _“You’re not normal, sugar bug. But that’s what we love about you. You’re so abnormal you’re fantastic. Who’d want to be normal anyways? That’s just boring.”_ Penelope had told him that once when he’d been worried about being so different from his teammates. It had stuck with him ever since, reminding him that he was loved for who he was, even when he didn’t feel like he deserved it.

“Hey, come on now, pretty boy! Cab’s pulling up!”

Derek’s voice interrupted his musings. Realizing that he’d been done and had simply been staring off into space for a period of time, Spencer blushed as he hurried out of the bathroom. “Sorry, sorry.” He apologized when he reached Derek in the living room. His friend just grinned at him and held out his jacket. “You’re worse than a chick, Spencer. Almost thirty minutes to get ready to go pick up a car?”

The light banter was for the benefit of the camera, on the off chance of microphones. Spencer reminded himself of that, as well as his decision he’d come to in the bathroom. He was going to make the best of today. That gave him enough courage to grin at Derek and wink, in full view of the camera of course. “One of us has to be the chick, isn’t that right? Can’t be you.” Stepping away from his ‘boyfriend’, he threw a grin over his shoulder while opening the door. “You’d look awfully funny as the chick here.”

The surprised laughter from Derek had Spencer’s grin growing. The older man caught up to him halfway down the drive. He put an arm around his waist and poked him, making Spencer squirm slightly. “Feeling sassy today, kid?”

Spencer brought his arm up as well, poking Derek before his friend could stop him. “Guess you’ll find out, won’t you?”

The two were still laughing when they climbed into the waiting cab.

* * *

As they drove off the car lot, Spencer relaxed back into his seat. Really, this wasn’t a bad car. Not the SUV they were accustomed to with work, nor the beat up car he drove at home. But, it was comfortable. What make and model it was, he had absolutely no idea. Derek would know that detail. Did know that detail. To be honest, Spencer really could have cared less for two reasons:

1\. So long as it got them from point A to point B, it didn’t matter what it was called.

2\. It wasn’t like he was ever going to get to drive it anyways. Derek never quite trusted his driving.

Fact two was currently the topic of conversation. “It’s not that I don’t trust you, Spencer. It’s just, well, I’ve seen your car.” Derek taunted him. They spoke freely, comfortable that they weren’t being watched or listened to here. This car was FBI approved and placed onto the lot, specified just for them. It had also been checked and swept and was clear of all bugs. They had no idea if it was just being paranoid, or if there really was just cause to believe that their car would be bugged. But Derek had a device in his belongings that Penelope swore would sense any bugs in the car if they took it with them, and subtly as well.

“So you just assume I don’t know how to drive well because I have a car you don’t approve of?” Spencer shot back. He rolled his head sideways to give Derek a bland look. “You do realize the absurdity of that statement? My car is no reflection on my driving capabilities.”

“You drive like a grandma sometimes.” A quick look and a flash of a grin showed Spencer that Derek was still teasing. That was something that Spencer appreciated about having Derek as a friend. He had been the first to realize that Spencer didn’t always catch jokes or teasing well and often had to have something to cue him in that it was humor. He’d been the butt of too many fake jokes that had really been masked cruelty over the years. Since he’d learned that, Derek had slipped into the habit of always giving Spencer some sign it was a joke or teasing. A smile, a look, a little head shake to tell him not to take it seriously.

Snorting, Spencer shifted in his seat, trying to get more comfortable on the bruising on his backside. The ache was really starting to settle in. It was times like these he almost wished he was safe to take a narcotic pain reliever. Something to just take the edge off. _No, you don’t need that. Start on that and you’ll start justifying everything else too. You. Do. Not. Need. It._

A hand touched his, startling him from his thoughts. “Hey, Spencer?” They were stopped at a red light and Derek was giving him a concerned look. “You okay?”

“What? Yeah, I’m fine.” Spencer drummed up a smile. He knew it wasn’t as honest as it had been earlier. Still, he was determined to get back the good mood they’d been sharing. “Don’t worry about me, Derek.”

“Can’t help it, man. Comes with the territory.”

That had Spencer raising an eyebrow. “Territory?”

“Yeah. As your best friend and as your personal body guard.”

The ‘personal body guard’ part had Spencer reaching out to smack his arm. “You’re such a jerk sometimes, Derek! I do not need a personal body guard!” he protested.

“Oh yeah? How many times you been injured on the job, kid?” Derek taunted him. “And how many times have I? Compare those numbers and tell me what you come up with, oh mathematical genius.”

Because the numbers stood against him, Spencer said nothing. But that thought process took him back toward a certain case. Back toward Tobias. His mind tried heading down that route and he quickly cut if off. No, he was not going to think like that. Sure, he’d been fighting cravings lately. Sure, he’d fought them more and more often as his relationship with Michael grew worse and worse. But he was not there. He was here, in a car, with Derek. Things were okay.

This time the touch on his hand was stronger; a clasp of fingers that held on instead of letting go. For a little while they rode in silence. But finally, Derek spoke, as Spencer had known he would. “Is that what’s getting to you lately, Spencer?” He asked gently. There was no sound of recrimination in his voice. Never once had he judged Spencer for his addiction days. Actually, Derek had been kind of like his sponsor, even though a sponsor was supposed to have gone through the addiction themselves. But there was no one Spencer trusted more. “Have you been craving lately?”

The last question had him wincing. He had very neatly avoided this topic with Derek for a while; ever since the last time Derek had cornered him on his strange behavior and demanded to know if he was using again. It had been a big sign to Spencer that Michael was succeeding at isolating him from his friends because, before Michael, Derek would have known without asking if he was using or not.

He was surprised at how good it felt to sit in the car with Derek and discuss this, though. Knowing that he could be totally honest. He didn’t even stop to think about the fact that they were still holding hands. “A little.” With a sigh he let his eyes closed again. “Not constantly. Just on occasions when I…stress.”

“Why didn’t you ever call me, kid? You always call me for this stuff. Or, you did before.”

There it was. The crucial point of all of this. At one point in time he’d leaned on Derek. Then he’d pushed him away. Spencer had wanted to fix it for so long. Maybe this undercover mission would help him accomplish that. He couldn’t tell Derek what was going on— _you could. You should. He’d help save you—_ but he could talk to him, at least some. It was just figuring out how to say it without giving things away.

“I, uh, I know I should have. I almost did a couple times, even.” Absently he fiddled with Derek’s fingers while he gathered his thoughts. It was tempting to spill it all. But he couldn’t do that. Could he? No. No, he couldn’t. But maybe he could tell part of it. Derek didn’t have to know the physical part; but maybe he could help Spencer figure out the emotional. In a split second he made his decision. “Michael and I, well, we uh, we hit some rough times.” _Hit being the operative word here._ “I don’t deal well with stuff like that. I’m sorry I drew away from everyone. I can still do my job, I mean. I just, I don’t know how to handle things like that without…shutting everyone out.”

“You’ve had us all worried. I think that’s half the reason Hotch paired us up for this. He wanted to put us together so maybe you’d end up talking to me. He knows I won’t tell him, but he’s probably hoping it’ll help.”

Oh, wow. Okay. So apparently it was that bad to the team, was it? That obvious? “I’m sorry.” Had Aaron really paired them up for this mission because of Spencer’s attitude lately? That wasn’t very comforting. Did his boss think he couldn’t handle things on his own?

_He’d be right. You can’t. How are you handling this? You’re letting your boyfriend beat the ever loving tar out of you on a regular basis. How is that handling it? You know you don’t deserve to get hit. You know that! Right? The only reason you stayed after that one incident was because he threatened the others. Not because you like being treated like this. Or do you? Maybe that’s why you’ve stayed. You know if you told the others that they’d be safe; they’d find a way to protect themselves and you. But you’d also have to admit what you’ve let happen to you and for how long. Face it, you’re a coward. Maybe a part of you knows you need to be treated like this. You’re worthless…_

“Spencer!”

Jumping slightly, Spencer hissed at the pain that exploded inside of him. Moving like that wasn’t the smartest thing he’d ever done. When he had that under control, he turned to look at Derek. That was when he realized that, one, the car was stopped; and two, Derek was watching him with that bright light of concern in his eyes.

Before Spencer could even utter an apology, Derek was gripping his hand a little tighter. “Kid, what the hell is going on?”

“I, ah, what?” Oh, that was an intelligent answer.

“What is going on with you? This, it isn’t just cravings. You zoned out on me with this horrible look on your face. It was almost heartbreaking, kid. Then, when I finally get your attention you jump a mile high and wince like I hurt you.” Derek looked so worried and so serious all at the same time. “What the hell is going on?”

Shit. That was the first word that flashed across Spencer’s mind. He’d really blown it now. How on earth was he going to explain this away? Again was the now familiar urge to say the words that were on the tip of his tongue. To tell Derek everything; every last little detail. Just as he would have done it and damn the consequences, he saw something out of the corner of his eye that snapped him into work mode.

They were parked in the parking lot at Penn State and on the next row, two cars to the right, there sat a blue car with the driver still inside. Behind those slightly tinted windows, Spencer could see the man staring directly at their car. Directly at them. Shit.

“We’re being watched.” Spencer muttered. He faked a smile and shifted his weight a little so he was more turned toward Derek and could watch out of the corner of his eye. “Row across from us, two cars to the right. Blue. See the driver?”

Derek switched easily into work mode as well. His eyes were stormy still, but his facial expression was calmer, slightly amused. They slipped into their roles without a backward thought. “Yeah, I see him, kid. Staring pretty hard, eh? I’m going to lean in and whisper the plate to you, okay? That angle should let me see it.”

“Okay.” Spencer let himself smile when Derek leaned in. To anyone outside it would look like Derek was flirting with him, whispering things in his ear that the passerby would assume was probably naughty. They wouldn’t know that Derek was rattling off a plate. But Spencer committed it to memory and gave Derek a grin when they pulled back so that his friend would know he had it.

Because they were being watched, it didn’t surprise Spencer when Derek took hold of his chin, giving him a kiss. What surprised him was how much Derek put into it. This wasn’t just a light touching of lips. This was a kiss that didn’t just give, it took. It demanded. Before he could remind himself that it was part of their show, Spencer found his eyes sliding closed and he was pushing back, one of his hands coming up to fist in Derek’s shirt. Jesus, the man could kiss!

When they pulled apart, Spencer had to fight to tone down his reaction. Jesus. Who knew a person could get almost instantly turned on by a kiss?

“Go on, pretty boy.” Derek stroked a hand over his cheek and smiled at him. “Go turn the last of your paperwork in here so we can go get some grub.”

Spencer grabbed his messenger bag and had to work not to stagger his way out of the car. If that was going to happen while they were on this case, he was going to go home without a single working brain cell in his head.


	5. Chapter 5

By the time Spencer made it to the front entrance of the college, he was back in control of himself. It took an embarrassingly long time for him to recover from a simple kiss. But he hadn’t been prepared for that kind of assault to his senses. He shook his head, trying to get it out of his mind. Ok, so, where did he need to go? He had to treat this like he was really a student taking care of his paperwork. Well, he’d done this before. How hard could it be to do again?

It only took him fifteen minutes to find the office that he needed to go to. The woman there helped him make sure that everything was in order, since he was preparing a little later than most students. She took him through the process of making sure everything was paid—which it was, in his ‘boyfriend’s’ name—and that all the paperwork was processed. Then she went into the computer, finding his information and handing him his schedule and telling him when school started. Spencer already knew all this information—He’d been briefed on exactly how this would go—but he let her talk anyways and tried not to act too smart. Who knew that would be so hard? He bit his tongue more than once to stop himself from spouting off information.

When he was finally released to go he took off with his new information in his bag. A quick stop at the student bookstore would be a good idea to pick up the books he was going to need. He had a pretty heavy course load. He took a quick detour in, finding the textbooks easily. It was as he was moving around one shelf that he noticed his follower. _Ah, hello, blue-car-guy­_ he thought to himself. Selecting the last book off the shelf, Spencer turned, trying to seem casual as he headed toward the register to pay. But he took a route that allowed him discreet observation of the one that was following him.

_About six foot four, two hundred pounds even I’d guess. Dark brown hair, pulled back into a ponytail. Eyes look…blue. Scar on right side of nose, small, maybe a quarter of an inch. No facial hair. Well-toned; must work out or be in a physically demanding job. Age between twenty and twenty five. Dark blue jeans, slightly worn at the knees. What looks to be work boots, well worn. Simple blue t-shirt with a…what is that symbol? A Carhartt jacket._

The mental profile built as he smiled shyly at the woman at the check stand. He paid for his books, adding them to his bag—which made it considerably heavier. When he moved away from the register and out of the store, the guy didn’t follow immediately. But Spencer was watching now and he saw when the man slipped out and followed him from a safe distance.

The man tried nothing; just simply followed Spencer out to the parking lot, making it seem like he was casually strolling to his own car. But Spencer had his eye on him the entire time. He shuffled a little, trying to act like he was burrowing into his coat a little more against the wind. But the movement allowed him to sneak a peek and see that the man was still walking a little behind him in the next row over. He was subtle, Spencer would give him that much. If he wasn’t a trained observer he wouldn’t have noticed the man.

Then Spencer found himself at the car and another gust of wind blew past, making him shiver for real this time. He opened the door to the backseat and tossed his bag inside, grateful to be free of the weight of it. That had been a painful thing to have to carry. After closing that door, he gratefully slid into the passenger’s seat even as he felt the car turning on. Derek’s warm chuckle echoed around him. “How on earth do you get so frozen so fast, kid?”

“Oh, shut up.” Spencer mumbled. He couldn’t stop himself from smiling, though. While he buckled his seatbelt, he tipped his head and flashed a smile at his friend. “I had a shadow in there.”

The teasing look stayed on Derek’s face, but his eyes were serious. “I saw him get out of his car. Couldn’t go over and look at the car without being noticed and we don’t know if he has someone helping him, so I was pretty much stuck sitting here. Not exactly something I’m fond of. You get a good look at him?”

“Yeah. You call in the plate to Garcia or you just sit here and gripe to yourself about being stuck in the car?”

The sassy response from Spencer had Derek sitting back for a second before laughing. “Touché, kid.” He said. His dark eyes flashed to outside the car, over to where their ‘stalker’ still sat in his car. That look gave Spencer enough warning before Derek leaned over and kissed him, much milder compared to the one he’d given before Spencer had left the car. Then Derek was putting the car into reverse and backing out. Spencer pulled out his cell phone. “You just drive, I’ll call Hotch.”

“Put it on speaker for me, kid.”

He dialed the programmed number and pressed the speaker button, holding the phone out between them while it rang. A moment later their boss’s voice filled the car. “Hotchner.”

“Hey, Hotch. Listen, I just went to take care of the last bit of registration at school and we spotted a car with the driver staring at us while we were parked. Plate was Tango, Romeo, Zulu, seven, seven, one.” Spencer paused, listening to the sounds of someone speaking into another phone. Apparently they were on speakerphone as well.

“Did you get a good look at the guy?” Dave’s voice came over the line.

Even though he couldn’t be seen, Spencer nodded. “I saw him in the student bookstore. He followed me in there and then back out to the cars. Discreetly, of course. I’d put him at about six foot four and close to two hundred pounds. Dark brown hair that was long enough to pull into a short ponytail. Blue eyes. On the right side of his nose was a scar a quarter of an inch long. His hands were calloused, as if he works with them frequently, and he dressed in almost trade styled clothes. Work boots, blue jeans, t-shirt and a Carhartt jacket. Age would be most likely between twenty and twenty five years.”

Derek shot him a wide grin. “You’re telling me you know what a Carhartt is, kid?”

A blush crept into Spencer’s cheeks. “It had the name on it.” He murmured, making Derek laugh. On the other end of the phone, Spencer distinctly heard Emily’s laugh and Dave’s quiet chuckle.

Someone spoke on Aaron’s end; a voice that Spencer didn’t recognize. “You got that accurate a description _without_ him seeing that you saw him? Are you positive he didn’t notice that you were watching him?”

“Well, I can’t be absolutely positive, seeing as how I have no idea what the man was thinking. But I think it’s safe to make the assumption that he did not realize I was observing him. His behavior remained relaxed and observant. Not once did he appear edgy or concerned. If he had noticed me watching than he it’s likely he would have abandoned his stalking and hurried to get back to his car and away from me. Or, if he was the daring type, he would have tried to engage in some kind of conversation.” Spencer looked over at Derek as they stopped at a red light and raised an eyebrow as if to ask ‘who on earth was that guy?’

Aaron drew the conversation back under control. “Okay. We’ll run the plate and see if we can get a match on it. Maybe we’ll get lucky and we’ll be able to put a name to the guy. You two just continue with your day. If we find anything, we’ll let you know at your nightly check in.”

“Yes, Sir.” Derek and Spencer said together. They shared a grin.

Again came that other voice. “You two do realize that, even if this is the guy, you can’t break cover yet. We have nothing that would tie him to the crimes and no real reason to arrest him. We need to establish the stalking and it would be best if we caught him in the act of trying to take the two of you. That means you’ll have to stay undercover still.”

“We understand.” Derek said shortly. He wasn’t one who really liked to be questioned. “We’re on our way to the store to do some shopping and then I thought we’d head out somewhere tonight to put ourselves out in the community. Especially if he follows us. We’ll see if he comes to the store as well.”

“All the couples have been openly affectionate in public. Are the two of you up for that?”

“We’ve been briefed on what is necessary for the operation.” Spencer said slowly. He wasn’t sure he liked the guy’s tone of voice. “Is there a problem with our performance so far that we’re unaware of?”

“No, no, Reid. Everything’s fine.” Aaron spoke up in his usual no-nonsense voice. There was a hint of reassurance there as well as a small annoyance that Spencer had a feeling wasn’t directed at him and Derek. Most likely it was toward whomever the voice belonged to. “Just continue as you are. Watch to see if he follows you home. He may not, with the cameras set up. But, if this is our guy, it’ll be imperative that your parts are well acted out at home. Especially tonight.”

Tonight? What….oh. _Oh_. Well, shit. The curse slid through Spencer’s mind. He knew what that meant. They were going to have to fake sex tonight. Talking about it was one thing; the doing it was something else entirely. He worked to control his expression. They would deal with that when it came to it.

Derek made the turn into the grocery store parking lot. “We understand, Hotch. We’re at the store now, so we’ll get back to you if anything else crops up. Otherwise, we’ll talk to you guys this evening.”

The conversation quickly ended and Spencer put his phone into his pocket. “It sounds like someone at the station is a little skeptical of what we’re doing here.” He commented.

As he parked the car, Derek snorted. “To say the least. Well, we’re used to people not understanding our profiles. We’ll show him when we bring the bastard in, right?”

“Right.” Spencer tried to relax a little and bring back the good mood he’d been in earlier. Today was supposed to be about relaxing and having fun. If he wanted to pull of the happy couple, he was going to have to relax a little and try to bring back that playful feeling. He took a second while the car was being shut off to push back as much stress as he possibly could. Fun. He was going to try and have fun. This was Derek he was with; all else aside, they were best friends. If he couldn’t relax enough to have a fun afternoon with Derek, well, that was just pathetic. _You can do this, you idiot. You’ve just got to pretend you’re a happy couple. That’s familiar territory for you. You know how to fake being happy. All you’ve got to do is apply that to you and Derek now instead of you and Michael. Just shut up, man up, and go do your job._

The two men climbed from the car, Derek locking it up once they were out. Spencer deliberately left his bag full of books in the car but made sure he had his wallet in his pocket. When he stepped around the back of the car, Derek reached over and took his hand, lacing their fingers together. A small flash of warmth ran through Spencer. It was enough to make him forget about the ache that was starting to grow a little in his ribs from all this movement. When Derek turned that warm smile on him, he felt his worries start to slide away a little. He could do this. They could do this.

“So, we need pretty much everything, right?” Spencer said as they walked into the store. He let go of Derek to grab one of the grocery carts and wheel it over. Derek grinned at him, falling easily into step beside him. “Pretty much.” He agreed.

Well, that ought to make shopping interesting. He hoped the bureau was prepared to shell out some cash on food. “Great. That’ll only cost us an arm and a leg, the way that you eat.” He couldn’t help teasing.

Derek laughed and bumped their shoulders together. “Excuse me? The way _I_ eat? I’ve seen you pack away an entire pizza to yourself when you remember to eat.”

“Well, with as often as I forget, I need to fuel up at the times I do remember!” Spencer defended. He was the first to admit he forgot little things like eating when he was working. His brain just got too wrapped up in solving the puzzle that the rest of the world seemed to fall to the wayside.

The two headed to the first section of the store, which held the fresh produce. “I swear, how’d you survive before I came along to make sure you eat?” Derek teased as he reached out for a bag of potatoes. Funny enough, what he said could work for both their cover and their real lives. It was generally Derek who made Spencer stop long enough to eat something while they were working. Or he’d come in with something that Spencer could carry with him while he worked. “Maybe that’s why there’s nothing to you.”

“There’s plenty to me!” Stopping the cart, Spencer turned to stare indignantly at his friend. “I’m not that small!”

“A strong wind would blow you away, pretty boy.” Even as Derek said the words he was stepping up to wrap his arm around Spencer’s waist. He pulled him in and kissed the tip of his nose. “But I love you anyways.”

Spencer faked a glare. “Suck up.” He rolled his eyes but a reluctant smile was tugging at his lips. He swatted at Derek’s hands. “Come on, we need food. I’m hungry.” Just as he turned to head toward the lettuce, he caught sight of the guy from before. His smile never faltered, but his brain jumped into high gear. He _was_ following them. He was actually grateful that, when he stepped up to pick up the lettuce, Derek walked up behind him and slid his arms around his waist. Even though it made his body ache a little, it gave him the opportunity to turn his head just a little and murmur “He’s here.”

“Mm hmm. Thought I saw his car pull in when we were coming in.” Derek murmured back. “Time to really put on a show. See if we can draw his interest. You think you can handle being flirted with, pretty boy?”

Could he handle Derek flirting with him? God, he hoped so. _Just remember, it’s not serious. It’s just part of the act. Don’t take him seriously and you’ll be okay._ Out loud, he said “I think I’ll survive it.”

He took the lettuce and brought it back over to the cart, settling it inside. Because he was warned, he didn’t flinch when Derek’s arm was around his waist again. In fact, he let go of the cart with one hand so he could put his free arm around Derek’s waist. The older man smiled approvingly and brought his free hand down to help steer the cart.

They walked like that through the produce, sticking mostly to getting their food and chatting with their heads together, keeping their voices low so others might think they were flirting with one another but in reality they were discussing the man following them and what the others might be able to find out about him. Spencer noticed the looks the two of them kept getting. Some people looked at them and smiled. Others looked at them with disgust. He tried his best to ignore them when he turned them down one of the aisles.

When Spencer grabbed flour and sugar from the shelf, Derek stole them from his hands and put them in the cart. The younger man raised an eyebrow at him. “I am capable of lifting bags of flour on my own, Derek.”

“Never said you weren’t.” Derek started pushing the car away, leaving Spencer shaking his head at him. It was better to let Derek push the cart anyways. It left Spencer free hands to take things off the shelf. He grabbed pasta in a few different styles and set them inside.

While they worked down the aisle, Derek asked him “Once we get everything set in at home, why don’t we go out, get something to eat?”

“You want to shop for groceries and then go out to eat?”

“Yeah. I thought we could catch a movie, go grab some dinner later. We’ve been in that house the past few days, sugar. I’m going stir crazy.”

It was probably true, too. This would be harder on Derek than it was on Spencer. The older profiler was used to action. Going places and doing things, both in his personal life and in his professional life. He hated being stuck in any place for too long. It left him feeling too confined. “I suppose we could. Are you in the mood for anything in particular?”

The idea of going out had Derek’s grin growing even more. “I just figured we’d head out and hit wherever. We’re new enough that there’ll be plenty of places to try.” He pointed out.

“So long as there’s people for you, right?” Spencer teased. He knew Derek was always happy out and about in crowds of people. It was one of the man things that showed Spencer how opposite the two of them were. Derek went a little stir crazy if he was cooped up for too long. He liked the crowds of people and music and drinking and all those kinds of things. Spencer was more content to sit at home with a good book to read, or twelve, and a glass of wine while music played in the background.

A hand on the small of his back startled him out of his thoughts. He blinked in surprise when Derek pulled him close. As soon as he was out of the aisle, a woman with a cart huffed her way past, shooting Spencer a glare. What was that for? He turned to ask Derek but found himself occupied with a quick kiss that left him even more stunned and confused.

Derek’s free hand came up to stroke down his cheek when they broke apart. “Ah, pretty boy, you’re cute when you get all confused.”

“Why was that woman glaring at me?” Still confused, Spencer looked down where the woman was at, not too far away from them. When she saw him looking, she glared once again, grabbed her item off the shelf and huffed off.

His confusion seemed to amuse Derek even more. “You spaced off in the middle of the aisle and blocked traffic.” He informed Spencer, who instantly felt his cheeks heat. “You had that ‘thinking’ look on your face and you weren’t hearing her when she asked to get through.”

Well if that wasn’t embarrassing. He sighed and chewed at his lip. He hated when he did that. Sometimes it seemed like the rest of the world shut off when he stopped to think. “I don’t mean to blank out like that.” Mumbling the words in his embarrassment, Spencer turned and tried to move the cart forward. “It just happens.”

Derek’s hand was still on the small of his back. Now it rubbed in a reassuring way. “I know that, sugar. I wasn’t criticizing you.”

He ducked his head down a little while he took the corner and went into the next aisle. Breakfast items. He deliberately tried to steer the conversation away from his moment of stupidity by saying “Please tell me they sell the right kind of coffee here. That instant stuff you got from the quick mart just isn’t cutting it.”

“It was either that or no coffee, Spencer.” Derek answered pertly. He was reaching past Spencer, grabbing a box of cereal and tossing it in. Looking at it, Spencer screwed up his face in an expression of disgust. When Derek looked at him, he started laughing. “And leave my cereal choices alone, pretty boy. You think you’d be used to it by now.”

Spencer shook his head and pushed his cart forward, on a mission to find the coffee. “Time does not change the fact that your cereal is a sugar infested mess of dis…” He was cut off abruptly by a kiss. When Derek pulled back a little, their lips were only a hair apart. “I know that rant, kid. Not here, not now.” Derek murmured, nipping at his bottom lip.

A shiver ran down Spencer’s spine at that nip. What would it be like to have Derek actually kiss him? Not to play a part, not to protect their cover in public, but actually kiss him because he wanted to? Spencer had a feeling that it would be something he would never forget. It was also something that would never happen.

When they separated, Spencer blinked his eyes and looked down to the end of the aisle, trying to bring himself back under control. He felt the little smile on his lips and was about to wipe it away when he realized that it was how a person should look after their boyfriend kissed them that way. So, even though Derek’s look was smug, Spencer let that little smile stay. He slanted a look at his friend and teased “A kiss isn’t going to distract me from finding the coffee, Derek. I need coffee.”

“Now you know it’s bad when coffee wins out over kisses.” Derek said with a shake of his head, catching the eye of a girl who was nearby and was watching them. The girl looked like she was in her twenties and she grinned at Derek’s comment.

Spencer raised one eyebrow and turned his head a little to look at Derek. “You really thought you’d win out over coffee?” He asked with mock surprise. “Aw, you’re cute when you’re stupid.”

Before Derek could respond, Spencer grinned and pushed forward, heading to where he’d spotted the coffee at. He was rewarded with not only Derek’s laugh, but a few others as well. It brought a blush to his cheeks but had him chuckling to himself. He bent and grabbed his can of coffee grounds, sighing happily as he set it in the cart. Then Derek was behind him, one hand on his back as he bent around to grab two more cans and put them in. “Derek! We don’t need that much coffee!” he scolded.

“I’m not running to the store again in a few days when you burn off the first can.”

Spencer glared at him. “I’m not that bad!”

The snort he got in response had him elbowing Derek, which caused the older agent to grunt slightly in surprise. He hadn’t been expecting that. Once again Spencer took advantage of the moment to escape, quickly taking the cart and circling around to the next aisle. Unfortunately, he wasn’t watching where he was going.

Afterwards, Spencer swore he had no idea how it really happened. One moment he was going around the corner. The next, his cart and another were smashing together. Somehow the two of them succeeded in colliding with the display beside them and then cans of hot chocolate mix were spilling everywhere and Spencer found himself on his back on the ground, another body beside his.

Pain was the first real sensation he registered. Not just in his ribs, but in his backside as well. Bright and hot and overwhelming. It seemed to have sucked all his air out of him. There was a voice beside him that was apologizing and hands that were touching him, trying to make sure he was okay. Spencer couldn’t seem to breathe enough to clear his head and answer the person, whoever it was.

Another voice broke in Spencer’s daze. It was bright with worry. “Spencer? Sugar? Are you okay?” New hands replaced the last ones and Spencer recognized this pair. Derek. That was Derek. He forced air in, trying to breathe around the pain. Oh, it _hurt_! His backside had taken the brunt of his fall and it felt like his bruises back there had been stabbed.

With Derek’s hands helping him, Spencer tried to sit up, wincing as it pushed his backside into the floor. Ok, so sitting up wasn’t the smartest idea. He needed to get on his feet. He would, in just a minute.

“Spencer, come on, look at me. Where does it hurt? Spencer?” Derek was half cradling him, his voice full of worry and concern.

The younger man pushed the pain back a little more. They were in public. In _public_! Now was not the time to act like this! “I’m fine.” He forced the words out around gritted teeth. “Just get me up.”

Strong hands hooked under his arms, helping to pull him to his feet. His legs were shaky, but the arm around his waist helped to hold him upright. For once Spencer didn’t stop himself from leaning on someone else. He was afraid that if he didn’t take the support than he would end up on the ground once again.

That was when he got the first clear look around him. Embarrassment had his cheeks turning bright red. “Oh, man.” He looked at the cans all around and then over to the other man, who was busy trying to put stuff back into his cart, which had tipped over in the fray. Spencer immediately pulled away from Derek and moved to kneel beside the man, despite how much it hurt to do so. “I am _so_ sorry. Let me help you, please. I’m so, so sorry.” He apologized as he grabbed items and helped put them back in.

The guy turned to look at him, looking equally embarrassed and apologetic. “No, I’m sorry! I wasn’t watching where I was going and I wasn’t paying attention. I was just lost in thought and I didn’t even look before going around the corner. Are you okay?” The guy said quickly.

“I’m fine! It was completely my fault!” Spencer insisted, lifting the last of the items into the cart. He used the side of it to brace with as he tried to rise. Derek’s hand taking hold of his helped him up the last few inches. Spencer didn’t take his eyes off the man he’d crashed into, though. The guy was shorter than him, with close cropped brown hair and green eyes that were wide with embarrassment. “I was picking on my boyfriend and I was trying to run from him and I crashed right into you. Are you okay?”

The guy flushed but nodded. “I’m totally fine. Looks like we made one hell of a mess, though.”

The two turned to look at the cans all around them, as well as at the crowd that had gathered and was busy snickering at them. It made Spencer’s embarrassment stronger. He gripped Derek’s hand tighter and had to resist hiding his face.

A store employee broke through the crowd then and Spencer and the other man were suddenly both spouting off apologies to the frazzled worker. It was Derek who eventually pulled Spencer away, steering their cart off to the side and taking Spencer with him. The other man moved aside as well, just as bright red as Spencer was. “Oh man, this is just the icing on the cake today.” The guy muttered. He let out a sigh and shook his head before looking at Spencer. “I really am sorry for running into you. My names Timmy Hayes.” Timmy held out a hand with his greeting. For a single second Spencer squirmed before he forced himself to reach out and briefly shake the man’s hand. He really, really wasn’t big on random touching with people. “I’m Spencer Allen and this is my boyfriend, Derek Matthews.”

Derek had no problems holding a hand out to shake Timmy’s. He let go of Spencer’s hand, though, to wrap his arm around the younger man’s waist. To anyone else it might have looked like he was just getting comfortable, but Spencer felt the grip Derek had on him and knew his friend was trying to help support him. This was good, really, because his legs were still wobbly underneath him. His bruises were all aching like mad and his ribs were making it a little hard for him to breathe.

“It was really nice to meet you, Timmy.” Derek said in a friendly sort of voice. “I’m glad that you’re okay.”

“Oh, I’m totally fine. Not the first spill I’ve taken and it won’t be the last.” The man smiled at them and gathered his cart in front of him. “It was nice to meet you guys too. You have a good day. And, I really am sorry.”

Spencer mustered up a smile for the guy. “I am too. I hope the rest of your day goes better.”

Whatever response Timmy gave, Spencer didn’t hear. He was busy gripping tightly to the cart in front of him and trying to regulate his breathing. But the next thing he knew he was being led forward by Derek and the arm around his waist tightened just slightly. “We just need to get the meat and we can bail. We’ll come back for the rest of it later, kid.” The older man said gently.

Come back for it later? But, why? Spencer forced the pain down enough that his tone was normal when he asked “Why? We’re already here, why not get it now?”

“Because I’m not an idiot and I know you’re hurting. So let’s get this done and get you home so I can make sure you’re okay.”

That sent a whole new wave of panic through Spencer. What did Derek mean, make sure he was okay? He wasn’t going to want to look at him, was he? Check him over to make sure he wasn’t injured? Shit. That couldn’t happen. There was no possible way he could let that happen! He had to convince Derek that he was okay. Otherwise, this little incident could end in disaster. “Derek, I told you, I’m fine. If I end up with a bruise or two, well, it’s what happens when you hit the floor. But I’m fine.”

“And I’m the bloody Queen of England.” Derek muttered sarcastically as he reached for some meat and put it inside of their cart. “Now shut up, Spencer. If you think I can’t hear how hard of a time you’re having with breathing, then you’re the one who’s the idiot, not me. Now, let’s get the hell out of here.”

The only word Spencer could think of as he was led to the front register was _Shit._


	6. Chapter 6

 

The whole way home, Spencer alternated between flares of pain from his abused body and flashes of panic that left him wanting to gasp for breath. Instinctively his body tried to curl in on itself in the natural defense mechanism that he’d built a long time ago. His knees wanted to curl up to his chest and his arms wanted to wrap around them. All in all, he wanted to curl into a ball and hide. But he couldn’t do that. He had to try and calm down. Had to find a way to get the hell out of this situation. What made it worse was the car gradually following them home. Their stalker was following them.

That made things worse for two glaringly large reasons. If, _if_ , Derek persisted in checking Spencer over and he found out what was really wrong with the younger man, well, he was going to blow a gasket. There was the huge potential that he was going to yell or hit something as he tended to do when he was furious. Spencer knew the fury would be a defense for the fear and heartache his friend would feel, but it would still be there and it could spell out to their stalker that something was wrong. If he actually came close enough to the house, or trained a listening device on the house, he might even _hear_ what was wrong and then their cover would be blown.

Two, if the stalker stuck around and watched them through a window instead of on the video, he would have a much better view of the ‘fake sex’ they were going to have that night. Which meant that he would have a better chance of seeing the bruising on Spencer’s body and that could turn him off of them and send him out to find a couple that better fit his needs.

So not only was Spencer trying to figure out how to keep his huge secret from Derek, he was also trying to figure out how to keep it from the stalker too.

_You never should have agreed to take this case. You should have told them no, or told them that there was something that prevented you from being able to do this. Maybe they would have asked for an explanation, but you could have come up with something to cover yourself to them better than you can think of a way to hide this from an Unsub._

Yet his brain was more focused on keeping everything from Derek than preserving their case. Another thing that showed that he shouldn’t have taken this assignment. The case should be what was important. Innocent lives hung in the balance. _But lives hang in the balance with your secret too. You know what Michael will do to them if you try and leave him and you know that if Derek finds out the truth, he won’t let you stay. He’ll fight you tooth and nail if you try to go back to Michael when this is done and over with. You are so screwed. You’re such an idiot_.

That was a fact he couldn’t deny. He was a humongous idiot. For all his high intelligence, he’d still managed to get himself in a stupid situation and then slowly let it mess up more and more until now he was here. Now he was screwed.

 _If you hadn’t been such a klutz at the store than this wouldn’t have happened. You would have figured out a way to hide from not only Derek but the Unsub when you fake sex with your fake boyfriend. But now…now you’re just fucked, you idiot. What the hell are you going to do now? Derek’s going to flip when he sees you! Or he’s going to laugh at you for being dumb enough to get to this point. Maybe he’ll think you deserve this. Maybe he’ll agree with Michael. Maybe, with your luck, he’ll think this means you’re an easy target. He’ll think you’re up for grabs too. Think you could survive that? Think you could handle Derek treating you like the trash you are_?

He knew the answer to that. If Derek reacted that way, if he treated him the way Michael did, it would destroy Spencer. It would simply break what little there was left of him. There would be no recovering from a blow like that.

So wrapped in thought was he, Spencer didn’t even notice when they reached their home. He didn’t register it the first few times Derek called his name. Nor did Spencer realize how badly he was scaring him at the moment. Derek could see the glassy, vacant look in Spencer’s eyes and the tight way his body seemed frozen in place. “Spencer!”

That final shout broke through. Spencer jerked in his seat, his body demanding he cower and protect himself, his brain jolting back to the present moment with a sudden lurch. Life came back to his eyes. He turned those eyes to find Derek staring at him with a concern so strong it was almost smothering. Then Spencer looked around, realizing they were parked in the driveway at their house. Oh. They were home. No! They couldn’t be home yet! He had no idea what he was going to do. No idea what to say!

“Come on, pretty boy. Let’s get you inside. We’ll make sure you’re okay and then I think you might need to lie down for a while.” Derek said softly. He was using the voice he normally reserved for when he was around scared victims or children. It was almost funny how accurate that was. _Could I be considered a victim right now_? Spencer wondered.

Without a single word, Spencer nodded and undid his seatbelt before opening his car door. He stepped out and automatically moved to the door behind his. Just as he opened it, Derek was there. How on earth had he got around the car so fast? “Don’t worry about grabbing things, Spencer. I got this. Why don’t you just go on inside, sugar? I’ll bring stuff in.”

Yes, yes, that was good. That would give Spencer more time to think. Time away from Derek to figure out what the hell he was going to say or do. Spencer gave a jerky nod and forced his aching body to move toward the house. He would just go inside and go somewhere to think. Where to go? The living room had a camera, the dining room had a camera and Derek would be bringing their groceries in there, the bedroom had a camera. That only left the office or the bathroom for privacy.

The bathroom. He could not only have privacy from the cameras in there, but from Derek as well. With shuffling steps, Spencer took himself to the house, pausing to unlock the door, and then he was inside and heading straight to the bathroom. Only when the door was shut behind him and he was alone in that little room did he finally relax his control slightly.

His hands gripped the bathroom sink in an effort to keep himself upright. The pain in his backside had thankfully gone down a little. It wasn’t as white hot as it had been. But the pain in his ribs was increasing due to the way his panic was making his breathing difficult. In turn, the difficulty breathing exasperated his bruised ribs, which actually made it harder to breathe. It was a vicious cycle to get stuck in and if he didn’t get it under control, he was going to make himself pass out.

_Breathe, Spencer! Just quit your sniveling for one damn minute and concentrate on breathing! You pass out and there’s no covering up anything. Morgan will find you, find the marks, and your entire cover will be blown._

He took a few minutes to focus on breathing in and out with slow, deep, even breaths. Only when he felt he was under control again did he let his brain concentrate on something else. _What the hell am I going to do?_ Was there any way that he was going to be able to hide this from Derek now? Did…did he even want to? Part of him had wanted to tell someone, to tell Derek, for a long time now. Fear kept him from doing that. But now he was in a situation that really didn’t look like it was going to give him a way out of it. This was out of his control, right?

No, no. He had to try to distract Derek from this. He had to find a way to keep this a secret!

“Spencer!” Derek’s voice suddenly echoed down the hall, startling him. “Your dad’s on the phone!”

 _Dad? Oh, Hotch. Hotch is on the phone._ Spencer took a few more calming breaths and then straightened his body. “Coming!” he called out. He pushed away as much of the stress as he could and headed out of the bathroom. If Aaron was calling, it would be something to do with work. He needed to have his brain in work mode, not personal mode. But why was his boss calling as ‘dad’ on Derek’s phone?

He found Derek standing in the living room, phone in hand. He held it out to Spencer, who gave him a smile and thanked him before taking the phone. “Hey, dad.”

“Aw, sweetie, you okay?” Penelope’s voice floated over the line, full of concern. “I was watching the security camera at the grocery store to keep an eye on you and the stalker jerk and I saw your little tumble. You looked like you hit your cute little hiney pretty hard there.”

Well now if this wasn’t just perfect. Penelope had been watching and had seen his stupid little stunt? Great. Just great. He tried to figure out a way of answering her without breaking cover. “Yeah, we just got back from the store. Derek’s unloading the food right now. Why are you calling Derek’s phone, dad?” He said in an effort to remind her how he had to talk. She caught on quick.

“Oh, didn’t even think about that, sweet stuff. Ok, let me phrase things so they’re easier for you to answer. First, I tried your phone, but it went straight to voicemail. Next. Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m doing well, Dad. Don’t worry.” Spencer smiled a little as he stepped over to the couch and sat down so he’d be out of the way as Derek brought in the last of the bags. The older man used his foot to shut the door before heading toward the dining room.

Penelope’s relief was easy to hear over the phone line. “You are such a klutz, you know that, right? Only you would manage to knock over an entire display of hot chocolate and then _fall_ in the middle of it and take someone else down with you.”

Thinking for a moment, Spencer finally said. “You know that’s not my fault. That’s just how I am. At least people are entertained, right?” That answered her safely and if anyone was listening, they would just think he was responding to something his ‘dad’ said. It wasn’t going to blow their cover at all.

“Don’t worry; I’m the only one that saw your little mishap.”

“Well, we can be thankful for small blessings then. It’ll stay that way, right?”

Her laugh filled his ear and made him smile. Who couldn’t smile at Penelope’s natural joy in everything? “Yes, yes, it’ll stay that way. You’re awfully cute when you’re flustered, though. Maybe I’ll keep a copy of the video for blackmail purposes.”

“Are you kidding me?”

“Well, since you sound so distressed by the idea, I supposed I could be good this once. But only for you, my little dove.”

 _My little dove?_ Sometimes the things she called him had Spencer wanting to shake his head at her. She really was crazy sometimes. “Look, Dad, I think I’m going to go give Derek a hand with putting away everything, okay? I’ll call later tonight to talk more. Love you.” The last part slipped out almost stiff; those weren’t words he was used to saying.

Of course, Penelope’s reply was a peppy “Love you too, son!” and then the line went dead. He smiled and shook his head once more at her insanity. When he closed the phone and pushed himself up off the couch, he found Derek leaning against the wall, watching him with a small smile. He held his hand out, taking his phone back when Spencer handed it over. “Come on, sugar. Let’s go take a look and make sure you’re okay. You look like you’re sitting kind of tenderly there.”

The panic seemed to come back almost instantly. “Oh, I uh, I’m fine, Derek. Really. Probably just bruised my tailbone. Don’t worry, I’ll be okay.” Spencer scrambled to say. Instantly he knew it was the wrong thing to have done. His panic must have shown on his face a little; it had definitely been in his words. Being the good profiler that he was, as well as one of the people who knew Spencer the best, naturally Derek picked up on it. His eyes narrowed for just a split second. This his expression cleared to something that might have looked like humor to a person who didn’t know Derek well. “Well, why don’t we go hop in the shower then? Let the heat ease it a little. I promise I’ll kiss it and make it better, later.”

Before Spencer could even think to protest, Derek was snaking an arm out, capturing him around the waist and pulling him forward. He didn’t even blink before bending down and scooping Spencer up behind the knees. The younger man had to grab Derek’s neck to keep himself from falling straight to the ground. “Derek!” he squeaked out.

Derek laughed and took off down the hall. “You’re cute when you squeal.” He teased.

“Put me down!” The panic went up another notch. Derek knew something was wrong. He knew and he was on a mission to find out what it was.

Laughing, Derek used Spencer’s feet to push open the bathroom door. Very gently he set Spencer down on the bathroom counter, which only caused Spencer to wince. When he let go, Derek’s smile was gone, but his voice stayed light. “There, I put you down. Now both of us are happy.” He teased in a light voice that didn’t match the worry on his face.

He leaned over, turning the water on and adjusting the temperature before turning the shower on. Once the bathroom was filled with the sound of the running shower, Derek gave up all pretenses and turned back around. “Spencer, talk to me.” He spoke in a voice soft enough that the young agent almost couldn’t hear it over the sound of the water. But it was low enough that no one outside the bathroom would be able to hear anything unless they were pressed up against the door. Even then, they’d most likely only hear the murmur of voices but not the words. But Spencer could hear the worry in Derek’s voice and see the slight snap of temper in his best friend’s eyes. “Come on, Spencer. What the hell is going on? What aren’t you telling me?”

Nerves seemed to have built a lump in Spencer’s throat. He swallowed, trying to wash it down. At the same time he tried to tell himself that Derek wasn’t really mad at him, not really. Derek wasn’t going to hurt him. Derek had never done anything to hurt him. But he couldn’t help his reaction to having someone that obviously angry right in his face. His mouth trembled, but no words came out. Instead, to his utter embarrassment, tears built in his eyes.

The tears were Derek’s undoing. Everything melted underneath a wave of tenderness. “Spencer.” He brought his hands up, cupping Spencer’s face so gently that it actually brought the tears on more.

“I’m sorry.” Spencer found himself whispering. He tried to turn his head away. The last thing he wanted was to look in Derek’s eyes while breaking down like this. That just seemed the final shame. Wasn’t it all bad enough? He had to go and embarrass himself further by crying like a baby just because his friend was getting too close to his secret? But Derek’s hands wouldn’t let his face turn. Spencer settled for closing his eyes.

In his brain he’d known ever since Derek had mentioned checking him out what exactly it was that he was going to have to do. The panic on the way over here, the worry about what to say or how to divert Derek’s attention, they had all been foolish hopes of a foolish man. This whole thing was foolish. _You knew you’d have to tell him when you took this assignment. It’s why you took it, isn’t it? A part of you has been dying to tell him but you’ve been too afraid. You’ve been a coward. You know that if you took this, the choice to tell him would be taken from you. You’d be forced into it. That was why you agreed to do this even though your brain told you not to. You’ve been aching for him to know because you know he’ll help you. You know he’ll save you, even from yourself._

The shocking truth of that thought struck Spencer right in his face. He blinked, trying to clear his vision, stunned by what he was thinking. In retrospect, he could perfectly see how he had led himself to this point. If he had really wanted to keep his secret, he never would have agreed to come. He never would have done anything that would have taken him away for months because he knew how Michael would act when he got back home. But a part of him had known going into this that Derek would find out and Derek would save him. What did that make Spencer? Smart, or pathetic? Smart to get help…pathetic that he couldn’t handle it on his own or even admit the need for help to himself.

Well, damn if he was going to be that much of a coward. Maybe he’d been a coward until now by going into this knowing that Derek would force the truth from him. Now that the moment of truth was on him, he was going to make himself finish it. He was going to have that much strength at least.

It took every ounce of his courage to look up at Derek; to not flinch away from the hands on his face or the steady gaze of his best friend. He took a shuddering breath and forced himself to say the words that would change his life. “Derek…I need help.” Three little words, but they meant so much. Asked for so much.

“Anything, Spencer. Whatever it is, I’m right here.”

Derek’s instantaneous reply bolstered Spencer’s strength. He drew that strength around him and brought his hands up, taking hold of Derek’s wrists and pulling them away from his face. Then he used his friend’s arms as braces to slide off the counter. Spencer knew there was no way he could speak the next part. Saying those few words had been hard enough. He couldn’t force himself to say the next. But…he could show him.

When he was steady on his feet, he let go of Derek’s arms and took a step back from him, holding up his hand as a gesture to wait when he saw Derek try to step after him. When he was sure Derek wasn’t moving, Spencer brought his hands to his shirt. His fingers were trembling so badly that he almost couldn’t undo the buttons to his shirt. He was grateful that he hadn’t worn one of his usual vests. He’d been trying to blend in just a little more so he’d only put on the slacks and the long sleeved, button down shirt.

He was eternally grateful that Derek didn’t step forward and try to help him. Button by button, Spencer painstakingly undid them all. For one final second he stood there, looking down to where he held his shirt together. Part of him was afraid to look up at Derek. He knew there’d be confusion there. Derek would be wondering why on earth he was stripping all of a sudden. But he was afraid to watch that confusion turn into something else. He was afraid—terrified!—at how Derek would react to this.

With one final shuddering breath, Spencer lifted his hands and slid his shirt apart and off his shoulders. It dropped silently to the floor.

Even with the shower running, the sound filling the bathroom, Spencer still heard Derek’s sharp intake of breath. It couldn’t be called a gasp; more like a pained hiss. Eyes still down, Spencer looked at his stomach, staring at the bruising that sat there. It was only days old, so it was mostly purple still, dark and ugly against his skin. Around the edges it was starting to turn into the colors that signified healing. But it covered his bottom two ribs, wrapped over his side and was down onto his stomach. Spencer knew it looked worse than it was.

He imagined Derek was looking the rest of him over as well. There was faint bruising on his chest from a blow that had knocked him to the ground. On his left bicep was a pale bruise that was already changing to healing colors. It was light enough and high up enough that it wouldn’t show, even with a short sleeved shirt on. Peeking out from the top of his pants were two bruises—one on either hip where Michael’s hands had gripped him tightly to hold him in place. That thought brought a shudder to Spencer.

It was the shudder that spurred Derek to movement. He stepped toward Spencer. Then, to Spencer’s complete and utter shock, Derek dropped down to his knees in front of him. That shock had Spencer’s eyes going wide and had him unable to stop himself from staring down at his best friend. The absolute agony in Derek’s eyes rendered Spencer speechless.

He watched as Derek lifted a hand, gently tracing around the bruise on Spencer’s ribcage. The light contact made the younger man shiver. Then those fingers ghosted over to the other side, where a long scar sat. Spencer remembered that scar clearly. When Michael had struck him in the middle of the kitchen, Spencer had dropped the coffee pot. When he’d been struck again, he’d fallen to the ground, landing on top of the broken glass. It had sliced straight across his side. Unable to go to the emergency room, Spencer had applied butterfly tape to keep it closed and had dealt with the pain until it was gone.

Ever so gently, Derek traced his fingers down to where the bruising peeked out of the top of Spencer’s pants. Even with the age of the bruises, it was still easy to see the distinct outline of a finger. If the pants were moved, Spencer knew it would be easy to see the outline of a whole hand on either side. He knew that, if he turned around, there would be even more bruising and scars for Derek to look at. But he couldn’t move. He couldn’t do anything but watch Derek inspect the visible bruises.

Derek took a shaky breath, his hand pausing to rest lightly on Spencer’s hip. Surprisingly, the contact didn’t scare Spencer. It was warm and almost comforting. He watched as Derek’s head dropped down to stare at the floor. “How long?” The hoarse question was so quiet he almost didn’t hear it. Automatically Spencer asked “What?” Even though he was pretty sure he knew what he’d said.

“How long has he been hitting you, Spencer?”

Quivering inside, Spencer prepared to say out loud what he’d been unable to say to anyone so far. Even though he knew Derek knew now, saying the words seemed so much worse. So much harder. He had to force them past lips gone numb. “The first time was two months, two days and fifty four minutes from when we first became boyfriends.”

He actually saw the shudder that was like a small convulsion in Derek’s body. “And you’ve been together how long?”

“One year, one month and three days.”

Abruptly Derek rose to his feet, his eyes latching onto Spencer’s. The raw emotion in them was enough to have Spencer taking a step back. He’d been prepared for the anger, knew it was going to be there, but the amount of sorrow and pain left him stunned. He couldn’t look away from Derek’s tortured eyes.

The older man was almost vibrating with his emotions. “Jesus, Spencer! This has been happening for, for…”

“Eleven months and one day.” The math automatically came to Spencer and out his mouth before he even realized he was going to say it.

Derek’s eyes closed on a wave of emotion. One of his hands came up to run over his scalp. “What about that time you broke your wrist? You said you fell on ice or something, right? Was that him?”

Knowing it would only upset Derek more, Spencer could barely force out the whispered “Yes.”

“And that time you said you were mugged?” Derek’s eyes snapped open furiously, locking on Spencer’s face, daring him to lie. “You were fucking hospitalized, Spencer. Were you really mugged or was that him?” he hissed.

He couldn’t make the words come out. But his silence was answer enough. Fury exploded into Derek’s face and his eyes. It triggered that automatic defense inside of Spencer so that, when Derek stepped forward, the younger man couldn’t stop himself from backing into the wall or from bringing his hands up just slightly as if to protect himself. The instant Spencer realized what he was doing he dropped his hands.

His reaction seemed to stun Derek. To Spencer’s amazement, Derek’s anger looked like it just drained away, leaving behind emotions that Spencer couldn’t put a name to. “Oh, Spencer.” The soft words sounded so heartbroken. “Come here.”

When Derek’s arms opened, Spencer didn’t allow himself to stop to think about it. He didn’t think about what Michael would say, or how anyone else might react, or how much trouble could come from this conversation later. Instead of thinking with his head for once, he listened to his heart. In two steps he was in Derek’s arms, wrapped in a warm hug, clinging to the back of Derek’s shirt like it was the only thing holding him grounded here. When the tears started he couldn’t stop them from coming. Then Derek’s hand was stroking over his back while the other went up to tangle in his hair, keeping him in place. “That’s it, pretty boy.” He murmured in Spencer’s ear. “Just let it out. I’ve got you, honey. I’ve got you.”

And so, in the middle of a bathroom with the shower running and a stalker/killer potentially outside the house, Spencer Reid broke down in the arms of his best friend; a man who had always been there for him, no matter what.


	7. Chapter 7

 

It took a while, but Spencer calmed down. The trembles stopped running through him, leaving behind just a slight quiver now and again. No tears came; it seemed that, for the moment, Spencer was beyond tears. No, he broke in other ways. Great, shuddering breaths that sounded like they were going to split him apart. It was almost like a tightly controlled panic attack. But not a single tear fell.

The whole time, Derek held him close, keeping him in the circle of his arms as if by doing so he could keep him safe from any more pain. He wanted to go and find Spencer’s boyfriend and beat him until he was a bloody mess on the floor. He wanted to hold Spencer close and keep him safe for the rest of his life so no one could ever hurt him again.

They were _profilers_ , for God’s sake! The entire team of them. Yet not a one of them had seen the signs of domestic violence! None of them had even considered the possibility. But as Derek held his best friend, the person who had his heart, he could look back and perfectly see it all.

The way that Spencer had drawn back from them should have been a big clue. The kid had finally been opening up to them and growing more and more comfortable around the group and then suddenly he’d regressed to the shy, private, awkward kid he’d been when he’d first joined the BAU. Instead of being somewhat comfortable with touching, he’d gone back to jumping if someone touched him and keeping his distance from people as best as possible. They’d attributed it to Spencer just being Spencer and to him having a boyfriend in his life. Emily had suggested once that maybe Spencer wasn’t big on being touched by others because he didn’t want to upset his boyfriend with those kinds of casual touches. That maybe he felt they were disloyal. God, if they’d only known.

Derek couldn’t stop the rage he felt when he thought of how Spencer had looked in that hospital bed as he told them he’d been mugged. The kid had looked nervous and scared, yeah. But that was a natural reaction to getting mugged and getting the shit beat out of you! He’d been so beat up that it had taken everything Derek had not to go find the bastard who’d mugged his pretty boy and kill the guy. And Spencer’s _boyfriend_ had been the one to do that to him! How many more injuries were there that they simply hadn’t noticed? How many times had Spencer come to work in pain and simply had done his job without complaint? How many times had they had to chase after an Unsub or walk the streets to work their case while Spencer had been injured and none of them had known? How could they not have seen?

“I didn’t want you to see.” Spencer whispered softly. He didn’t lift his head, keeping chin tucked against Derek’s shoulder. It was creepy how the younger man’s words echoed the questions in Derek’s mind. “You guys saw nothing because I let you see nothing. I grew good at hiding it.”

“We should have seen something, kid.” The words ached as they left Derek’s lips. It was the truth. They were profilers; they should have read the signs. “Almost a year you’ve been abused and we saw nothing. There’s no excuse for that.”

“I don’t want you to be angry with yourself over this. This isn’t your fault, Derek.”

He squeezed his friend lightly. With one hand he stroked the skin over Spencer’s back, trying not to wince when he encountered something that felt like a scar. God, he didn’t want to know what that was or what had caused it. Not right now. But later, he would ask. Later, he wanted to know everything. “I can’t help feeling like I should have protected you better, Spencer. I can’t make that feeling go away.”

“I know.” Spencer pulled back and smiled at him. “That’s just part of who you are. That’s just how you’re made. But I need you to understand that I don’t blame you for this. I hid it from you, Derek. You all may be profilers, but I am too. I know how to use those skills just as well as the rest of you. It wasn’t that you were a bad friend or a bad profiler. It’s just that I’m a good profiler.” The cocky little grin at the end, with the hint of nerves around it, was pure Spencer. It was enough to have Derek smiling back at him. That had Spencer letting go of his grip on Derek to rub at his arms. “There, a smile. That’s better. Now, come on, let’s get ready to go. It’ll look suspicious if we’re in here much longer.”

Taking a few deep, calming breaths, Derek brought his emotions back under control and let the tension slowly drain out of him. Spencer was right. They needed to think of the case right now. Later, they could talk. He looked Spencer in the eye and smiled. Now would be a good moment to break the tension and he knew just how to do it. “Fine. But if we’re going for authentic…”

With no more warning than that, Derek grabbed him and yanked them both directly into the tub, almost toppling them over.

* * *

Spencer let out a shriek that would embarrass him later on. “Derek!” He cried out. Then the water from the shower hit him straight in the face and drowned out any other protests he would have made.

Deep laughter echoed in the small shower. Spencer brought his hands up, moving wet hair from his eyes to try and glare at Derek, who was grinning at him, just as soaked as he was. “What the hell are you doing?” Spencer cursed him. Yet, despite it all, he found himself fighting a smile. “My pants are soaked now.” The last was hissed, not wanting his words to be heard outside the bathroom.

“So are my clothes, pretty boy.” Derek said with a grin. “But it was totally worth it. Plus, we’ll look like we showered now.”

For just a second longer Spencer held his glare in place. Then it simply melted away and his laughter bubbled up, mixing with Derek’s. Riding that happy high, Spencer braced his hands on Derek’s arms, trying to stay up straight as he laughed. Derek’s hands were still on his waist from when he’d pulled them in to begin with.

As the mirth subsided, Spencer became aware of the heat on his hips, radiating out from the contact there. At the same time he realized that his hands were still pressed into Derek’s biceps. The laughter on his lips died. Water continued to course down between them, slicking their skin, making Spencer tingle slightly. With the little will he could muster, he tried to step back, to move away from the strong, _attractive_ body in front of him.

The hands on his hips tightened just enough to keep him in place. Surprised, Spencer looked up, Derek’s name on his lips. “Derek?” It came out with just a slight tremble, embarrassing him. At least, until he met Derek’s eyes. Then Spencer was mesmerized. Derek was looking at him with an expression he’d never seen before. It was almost, hungry. He tried to speak again but couldn’t bring any words out. All he could do was stare into those dark eyes. Nervous, he pulled his bottom lip between his teeth. Something was happening here. What, he wasn’t quite sure. But he knew it was important. Whatever that look was in Derek’s eyes, it was extremely important. Spencer felt like so many things in his life hinged on this one single moment and whatever outcome there was would change his life.

The next moment would forever be burned into both their memories. Together, it seemed, they moved in that little distance that separated them. Not a single word was spoken. With just an inch between them they stopped, slightly hesitant. Derek was the one who leaned in that last, little bit until their lips pressed together.

A small sound came up Spencer’s throat, somewhere between a moan and a whimper. Every part of his brain seemed to simply shut down so he could think of nothing but the sensations that filled him. The feel of Derek’s lips on his, their bodies pressing together, the feel of Derek’s wet shirt pressing against his chest, the heat of hands on skin, the tingle of the cooling water from the shower pouring over them. Never in his life had he been so overwhelmed by sensations like this.

The kiss deepened, a warm tongue flicking out against his lips. Without conscious thought, Spencer parted his lips, moaning when Derek slid his tongue in. It was heaven. It was too much and not enough. He couldn’t think, couldn’t breathe. Could do nothing but hold on to the strong body that was pressing into him while his mouth was ravaged with the most passionate kiss he’d ever experienced.

When they broke apart, a whimper of loss slipped out. The whimper turned into a gasp when Derek’s mouth moved down his jawline, trailing over his neck. He tipped his head back while the sensations swamped him. Nothing had ever felt this good! His hands tightened on Derek’s arms as Derek’s mouth moved a little lower, nipping and sucking on his collarbone. The loud moan that slipped past his lips would have embarrassed him at any other time but he was too lost to care now. All he wanted was more.

Derek moved back up, their lips coming together again with so much heat and passion it made Spencer’s head spin. His hands slid up Derek’s arms, wrapping around his neck to try and hold on. He was afraid that if he didn’t, his legs would simply give out beneath him.

Their bodies shifted under the spray, turning until Spencer found his back pressed against the shower wall, the cool tile a sharp contrast to the heat of the body that was suddenly pressed full length against him. Spencer gasped at the contact. It was everything he had ever wanted and never dared to let himself dream for. Derek was here, in his arms, kissing him like he was the most desirable person in the world. No one had ever wanted him like this. And he knew that Derek wanted him. Knew it was more than just an act. The arousal that pressed against his through wet clothes was testament to that.

Breaking the kiss, Derek moved his head toward Spencer’s ear, nipping at the lobe and making Spencer gasp and tremble. “Quit thinking so hard, pretty boy.” The warm, sensual whisper made him shiver. “Just feel for once.”

Just feel? As if he could do anything but! His brain wasn’t working right. Thoughts were scrambled, a sensation he hadn’t known was possible. All he could do was feel. “Derek.” The word was a plea this time, slightly high and definitely needy. He felt the warm chuckle by his ear before a kiss was pressed to the side of his neck. The hands on his hips shifted, running up and over his sides, stroking the skin and leaving warmth in their wake.

“God, Spencer. Do you know how hot you are right now?” Derek murmured to him. The older man rolled his hips, making Spencer gasp again. Instinctively he pushed back, enjoying the pleasure it brought. “You’re so damn sexy and so responsive. So fucking beautiful.”

No one had ever called him beautiful before. Spencer tightened his grip on Derek’s neck, trying to shift him back for another kiss. Oh, the man could _kiss_! But Derek chuckled again and kept skimming his lips over Spencer’s neck. “Do you know how long I’ve wanted you, Spencer? How many times I’ve dreamed about doing this?”

“You…you have?” The words came out as a stammer. He couldn’t quite make his voice work just right. When one of Derek’s hands moved over his stomach and up, pinching at one of his nipples, he made a strangled sound, his hips rolling again without him really realizing what he was doing.

Derek pulled back to stare at Spencer’s face while he touched him. It was both flustering and arousing. To feel Derek’s eyes on him, practically drinking him in, left him feeling self-conscious and yet it turned him on even more because he could see the desire in Derek’s eyes.

“I have.” Derek said huskily. “So damn long, Spencer. I just never thought you swung this way so I kept it to myself. Then when I finally got the balls to say something, we found out you had a boyfriend and I thought I lost any chance with you.”

The word boyfriend was like a jolt to Spencer. All at once Michael flooded his mind. Oh shit….what the hell was he doing? Spencer felt his eyes widen and his body tense. He was cheating on his boyfriend! Barely gone for a week and he was cheating on his boyfriend! Michael was right about him. He was just a bad as Michael said. Those sobering thoughts had Spencer drawing back in on himself. He released Derek’s neck, trying to pull his hands to wrap them around himself. He wanted to pull his body away but there was nowhere for him to move it to.

He saw when Derek realized what he’d said and what he’d caused. Faintly, over the spray of the water, Spencer heard a muttered “Dammit.” Suddenly Derek’s eyes were locked right on his and Spencer found that he couldn’t look away, no matter how much he wanted to. “I’m sorry, Spencer.” Those words weren’t what he’d expected to hear. “I shouldn’t have kissed you like that. No matter what’s going on with Michael, I shouldn’t have just mauled you this way. God, you must think I’m an ass. I’m sorry, pretty boy.”

Derek was feeling guilty over this? That thought baffled Spencer. Because of that shock, he found his voice. “You didn’t maul me. I could have said no or pulled away. I, I don’t think you’re an ass. Not at all.” He said softly. It was the truth. He could have said no, but he hadn’t. Guilt twisted at his insides.

One of Derek’s hands slid up to cup his cheek. “No, sugar. This is on me. I could tell just by how you responded that you’re inexperienced. I shouldn’t have pushed so hard. All I can say is that I got caught up.”

“I’m not inexperienced.” Spencer defended himself. His eyebrows furrowed down. What on earth was Derek talking about? “I…Michael and I…” Suddenly embarrassed, he felt his cheeks flame. Doing, _this_ , was one thing. Talking about it was something else entirely.

A gentle look came into Derek’s eyes. “Sugar, you responded like a starving man. Doesn’t…doesn’t Michael ever touch you like that?”

Images filled Spencer mind. He remembered their first time; the pain and the blood he’d cleaned up afterwards. All the times since then that he’d had to clean himself up in the morning and wash the sheets. Michael had never touched him like this. He just, he took what he wanted. The more pain involved, the more it excited Michael. He told himself it was his own inexperience in this, not a fault of Michael’s. What did he have to judge the experiences against? Maybe that was how it was for all gay couples. Thinking of it, Spencer shuddered, his throat drying up.

That just seemed to make Derek’s eyes even sadder. “Ah, pretty boy.” Leaning in, the older man pressed their foreheads together. “You’re worth so much more than what he gives you. You deserve to be with someone who appreciates you and loves you. Someone who would take the time to touch you and show you how good it can be. You don’t deserve to be hurt like this. No one should mar that porcelain skin.”

Before Spencer could think about it, the words in his mind slipped out his mouth. “I’m not.”

“Not what?”

“I’m not worth it.” He could barely make the words loud enough to be heard. Suddenly, though, he couldn’t keep them inside. This was the first time, ever, that he’d been able to talk about this to anyone. The words seemed to trip over themselves in the haste to come out. “I don’t mean to make him mad, but I do. I can’t seem to figure out why. I’ve analyzed it every way that I know how and yet I still manage to always do the wrong thing. I should have walked away a long time ago. I tried, I really did. I thought maybe I didn’t deserve this. Maybe this wasn’t right. But, after he made me stay, after what he said, I realized how weak I am. A stronger person wouldn’t have stayed. A strong person would have run. But I, I did stay and I slowly began to see how right he was. Everything he says is right. I’m not strong, Derek. I’m not a good person.”

The soft press of lips against his stopped him in mid speech. Then they were gone as quickly as they’d come. Closing his eyes, Spencer shuddered. What was he thinking, telling all this to Derek? What was he doing? But, it felt so _good_ to just talk. To tell someone what had been screaming inside his head for so long. It felt good to tell it to Derek.

When the hand on his cheek moved, lightly holding his chin, Spencer couldn’t make himself open his eyes. But he heard every word Derek said to him. “You are not weak, Spencer. I want you to understand that right now. You are _not_ weak. You’re one of the strongest people I know.”

“I’m not.”

“Hush. I’m talking right now.” Derek said, cutting him off. When he was sure Spencer was going to be quiet, he continued. “You are the best damn person that I know. You’re kind and brave and smart and beautiful. Even when I thought you were straight and I never had a chance with you, I still counted myself blessed to have you in my life, even as a friend. I still do. No matter what ever happens between us, I know that I’m blessed to have a friend like you. You’re a wonderful person. Nothing, and I mean nothing, could ever make you deserve being hurt like this.”

It was all just too much to take in. Too many feelings, sensations, even words. He couldn’t wrap his brain around all of this.

Derek seemed to understand. His hand moved off of Spencer’s chin, reaching over to shut off the water. “Come on, let’s get out of here. All of this, it can wait, pretty boy. We have time.”

That was true. They did have time. They were going to be here for a while. All of this didn’t have to come out now. Spencer opened his eyes and looked right at Derek, nodding. They would talk more later, but for now, this right here was enough.


	8. Chapter 8

 

Spencer stayed inside the shower as Derek stepped out. The older man gave him a gentle smile while he pulled off his wet shirt. “Stay here and I’ll go snag you some clothes. You want to lay down a bit before we head out?” Derek asked. They both knew they had to head out tonight, whether they wanted to or not. Personal issues aside, they were working a case and that was what had to be important. That was what mattered the most right now. The rest of it would be dealt with as time allowed.

When Spencer bit his lip and shrugged, he received a smile in return, “Let’s lay down a bit, pretty boy. Rest up so we’re both feeling well enough to go out later.” Even though Derek said ‘we’, Spencer knew he meant him. Derek was trying to discreetly provide Spencer rest from his physical aches and the emotional upheaval he’d just gone through. The gesture was appreciated. Unable to form words, Spencer nodded at him. His brain felt like it was trying to shut down underneath everything. To be honest, he doubted he could do anything _but_ go to sleep right now. Emotional turmoil tended to do that to him. It left him feeling drained when he let it out, most likely because he put so much effort typically into holding it inside.

He sat down on the edge of the tub, his eyes closing as he listened to Derek strip out of his wet clothes. Deliberately Spencer kept his eyes closed so he wouldn’t see anything. He forced himself not to imagine what the older man would look like, standing there with nothing on and his body still moist from their impromptu shower.

There was the sound of the door opening and closing and Spencer knew he was alone in the bathroom now. Usually he would have sat and agonized about everything that had just happened. The confession, the talk, the kiss. But a nice little fog seemed to have settled over his brain and he was content to just sit there. He folded his arms on his lap and bent to rest his head there, not caring that he was dripping wet and still dressed. He just felt so tired.

In no time at all Derek was back. Spencer felt the warm hand on his shoulder and recognized it as belonging to his friend. He mumbled slightly, trying to stir himself and clear his brain enough to stand up and change out of his wet clothes. A warm chuckle filled the bathroom. “Tired, sugar?”

“Mm.” Spencer mumbled back.

There was another chuckle as a warm pair of hands helped him to stand up. Spencer didn’t even bother opening his eyes. “I have never met anyone who shuts off quite the way you do when tired, Spencer.  You can go from alert to comatose in just seconds.” Derek teased him. Once Spencer was upright, the older man started to unhook his jeans, letting them drop into the tub with a wet plop. Part of Spencer’s brain was still awake enough to be embarrassed by that and he tried to pull away. “I’ll do it.” He muttered sleepily.

Derek’s hands disappeared off of him. “All right. But I’m staying if you need me. You look like you can barely stand on your own.”

“Turn around.” He said, much to his friend’s amusement. Spencer opened his eyes to make sure Derek did as he asked. When he saw Derek’s back, he made quick work of stripping out of his wet boxers and drying off. Though he was tired enough that his hands fumbled a little, he managed to get dry and step out of the tub. He put on the boxers and pajama pants that were there, followed by the large t-shirt he usually wore to sleep. When he was done, he touched Derek’s arm to let him know.

Quietly the two made their way to the bedroom. Spencer wasted no time in climbing into bed and curling up. He didn’t even mind when he heard Derek laugh at him. A moment later he felt his friend’s warm weight settle in behind him and then he was being pulled back against Derek’s chest, the same way they’d slept each night since arriving here. The blankets were pulled up over them, making it even warmer. The last thing Spencer heard before drifting off to sleep was Derek whispering in his ear. “Sleep, Spencer. I’ve got you, sugar. Just sleep.” And he did.

* * *

 

Hours later, a slightly nervous Spencer found himself sitting in the passenger seat of the car while Derek drove down the road. So far, his friend hadn’t told him where they were going to. When Spencer had woke from his nap, Derek had still been lying with him and had been so sweet when he’d kissed his temple and told him to get dressed and get ready to go. Part of Spencer had wanted to ask about earlier—had Derek had time to rethink everything? Was he upset or angry about it all?—but he knew he couldn’t. Not there in the house, at least. So he’d gotten dressed and headed out to the living room.

Derek had been waiting for him, already dressed and ready to go, looking absolutely sexy in dark jeans and a dark blue button up shirt. Classy, slightly dressed up, and yet still slightly casual. He had been entirely too appealing, in Spencer’s mind. When Derek ran appreciative eyes up and down Spencer’s slender frame, his cheeks had burned with the strength of his blush. “You clean up real well, Mr. Allen.” Derek had said teasingly as he held out Spencer’s jacket.

Those words had been enough to bring reality back for Spencer. For one single second he’d pretended to himself that it was him and Derek going out, not their characters. His smile never faltered, but in his mind he’d reminded himself that this was a job, not reality.

Now they were heading down the road, with Spencer having no idea where they were going and Derek grinning as he ignored the questions. Neither one mentioned Spencer’s earlier confession nor his little breakdown. But it sat between them, something unspoken and yet present. Spencer couldn’t stop himself from worrying about what Derek was thinking. At the same time, his brain kept wondering what was going to happen now. What would happen when they went home?

This wasn’t something that Derek would just let go. Spencer knew him too well to believe that. Derek wouldn’t just drop this. But what exactly his best friend was thinking was a mystery.

Spencer settled back in his seat, shifting to make his bruises more comfortable, and let his mind wander. The first thing that came to mind wasn’t his confession, or Michael’s reaction once he found out that someone knew, or even what Derek might do. No, what came to mind was that kiss. Nothing had ever felt so good. It was the first time anyone had ever kissed Spencer like that and he had no idea what to make of it.

Sex had always been a painful experience for him. Michael had never been gentle; never been tender. There had been no give and take. No pleasure for anyone but Michael. After so long of living this way, Spencer had figured that maybe this was normal. Or maybe there was something wrong with him that he couldn’t enjoy sex with his partner. Yet Derek had brought to life things in him that he hadn’t known were there with just one heated kiss in the shower.

“Spencer.”

They’d been driving in silence for long enough that the sound of Derek’s voice startled Spencer. He jumped slightly, much to Derek’s amusement. Turning, he pretended to scowl at his friend. “Quit laughing at me, Derek. What is it you wanted?”

The older man gave a final chuckle before he started to speak again. What he said had Spencer falling silent with surprise. “I was thinking while you were sleeping earlier. What you said to me, that was a lot to process. But I realized a few things while I was thinking and reminded myself of some things I already knew. One of the ones I already knew is that I love you, Spencer. Not as my little brother like you seem to think, or as my best friend, or any of those platonic things. I love _you_.”

Surprise had Spencer’s mouth dropping open. That had been the last thing he had ever expected to hear from Derek. Not even in his wildest dreams had he allowed himself to think that Derek would ever care for him beyond a friendship or family sense. Yet here was the man he’d loved for so long, telling him that he loved him too! “You do?” He couldn’t stop himself from asking.

Derek’s eyes flashed over to him before moving back to the road. “I do. I have for a long time, pretty boy. Like I said earlier, I just didn’t think I could say anything before, not with you having a boyfriend.”

“But you’re telling me now.” It wasn’t a question; more like a statement.

“Because I need you to know. Because I decided that I’m not going to give up on the idea of you and me. I won’t take advantage of your shitty relationship, but I’m not ashamed to say that it gives me hope that I’ll have a chance in hell with you.”

Holy shit. Spencer looked down at his hands, which were fiddling nervously with his pants. “I’m in a relationship, Derek.” He whispered the words automatically even as he hated himself for saying them.

A hand moved over in the semi dark car to rest on Spencer’s knee. The contact didn’t make him jump. If anything, he had to resist the urge to move his own hand and place it over Derek’s. He didn’t lift his eyes as Derek spoke once again. “You asked me for help, Spencer, which tells me that you know that your relationship isn’t healthy. I’m not asking you to just walk away from him and jump right into my arms.”

“Then what are you asking me?”

“To give me a chance.” Derek paused as he pulled into a parking lot. So caught up in their conversation, Spencer didn’t even pay any attention to where they were while Derek parked the car. He couldn’t lift his eyes from his lap. Even as the car was parked and shut off, Spencer still stared at his hands. He felt and heard Derek shift next to him and knew that his friend was turning to look toward him. “Spencer, all I’m asking for is a chance. You and I, we’re in a unique position right now. We’re being made to act like a couple for the sake of an investigation. All I’m asking is that, well…”

When Derek trailed off, suddenly sounding nervous, Spencer couldn’t resist looking up. He didn’t think he could remember a time that Derek had ever sounded that nervous. It was surprising to hear it now. Once he lifted his eyes, though, he found Derek looking directly at him and suddenly he couldn’t look away.

The eye contact seemed to give Derek the courage to continue. “I don’t want to pretend, kid.” He said huskily. “This could be a perfect opportunity for us. I want to show you what a relationship should be like. What ours could be, if you wanted. I want to show you what it’s like to be with someone who loves you, not someone who hurts you.”

“How…how do you intend to do that?”

“By treating this like it’s real. The dates, the hand holding, the kissing, all of it. I don’t want to do it just for the sake of our cover. I want to do it because it’s what I want to do. The dinners, the movie trips, the cuddling and watching TV at home. I want us to treat it like it’s real. Let me…let me court you, I guess. I know that we’re pretending to be boyfriends, but until this is over, I want us to treat it like we really are. Let me show you what it could be like if we were dating. Give me a chance to show you what our life could be like together.”

The idea was staggering. Spencer felt his eyes widen as everything Derek was saying sank in. could he really do this with Derek? It would be cheating on Michael! But…would it really? They were already going to be doing all of these things together. Their cover demanded they do things like hold hands and flirt and kiss and even fake sex at night for the cameras. He was already damned for doing this with another man; would it make it so much worse if it wasn’t all for pretend?

Part of Spencer’s mind said yes, it would. What he did now he could justify by it being the job. He could rationalize his actions. It wasn’t cheating when he was doing it for work. What Derek was suggesting was to take the acting and turn it real. To really and truly act as if they were dating. No half measures, either. Spencer knew that if he agreed to this, Derek would put his all into it. Each kiss, each touch, would mean something. They wouldn’t be fake; they would be real. In his heart, Spencer wanted to shout to the skies his agreement. He wanted to throw his all into this and make a grab for what was being offered. But his head kept trying to protest.

_Not your head, idiot._ His mind scolded him. _It’s not your head telling you no and you know it. It’s your fear. You’re terrified of trying with Derek and failing. You’re terrified that you’ll try with him and that he’ll end up seeing whatever it is Michael sees that’s wrong with you. You’re terrified Derek will see how pathetic you are and just give up on you._

_Derek wouldn’t do that!_ His heart protested. _He’s sitting here, making himself vulnerable in front of you, something he never does. Derek is never vulnerable to anyone. Yet right now, he is, for_ you _. He came right out and said that he loves you and you know that you love him. You have for a long time. What kind of fool are you to even think of saying no?? This is your one shot for the thing you’ve wanted more than anything else in your entire life. Love. Love and happiness with the most perfect person in your life._

“I want to, more than anything else.” Spencer whispered suddenly. He couldn’t lie to Derek. He had to bring it all out in the open, right here and now, before he made any kind of decision. “I really do. I…I’ve loved you for a long time, Derek. But I’m beyond scared that this is going to end badly.” It took all of Spencer’s courage to be honest here. His voice quavered slightly. “Michael hurts me, yes. But if we do this and things go badly between us, it would destroy me.”

The hand on Spencer’s knee moved, coming up to gently stroke over his cheek. Emotion shone bright in Derek’s eyes. “I won’t pressure you into doing this, Spencer. If you’re not comfortable with this idea, you can say no and I won’t hold it against you. More than anything else, I just want you safe and happy, even if it isn’t with me.”

And just like that, Spencer knew what his answer was. Had there ever been any real doubt in his mind? The debating he’d done seemed pointless now. Yes, there were risks in this. Serious risks. But there was the potential for something so much greater at the end. How many times had Spencer pushed aside a chance at happiness out of fear? He couldn’t do that again. This, it was a once in a lifetime opportunity with the potential to make every wish he’d ever had come true. He felt his lips curve with a smile. “Okay.”

Surprise filled Derek’s eyes. Then a silly grin curved his lips. “Okay?”

“Okay. I…I’m willing to try.”

Derek’s grin grew right before he leaned in and gave Spencer a quick, happy kiss. “Thank you.”

The happiness was infectious. Spencer felt it lifting his heart up, giving him hope that he hadn’t felt in so long. He turned his head just a little, enough to nuzzle his cheek against Derek’s hand, barely realizing that he was doing it. Then Derek’s warm hand moved so that it wasn’t brushing at his cheek anymore, but cupping it. Once again Derek leaned in and pressed their lips together in a short kiss. When he pulled back, they were both still smiling.

“One thing first.” Derek said suddenly, still smiling. “I want you to know, before your big brain latches onto the idea and starts to panic, that when I said I want to make everything real, I wasn’t referring to our fake sex show for the Unsub. I know that’s not something that you’re ready for yet and I respect that. So don’t even start thinking that I’m going to be asking that from you. I really don’t need you starting to panic on me halfway through the night.”

Laughter tickled the back of Spencer’s throat. His best friend knew him well. He _would_ have thought of that later and it would have triggered panic. But, surprisingly, not for the reasons that Derek was probably thinking. Spencer looked at him and knew he had to be as honest as possible if they wanted this to work. The both of them had to be. That meant not keeping things from one another.

He chewed on his lip for a second before he gathered the courage to say what was in his mind. “Actually, if circumstances were different, I uh, I wouldn’t have minded.” Spencer said, blushing. “It’s not that I don’t want to. I’m actually surprised at how much I um, I do. But, well, it’s not the emotional that would stop me. It’s the physical.” When Derek’s eyes clouded over with confusion, Spencer knew he’d have to say it bluntly. Derek was too caught up in the moment to think of the obvious implications of Spencer’s words. “I still, well, I’m still healing in, um, other places too.” His embarrassment grew stronger and he dropped his eyes down.

There was a sharp intake of breath that seemed to fill the car. The hand on Spencer’s face twitched slightly and then went totally still. “Aw, pretty boy.” He whispered. Nothing else was said for a moment. Nothing else could be said. They simply sat there together, drawing comfort from the other. Eventually Derek spoke again, his hand sliding off Spencer’s cheek to drop down. “Come on, sugar.”

When Spencer looked up, Derek was smiling at him once again. “Let’s go in and eat. I’m glad I picked here, seeing as how this is technically our first date.”

Blushing, Spencer unhooked his seatbelt while Derek chuckled. Together the two climbed from the car, meeting at the hood to join hands. With his heart feeling lighter than it had in a long time, Spencer allowed Derek to lead him inside of the restaurant in front of them. Maybe, for once, things were starting to look up for him.


	9. Chapter 9

 

The restaurant they were in wasn’t an extremely fancy place, but it was very nice. Then again, Spencer had a feeling he would have thought anywhere was nice at the moment so long as he was with Derek. His brain couldn’t seem to stop thinking about their conversation in the car while his heart couldn’t stop celebrating at the turn of events. For all intents and purposes, he and Derek were dating right now. Dating! Not just fake dating, either. But real dating. At least, as real as can be in their current situation.

Logically he knew he should be feeling guilty over this. He shouldn’t be letting it happen for a whole bunch of reasons. The main one being that he was already in a relationship. Tied with that was the potential for what Michael would do if he found out about this. Those threats were still clear in Spencer’s mind. But there was something about being with Derek that had always made Spencer feel a little bit safer. _Who wouldn’t feel safe around Derek? The man can destroy doors with just the kick of a foot_. That amusing thought had Spencer snickering to himself.

Across from him, Derek smiled. “What’s got you chuckling, pretty boy?” he asked. His eyes sparkled with good humor. For just a second Spencer stared at him, wearing a silly smile. How had he got so lucky as to have a man as wonderful and attractive as Derek interested in him? It was mind boggling. Abruptly he remembered Derek’s question. “Oh! Sorry.” Again, that darn blush. To cover embarrassment, he resorted to humor. “Sometimes I just think funny things.” He quipped, quoting a favorite movie of his.

To his immense surprise, Derek held a hand out over the table and seriously said “Spencer, will you take my hand?”

“That would leave you with one.” Spencer replied just as seriously. Then he let out a laugh, echoed by Derek’s warm chuckle. The younger man sat back in the booth to look at his best friend. “You’ve seen Arthur?”

“Seriously? Who hasn’t seen Arthur? That movie is a classic.” Derek insisted. “Dudley Moore is hilarious. Actually, I’m surprised you’ve seen it. That’s not something I would have pegged as being your style.”

Spencer looked around to make sure no one was close before he shrugged and said “It was one of my mom’s favorites. She thought Dudley Moore was a very handsome man.”

The two were interrupted when the waitress came over, offering them menus and taking their drink orders. It didn’t escape Spencer’s notice that the woman, a pretty little brunette with dark eyes and a very curvy figure, tried to flirt with Derek. Just like he saw how Derek ignored her overtures. It warmed him inside and had him flushing slightly. Both agreed on coffee as their drink.

A sudden grin split Derek’s face as he looked over his menu. There was a twinkle to his eyes that Spencer loved to see. “Why don’t we order like we used to do?” The older man asked. It took a second for it to click in Spencer’s brain and then he was chuckling. Back when he and Derek first started becoming good friends, they’d started to go to lunch together daily at work. Then, as time went on, it became a tradition. But one afternoon Derek had insisted he knew what Spencer would order, no matter where they went, and Spencer had argued that he wasn’t the predictable one of the two. So they’d made a deal to order for one another by pointing at the menu to the waitress so the other couldn’t see until the food arrived. Then they would see who had gotten it right. Only once on both their parts could Spencer remember them ever getting it wrong.

He opened his menu, slanting a look over at Derek. “Bet I can still do it.” He said teasingly.

“We’ll just see about that.”

By the time the waitress, whose nametag read Melinda, came back, the two had made their choices for each other. She poured their coffee and set the carafe on the table so they could pour more as needed. After she did that, she looked to them and asked “Are you ready to order, gentlemen?” She looked kind of surprised when Derek crooked his finger at her. She bent down toward him, smiling flirtatiously, obviously thinking something that Spencer could just bet was naughty. When Derek brought a hand up to point at the menu, Spencer dutifully looked away. That had been another rule they’d had; it was only fair. That way the other one couldn’t look at the menu where the person had pointed and see what was chosen.  “That one is for him.” Derek told the woman, flashing her a charming grin. “We’re picking for each other as a surprise.”

Melinda pulled back, her eyes showing her confusion for just a moment. Giving her a smile of his own, Spencer turned his menu and pointed at the mixed grill dish, which had skewers of grilled marinated steak and chicken with rosemary demi-glace. It came with grilled vegetables and Tuscan potatoes. He knew for a fact Derek would love it.

In the end, both of them had to admit that they still knew each other well. Derek loved his mixed grill and Spencer practically devoured the chicken scampi dish that Derek had picked for him. Their plates were cleared away and they sat, drinking their coffee and just enjoying talking. Conversation thorough dinner had been easy and relaxed. For Spencer, it was almost like the old days, back before Michael had come into his life and changed everything.

They’d just started discussing what to do the next few days when a voice interrupted their conversation. “Oh, wow. Hey! Imagine seeing you two here.”

Spencer looked up to find the source of the voice and was surprised to see the boy from the store, Timmy, come walking over to their table. There was a pretty little blond on his arm, smiling kindly at them both. He walked right up to their table and smiled down at them. “Good to see you two out.” Timmy said with a smile. “I’m glad I didn’t hurt you too much, Spencer.”

Red stained Spencer’s cheeks for a moment. “I’m perfectly fine.” Spencer lied easily. A shy smile was on his lips. “It was my fault, anyways. Good to see that you’re ok, too.”

“We were just leaving and I saw you two. I’m sorry for interrupting your meal.” Timmy said quickly. “I just wanted to say hi. Oh, uh, this is my fiancée, Trisha. Trisha, this is Spencer and…Derek. Did I get that right?” The poor guy looked so flustered that the two agents took pity on him and smiled. “Yeah, you did.” Derek said easily. He stood up, as his manners dictated, and held his hand out to Trisha. “It’s a pleasure to meet you, ma’am.”

For his part, Spencer raised his hand and gave a little wave. She looked surprised by it, but she smiled and waved back. “It’s nice to meet the both of you. Usually the people Timmy runs into aren’t as understanding as I hear you were.” She said with a teasing look to her partner, who was turning red.

Derek tipped his head back and laughed. “He wasn’t even our first mishap in the store.” He told Trisha. “Spencer here has a tendency to forget the world around him when he thinks. Well, anytime, really. I had to move him out of a lady’s way because he spaced out in the aisle.”

“Derek!” Spencer hissed, his face on fire with his blush. Reaching out, he smacked his friend’s arm. “Quit picking on me!”

“You make it so easy though, sugar.” Derek caught Spencer’s hand, drawing it over to kiss his knuckles before winking at him. “You’re cute when you’re flustered, too.”

Spencer resisted pulling his hand back as he usually would have done. He tried to remind himself that they were playing a part. They had to stay in character. “You say that about any look I get.” He shot back. “It’s still no excuse to embarrass me in front of people we barely know.”

“You like it.” Derek taunted.

Spencer rolled his eyes. “I think maybe you’re the one that took a fall today. Did you hit your head on anything?”

“Ha, ha. Aren’t you just a riot?” The sarcastic words were countered by the loving smile that Derek sent his way. He left their hands joined, resting them on the table as he turned to look at Timmy and Trisha who were both grinning at them. “Please, ignore the boy wonder over here. He gets snarky when he gets embarrassed.”

“Oh, it’s no problem!” Trisha assured them. Suddenly her face lit up. “Hey, I apologize if I sound kind of forward, but are you two doing anything when you’re done? Timmy and I, we were going to go check out the club down the road. A few drinks, some dancing. Just sounded like a good time. If you two are free, you should come with us. From what I hear, it’s a pretty mixed club, so you won’t be the only gay couple there.”

Everything inside of Spencer wanted to groan and hide. A club? Seriously? The _last_ thing he wanted to do was go and embarrass himself even further inside of a club. But it would get them out into the public eye, which they needed to do. All the other couples had been openly dating and considered at least somewhat social. That meant that Spencer couldn’t just hide at home if he wanted to do this job. Plus, one look at Derek showed him that his best friend wanted to go out. Most likely he was craving the crowds and the noise and the music.

So, for the sake of the job and to make the person he loved happy, Spencer made himself smile at the couple by the table. “We’re actually finished eating. We were just sitting here debating what to do with our evening. A club sounds kind of nice, don’t you think, Derek?”

If Derek was surprised, he hid it well. “It’s been a while since I’ve been able to dance. I’d love to go down and let loose for a little while.”

“It’s settled then!” Trisha said happily. “The restaurant lets people park here so long as they ate here and the club is only two blocks down. So if you two don’t mind walking, we can all leave our cars here and walk on down.”

Derek looked to Spencer, winking at him. “Let’s go pay, sugar, and then let’s go dance!”

The four people moved to the front where Derek paid for his and Spencer’s dinner. Then they headed outside together, Trisha talking animatedly as they stepped out the door. Almost instantly Spencer gave a shiver. Derek shifted automatically and draped his arm over Spencer’s shoulders, drawing him close. In return, Spencer slid his arm around Derek’s waist so that they were hugged close to one another. It warmed him up quite a bit.

“So what brings you to here?” Timmy asked politely. He and Trisha were walking almost identical to Derek and Spencer. For a single second, Spencer smiled to himself. If the way they walked was any indicator, then apparently he was the ‘female’ in his and Derek’s relationship. Timmy had his arm over Trisha’s shoulders the same as Derek did Spencer’s.

Derek was the one to answer for him. “Spencer’s starting college here shortly. I just kind of came along for the ride. I wouldn’t let him travel across the country without me.”

“Trisha and I are both on our second year here.” Timmy said. He leaned forward to look around Derek and at Spencer. “Do you know what you’re majoring in yet?”

“I’m here to get my Ph.D. in applied linguistics.” Spencer supplied. “I’m really looking forward to starting classes. Actually, linguistics is a very interesting subject…” He cut off abruptly, feeling the slight squeeze from Derek that was warning him to be quiet. Right. No rattling off facts and rambling at people. He wasn’t supposed to be a genius here. He was supposed to just be an average kid. To cover his little slip, he offered the two a shy smile. “Sorry. I’m just a little bit of a nerd. I’m excited to start school.”

“I am too.” Trisha said. “I’m actually in my second year for the same major, Spencer. I might see you in a class or two.”

“Really?” That drew Spencer’s interest. “Do you enjoy the course work?”

“Oh, immensely.”

Timmy held a hand up, cutting them off before they could get started. “Trust me, you don’t want to get her started, Spencer. She will go on all day, telling you all about the classes and what she’s learning, even if you don’t understand half of it.”

“You do the same thing.” Trisha said, poking his side. “Timmy’s studying for a Ph.D. in chemistry.”

This time Spencer really needed Derek’s squeeze of warning to keep his mouth shut. The academic in him instantly wanted to get into a discussion on a topic he so enjoyed. It was hard to hold it in and bite his tongue. Luckily, they’d reached the front of the club by then. After showing their ID’s and getting their hands stamped, the two couples walked inside of the club known as City Limits.

Instantly the music was pulsing around them. Lights were flashing from the stage area where a live band was playing and bodies were pressed together on the dance floor. It was an adult’s playground and one of the last places Spencer really wanted to be. He felt Derek shift a little and then he was right by Spencer’s ear. “Why don’t I stay the designated driver tonight, sugar? Go ahead, have a few drinks. It might make it ache a little less while we’re out there. Are you really sure you’re up for faking dancing with your body being so sore?”

Spencer turned and made himself get past his embarrassment at public displays of affection to kiss Derek briefly. “I’m fine!” he insisted over the loud music. “But I’ll take you up on that drink.”

Laughing, Derek tugged him toward the bar, Timmy and Trisha following behind them. “Come on then, pretty boy. Let’s get you a drink!”

* * *

After one drink, Derek somehow convinced Spencer to head out to the floor with him. The younger man was beyond nervous about it, knowing that he wasn’t a good dancer. The last thing he wanted to do was make a fool of himself. But Derek dragged him right out in the middle of the crowd and took hold of his hips, pulling them close to one another, and Spencer found he couldn’t think of anything beyond the music and Derek’s body pressed against his. It was easy to dance when the hands on your hips were guiding you.

“You’re not as bad a dancer as you claim.” Derek said in his ear. He had Spencer’s back pulled flush against him, their bodies twisting and grinding together in a way that Spencer thought should be illegal in public. But the others around them were dancing the same exact way.

Spencer rode on instinct and tipped his head back a little to rest on Derek’s shoulder. “You make it seem easy. Usually I’ve tripped over something by now.”

He felt more than heard Derek chuckle. The arm around his waist tightened for a second. Then Derek was asking “You’ll tell me if you start to hurt, right? I don’t want to end up hurting you.”

“I’m fine.” He answered. And he was. Nothing had ever felt as good as moving like this with Derek. Yes, there was a blush staining his cheeks at acting this way in public, in front of so many other people, but he couldn’t deny that he was enjoying himself.

They stayed out there for a few songs. Spencer found himself relaxing in ways he hadn’t even known he could. Usually by now he was beyond nervous in this kind of a public situation. By now he’d be almost dying to get home. But as they made their way back toward the table, Spencer found he was actually grinning, his hand still loosely linked with Derek’s.

“I told you, you don’t have to come over with me.” Spencer said with a laugh. He turned, leaning into Derek and grinning up at him. “Go out there and go dance with our new friends. I just need a minute, that’s all.”

Derek looked like he was debating it for a moment. It was easy to see the indecision in his eyes. Normal couples would be okay with splitting up for a few. Spencer knew that Derek wasn’t entirely comfortable with it, knowing what was potentially going to come after them at some point. But it was too early in the timeline for their Unsub to start hunting them directly. They were plenty safe.

He saw when Derek reached his decision. He hooked an arm around Spencer’s waist, pulling him in for a kiss that left the younger man breathless. “Hurry back.” He told him when he pulled apart. For a moment all Spencer could do was watch his friend walk away and wait for his system to level. One single thought popped into his mind as he watched Derek move onto the floor. _Damn, that man looks good_. Then he blushed at his own thoughts.

Shaking his head, Spencer started toward the bar to order himself another drink and to take a breather. His body really was starting to get a little sore, though he didn’t want to tell Derek that. For the first time in such a long time, Spencer was having fun. Not just that, but he was hanging out with his best friend, something he’d always enjoyed. And he was not only having fun, but having it in public. That was a big thing for him.

Vibrations from his pocket alerted Spencer to the fact that his phone was ringing. He pulled it out and looked at the screen, seeing the number for Penelope, labeled as Misty, a name she’d picked for her persona in his ‘life’. Misty was supposedly a childhood friend of Spencer’s. Lifting his head, Spencer caught Derek’s eye over on the dance floor—secretly pleased to see that Derek had been watching him—where Derek, Trisha and Timmy were dancing. He gestured to his phone and pointed toward the bathrooms, the only quiet place he could think of. Derek nodded to show he understood and Spencer took off toward the bathrooms quickly, flipping his phone open. “Just a second, Misty!” he called over the music. “I need to get somewhere quieter.”

A moment later he stepped into the bathroom, grateful when he saw it was empty. “Okay, I can hear you now. What’s going on?”

“Enjoying clubbing, my little marshmallow?”

Little marshmallow? Wow, where on earth did she come up with these things? Spencer rolled his eyes while he leaned against the counter by the sink. “Oh, you know me. Public places are so my thing.”

The sarcasm was subtle, but she caught it and laughed. “Don’t I know it. Well, enough of the chit chat. I wanted to update you on what’s going on here. Yours truly finally managed to hack the video stream from your house without being noticed. I’m a ghost in the system, thank you very much.”

“Really?” A smile curved Spencer’s lips. “That’s great! Did you get anything good from it?”

“Not so far. All I’ve really got is the video. I can see the live stream but I can’t access yet who is watching it. This little creep is smart, I’ll give him that much. I can see his screen name and that he’s the domain owner. No one else apparently has access to it. But I can’t trace him to find out where he is or who he is, so I can’t verify it’s your creepy car guy.”

Damn. He tried to remind himself that this was one step closer. The process was going to be slow. This wasn’t going to just suddenly be solved. Even if they linked it to the guy, they would have a more solid case if they let him actually try to come take them or if they could find a way to link him to the other murders. There was no evidence so far to tie him to them. If they brought him in on their current suspicions, it would be easy for him to wrangle out of it and then cut his losses and run. That was the last thing they wanted. They needed this case to be airtight. “Well, I have faith in you, Misty.” Spencer reassured her. “No one’s as good as you are. I’m sure you’ll get it eventually.”

Penelope practically cooed in his ear. “Aren’t you just the sweet talker? Keep this up and I may take you home myself when this is all done.”

His smile vanished, replaced by an embarrassed scowl. “I’m not a puppy, Misty. You can’t just take me home and pet me when you feel in the mood for your brand of ‘cuteness’.”

“Why not? I’d brush your hair, walk you, feed you, dress you…”

“Agh!” He cut in. “No thank you. I’m quite content being a human being.”

“Spoilsport.” But she laughed, the sound infectious enough that he couldn’t resist smiling again. “Anyways, back to work. We also found two other houses being watched on the cams, but only one other couple seems to fit the criteria. So far yours and this other couple are the ones being watched the most, but your house seems to be being watched more since yesterday. So, congrats. You’ve barely been there and already he’s hooked on my two gorgeous boys. Hotch says well done and to keep doing what you’re doing, as it seems to be keeping his interest.”

“Sounds good.” Or creepy. Logically he knew it was good that the guy was hooked on them instead of the other couple. That was what they wanted. But it was creepy to know that something about them had caught the guy’s interest that quickly. It made Spencer want to go home and shower for at least an hour. “And your friends, they’re okay too?” He tried to phrase that right, in case someone was outside listening in.

“Yeah, honey, they’re fine. Don’t worry. Boss man ordered protection on them so they’re being watched too. It’s hard to watch you guys there without raising suspicions, though. That’s the part Hotch hates the most. Luckily the police presence is expected in the community, so cop cars won’t look suspicious cruising the streets.  Don’t worry, everyone is on this. We’re keeping an eye on them and on you, boy genius. It’ll be easier now that I can view the videos too. I have them constantly streaming on one of my computers, so someone is always watching.”

Always? That made Spencer’s stomach clench a little. He was private on a good day; with the problems he was having with Michael and this newfound thing with Derek, he wanted to be even more private. But that wasn’t realistic right now. _Focus on the case, you nerd._ He chastised himself. _That’s why you’re here, remember? Not just to have fun with Derek. You’re here to WORK._ “That’s cool. Glad to hear they’re all right. I wouldn’t want anything to happen to them. Now, was there anything else you needed? I should probably get back out there before Derek starts imagining all sorts of things happening with me being gone for so long. You know how he gets.”

Her laugh bubbled over the line again. “Isn’t that the truth? That hunky man is so overprotective of you it’s adorable! I’ll let you get back out there. Enjoy getting your groove thang on, sexy doctor of mine.”

“Yeah, yeah, like that’ll happen. How long have you known me for?” He teased back, not wanting to tell her that he’d been dancing the entire time he was here. Knowing her, she’d go pull up the security footage and post a copy of the video everywhere.

“Too true! Well, loosen up a little. Remember, you’re not your usual adorable awkward self. You’ll have to get out there and dance. I can get eyes on the club, baby doll, so you better believe I’ll be watching! You better dance at least once!” _Ah, see, too late. She’s already going to watch you. You, Spencer, are screwed. You’ll never live this down if she shows it to anyone. But, hell, at least you’re having fun._

“Yes, ma’am.”

His sarcastic reply just made her laugh once more. “Oh, one more thing, Reid. I convinced Hotch that college kids don’t call every single day to talk to their dads, so you don’t need to check in tonight, and tomorrow you’re supposed to call Emily to do your check in. She’s listed as…”

“Zia. Yeah, I’ll call her tomorrow. Tell her I miss her too. I miss having someone to play games with.”

“Aww, sweetie. I’m sure she’ll totally play a million games with you when you come home. She’ll be happy to hear that.” Penelope said sweetly. She knew that, before Michael, it had been common for Emily and Spencer to get together and play board games or trivia games together. He had barely done it since he and Michael had started dating and he’d hated seeing the hurt in Emily’s eyes each time he’d declined playing. It was really something he missed and something he wanted to get back into. But he’d been afraid that Michael would get jealous and that Emily would notice something off about him, so he’d pulled back. Now…he really did want her to know he missed that. It wasn’t much in the way of an apology, but it was the best he could do right now. “Thanks, Misty.”

“No problem. When you call tomorrow, I’ll give you the skinny on this Timmy guy, too. I’ve got him running through the system right now.”

Now, that didn’t surprise Spencer. He’d expected it almost as soon as he’d left the grocery store after crashing into the guy. Penelope would check out anyone that got close to them right now. Not only as part of the case, but as a protective friend. “Okay. I’ll talk to you later, Misty. Have a good night.”

“You too, honey bun!”

When Spencer hung up the phone, he was chuckling lightly to himself. Penelope never failed to leave a person with a smile. It was just one of the wonderful traits she had.

He made his way back out to the main part of the club, wincing a little as he walked. The bruises on his backside combined with the hit he’d taken on it today were starting to make him just a little bit tender. Instead of heading straight to Derek, he made his way to the bar and ordered himself another drink. He’d just started to take a drink when a pair of arms wrapped around his waist. Instinctively he flinched, his head whipping around to see who it was, his eyes going wide with the sensation of panic.

Derek stood behind him, his wide grin wiping away when he read the look on Spencer’s face. Almost instantly he was turning the younger man around, cradling him close. Spencer closed his eyes in embarrassment at jumping from just a simple touch. He hadn’t been able to help it. Michael frequently came up behind him at home, wrapping around him to try and start something that Spencer never wanted to have to finish, but never had a choice about. He’d reacted without thinking. “Sorry.” He mumbled. He let Derek pull him in close, shifting his arms to wrap around Derek’s neck, giving his face a place to hide. Derek rubbed soothingly at his back. “No, pretty boy, I’m sorry. Didn’t think about startling you.”

When Derek turned his head, Spencer felt his lips brush against his neck and had to resist quivering in his arms. Not from fear this time, but from enjoyment. What was it about Derek that just seemed to light all these fires in him? _Is this how it’s supposed to feel?_ He wondered to himself. _Is love supposed to make these butterflies dance in your stomach? Make you turned on by something as simple as a brush of lips against skin? It’s never like this with Michael. He never made me feel half the things that Derek has. His kisses never made my toes curl._

“You’re thinking too hard.” Derek murmured. His lips moved up and he nipped lightly at Spencer’s ear. This time the younger man couldn’t stop the little shiver it caused. He felt Derek’s lips curve before he did it again, making Spencer shiver once more. “Now, that’s better.”

“Derek, we’re in public.” Not that he wanted him to stop. These feelings, this desire, were so new and foreign to Spencer. He didn’t want it to ever stop.

When Derek ran his tongue against the skin under Spencer’s ear, the young man barely kept the moan behind his lips. “Then why don’t we take this home, pretty boy?”

Was this part of the act? He’d told Derek earlier that he couldn’t, well…he couldn’t really do anything like _that_. Not with his body still healing from Michael. It had to just be for their cover. But Derek was deliberately turning him on here, which made Spencer question which was true. Was this the act or was Derek serious?

This time the little nip was to his neck. “You’re doing it again.” Derek teased him. “I’m not going to ask anything from you that you aren’t ready to give, Spencer. And I remember what you said earlier. I know what you can’t do. But can’t a guy look forward to at least getting to make out with his pretty boy, even if there will be an audience?”

Oh, God. If he wasn’t turned on before, he definitely was now. Derek’s voice was low, with this deep, husky sound to it that sent chills down Spencer’s spine. He turned his head in, letting their cheeks rub against one another, and tried to screw up his courage. “Take me home, then.” He managed to say. He heard Derek’s sharp intake of breath and then he found himself moving, tucked under Derek’s arm again as they headed for the exit.

When they were outside, he tipped his head to look at his friend. “What about Timmy and Trisha? We can’t just bail on them.”

“I told them we were leaving when I came to find you, Spencer. Don’t worry.”

“Oh.” Well, that was nice. A little more at ease, he put his arm around Derek’s waist and snuggled in a little. The night was cold and Derek’s body was warm. As they walked, Spencer found himself relaxing again, his mind going almost quiet. It was a sensation he rarely ever experienced. With a smile on his lips, he tipped his head to rest against Derek’s shoulder. “You know, I had a good time tonight.” He admitted.

Derek turned just enough to kiss his forehead. “I noticed. You realize I’m going to drag you out dancing more now, right? For someone who claimed he didn’t know how to dance, you sure were moving out there.”

“It’s easy to move with the right person leading.”

He almost squeaked with surprise when suddenly he found himself turned, pressed chest to chest with Derek who was looking at him with an almost predatory look in his eyes. One arm slid around Spencer’s waist while the one that had been around his shoulders now moved, fingers threading in his hair. Before Spencer could even blink he found himself being thoroughly kissed. The sound of surprise he made turned into a moan that Derek eagerly swallowed down.

When he felt Derek’s tongue flicking against his lips, demanding entrance, he was helpless to do anything but submit. Another moan slipped out when Derek’s tongue traced over his, touching and tasting every inch of his mouth.

By the time they pulled apart, Spencer was breathing heavily. It did his ego good to see that Derek was as well. The older man nipped at Spencer’s bottom lip teasingly. “Come on, Spencer. Let’s get you home before I forget we’re in public.” He said. The two started off down the road again, both of them smiling.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning - smut in this chapter :-P

 

The ride to the house was full of tension, but not the usual kind. Spencer could honestly say he had never experienced this kind of tension to this extreme. It wasn’t tension from stress, but a _sexual_ tension. He and Derek were heading home to fake sex for their Unsub. And, if Derek’s words were anything to go by, Derek was going to take advantage of the time to ‘make out’ with him. Half of him was utterly embarrassed to admit that he had never made out with anyone other than Michael in his life. The other half of him was too excited to be embarrassed.

Yet, he couldn’t help being nervous. What he knew about sexual activities came from his experiences with Michael. It didn’t seem right to judge what was going to happen between him and Derek by what he had done with Michael. Still, he couldn’t stop his brain from wondering. With Michael, there had been enjoyment. At first. Then, as time went on, all that initial enjoyment had faded away. By the time they’d had sex— _It wasn’t sex, you idiot. It was rape and you know it. Can’t you even admit it to yourself?_ —all signs of gentleness had been gone.

What if things started out nice between him and Derek but then they changed? What if…what if he was only being gentle right now because they were undercover? Then, when they got back home, he might prove to be the same as Michael.

_No, no, you idiot. Derek isn’t like that and you know it. That is NOT the type of guy Derek is. You’re letting your insecurities get the best of you. Look at how he kissed you in the shower. There was no one around but you to see that. He had no reason to act in there. The way he spoke, too, suggests that what he did was normal and how Michael acted was abnormal. You can’t base your opinions on what’ll happen with Derek off of what happened with Michael. They are not the same!_

That was true. Derek and Michael were polar opposites. There was nothing about them that was the same except for maybe their muscle mass. Michael was shorter than Derek. He was also white, overbearing, insulting, horrible…the adjectives could go on endlessly.

“Spencer, come on now. What’s going on in that big brain of yours right now?”

Derek’s question threw him of for just a second. Without realizing it he started to wring his hands slightly, a nervous gesture. The instant he noticed he stopped it. “I just…I’m thinking.” He stammered out. Yeah, that was a real intelligent answer. He mentally scoffed at himself. For a genius he could come up with some lame answers and evasions sometimes. Embarrassed, he let his gaze drift out the car window, watching the darkness that was broken by the lights of businesses and cars.

When Derek’s hand came to rest on his leg, Spencer jumped, not having expected it. Derek didn’t move it, though. He left it there as he continued to drive. “Talk to me, kid. What’s wrong? You’re a bundle of nerves over there.” He paused, taking the corner, and then asked “Are you nervous about what we’re going to do tonight?”

When Spencer looked up he saw the headlights still behind them. The work part of his brain logged away the fact that they were still being followed. He’d noticed the car behind them about a block away from the restaurant. It looked like their Unsub was behind them.

He realized Derek was still waiting for an answer. There was no real way to evade this conversation. Not and still manage to be truthful. If anything, Spencer wanted to be absolutely truthful with Derek, no matter what the cost. Not just because it was right, but because…if he couldn’t trust Derek anymore, then who could he trust? So he gathered his courage to say “A little. I don’t…I don’t really know how to do this, per se.”

“Baby, have you ever had a partner aside from Michael?”

The question startled Spencer a little. His cheeks heated and he looked out the window again. “No.”

For a few minutes the car was quiet. Spencer knew his friend well enough to know that it meant that Derek was gathering his thoughts together. Finally he must have had them in order because he spoke up. “There’s no way around doing this, Spencer. We have to, for our job. But I don’t want to make you uncomfortable. If you’d like, we can just do our pretending and go to sleep. I don’t want you to feel like you have to do anything with me that you don’t want to.”

Spencer turned to look at him in surprise. He thought that Spencer didn’t want to do anything with him? “That’s not, I mean…that’s not what I meant, Derek. It’s not that I don’t want to. For, well, for the first time in my life, I do.” Thankful for the darkness in the car, Spencer continued on despite the heat in his cheeks. _Be honest_ he reminded himself. “I just worry that I won’t do something right. Or that maybe Michael has been doing things right and I’m just not, well…”

“Responsive?” Derek supplied.

His blush grew a little more. “Yeah.”

“Spencer, sugar, if the kisses we’ve shared are any indication, I’d say you’re definitely responsive. It’s sexy, the way you respond. You just haven’t been with a person who cared enough to make it good for you.”

That made the butterflies in Spencer’s stomach dance a little. “Really?”

Stopping at the stop sign, Derek looked around to make sure there were no cars coming or any too close behind. Their Unsub—at least, they assumed it was him—was back a little ways, keeping a safe distance. So Derek took advantage of the moment to lean over and steal a gentle kiss. “Really.” He turned back, taking the car into their turn. “Whatever happens between us, it’ll never be like it was between you and Michael. I won’t ever hurt you, baby. Sex isn’t supposed to hurt, unless that’s a person’s kink. It’s supposed to feel good. Amazing.”

Spencer felt his breath hitch a little at the Derek’s words. In that moment, there was one thing he knew for certain. Even if he was damned for it, he couldn’t deny that he wanted to feel those things with Derek. He wanted to experience, at least once in his life, this overwhelming passion that he heard others speak of. And he wanted to experience it with Derek. “I w-want that.” He stammered out nervously. “I want to feel that way. I just don’t know if I can.”

The car went silent again. Then, “Do you trust me, Spencer?”

“Yes.” The reply was immediate. It was not something he needed to think on. He trusted Derek with his life.

“I can show you what it’s like tonight. I know we won’t actually have sex. I know your body isn’t ready for that and, frankly, I really would like our first time not to be on camera. But I can show you how good your body can feel.  We’ll have to be careful because we are being watched and we have to make sure we do our job, but at the same time, we can enjoy ourselves.”

Enjoy themselves? Spencer knew he wasn’t well versed in this part of life, but he didn’t want to say that out loud. That would make him seem like a kid, something that he definitely didn’t want Derek thinking about him right now. So he settled for once again saying “Really?” Wow; a mind like his and that was the best response he could come up with? What was it about Derek that seemed to fry some of his brain cells?

A low groan came from Derek, making Spencer tip his head to better try and see his friend’s face. It was too dark in the car for him to make out his features, though, so he had to rely on trying to read Derek’s voice as the man answered him. “Yeah, Spencer. Really. Like I said, we’ve got to play our part. Now, first of all, if he was watching us at the club and outside, he’s going to know we had quite a buildup. This means we’ll need to give the impression that we’re impatient. You okay with that?”

Spencer felt his lips quirk. “I kind of have to be.”

“Yeah.” Derek chuckled. “I know. But, if you trust me to lead, I can take care of it all. You don’t have to have sex to enjoy being with someone, Spencer. There are so many other things. Touching your partner, tasting them, can be just as pleasurable.”

Embarrassed, Spencer dropped his eyes to the hand on his leg. A sudden thought struck him. “Derek, what about him, you know, seeing us? Won’t he be able to tell we’re not actually doing what he thinks?”

“I got that under control. I’ll get the blankets up over us and he’ll never know the difference.”

Derek said it with such confidence that Spencer couldn’t argue with him. He just watched as Derek turned their car into the driveway. When the engine was off, Derek pulled the keys out of the ignition and turned to face Spencer. He brought a hand up to cup his face. “The choice is yours, Spencer. What we do from here is entirely up to you. We can go in there and fake our way through this if that’s what you want and that’s fine with me. Or we can put on our act and, at the same time, I can make you feel things you’ve never felt before. Whatever you want, sugar.”

For a long moment Spencer just stared into Derek’s eyes in the dim light from a nearby light pole. What he saw there eased his nerves at the same time as starting a small fire in the pit of his stomach. He leaned in until his lips were just a half inch from Derek’s. “Show me.” He whispered. “Please.”

With a low moan, Derek leaned in and captured Spencer’s lips, the hand on his face pulling him in close. When he pulled back, both of them were breathless. “Go unlock the door, Spencer.” He murmured to him. “We need to seem eager, but if you don’t get out of this car I might seem too eager and just take you right here until you’re screaming for the whole neighborhood to hear.”

The flush that filled Spencer’s cheeks wasn’t embarrassment this time, but arousal. He pulled back and worked off his seatbelt, climbing from the car on legs that weren’t quite steady. Once he’d shut the car door, he hurried up to the front door, hearing Derek moving behind him, stepping close enough that Spencer could feel his body heat.

Spencer fumbled in his pocket for the house keys, trying to ignore the way Derek was pressing up against his backside, his arms sliding around to Spencer’s stomach. When he felt one of his hands at the hem of his shirt, reaching under and up, he almost dropped his keys. Somehow he managed to hold on to them and get them up to the lock. He heard Derek chuckle against the back of his neck. “Problems, pretty boy?” he teased.

The lock clicked and Spencer turned the door handle, pushing the door open wide. Only steps inside Derek’s hands were holding his hips and turning him to press him into the wall. No sooner had his back touched the wall than Derek was there, their bodies pressing together, lips crushed in a kiss that almost instantly melted Spencer’s knees. He brought his hands up to grip at Derek’s shoulders as he moaned.

Without breaking the kiss, Derek stuck a hand out and slapped the door, making it swing shut. There was no way to back out now. They were in front of the cameras; it was time to put on a show. But somehow Spencer found himself forgetting about the cameras. He couldn’t think beyond anything but Derek’s warm, soft lips, so demanding against his own.

His hands now free, Derek put them on Spencer’s hips and slid them up, under his shirt, never breaking their kiss. His tongue snaked out, pressing against Spencer’s lips in a demand for entrance. Spencer couldn’t think beyond the sensations exploding in him. All his worries, his fears, melted away underneath a wave of heat.

He moaned and opened his lips, gasping slightly when Derek’s tongue slid in, dueling with his. The kiss was hard and hot and overwhelming. When Derek pulled back, nipping at his lip, Spencer couldn’t stop himself from leaning back in, trying to capture his lips once more. Derek growled low in his throat and pushed his hips forward, grinding against him. Spencer was beyond hard; his body was absolutely aching for something—he had no idea what that something was. _More, more, more_ his mind chanted at him. He didn’t know the words had slipped past his lips in a breathy whisper until Derek was nipping at his neck and whispering “You want more, pretty boy? Man, you’re so hot like this. You look fucking sexy right now.”

A mewling sound crawled up from Spencer’s throat. He wrapped his arms around Derek’s neck and tipped his head back, allowing the older man more access to his throat, an action Derek happily took advantage of. His lips and tongue and teeth moved over every inch of exposed skin. The hands on Spencer’s hips shifted, reaching gently behind him, ever cautious of his bruising even in the state they were in.

Spencer suddenly found himself being lifted. He squeaked slightly and instinctively wrapped his legs around Derek’s waist so he wouldn’t fall. The squeak changed to a moan when his movement caused them to rub even more against one another. His passion rose a little higher when he heard Derek’s harsh gasp. _He’s affected by this too. You’re turning him on just as much as he is you._ That thought gave Spencer the courage to lean in, initiating the kiss himself this time. This time he was the one who leaned in, who licked at Derek’s lips to gain entrance, who tasted every inch of his mouth and absorbed the older man’s moans. Every moan Derek gave, every clench of his hands against Spencer’s backside, every movement was like gas to the fire inside of Spencer.

He barely noticed when Derek started to move them down toward the hallway. Spencer shifted his lips, breaking the kiss to breathe. The look on Derek’s face was absolutely stunning. His eyes were wide and dark, pupils blown wide with arousal, and he was breathing heavily. Spencer didn’t think that came from holding him up, either.

To test it, Spencer leaned back in, this time moving his lips over Derek’s jawline as Derek had done to him before. He nipped lightly at the skin there, then flicked his tongue out to taste. Derek groaned and turned them, pinning Spencer to the wall once more, causing their bodies to press together even tighter. Spencer gasped and flung his head back, unconsciously grinding his hips downward. He could barely wrap his brain around everything he was feeling. Nothing had ever even come close to this before. Nothing had made him feel this way. As if he would die if Derek let go of him; if he ever stopped touching him. He felt so hot and tight and needy all over his damn body.

Warm lips were attacking his neck. Spencer knew it would leave a mark but he just couldn’t bring himself to care. Let everyone see he was marked. Let them see who he belonged to. The idea of that thrilled him.

“You’re going to be the death of me, Spencer.” Derek murmured in his ear. The hands on Spencer’s ass gripped just a little tighter, pulling him close at the same time that Derek started to roll his own hips a little. Spencer couldn’t stop himself from moaning. In his ear, Derek kept murmuring, driving him crazy with words while his body did the same. “You’ve got me so damn hard I feel like I’m going to explode, right here in the hallway. Watching you come to life like this, moaning and panting when I touch you, it turns me on so damn much. To know that no one has ever done this to you before. You have no idea what you do to me.”

“Derek.” His name was a breathless plea on Spencer’s lips. He was pleading for something he didn’t even understand, but he knew he needed. Desperately. Again Derek growled, holding tightly to him as they moved once more down the hall. Had they reached their room? He felt one of Derek’s hands move, grabbing something, bending just slightly, and then the next thing Spencer knew, they were toppling into bed, Derek’s beautiful, hard body over top of him. He must have pulled the comforter back because Spencer hit just sheets.

This was where it would have to look hot and fast and hard, because the Unsub had watched them build up to this.  Spencer tried to remember his part—he really did. He moved his legs just enough to toe off his shoes, letting them hit the floor, hearing Derek do the same.

The trick was going to be getting under the covers without looking suspicious. Derek said he had that under control, but Spencer was worried. How were they going to manage that one? Wouldn’t it look strange to the Unsub if they suddenly grabbed the blankets and pulled them up and over?

“Unhook my pants, sugar.” Derek breathed into Spencer’s ear. Then he was moving his head, their lips finding one another again. Derek was braced above him on one hand, keeping his weight off of Spencer’s ribs, leaving just enough room between them for Spencer to slide his trembling hands. He fumbled with the belt, resisting the urge to thrust up against him again.

Spencer lost himself in their kiss. The taste of it was so different and so uniquely Derek. He thought he’d never tire of it. His hands seemed to be working of their own accord, undoing the belt, unhooking his jeans. It took him a second to realize that Derek’s free hand was doing the same to his jeans. When he suddenly felt a hand slip inside, sliding down to cup him through his boxers, his hips left the bed and his hands dropped down to grip the sheets.  “Ah! Derek!” He threw his head back and arched, shamelessly pushing against the warm pressure.

“That’s it, sugar.” Derek told him. “No one but me can hear you. Let it out, baby. Let me know you like what I’m doing.” He bit at the exposed skin of Spencer’s neck, sucking lightly, his hand just lightly rubbing him. It was driving Spencer mad. Lust wasn’t just coiled in his gut anymore; it was spreading through him, searing his veins, electrifying every inch of him inside and out.

When Derek pulled his hand out, Spencer actually whimpered at the loss. He heard Derek chuckle. “Patience, pretty boy. I’m far from done with you.”

Through hazy eyes he watched Derek slide his own jeans down, kicking them off when they reached his feet. Then he was pulling Spencer’s as well until both of them were lying there in their shirts and boxers. They knew they couldn’t take Spencer’s shirt off. It would show the bruising on his stomach that the Unsub definitely didn’t need to see, as well as anyone who might be watching on the camera. That thought was almost enough to damper down Spencer’s arousal. Were his friends really watching right now?

A husky chuckle drew him out of his thoughts and into the present moment. “Scoot up, baby boy. Head up on the pillows.”

Unsure as to what was going on, Spencer nonetheless lifted up on his elbows and scooted until his head was on the pillows. He watched as Derek flashed him a grin as he sat up. He reached behind him, grabbing the comforter, and then he was pulling it over his head and moving between Spencer’s legs in one swift move. This covered Derek completely, as well as the lower half of Spencer’s body. The young man startled, lifting up on his elbows again to look down. What on earth was Derek doing?

A hand brushed up his thigh and Spencer’s eyes widened. His brain flashed back to what Derek had said to him in the car. _Is he really…?_ He couldn’t even finish the thought. Something was pulling at his boxers, sliding them down his hips and his legs until they were off. Embarrassment started to leak in. Then that hand was back with a feather light touch, sliding up his thighs until they were at the base of his cock, and all thoughts of embarrassment went out the window. He hissed lightly as Derek wrapped his fingers around him, giving a few firm strokes.

Spencer’s arms gave out under him. He dropped back to the bed while his hips pushed up into Derek’s fist. Vaguely he heard another chuckle from Derek, barely audible over the sound of his heart beating in his ears. He didn’t even hear his own low moan. That low moan turned into a high keen when something wet and warm wrapped around his head. “ _Derek_!”

 _Sweet mother of….oh!_ Spencer’s thoughts jumbled in his head. He couldn’t think straight. Could barely breathe. Derek kept moving, taking more and more of him in, putting his hands on Spencer’s hips to hold them in place. The young man couldn’t stop himself from pushing against those hands, wanting, _needing_ , more. It felt so damn _good_.

When Derek suddenly took him all the way in, Spencer brought his hands up by his head, gripping at the pillow. “Oh, _oh_ , Derek…”

Soft vibrations echoed down his length from Derek’s soft laugh, making the air in Spencer’s throat catch on another moan. The older man started to move, his tongue doing things Spencer hadn’t even imagined. It was heaven. It was too much and yet not enough. The air in the room filled with his pants and moans broken only by senseless words, begging, demanding more. The heat built hotter and hotter, slowly consuming him, taking him places he’d never gone to, never even knew existed.

When Derek broke free, Spencer practically sobbed. The older man slowly slid his way back up, leaving the comforter covering their waists. When they were face to face, Derek braced his hands near Spencer’s head and kissed him at the same time that he pushed their hips together. That was when Spencer realized that Derek had stripped his boxers and shirt at some point. _When did he do that?_ Their erections pressed against one another with a delicious friction that had Spencer rocking his hips and gasping into the kiss. That gave Derek the freedom to thrust his tongue in Spencer’s mouth. He could taste himself on Derek’s tongue and found himself even more turned on than before. He hadn’t thought that was possible.

His hands left the pillow to take hold of Derek’s back, holding him in place as his mouth was ravaged and their bodies pushed into one another. Derek lifted one hand, moving to the buttons on the front of Spencer’s shirt, slowly sliding them open. Spencer broke the kiss to look at him, almost embarrassed at how hard he was panting, at how his body couldn’t seem to stop moving. “Derek…” This time his name was both a plea and a warning. The bruising on his stomach wasn’t something that they could let be seen. A shudder ran down Derek, which Spencer absolutely loved to see, and then the older man was dropping his head down to whisper in a low, raspy voice in his ear. “We’re pressed together, pretty boy. You’re okay. I just, I need to touch you. I need to feel you. Your skin is so soft, so beautiful. You’re so beautiful.” He licked the shell of Spencer’s ear. “Do you want me to touch you, Spencer? Do you want to feel my hands on your skin?”

There was no thought to it. “Please.” He begged. “Please, Derek. Oh!” He cut off when Derek’s hand finally got his shirt open and moved over his chest, flicking at a nipple with his fingers. The fire in Spencer grew even more.

“Wrap your legs around my waist, baby boy.” The low urging from Derek had Spencer moving automatically. He lifted his legs, wrapping them around Derek’s waist, gasping at the increase in sensation. The older man continued to rock; to the outside it would look like what it was supposed to look like. Under the covers, their erections continued to rub against one another, precum working as lubrication.

Derek shifted his head, his lips traveling down to take the place of his hand. He bit softly on Spencer’s nipple, making the younger man’s back arch up and his head fall back once more. He didn’t think there was any way this could get any better. He quickly realized he was wrong. Derek’s hand snaked under the blankets, wrapping around the both of them so that, with every roll of their hips, they were thrusting into his fist. Spencer moaned loudly and dug his nails into Derek’s back, causing the darker man to growl against his skin and move his hips faster.

The fire grew more. Tension built stronger and stronger deep down inside of Spencer. He’d never felt this way before; didn’t know what to make of it. But it didn’t matter. He couldn’t think on it. His brain was blank of everything but the intense pleasure that was growing, growing, taking him under. He felt Derek shift, saw him hovering over him, those dark eyes trained on his face. Spencer couldn’t bring himself to be ashamed of the way he was coming undone or the sounds that came from his lips.

“That’s it, baby boy.” Derek told him. “You feel so good, Spencer. So fucking good. I love watching your face. I love watching you come apart. Are you close, baby?”

Spencer arched his back again, his hips thrusting faster and faster, keeping pace with Derek’s. “Yes, yes, Derek, please. Oh, oh, Derek!” The words poured from him with the moans that were slowly turning toward screams. His hips rocked up one last time and it seemed like the world around him suddenly exploded. The pleasure filled him to the brink before it shattered him. His head dropped back and his hips shot up as he emptied himself all over Derek’s hand, screaming out his name as he came. He felt Derek’s body shudder over him and vaguely heard the older man give a hoarse shout.

Every muscle in Spencer’s body was loose and relaxed. It felt like he melted into the bed. Even Derek lying down, half on him, half beside him, didn’t bother him. He welcomed the warm weight of it. The arm over his chest, cradling him close, was wonderful. With what little energy he had, Spencer rolled into Derek’s embrace, cuddling in close despite the stickiness that now sat between them. He knew he could have simply laid there and fell asleep without a single care in the world.

The only sound in the room was the harsh breathing as both men slowly came down off their high. Spencer nuzzled in to Derek’s neck, too relaxed to feel his normal inhibitions. He felt Derek shift a little, wrapping him a little more securely. “We should go clean up.” He heard Derek mumble.

“Mm. Later.” He wanted nothing to break the spell of this moment. Right now, nothing existed outside of this bed. No case, no Unsub, no friends, no Michael—nothing. It was him and Derek and everything was perfect. For the first time, Spencer felt perfect. All of this felt right. He was right where he needed to be.

When he heard no protest from Derek, he sighed into the warm body wrapped around his and easily slid into sleep.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A bit more smut here

 

The smell of coffee was what woke Spencer. He didn’t even bother opening his eyes. Shifting under the blankets, he lifted his head just enough to sniff the air. Oh yeah, that was definitely coffee. A second later he heard a soft laugh. “You are so predictable, Spencer.” Derek teased him. Who cared about being predictable? This involved coffee; it was a life or death matter. Spencer moved again, snaking an arm out from the blankets, reaching blindly for wherever the cup was. He heard movement and then Derek saying “Ah, ah, not quite yet, baby boy.”

Not quite yet? What?

Spencer burrowed into the blankets and kept his arm out, opening and closing his hand, hoping Derek would get the picture. Instead his friend laughed at him again. “Nuh uh, not quite yet, I told you. You’ve got to get up first.”

 _What_? The idea was so ludicrous that Spencer actually opened one eye to try and see if Derek was serious. He couldn’t be, could he? Spencer rolled his eye until he found Derek, who was standing about a foot away from the bed. In his hands was a large mug. A large, steaming mug. _Coffee_. That was all Spencer could focus on. “Coffee.” He mumbled, pointing to the cup.

Humor lit Derek’s eyes in a way Spencer would normally appreciate. If he was more awake and had his usual caffeine. Right now it only irritated him.

“Come on, Spencer. I even brought you your robe cause I know how cold you get in the mornings. It’s right there at the foot of the bed.”

Who gave a damn about the robe? “Coffee.” He repeated, a little firmer this time. Maybe Derek was slow today. Or maybe he’d hit his head and suffered amnesia and therefore couldn’t remember that Spencer did not function without coffee. Yes, he got up at home and made it on his own. But Derek was standing _right there_ with a cup of it, taunting him with its aroma. The bastard.

Derek shook his head and grinned. “Nope. Gotta get up first. Come on, I’ll even help you into your robe if you want. But we’ve got some plans today and they don’t involve you sleeping the day away. So let’s get you up and showered.”

Oh, so now he had to get up _and_ shower and Derek was going to bribe him into it with a cup of coffee? “Derek. Coffee.”

“I know you, pretty boy. You’ll just lay there and drink the coffee and go back to sleep for a while. I aint falling for it.” He moved the cup a little, trying to entice him. “It’s the last cup right now. New pot will take a little bit to make. I can have more ready when you’re out of the shower.” When Spencer still didn’t move, only opened his other eye to glare at him, Derek grinned and lifted the cup like he was going to drink out of it.

Spencer’s eyes widened with horror. “No!”

“Then get up.”

There really was no way around this, was there? He glared at the man who was supposed to be his best friend. With a loud grumble, he grabbed the robe from the foot of the bed and pulled it up, at least having the presence of mind to put his arms into it and pull it on as best he could before he climbed out of the blankets. That way, the camera saw none of his exposed skin. He belted the robe as he rose up. Then he held his hand out again. “Coffee.” He spat out.

Derek grinned at him before turning and leaving the room. “I’ll leave it on the bathroom counter!” he called back. Spencer couldn’t stop himself from gaping after him in shock. Not only had Derek manipulated him out of bed, but he’d then taken the coffee to the bathroom to force him to go there. “Son of a bitch.” Spencer grumbled under his breath. There was no choice now, though. He grudgingly set off toward the bathroom.

At least Derek was intelligent enough not to be in the bathroom when Spencer got there. The younger man practically pounced on the cup, picking it up and immediately taking a sip. When he lifted his head, sighing at that first taste, he noticed the shower was on, but empty. Derek had turned the water on for him? How…odd. And nice. Didn’t mean he was forgiving him yet, though. Oh no. He’d get back at Derek for this one. Number one rule in the world of Spencer Reid: don’t mess with that first cup of coffee. Things will _not_ be pretty.

He amused himself with revenge fantasies once he’d climbed into the shower. Taking another bracing drink of his coffee—and draining half the cup—Spencer leaned past the curtain to set the cup on the counter. About that time he realized that:

1\. He hadn’t closed the door

2\. Derek was coming in

Still annoyed with the older man, Spencer glared at him, freezing in place to look at his cup. Derek chuckled and strolled right in and leaned against the bathroom counter. “I’m not here to take your coffee, baby boy. You’re up and that’s all I wanted.”

Spencer thought about it a moment more before deciding it was safe. He set the cup down and leaned back inside the shower. On the other side of the curtain he heard the door shut and then Derek move closer; it sounded like he was now leaning on the wall on the other side of the shower curtain. “I thought you’d be a little shy with me this morning.”

That had Spencer peeking his face out to look at Derek “Not enough coffee in me yet for that.” Spencer told him simply. Half a smile curved his lips. “I’ll get there. Just give me time yet.”

He ducked back in and grabbed his shampoo. While he started to lather his hair, he looked down at his body. That was enough to start some of the embarrassment. There was still come dried to his stomach. Holy crap. Had he really fallen asleep covered in his and Derek’s bodily fluids? Usually he couldn’t wait to get out of bed and Michael off of him. But last night he hadn’t wanted to do anything that would have taken him out of Derek’s embrace.

What he’d experienced with the older man was unlike anything. It had been wonderful and absolutely mind-blowing. He hadn’t known that people could be made to feel that way.

“I can hear you thinking again, Spencer.”

Furrowing his brow, Spencer paused in rinsing his hair to stick his head out again. “It is physically impossible to claim that you can…” He was cut off by Derek pressing a kiss to his lips. When they pulled apart, Derek grinned and flicked a finger over a strand of wet hair that was hanging in Spencer’s face. “Look at that.” He teased lightly. “I got you to stop in mid ramble. I’ll have to remember that one.”

“I…hmm.” At a loss for words, Spencer’s cheeks heated and he ducked his head back in, resuming rinsing his hair. He was kind of amazed with himself at the moment. Here he was, standing here with Derek just on the other side of the curtain and he wasn’t embarrassed. At least, not about being naked in the shower. “Is there a reason you’re in here picking on me, Derek? Or just some early morning enjoyment?”

“Trust me, Spencer. My early morning enjoyment definitely wouldn’t have me on this side of the curtain.”

Heat flared to life low in Spencer’s stomach. Tipping his head back and closing his eyes, he worked up his courage and asked “Then why are you over there while I’m in here?” He was rewarded by the sound of Derek’s sharp gasp followed by a low moan. “Ah, pretty boy. You’ll be the death of me. We’ve got things to do today and I let you sleep late because you looked so tired. Otherwise I’d be in there right now, pressing you up against the wall.”

This time it was Spencer’s turn to moan. He was coming to realize that he really loved it when Derek talked to him like that. Who would have known he’d be someone who got turned on by dirty talk?

“Don’t you start making those noises over there, Spencer, or I’ll lose my resolve and we’re going to end up being late.” Derek chided him sternly. “You make the sexiest noises.”

Spencer chewed on his lip while he started to wash his body. “You never said the reason you’re in here, Derek.” He reminded him. It was obvious he was trying to distract the both of them.

He heard Derek sigh slightly. “Oh, yeah. I wanted to let you know that Timmy gave me his number before we left last night and asked us to meet up with them today. They offered to kind of show us around, take us down by the campus and show us all the spots to go to down there. Coffee shops, restaurants, different things like that. I figured it’ll get us out socially, which is something we need to do.”

“True. All the other victims were active in their social lives. Not to the extreme, but they did have friends they went out with. Thankfully they weren’t the partying type, so we don’t have to worry about attending college frat parties.” The idea of that made Spencer shudder. No thank you. He’d been to one of those and that had been plenty enough for him.

The laugh Derek gave showed that his frat party experience had been completely different. “I would’ve made sure you had a good time, babe.”

Once again Spencer had to poke his head out. “Babe?” he questioned. Furrowing his brow, he shook his head. “I’m not a pig.”

Laughing, Derek leaned in to steal another kiss before Spencer ducked back inside. “Well, sugar works, but doesn’t seem right all the time. What about sweetheart?”

“I don’t think so, Derek.”

“Pudding?”

“ _No_.”

“Love bug?”

Rinsing himself off, Spencer held in his laugh and ended up snorting. “No.”

“I could ask _Misty_ for ideas.”

Horror widened Spencer’s eyes. “No!” That was the last thing he needed Derek doing. But hearing her code name reminded Spencer about his conversation with Penelope the night before. He also realized he’d never told Derek about that. “I forgot to tell you about the call I had with her.” He said. For the next five minutes he caught Derek up on everything that Penelope had told him. When he was done, the bathroom was quiet for a minute.

“That means someone was watching last night.” Derek said slowly.

With as hard as he was blushing, Spencer felt like his face was on fire. “Yes.” He said in a short, clipped tone. “Thanks for that reminder.”

“Well, at least it was her. She’ll enjoy the hell out of those images for a while. Don’t worry too much, pretty boy. I bet she made sure no one but her was watching that part. She’d know how embarrassed you would be to have everyone watching it. All teasing aside, she’s pretty protective of you.”

That only made him feel marginally better. He shut the shower off, reaching a hand out to grab the towel that Derek was holding out. Looking up, he met Derek’s gaze and blushed harder at the grin his friend was wearing. “Oh, shut up.” He grumbled as he wrapped the towel around his waist. “I was the one that was the…visual one.” He tried to watch his words, realizing that they could be heard now because the shower was off. Only if someone was in their home, true, but they couldn’t be too cautious right now. The place still needed to be swept for listening devices.

Derek snaked an arm out, pulling Spencer close when he stepped out of the tub. He didn’t seem to mind the wetness of Spencer’s skin soaking into his clothes. “You look absolutely fucking sexy when you come, baby boy. Don’t be ashamed of that.” He purred at him. The sound went straight to Spencer’s gut, a solid heat settling there. It didn’t help that he and Derek were pressed together and he could tell that Derek’s words were turning not just Spencer on, but the both of them.

“I’m not ashamed. I just, that’s private.” He muttered against Derek’s neck. Unconsciously he brought his hands to twine around Derek’s neck. One of his fingers idly traced patterns against Derek’s skin. “I’ve never felt that way before. I’ve never, well, you know. It kind of makes it a little weird that someone was watching when I did.”

Derek’s hands stopped their gentle stroking of his back. They moved up to his shoulders, gripping him gently and pulling him back. “You’ve never what, Spencer?” He asked.

The wide eyed look Derek was giving him made Spencer nervous. He chewed on his lip, unsure of his friend’s expression. Had he said something wrong? Done something wrong? _Oh, please don’t let me have messed this up already. Please. Let me enjoy this a little while longer._ “I, uh, I’ve never, you know…” He couldn’t bring himself to say it.

If anything, Derek’s eyes grew wider. “Are you trying to tell me you have never, in your entire life, come before, Spencer?”

His cheeks heated once more. How many times was Derek going to make him blush? “I never really experimented on my own and, well, Michael was my only point of reference and he didn’t, well, I didn’t, I mean.” Frustrated and slightly ashamed, he looked away from Derek for a minute. “I thought I just wasn’t hardwired like normal people. That there was something wrong with me.”

Suddenly he found his lips caught in a kiss that seared him straight down to his toes. He was grateful that his arms were on Derek’s neck to help hold him up. He couldn’t help how his body instantly responded, leaning into him and pressing them together as his mouth was ravaged. When they broke apart, both of them were breathing heavy. Derek’s hands moved up to cup his face. “Hell, Spencer. Do you have any idea how much of a turn on it is to know that _no one_ has ever done to you what I did?”

“Probably as exciting as it is for me to know that somehow, something about me turns you on too.” Spencer dared to say. “I’ve never been the attractive one in life.”

“You’re beyond simply attractive, baby boy. You’re fucking gorgeous. And just so you know, you make me feel more than anyone ever has. No one has been able to turn me on as easily as you do. All I have to do is look at you, watch you, and I’m hard.”

A thrill ran down Spencer’s spine at Derek’s words. He knew they weren’t a lie. The hardness pressed against him was testament to that. Looking into Derek’s eyes, Spencer felt the urge to do something he’d never willingly done before. _It would be different with Derek. You’d be doing it because you want to bring him pleasure, not because you’re forced to._ The idea of it made him shiver with excitement. For once, he _wanted_ to do this.

Derek was watching his face, smiling slightly. “Whatever it is you’re thinking that’s giving you that little smile, I think I’m going to like.” He teased lightly. “Don’t worry about being shy with me. I can see you’re thinking about something. If you want to do something, Spencer, then do it.”

That was all the encouragement Spencer needed. He didn’t know how Derek read his mind so well and he didn’t really care. Leaning in, he kissed him again, eagerly tracing Derek’s lips with his tongue. He wanted to see if he could make Derek come apart the way that Derek did to him. He wanted to touch and taste and tease and drive the older man crazy.

While Derek was distracted by their kiss, Spencer dropped his hands down, running them over his shirt, tracing the muscles that were underneath. He was paying attention to every response his touch earned, enjoying the way Derek moved under his fingers. When he felt brave enough, he let his hands go lower, undoing the front of Derek’s jeans. He felt the older man gasp into their kiss. Spencer didn’t let up, though. He thrust his tongue into Derek’s mouth, tasting every inch of him while his hands pulled the zipper down and reached in to grab what he wanted.

When he wrapped Derek in his long fingers, the older man arched into his touch and moaned. It served to spur Spencer on. He kissed him harder as he pulled the man’s cock from his jeans, giving him more room to maneuver his fist. He broke the kiss, leaning back to look at Derek’s face. It gave him another thrill to see how Derek’s eyes closed and his body shivered. The look on his face was pure sex.

Biting his lip, Spencer thought about what he wanted to do. Was he brave enough? The other times he’d done this, he’d been forced. This wouldn’t be like that. He wanted to do this; wanted to give Derek this kind of pleasure. To return the favor, so to speak. Before he could change his mind, he slid down, ending in a squat in front of him. He heard Derek’s soft sound of surprise. “Spencer…? What-”

The word was cut off when Spencer leaned in and sucked the tip of Derek’s cock into his mouth, his tongue tracing over the slit to catch the little drop of precum that had built there. He heard Derek’s voice cut off and change to a deep moan.

With Michael, the taste had gagged him, making him want to empty his stomach. Derek tasted…good. Surprised by this, Spencer moved his head, taking a little more of him in. He felt Derek’s body twitch and heard him moan once more, the sound echoing in the little bathroom. That was the only encouragement that Spencer needed. He dropped his hand and opened his throat, taking his lover in as deep as he could go until his nose was nestled in the little thatch of curls.

He hollowed his cheeks, drawing back and sliding back down. He felt himself harden even more as Derek’s hips jerked and he made a sound that was between a groan and a scream. It was easy to tell how hard Derek was trying to keep from thrusting into his mouth. Humming in appreciation, Spencer braced his hands on the wall on either side of Derek’s hips, hoping the older man would understand the message. Hoping that he didn’t hold back. Spencer didn’t want him to.

Starting to bob his head, Spencer set about driving him crazy. He sucked and licked, swirling his tongue to add to the sensation, occasionally humming when he remembered how the vibrations of Derek’s chuckle had sent shockwaves through him. His own cock was throbbing with need, begging to be touched, but Spencer left it alone as he turned all his attention to Derek. When he took him all the way in again, deep throating him, he felt Derek’s control start to snap. The older man brought his hands down, lacing his fingers through Spencer’s hair like he was going to hold him in place. Instead of scaring him, as it did when Michael did that, it made Spencer moan around the cock in his mouth.

He felt Derek drop his hands; he’d misinterpreted the sound Spencer had made. Lifting his eyes, Spencer sucked hard as he sought out Derek’s gaze. Holy shit. His lover looked absolutely sexy, staring down at him through heavy lidded eyes, breathing heavily. Spencer moved his hands from the wall, never stopping his actions as he took hold of Derek’s hands and put them back on his hair, letting him know with his gesture and with his eyes that it was okay.

Putting his hands back on the wall, Spencer moaned again as Derek got the message and his hands threaded into Spencer’s hair again. His hips rocked forward when Spencer pulled back to suck on his tip for a moment. “Holy shit.” The older man moaned out. Spencer could see that Derek was close to completely losing all control. He wanted that. More than anything, he wanted to make Derek forget his control. So when Derek tried to control himself after jerking like that, Spencer looked up at him again and deliberately repeated his actions, making Derek thrust once more. Keeping their eyes locked, Spencer took him in deep once more. That was all it took.

He actually saw the snap of control in Derek’s eyes. Saw when he gave himself over to sensation. With his hands tight in Spencer’s hair, holding him in place, he started rolling his hips, fucking Spencer’s mouth. The younger man moaned again and let himself enjoy the feeling. Each thrust, each pull to his hair, brought Spencer closer and closer to the edge. He could feel that fire coiling in his gut again, building and building inside.

Derek’s body started to tremble. Spencer saw it and recognized the look on his face from last night. He knew he was close. Both of them were. He couldn’t tear his eyes away as Derek threw his head back and let out a deep growl. “Shit, Spencer. So fucking good.” He groaned out. “So close. So fucking close.”

In response, Spencer sucked hard on the next thrust. That was all it took. Derek practically screamed, his hips shooting forward one last time. The sensation of Derek emptying himself down his throat, the taste of him, was enough to send Spencer over the edge as well. Without even having to touch himself, he came along with him.

When he’d swallowed everything that Derek had to give, Spencer pulled back, letting the softening cock drop from his mouth. He shuddered with the leftover sensations of his own orgasm. Then the hands in his hair shifted, bracing on his arms and yanking him upright. Spencer found himself being thoroughly kissed. The two broke apart to rest their foreheads together. They used each other and the wall to stay upright, which was a good thing, since Spencer didn’t think he would have been able to stand on his own. His legs were trembling.

“Shit, Spencer.” Derek breathed out. “I think you sucked out part of my brain.”

A weak smile curved Spencer’s lips. “I was just returning last night’s favor.”

“That was the single hottest thing I’ve ever seen or felt.”

The grin that stretched Spencer’s lips, wide and slightly proud, made Derek chuckle. He slid his hands down, pulling the towel off Spencer’s body. “Come on, you little porn star. Now we’ve both got to shower again. I’m sweaty as hell. We’re going to be late, now.” But the look he gave Spencer said he didn’t mind in the least bit.


	12. Chapter 12

 

They did end up being late. By fifteen minutes. But neither of them cared. They climbed out of the car, grinning at one another as they joined hands. Together they headed into the little lunch shop in across from the parking garage. Derek was the one to spot Timmy first, waiting over at a table by the wall. Spencer raised an eyebrow when he saw him as well. “Trisha isn’t with him.” He pointed out quietly.

“Maybe she went to the bathroom.” Derek suggested as they started to move through the crowd.

Shrugging, Spencer didn’t let his mind wonder too much about it. They’d find out as soon as they reached Timmy. He didn’t need to stress himself over it. _It’s not stress. It’s being cautious and doing your job. You’re here to work; you seem to forget that a little too often an you’ve only been here four days now._ Only four days? It seemed like so much more. Things were so calm and quiet compared to what his normal life was like. _Yeah, calm and quiet. Sure. You’re only being watched and stalked by a man who has been killing gay couples and it appears that you’ve become his next target. Which you WANTED to happen, as it’s part of your job. He’s following you around and watching you play in bed with Derek and waiting for the opportunity to kill you. That’s totally calm and quiet. Idiot._

It took everything Spencer had not to chuckle at himself. So, thinking it was calm and quiet was pretty stupid. Maybe a better way to put it was that he was happier right now than he normally was. Being on cases made him happier than being at home did, even though people had to be hurt for it to happen. That made him feel guilty, but not guilty enough to stop the happy feeling each time a case came up that took him away from home.

For the first time since he’d discovered how trapped in this hell he was, Spencer felt a small kernel of hope that he might be able to get free. The same threats were still there, but somehow they seemed just a little easier to handle with Derek by his side. Not as scary. Maybe it was a little ridiculous for a grown man to feel safer in the presence of another male, but that didn’t stop him from feeling that way. _It makes you as weak as Michael says you are_ his brain taunted. Yet even that didn’t get him down. _Around Derek, maybe I am a little weaker_ he thought. _But Derek makes me feel like it’s okay. Like it’s a good thing. He makes me feel like being weaker doesn’t make me less._

He was broken from his thoughts when soft lips touched his. His body recognized it as being Derek instantly; his brain only a second later. When they broke apart, he smiled at his friend. Derek grinned back at him. “Welcome back, pretty boy.”

Confusion wrinkled Spencer’s forehead. Welcome back? Before he could ask, Derek was already answering him. “You spaced out again, Spencer. Timmy’s been trying to say hi for a few minutes now.”

“Oh.” Embarrassed, Spencer looked over and realized that they were standing by the table they’d seen Timmy at and Timmy was sitting there grinning up at him. “I uh, sorry about that. I was just thinking about something.” His cheeks heated a little. Almost instantly the other two men started laughing and Spencer realized what they were thinking. His words, combined with the blush, and the two were probably thinking dirty. Since he couldn’t scold Timmy, he turned to smack Derek’s arm and scold him. “That’s not what I meant! That’s all you ever think about, I swear.”

“Like anyone could blame me once they saw who I take home with me. You look hot, darling.”

Flushing, Spencer brushed past the compliment—he was just wearing a pair of jeans and a long sleeved button up t-shirt with a jacket—and instead he focused on the nickname. “Nope, Derek. Keep trying, though.”

Derek pulled on his hand, drawing him down into the side of the booth opposite Timmy, who was busy chuckling at them. The older agent looked over at Spencer, still grinning. “Sugar plum?”

“Absolutely not.” Spencer replied immediately. He shuddered at the thought of being called sugar plum.

“Dumpling?”

“No way.”

“White chocolate drop?”

That one made Spencer turn to glare at him. “You talked to Misty!” he accused. Penelope had called Spencer that on more than one occasion, though only when no one else was around. The look Derek gave him just before he burst into laughter told Spencer that Derek _hadn’t_ talked to Penelope; even worse—he’d come up with it on his own.

When he got his laughter under control, Derek leaned over and kissed his cheek. “I didn’t, but you know her and I think alike sometimes.” He turned to Timmy and flashed a grin. “Sorry, man. Pardon us. We’ve been in a heck of a mood all morning. Just ignore our bickering; we do it for fun.”

“Maybe you do.” Spencer grumbled. But a corner of his mouth was trying to curve despite his best efforts. He really did like ‘bickering’ with Derek. It was fun.

Timmy was trying to get his laughter under control. “Oh, man, it’s no problem. Trisha and I do the same thing sometimes. We’ve actually challenged one another before to come up with the most complicated and intelligent insults.”

“Who won?” Derek asked.

Leaning back in his seat, Timmy hid his grin behind his coffee cup. “Depends on who you ask. She says she did and I let her think that. Makes things a little easier when I let her think she’s always right.”

“Isn’t that the truth! Where’s she at, by the way? I thought she was joining us today?”

Timmy shook his head. “She wasn’t feeling that great so she opted to stay at home. But she said to tell you two hello and that she thinks we should all go to a movie together once she’s feeling better.”

The phone in Spencer’s pocket buzzed lightly for a second. He pulled it out, checking the screen and seeing he’d received a text. A text? That _had_ to be from Penelope. The woman knew he didn’t like texting. While Derek and Timmy joked back and forth, Spencer opened up the message to see what she had to say.

Spencer all I can say 2 u is OMFG – Misty

The waitress walked up right then as Spencer was looking at the message. He heard the other two order and, when she came to him, he told her “Just a coffee, please.” Then he looked over to Derek. “Derek, what does OMFG stand for?”

Derek startled for a second before his face melted down underneath a grin. “Misty texting you, baby boy?”

“Yeah.” He turned the phone so Derek could read it.

His friend looked at the phone and chuckled. “It means ‘oh my fucking God’.”

Nodding, Spencer sat back to send her a reply. While he did that, Derek looked over to Timmy. “Ignore him for a bit. He’s slightly anti-technology so he doesn’t understand all the terms quite right. But he has to respond to Misty or she gets antsy. She’s got the mama bear syndrome when it comes to Spencer and she’s not liking him being so far away.”

“I take it she’s an old friend, then?”

Spencer paused in his awkward texting to look up at Timmy. “Yes, she is. I grew up with her. She’s a bit of a character, but she’s one of the best people you could ever know.” That was completely true. Penelope was the bubbly, happy girl that kept them all sane sometimes.  But underneath that sweetness was a core of steel that could come out when one of her ‘babies’ was in danger. Then she really did turn into a bit of a mama bear. Kind of like JJ.

He bent his head back down and finished off his message, sending it off to her.

Why do you say that? – Spencer

Her reply came within seconds. Amazing how she could type more than him and take way less time.

I needed 2 take a cold shwr after watching u last nite – Misty

His cheeks turned bright red. “Ah, man. I knew it!” he grumbled to himself without realizing it. His fingers flew to reply to her.

Did anyone else happen to witness it? – Spencer

As if, my little puff pastry. That was 2 personal 2 share! But boy was it hot. U 2 are good at faking, that’s 4 sure – Misty

Tipping the phone a little, Spencer let Derek read the message, pinching his leg when Derek started to laugh. Deliberately he put the phone back in his pocket right as the waitress returned with his coffee. He wasn’t going to sit and text with Penelope and be rude to Timmy. They were here to visit with him. “Sorry about that.” He apologized while picking up his cup. “Misty tends to get annoying if she isn’t answered immediately. And seeing as how I don’t have a death wish, I try not to upset her too much.”

“She sounds a bit scary.” Timmy teased. He picked up part of the sandwich he’d ordered, eyeing it for a second, then looking at the burger and fries Derek had ordered with his coffee, and then over to Spencer’s single coffee cup. “You not hungry?”

Before he answered he grabbed the sugar and started to pour it into his coffee. “I only had one cup this morning.” He explained. The evil look he shot at Derek made the older man snort out a laugh before deliberately picking up his burger and taking a bite, grinning around the food in his mouth. Spencer rolled his eyes again. “I have a tendency to forget food. When I…do anything, really, I have a tendency to get caught up in what I’m doing and forget mundane things such as meals.”

“Or brushing his hair. Or answering the phone. Or paying the bills.” Derek rattled off around a mouthful of food. Spencer scowled at him. He knew Derek had talked with his mouth full on purpose, just to add to the insult of his words. Derek knew that Spencer hated when people did that. His grin once he’d swallowed was totally unashamed of it. Leaning in, he kissed the tip of Spencer’s nose. “But that’s ok, I love you anyways.”

“I’m not that bad!” Spencer argued.

Derek quirked an eyebrow at him. “Baby, remember the time I told you about when you zoned out so bad you almost knocked over four different people? You would have had your gorgeous ass kicked and not even known why if I hadn’t been there to look out for you.”

Blushing, Spencer turned to look at Timmy. “Ignore him, please. He’s apparently in the mood to pick on me today, seeing as how he hasn’t stopped since he woke up. So I think I’ll ignore him for a short bit.” He picked his cup up again, cradling it between his hands and turning his full attention to Timmy. “I hear you’re going to act as tour guide for us today and show us around.”

“Well, I offered and Derek seemed kind of interested to see the place. I thought I’d show you guys the great places to grab some quick lunch between classes, or to go eat and study. How to get to the library quickly and where the best place is to park if you’re going to be walking all over. You know, that kind of stuff.” Timmy stopped, looking like he was trying to restrain himself from asking something.

The look he wore was pretty obvious. Spencer had a feeling he knew what it was Timmy was going to ask. Sighing, he gestured with one hand. “Go ahead and ask, Timmy. I won’t bite your head off for asking me a question, I promise.”

The other man flushed slightly. “I just, well, you said you have a tendency to forget meals when you’re doing stuff, but you’re not doing anything now. I was just curious if you really don’t eat that often. I mean, it can’t be good to skip meals so much. Not that I’m judging you or anything! Oh, man, that didn’t come out sounding right. Listen, I’m sorry. I’m just putting my foot in my mouth here. Forget I said anything…”

“Timmy!” Spencer cut in. When he got the other man to look at him, he chuckled. “It’s ok, really. It is. You’re not the only person in my life that questions my eating habits. In fact, among some of my friends, it’s a constant topic of conversation.” He shot a look over to Derek, who had been looking at his phone. When he looked over, Derek held the phone up so Spencer could see the message there.

Tell boy genius he needs more than coffee 4 breakfast! An that those jeans look good on his cute hiney – Misty

 _Perfect example. Garcia always tries to feed me. Wait a second…’those jeans’_ He turned his head casually and found one of the security cameras in the store pointed right at their table. _Hello Garcia_ Spencer thought with a purely mental sigh. He covered the moment by smiling over at Timmy. “To be honest, I can eat you out of house and home if I’m hungry enough. When I get caught up in things, I may not eat. But when they’re done, sometimes the hunger hits and I can eat quite a bit. But I typically don’t. I enjoy food, I just don’t require it as often as some would think for my size.”

The rest of lunch passed rather quickly. Once Derek put his phone away, the three men chatted about local attractions and made future plans to get together once Trisha was well. When they were done with their food, Timmy suggested they head out and see a few of the local places. That was how they found themselves wandering down the street, talking and laughing amongst the crowds of people.

Spencer found himself relaxing as the day went by. They discovered coffee shops, bookstores—which Spencer couldn’t resist going inside and grabbing new books, though Derek _did_ give him a ten minute time limit—the local library, internet cafes. Everything a person could need to use while they were at school.

It was a pretty simple day, but it was wonderful. Spencer got to hold Derek’s hand, or wrap an arm around his waist while Derek’s went around his shoulders, or snuggle in next to him when they sat somewhere. As the day went by, the wind picked up a little, but it stayed a decent day. Derek wasn’t even wearing a coat. For once, Spencer wasn’t that cold either. It was hard to be cold when cuddled against Derek’s warm body while they walked.

All day the two agents kept their eyes peeled for any signs of being followed. Though it was rare, Spencer occasionally caught sight of their Unsub; he couldn’t help but think the guy was obvious. If this was how he stalked others, how had he not been caught? Following in his car, stalking in public; it was just so obvious to Spencer. _Maybe it’s because you’re a trained profiler, you nerd. You’re trained to look for these things and other people aren’t! That’s why you notice him everywhere. Obviously._ But it wasn’t his profiling skills that showed him the man around them, at least in his opinion. He thought maybe it had something to do with his childhood more than his FBI training. As a kid, he’d had to learn when someone was following him so he could figure out a way to escape. Kids had often followed home from school to catch him somewhere and beat him up. Side effects of being the scrawny nerd who was younger than the rest of his class.

Either way, he logged the information away in his mind and also sent a quick text to Garcia to let her know a ‘mutual friend’ was out and about today. He didn’t want to risk someone being able to see what he was typing. _A little paranoid? Not like someone can really read what you type from a distance_. But still, better safe than sorry. The few looks he’d exchanged with Derek here and there told him that Derek had noticed their shadow as well. Always at a distance, or in innocuous places, but he was there.

By the time they were heading back to their car, the two were in a pretty good mood. It had been a fun day, after all. They’d enjoyed being out and about with one another, talking and laughing in a manner more relaxed than either had been able to do for a while. Not to mention they were both not only free to flirt, but expected to. Which they happily did.

This feeling of being happy with someone was new to Spencer. When he climbed into the car, he was shocked to realize that he hadn’t thought of Michael for hours now. That was amazing.

Shaking his head, Spencer drew himself from his thoughts. He smiled as he saw Derek loading their couple bags into the back of the car. Despite Derek’s teasing when he let him into places, the older man had carried the bags without protest. Some of them were heavy, too, with the thick books that Spencer had picked out. He adjusted his sore muscles in his seat and tried to get more comfortable. The sun was starting to set and he felt pleasantly tired, albeit a little achy. He rested his head against the seat and let his eyes slide shut. There was the sound of the driver’s door opening and then he could hear Derek climbing into his seat. After the door shut, a hand brushed over Spencer’s forehead, tucking hair behind his ear. “How you feeling, kid?”

“Good.” Spencer replied. A yawn broke in, making Spencer smile once it was done. “A little tired, I guess. It was a good day, though. Timmy’s a pretty decent individual.”

“Yeah, he’s a cool guy. Kind of shy like you at first, but he sure got more outspoken.” There was the sound of keys and then the car came to life. Spencer just kept his eyes closed and trusted to Derek to get him home. Once more he yawned. He was more tired than he’d thought. He knew he should wake up; he was supposed to call Emily. _You can do it when you get home_ he told himself. That was fine. He’d just call her when he got back to the house. For now, he’d just rest his eyes a little bit. In minutes he was asleep.

* * *

Derek smiled as he snuck a glance over at his passenger. Just minutes after climbing in the car, the kid had passed out. Normally that might have worried Derek; it was normal for Spencer to be up for long stretches when he was working and he always functioned fine if he could have coffee. But everything that Derek had learned about Spencer’s life, well, it wasn’t surprising the kid was tired. His body was still recovering from the beating it had received. One that Derek worried might have caused more damage than Spencer would admit to. But right now, there was really nothing he could do but keep his eye on his young friend.

He tried to pull his thoughts away from Spencer for a moment. Work had to come first right now. He knew that Spencer was supposed to call Emily tonight, but he had a feeling he wouldn’t be able to get the kid up to do it. Everyone knew that when Spencer went out, when he was tired enough, he could be difficult to wake up if you didn’t have a cup of coffee to stick under his nose. Since the last thing that Spencer needed was coffee right now, Derek’s plan was to just carry him into the house and tuck him into bed so he could nap. Or maybe lay him out on the couch with him while he watched a movie.

As he drove down the road, Derek pulled out his phone and dialed the number for Emily. She answered after just a few rings. “Hey, Morgan. We were beginning to wonder if you’d forgot about us.” She teased him.

“As if I could forget about you, Prentiss. Naw, we just got caught up making friends today, you know? All part of the job and such.”

“Yeah, I’m sure. You’re just too much of a people person. Everyone likes you for some unknown reason.”

He grinned in the darkening car, knowing she couldn’t see it, and adopted a pretend offended tone. “I’m hurt! You know I’m just a likeable guy.”

“Yeah, that’s it. I’m sure.” She said dryly. The both of them chuckled. “So, where’s the boy genius? I thought Garcia said he was the one calling to check in.”

That had Derek sneaking another glance at his sleeping partner. “Pretty boy crashed once we got in the car. He’s pretty beat, so I decided to let him sleep. And you know how hard it is to wake him up without coffee.”

“Isn’t that the truth? Sheesh. He gets that Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde thing going on sometimes.”

“You’re telling me.” But Derek said that with a fond tone. “Anyways, on to work. You guys got anything for us? We saw our potential Unsub following us around today. He seems to have fixated on us at the moment.”

“It looks that way. Garcia says he didn’t even get online to view his cameras today. It looks like he spent the whole afternoon following the two of you. Oh, she also said he was there for the show last night, which she wouldn’t let me watch. You two came into the house and she booted everyone away from the computer. Even Hotch!”

That had Derek laughing again. “I bet that was a picture to see.”

“Hotch kind of gaped at her, but she didn’t really give him a choice. When we protested staying, she picked up her laptop and left the room after telling us that she wasn’t going to embarrass her junior G man any more than he already was. Once she was gone, Hotch said he had to admit she was right. We all know this is hard for Reid, with him being so private and all, and it’s probably hard for you too, so we’re trying to respect as much privacy as we can while still keeping you guys safe.”

“We really appreciate that. I wouldn’t care that you were watching.” He made sure his leer bled through to his tone just to make her laugh. “But it would have bothered him a lot. So tell my baby girl thanks for me.”

Emily’s voice was sunny when she told him “Can do!”

It was good to talk with her. Good to hear from the other members of the team. As fun as it was to be playing pretend with Spencer, the rest of the team was their family and he was used to hearing from them every day. His happiness showed through in his voice. “So anyways, what’s going on?”

“Well the car is registered to a Carlos Sanchez. Who, let me tell you, does not match the guy that’s driving. We compared the description we got as well as the image Garcia pulled off a security cam and it definitely isn’t Carlos. She’s got his picture running through the system right now, trying to see if she can get a hit off him. It’s starting to irritate her, because she’s found nothing so far and you know how she is about that.”

“Shit, I bet she’s just _pleased_.”

“Ha, ha, Morgan. You’re not here, you don’t have to listen to her ranting about it while she works. She’s taking everything he does personal. Him being a bit of a ghost and his hacking skills and his tech skills. Let’s just say, she’s not happy.”

In the background he heard Penelope’s voice suddenly. “Is that my sweet little buttercup?” she called out. Derek had to smother a chuckle. Oh, Spencer would hate hearing her call him that.  He snickered while he pulled into the driveway and put the car in park. Instead of getting out, he turned in his seat so he could watch Spencer sleep while he listened to the voices on the phone. Emily was laughing and answering Garcia. “Nope, PG. It’s Morgan.”

There was a shuffling sound and then Penelope’s voice came over the line. “Hey there, handsome. Fancy meeting you here.”

“Hey baby girl.” Derek grinned at her even as he reached a hand out and tucked a stray strand of hair behind Spencer’s ear. The kid just slept on. He really looked cute while he slept, as much as he might frown at hearing himself referred to as cute. “Good to hear your voice.”

“Oh, you sweet talker. I supposed Em caught you up on your Unsub? The little jerk who keeps evading me. But not for long, oh no! I’m going to catch him and then you’re going to catch him so we can all go home where we belong!”

Her little speech had his smile growing a little more. There was nothing like talking to Penelope to make a person feel good. “I’m sure you will, Mama. No one’s as good as you.”

“Mm, just for that, I’ll make sure to reward you when I see you again.” She practically purred in his ear. The easy flirtation was something Derek had been missing. His relationship with Penelope was special; something that went deeper than the teasing that neither ever took seriously. Their bond went deep. “Now, my love, let me catch you up on our last info, which really isn’t anything. Your Timmy character and his girlfriend Trisha both come up squeaky clean. Not a single splotch on their record whatsoever. So far, they look normal. Boss man says good job, by the way, on making friends so early on. He says it’ll help your position. Just keeping going out randomly, but he says not to go out every night and blow bureau money.”

“Now where’s the fun in that?” he teased.

“No kidding. Well, you behave, Morgan, or you’ll incur the wrath of Hotch and none of us want that. Now my tracking says you’re in the driveway, so I should let you get in the house. Where’s your young man?”

Derek smiled at her words. His young man. Sounded kind of nice to him. “He’s sleeping in the passenger’s seat. I should probably get him inside at least. Kid’s tired.”

“You take good care of my little one for me, Morgan, or you’ll have me to answer to! Now get him in that house and we’ll talk to you in a day or two.”

“Thanks, Garcia. You take care too.”

Hanging up the phone, Derek shook his head. If someone listened to Penelope, they would think that none of the agents could take care of themselves, especially Spencer. She was protective of them all, but more so toward Derek and Spencer. _Well, don’t want to get on her bad side. I better get Spencer in the house_ he thought to himself. He didn’t even realize that Reid had become Spencer in his mind now, too.

It was easier than he’d thought it would be to get Spencer out of the car and into his arms. He scooped him up marriage style, one arm under his knees and the other behind his back. _God, he’s so light!_ _How did he shrink so much without any of us knowing it? Hell, he got a lot past us without us noticing it. Well, not anymore. No more, pretty boy. I’m taking care of you now._

His heart melted just a little when Spencer mumbled “Derek?” and twined his arms up around Derek’s neck.

“Yeah, kid, it’s me. Go back to sleep, hon, I’ve got you.” He soothed him. Instantly Spencer settled back down. Luckily, Derek had his keys in his hand, so he didn’t have to maneuver too much to unlock the door. Once he was in, he used his foot to shut the door. Instead of moving to the couch as he’d thought about doing, he headed back to the bedroom. Neither man had bothered to make the bed that morning, so the blankets were still flung back from earlier.

He laid Spencer down before starting to undress him just like a child. He removed his shoes and his pants, setting them off to the side. Then he grabbed a large t-shirt, bringing it over and changing it out for Spencer’s button down shirt, trying to keep the bruising on Spencer’s stomach from being visible. Just the sight of them was enough to have rage building in Derek again. He couldn’t understand how someone could want to hurt Spencer. Who the hell would hurt someone as sweet, as innocent as him? Who could dare to mark that soft, beautiful skin?

If he ever got his hands on this Michael character, he wasn’t going to be responsible for his actions. Tucking the blankets around his love, Derek pressed a kiss to his temple. Just as he started to step away, Spencer shifted. “Derek?” he mumbled again.

Derek stroked a hand over his hair. “Yeah, baby boy?”

“Stay with me?” his voice was just a low murmur, so low that Derek almost didn’t hear him. “You keep the nightmares ‘way.”

How could he resist that plea? Derek kicked off his shoes and shucked his shirt and jeans. Then he climbed into the bed and under the covers, wrapping his arm around Spencer’s waist as he’d done every single night. This time the young man instantly scooted back into him and let out an audible sigh. “Thanks.”

“Anytime, Spencer.” Kissing the skin at Spencer’s neck, Derek held him close. “I’ll always be here when you need me.” _You won’t be alone anymore, baby boy. I won’t let that bastard ever hurt you again._ Together, the two drifted to sleep.


	13. Chapter 13

 

As the days went by, the two men fell into an easy routine. Every morning Derek woke up first to take his morning run before coming home. He’d start a pot of coffee and let it brew while he took his shower and put on clean clothes. Then he’d move to the bedroom to wake Spencer if they had somewhere to go, or he’d settle down for breakfast if they had nowhere to go and let Spencer wake up on his own. For the first time in a long time, Spencer slept safely and deeply. His body was absorbing all this extra sleep and it was starting to show on him during the day. He had more energy, smiled more. Relaxed more.

Once the men were both up and ready for the day, they would either head out and meet up with Timmy and Trisha somewhere, or have one or both of them over. It became common for them to spend good chunks of their days together. Derek had even invited them over and fixed dinner as well as supplied the beer they all drank as well as the wine he knew Spencer preferred.

The more time that passed, the more that Spencer relaxed. He found himself laughing all the time and smiling more than he had in so long. With each passing day, the bruises on his body were slowly fading away until finally there was nothing left to them. Now when Derek’s hands slid over his skin, there was no accompanying pain to ruin the sensation.

That was something that definitely had Spencer smiling more. Though they still faked the actual sex act, he and Derek had experimented with one another’s bodies in bed. Not every single night, but consistent enough to keep their cover. And to thoroughly enjoy one another. Slowly but surely Derek was opening up a part of Spencer that the young man hadn’t known was there. He was showing him the passion that lived inside of him and helping to bring it out. He made Spencer feel desirable, which was something that had never happened for him. But it did with Derek. Though they hadn’t had actual sex, it wasn’t for lack of wanting. But Derek swore their first time together wasn’t going to be rushed in a shower or under observation of anyone else. He’d whisper to Spencer that he wanted it to be somewhere private where they didn’t have to worry about anything but each other.

It was becoming easier to believe what Derek said. To really believe that Derek—sweet, kind, freaking gorgeous Derek—actually loved him. Their love was growing between them. They were also bonding even deeper than ever before—living with a person can do that. There was an ease between them that only helped their cover, making it look like they really had been dating for a long time.

The case hadn’t progressed much further, which was frustrating to them all. The Unsub followed them and watched them on the cameras, but he’d done nothing else so far. He hadn’t come into their home while they were gone; he was too busy following them. The only positive thing was that he’d stopped watching his other cameras and was fully focused on Derek and Spencer. That was good. It was what they wanted. But Derek and Spencer both agreed, waiting was difficult. They weren’t used to just sitting and back and waiting so much for an Unsub to do something. They wanted to go after him or help find out information. They still hadn’t been able to identify who he was. Garcia hadn’t found him in any system, making her grow angry. She wasn’t happy that she couldn’t find who was after her babies. She hadn’t been able to back hack him either. So the boys were left continuing to wait.

On the morning of his last free day before starting school, Spencer lay snuggled into his blankets, thinking about the two weeks he’d been in this house so far and smiling slightly to himself. Somewhere in the other part of the house he smelled the morning coffee and was debating whether or not to get up and go get some when his cell phone went off near his bed. He grumbled at the vibrations and reached a hand out from under the blankets to grab the phone. After pressing answer, he brought it half under the covers so it was over his ear. “’Lo?”

“Sleeping in a little, love muffin?”

Chuckling, Spencer snuggled further into the blankets, avoiding the light on the other side of the room. “Morning, Misty. You want something? I’m sleeping.”

Penelope laughed in his ear. “I should have waited until you had your first cup of coffee first. But Kevin called me to tell me there was a visitor for a certain someone at work and that he brought a letter he hoped could be mailed to that certain someone.”

It took Spencer’s brain just a hair longer than normal to figure out what she meant, which was still faster than most would have. Then he felt his heart drop down to his stomach. Michael. Michael had stopped by the BAU. Spoken with Kevin. Apparently brought a letter. Clenching his eyes shut, Spencer tried to keep his breathing even. Shit. “How was he? Do you know?” He asked. It was hard work, trying to make his voice sound curious and eager.

“Kev said he’s doing good, sugar baby, don’t worry. A little bummed about you being gone, but okay. I imagine you’ve been missing him just as much as he’s missing you. This has got to be hard.”

“It’s ok, Misty. Sometimes people have to do things that are hard to get something better in the long run.” He said gently.

“Well, I didn’t call just to bum you out. I talked with Hotch and he and Rossi agree that you can call your little stud if you want to. They both said they know it’s got to be hard to be away from him. So if you want to take your cell into the bathroom, Kevin’s got your lover in my office so he can be in private and he gave him a disposable cell. No one will hear your conversation on his end because my office is secure and on your end you just head to take your shower and call from in there.” She rattled off the number of the cell for him.

Nausea built in Spencer’s stomach. He didn’t want to call him. That was the last thing he wanted to do! But they’d already set up everything, even having Michael at the office waiting for him. That meant there was no way he could back out of this. He forced himself to sound a little eager. “Thanks, Misty! You’re the greatest!”

His acting was apparently good because she sounded happy when he said “You’re welcome! Anything for you, Reid. You know that.”

Pushing up from bed, Spencer stretched his body out before grabbing his robe and pulling it on, despite him being dressed in boxers and a shirt. He kept the phone cradled against his shoulder as he moved toward the bathroom. “Well, Misty, I’m going to let you go now. I’ve got to get in the shower, girl. You take care and I’ll talk to you later, okay? Tell Zia I’ll give her a call tonight.”

“Can do, buckaroo! My love is strong.”

The phone hung up right as Spencer shut the bathroom door behind him. For a moment he stayed there, leaning against the door, his eyes shut tight. Michael was waiting for him. He was going to have to _talk_ to him. He wasn’t ready for this! What if Michel heard in his voice that he’d cheated on him? That he was essentially in a relationship with someone else? Oh, God. Oh, God.

 _Calm down, you idiot. He can’t tell you’re in another relationship jus through the phone. He can’t see you or anything like that. Just talk to him, fake your way through the conversation and then get back to work here._ But what was he going to tell him? He couldn’t sit there and say he loved him! He didn’t. _You said it before even when you knew it was a lie. Just lie this time too. Breaking up with him in the middle of a case over the phone is not the way to do this. He could go after someone and hurt them and then where would you be? You have to make him think things are okay until you’re home and you and Derek have figured out a way to protect everyone. Now shut up and take care of this!_

Spencer sighed and straightened himself up. He moved over to the shower, turning it on to create the screen of noise. Then he leaned against the wall and slid down to the ground, grateful that his bruises were gone so it didn’t hurt to sit like. With his back against the wall and his knees tucked up to his chest, Spencer dialed the number Garcia had given him before he placed the phone to his ear. After only two rings, Michael’s voice came over the line. “Reid! Hey, baby!”

“Hey, Michael.” Spencer tried to interject some kind of happiness in his tone. “How’re you doing?”

“I miss you.” Came the soft reply. A pause, then “What’s that sound in the background?”

Spencer closed his eyes and chewed on his lip. It was harder than he remembered to fake being happy with Michael. “That’s the shower. The work I’m doing, I have to be cautious for a private conversation. So I’m using the shower as sound cover so I can speak freely with you.”

“Was the tech right? Is it true no one can hear me in here?” Michael asked suddenly. His question left Spencer nervous. Part of him wanted to lie and say he didn’t know, but he couldn’t make himself do it. So instead he whispered “Yes.”

“And you’re alone in there, right? No one trying to _shower_ with you?”

Wincing, Spencer shook his head before remembering that Michael couldn’t see him. “No, Michael. I’m alone in the bathroom.”

“Good. Make sure it stays that way, Reid. You better not forget your place while you’re there. Remember my warnings. You wouldn’t want to do something to get anyone else in trouble, would you?”

“No, no! I’m being good, Michael, I swear. I haven’t done anything.” _Liar. You’ve done so much. You better pray he doesn’t realize you’re lying!_ “No one else has to be hurt. Please, just leave them all alone. I told you before, I’ll do whatever you say, just don’t hurt anyone.”

A knock sounded on the bathroom door, startling Spencer. His eyes grew wide and horrified when Derek called out “Spencer? Everything okay in there, kid?”

Holding his breath, Spencer waited for the explosion he knew was coming. Sure enough, a second later Michael’s voice was hissing in his ear. “What the hell is _he_ doing there? You didn’t tell me you were working with _him_ , Spencer Reid!”

“I-It’s not what you t-think, Michael.” Spencer tried to hurry and explain. “He’s my backup here, posing as my friend. They wouldn’t send me in alone. But that’s it. I promise, we’re not doing anything. We’re under constant surveillance here.”

Michael cut him off furiously, hissing “You little _shit_!” in his ear. Spencer bit his lip and squeezed his eyes shut, ignoring the sound of the bathroom door opening. He heard Derek move into the room and the soft whisper of the door shutting. Then his best friend was moving down beside him. Spencer still didn’t open his eyes, but he sacrificed enough of his pride to allow himself to reach a hand out in Derek’s direction. He felt the other man grip his hand tightly, offering a silent support as Michael continued to talk. “Are you telling me the only reason you’re not is because you’re under surveillance? Do you want to fuck him, Reid? Is that what you’re telling me? Do you want him to fuck you?”

“N-No, I don’t—”

“Shut up! Do you really think he’d want to fuck you, anyways? You think he wants a disgusting little whore like you? You’re nothing! You’re worthless! God, you’re so pathetic! Do I need to go pay a visit to your precious Mother? Do I need to teach you not to be such a pathetic little whore?”

Real panic raced over Spencer. He gripped tighter to Derek’s hands and his eyes flew open wide with panic and shock. “No! Please, please, leave her alone. Please!”

“I don’t know. I’m not sure if you understand. I think I might need to teach you a lesson, just to remind you who you belong to.”

“I understand, I understand! I do. Please, Michael, just leave her alone. Please! I understand, I swear I do. Don’t hurt her.” He couldn’t stop the tears that coursed down his cheeks or the fear that made his heart pound in his chest.  When he said Michael’s name, he felt Derek’s hand jerk before going still.

There was a long pause before Michael spoke again. “Maybe you do understand. Who do you belong to?”

“You.” Spencer answered quickly.

“Will you let that asshole touch you, Reid? Will you let him fuck you?”

The lie came out easily, greased by fear. “No, never. Never! Just please, let her be. Please.”

Another pause. Then he heard a soft chuckle. “Good. I’ll leave the crazy broad alone then.” There was something in the background on Michael’s end that sounded almost like a knock. Spencer heard movement and he heard muffled voices, though he couldn’t’ hear what was said. His heart was still racing; this time from relief instead of fear. His Mom was going to be okay.

When Michael’s voice came back over the line, he sounded suddenly sweet. Someone must have been in the room with him. “I miss you, baby, but they’re telling me I’ve got to let you go now. You remember what we talked about and I’ll see you when you get home, okay? I love you.”

“Love you too.” Spencer choked out. He almost gagged on the words.

The phone clicked in his ear, signifying the end of the call. Spencer could only stare at the phone in his hand as the tears poured down his cheeks. He felt Derek shift beside him seconds before a hand brushed over his cheek. His best friend said not a word. He simply pulled Spencer sideways until he was in the warm circle of Derek’s arms. There, against a shoulder that he had known would be there for him, Spencer let the tears fall.

Somehow he found himself talking through the tears, telling Derek about Michael’s threat on the phone, telling him about the threat Michael had made that kept him there. He told Derek about how he’d tried to leave once and what had happened and what kept him there now. All of it came pouring out in broken whispers.

“I don’t know what to do, Derek.” He whispered. The tears were slowing now, almost stopped, but he didn’t move. Here he felt safe. Right now, he needed that sensation of safety. It helped him keep himself together.

One of Derek’s hands came up to run through his hair soothingly. “Right now you’re doing the right thing, Spencer. Let him think everything is normal until this case is over. When this is all done and we’re back home…baby boy, you know what you’ll have to do to prevent him. I know you know.”

The hard part was, he did. He knew exactly what he’d have to do. Threats wouldn’t stop Michael from hurting anyone to get back at Spencer. And there was no way they could watch everyone constantly for the rest of their lives. There was only one thing that would guarantee that Michael wouldn’t be able to come after them all. “I have to press charges.” Even the thought of it had him wincing.

The hand in Spencer’s hair never stopped moving. “Assaulting a federal officer, domestic violence, threatening a federal officer. The charges keep adding up. I’m so sorry, baby boy. It’s the only way I can see to stop him. At least, the practical part of me. The other part wants to pound the asshole until there’s not a damn bit left of him to ever hurt you again.”

Despite the threat being delivered in a hard, cold voice, Spencer smiled. That passionate, protective part was one of the things Spencer loved about his friend. One of the traits that made him…well, him.

He knew that what Derek said was right. In the back of his mind, he’d known that for a long time but he’d been afraid to do it. He’d been downright terrified of everyone finding out what he’d allowed to happen to himself. Would they think any differently of him for it? Would they hate him or ridicule him? Would they think he deserved it? Yet those fears weren’t as strong now, and he knew why.

With Derek’s arms wrapped around him, that strong body holding him tight, keeping him safe, Spencer knew he could face anything. Not only did Derek give him the strength to stand tall, but he would be there to help force back anyone who sought to ridicule Spencer for this. He wouldn’t allow people to make him feel bad for it. Even if they did, Spencer knew it would hurt but it wouldn’t destroy him. Not so long as the most important person of all stuck by him.

Drawing that warm feeling close to his heart, Spencer smiled against Derek’s shirt. Then he moved out of Derek’s embrace, taking hold of his hand and pulling him up so that they both stood on their feet. Then he let go of Derek. Stepping back, Spencer grabbed his shirt and pulled it up over his head. A warm feeling, one that was becoming wonderfully familiar, started to build in his stomach. He embraced that and used it to give him the courage to slide his shorts down as well. The way that Derek’s eyes dilated and the little gasp he gave were all the encouragement that Spencer needed. He moved, stepping into the shower, throwing a look over his shoulder. “Care to join me?”

Michael was not going to intrude on this day. On any of this. Right now, Spencer refused to live in the horror of the past or the potential for what horror could come. He was going to enjoy his life. As Derek’s body joined his under the stream of the shower, skin pressing against skin, Spencer gave a shiver. Yes, he was going to enjoy everything he could.


	14. Chapter 14

 

The young couple had a relaxing day together, working on trying to forget the stress of the morning. Spencer seemed determined to put it out of his mind while Derek was set to try and keep Spencer distracted. So they watched movies, goofed off with one another, took a walk around the neighborhood, and spent a little time lying in bed, talking with one another about things they’d like to do in the future. Things that had nothing to do with work, so if anyone overheard them, it would be safe.

When evening finally rolled around, they got in their car and headed downtown to a club where they’d agreed to meet up with Timmy for one last ‘party’ before school started the next day. But when they pulled up outside of the club, Spencer noticed what it was and turned to glare at Derek. “You brought me to a karaoke bar?” he demanded.

Amusement lit Derek’s eyes. Ever prudent, he simply said “yeah” and hopped out of the car before Spencer could yell at him. The young man tried to smother his grin at his friend—could he call him his boyfriend even in his mind? No, no. Not until he’d officially broken things off with Michael—and followed him out. They linked their fingers together in a gesture that had become habitual. “Derek, you better not be planning on trying to get me up on stage.” Spencer warned him as they headed inside.

“Of course you are!” Timmy’s voice drifted toward them. He was heading toward the door right as they walked in. His smile was wide and happy, with that usual hint of shyness that made Spencer like him so much. “Hey, Derek. Hey, Spencer. Glad you guys made it.”

“We wouldn’t miss it.” Derek answered first. He shot an evil grin at Spencer. “I can’t wait to see pretty boy up there singing.”

Raising his eyebrows, Spencer found himself relaxing as he always did when he looked into Derek’s eyes. Something about the man just made him feel so much more at ease about anything and everything. “You better plan on getting a few drinks in me first. Otherwise, you’re shit outta luck.” He teased back.

Surprise and humor lit Derek’s eyes. He leaned in, stealing a quick kiss, and then the three of them were heading straight over to the bar. As their first drinks were served, Timmy leaned on the bar to look at Spencer. “So you excited for school starting?” He asked over the music. Someone was currently up on stage mutilating Billy Joel.

Wincing at the sound, Spencer sipped on his cognac and nodded at Timmy. “Actually, yes. I’m extremely excited to start the coursework. Linguistics has always been rather fascinating to me and I’m interested to see what information I’ll be able to learn.” By sheer force of will he cut off the ramble that was sitting on the edge of his tongue. Linguistics really was fascinating for him and the classes he was going to be taking seemed interesting. He was sure that some of the information he learned he would be able to apply to his work.

“I remember first starting. It all seems a bit overwhelming sometimes and extremely exciting. My first class I took I was so excited and so nervous I could barely talk.”

Spencer felt Derek getting a little antsy behind him, just slightly lost as Timmy explained some of the chemistry courses he’d taken in his first year. When Timmy paused to take a drink, Spencer turned to his friend and smiled at him. “Go dance, Derek.” He told him.  “There’s a whole crowd of people dancing to this horribly sung music. I promise, I won’t go any further than the bathroom. Otherwise, I’ll be right here when you get back.”

Eyes sparkling with humor, Derek leaned in and kissed his lips. “Promise, pretty boy?”

“I said I did. Are you implying I was lying to you only moments ago?”

Another kiss, followed by one of Derek’s deep laughs. Then he was moving off toward the dance floor. Spencer turned back to his drink and Timmy, offering the man a smile. “Sorry about him. He gets worried when I’m out of his sight for too long, what with all the trouble we heard happens around here.”

“Yeah.” Timmy agreed. He picked up his wine and took a drink. “I heard about that last year when I joined up. Some guy killing off gay couples right after the start of each term. It’s horrible.” He shuddered slightly. The profiler in Spencer noted that the emotion seemed genuine.

The bartender had still been standing near and must have heard their words because he leaned on the bar and looked at Spencer with concern. “You and your boyfriend be careful, you hear?” The man said cautiously. “Those other boys, they were good boys. Used to come in here and drink, maybe sing once or twice. Then they were just gone. I don’t want to see it happen to anyone else.”

Spencer chewed on his lip and tried to keep himself from instantly starting to question the bartender. He’d have to send a message to Penelope and tell her to have the others check this place out. “God, that’s horrible.” He tried his hardest to keep in his role. “All of them came here?”

“We’re a pretty popular joint for some of the local gays.” The bartender confided while building a drink for someone nearby. “This is my joint and I don’t tolerate anyone harassing anyone else. People know they can come here for a good time without being hassled about how they choose to live their lives or who they live them with. I’ve got a reputation for tossing out the jerks who think they can judge others in my joint.”

“That’s good to know.” Spencer smiled warmly at him. “I can see Derek and I coming here often. It’s nice to know the safe places to go. It’s hard, how many people feel that we’re wrong for not just being gay, but being an interracial couple. Sometimes it makes it a little frustrating to go out and about, but we don’t let it stop us. We’ve got the same rights as anyone else.”

The bartender passed out a few drinks and sent a grin to Spencer. “That’s the truth. My brother’s been with his partner for thirty years and they’re happy as can be. My sister, though, has been married and divorced three different times. Now tell me which one sounds right and which one sounds wrong? I told all those boys the same thing when they were here, too. They used to like to sit and talk to me up here. Play some cards at dead times.”

That had Spencer brightening. “You play cards?”

“Poker, mostly.”

Now Spencer’s grin turned a little sharp. He hadn’t played poker in a long time. “I love poker.”

“Well any time you want to play and it’s dead enough, you come hit me up. I’m always up for swiping some fools money.”

Timmy shifted in his seat a little. “I like poker too.” He said. Surprised, Spencer looked over to him. It almost sounded like the other man was sulking. But why would he do that? Maybe he was just reading his cues wrong a little bit. He gave Timmy a pleasant look. “Then you can play too, Timmy.” Almost instantly the boy smiled at him. It was a little confusing, but Spencer brushed it off. Maybe he’d talk about it with Derek later.

Rising to his feet, he looked back at the bartender. “My names Spencer, by the way, and the man over there dancing in the crowd is my boyfriend Derek. This is our friend Timmy.” He stuck his hand out, shaking the older gentleman’s hand. The guy smiled back at him. “My names Jake. It’s a pleasure to meet all of you.”

The little information he’d gathered was sitting in Spencer’s brain. He knew he needed to take a moment to go and at least text Penelope to let her know. So he looked at Timmy and said “I’ll be right back, okay? I’m going to go find the restrooms real quick before Derek gets done dancing.”

“Back over there, four doors down on the left. Hallways tucked back a bit.” Jake told him.

Spencer thanked him before making his way back toward the hallway. He moved through people, automatically trying to shift so as to avoid pressing against anyone. That was the biggest downside of places like this. They were always so crowded that the ended up being touched by someone, which he hated. Usually Derek stuck near him, knowing he didn’t like crowded places, and helped keep him calm. He was getting better being on his own, though.

When he found the hallway, Spencer moved down a little. He’d wait until he was in the bathroom before he text or called. He needed to let her know that the bartender here knew the couples. Played cards and talked with them, even. There was a chance he’d seen the Unsub and might even know something about him. He was wrapped in his thoughts when pain exploded in the back of his head. He barely noticed his body toppling down to the ground. When he was down, he felt something grab at him, pulling him along and then laying him down. There was a sound like a door shutting. Then something grabbed his hands, pulling them behind his back. He tried to struggle but the blow to his head had left him disoriented. What was going on? Had the Unsub come for him? God, was he taking him? Where was Derek at? Spencer could barely remember his own location, let alone Derek’s.

_Backroom of the club. You stepped back in the hallway to make a phone call or a text and you were blitzed from behind. Now you’ve been hit in the head like the idiot you are and you’re being tied up. Pay attention, Spencer!_

He jerked his eyes open, scowling and slamming them shut again as the light above him made his head hurt. There was a shuffling sound and then he could see behind his eyelids that the light had dimmed in the room. “I’m so sorry about that, Spencer. I bet your head hurts really bad. I’m so sorry I had to hit you.”

Wait a second. He knew that voice. “Timmy?” Slowly, he opened his eyes again to see Timmy squatting beside him.

The other man reached out and smoothed back a lock of his hair. “Yeah, it’s me, Spencer. I’m right here, don’t worry. We’re on our way out of here. I’ll get you out of here.”

“Why am I restrained?” He felt what he’d been too muzzy to notice before. His hands were restrained. Zip tie, from the feel of it. “What happened?” Wait a second, had Timmy said _‘I’m sorry I had to hit you’_? Timmy had hit him? Quiet, shy Timmy? Shit. This wasn’t right.  What the hell was going on? This wasn’t what any of them had expected to happen. Were they wrong about everything? Was Timmy their Unsub? But, no, this wasn’t the Unsub’s MO. He wouldn’t attack in a private room in a club. And their Unsub had followed them while Timmy had been with them!

Timmy stroked a hand over his face, causing Spencer to jump and bringing his attention back to the present. “You don’t have to worry anymore, Spencer. You’re safe now. I’m going to keep you safe. That big brute you’re with won’t ever find us. I’ll take you away with me and we’ll finally get to be happy together without him getting in the way.” He said in a voice so full of sweetness it made Spencer want to gag. His head was clearing just enough that he was gaining a little more understanding of what was going on.

 _He’s displaying all the signs now of an Erotomaniac stalker._ Instantly his brain provided him with the facts. _This kind of stalker believes that he is in love with you and that, regardless of overwhelming evidence to the contrary, the feeling is reciprocal (you are in love with him). He interprets everything you do (or refrain from doing) as coded messages confessing your eternal devotion to him and to your "relationship". Erotomaniacs are lonely, socially-inapt people._

He tried to remember the proper way to deal with an Erotomaniac but his brain was still slightly fuzzy. The hit to the head had been harder than Timmy most likely intended. _Mild concussion_ his brain told him. Looking at Timmy, he tried to keep his voice calm. Panic wouldn’t help. He needed to be calm and feed into Timmy’s delusion if he wanted to stay alive. Now, if he could just play this right. “I’d like that, Timmy.” He lied. Thankfully the words didn’t stick in his throat like he’d thought they would. “But he won’t just let me go. That’s not the type of person he is. He’ll try finding me.”

“I’ll protect you, Spencer. I won’t let anything happen to you.” There was a slightly wild look to Timmy’s eyes. “You’re safe with me.”

“Derek’s possessive enough that he won’t just let go. You saw him out there. He didn’t even want to leave me alone so he could go dance. It would be easier for us to go away together if you let me talk to him or let me call him. Then I can tell him it’s over. That he needs to leave me alone. Maybe then he’ll get the picture that I don’t want him around. That I want you.” Spencer shifted slightly as he spoke, trying to ease the ache in his head and to test how strong the binding on his wrists was. If they had been simple handcuffs, he might have been able to get out of them. He’d practiced that trick multiple times. But zip ties held tighter. There was no room to wiggle in them.

Timmy shook his head. “No, no. We’ll run, you and I. We’ll be safe. We’ll be happy! Don’t you want us to be happy together, Spencer? Don’t you love me?”

“Of course I do!” he tried to reassure quickly. With this type of stalker, he knew that he was safest to play along in this situation. If not, things could devolve quickly. “I was just trying to make it easier. I don’t even have to go out there. You can hand me my phone and I’ll call and let him know.” If he could just get to his phone, then he could let Derek know something was going on, if Derek hadn’t started to look for him already. _He’s probably on his way back toward the bathrooms to see what’s taking you so long. He’s nervous when you’re out of his sight for too long with the Unsub running around. He’ll find you soon; just keep Timmy here and keep him talking._

But he’d pushed him too far by trying to find a way to talk to Derek. His mind wasn’t up to its usual speed or he would have noticed before. Now it was too late. Anger built in Timmy’s face. “You’re lying to me!” He screamed out. Suddenly he stood, glaring down at Spencer. “You’re trying to get him back here to rescue you!”

“No, Timmy! I’m not; I swear I’m not!” Spencer tried to plead. But the look in Timmy’s eyes told him that he was too late. He barely had time to think before a foot connected with his stomach. Three swift kicks knocked the breath out of him. Then he felt Timmy drop down, grabbing hold of his shirt. Spencer tried to think around the pain. But without his hands, he was essentially trapped here.

Timmy’s furious face loomed over his. “You lying bastard! I thought you loved me! I know you did. But he’s corrupted you! He’s brainwashed you!” The hands in Spencer’s shirt moved up, wrapping around his throat. “I won’t let him have you. I won’t!”

Fear filled Spencer as the hands around his throat tightened. He arched his body up, trying to buck Timmy off him, trying to kick his legs out and get free. But Timmy continued to put pressure on his throat. Around him the world started to get hazy. He couldn’t draw in air! God, Timmy was killing him and there was nothing he could do about it. _Derek!_ His brain screamed. _Help me! Garcia, please be watching on the camera. Someone, please! Help me!_ The image of Timmy above him blended with the image of Michael until Spencer couldn’t tell one from the other. All he knew was that he was dying back here in this little room.

All of a sudden he felt Timmy’s body jerk. Above him, Timmy’s eyes widened and his mouth went slack. The grip around Spencer’s throat lightened before disappearing completely. He gasped in air, unable to do anything but try and breathe. The world seemed to swim in and out of focus, but he heard a strange sound. Almost sickening. Grunts and something wet sounding, almost like suction. Rolling his eyes to the side, he saw Timmy lying on the ground beside him, blood pooling everywhere, a knife sticking out of his back. What the hell? Spencer drew in more air, forcing his brain to clear as best he could, but his body still felt on the edge of passing out. No!

Something was happening, something that was important and his brain wasn’t understanding it. What had happened to Timmy? Who had stabbed him?

A hand appeared from nowhere, stroking wetly over Spencer’s cheek and hair, startling him so bad he jumped and squeaked, the only sound his abused throat was letting him make. Eyes shooting over, he found himself face to face with someone who seemed vaguely familiar. Everything was still a little blurred; the details weren’t quite there.

“Shh, shh.” The voice told him. It sounded almost gentle. Loving. “You’ll be all right, Spencer. Everything’s going to be okay now. He can’t hurt you anymore.” Again, another stroke over his opposite cheek this time. “I couldn’t let him hurt you, so I saved you. You’re so special, Spencer, and you don’t even see it. So beautiful. You’re different than all the others. You’re the one I’ve been waiting for. I couldn’t let that brute hurt you.”

There was a sound nearby, one that Spencer couldn’t place. He was still fighting to keep conscious. Everything was swimming a little. Panic had him gasping for air which just made his head spin more. He heard the sound again in the distance and the man was quickly moving. “I’ll see you soon, Spencer. You and I, we’ll meet again, when the time is right. Soon, everything will be ready.” The now blurred figure moved to the window, darting out only seconds before the door to the room burst open and Spencer heard the sound he’d been begging to hear. “Spencer!” Derek was here.

Between the pain in his stomach and the pain in his throat, Spencer couldn’t force words out, but he looked up gratefully when Derek dropped down beside him. Something cut at the ties on his hands, releasing them. Then Spencer found himself cradled against Derek’s chest. He couldn’t stop himself from clinging to Derek’s shirt in a tight grip.

“I’ve got you, baby boy. I’m right here.” Derek shifted, moving something toward his head. A second later he heard Derek speaking to a 911 operator. It was too hard for him to focus on it so he let himself sag down into Derek’s arms. His whole body was trembling. But more than anything else, he knew he had to tell Derek something important. He had to say this before everyone else came in. Before any paramedics or officers arrived and he knew that would be soon. The instant Derek hung up the phone, Spencer looked up at him. “Derek.” Pain echoed up his throat, but he forced the words out. “He’s here, he’s watching.”

Confusion was mixed with the concern on Derek’s face now. “What?”

Spencer pushed up toward Derek’s ear, trying to be quiet in case anyone came nearby and could hear. “The Unsub, he’s watching. Don’t break cover, please. Keep undercover.”  Tears threatened now. “He killed Timmy.” Then, with that final gasp, Spencer’s body gave up the fight and slipped down into the darkness.


	15. Chapter 15

 

Fear and anger twisted around inside of Derek as he sat in the chair in the hospital waiting room. His hands were clenched together in front of him, his eyes trained down on the floor. Over and over again his mind kept replaying the evening. He couldn’t stop himself from thinking back to that club and wondering what he could have done. Why hadn’t he realized sooner that something was wrong? If he’d been a little faster, he might have caught the guy who murdered Timmy.

_~Earlier at the Club~_

_Extracting himself from the crowd of people as the song ended, Derek made his way back toward the bar. The closer he got, he realized that Spencer wasn’t there anymore. It looked like his drink was still there, though. In the back of his mind, Derek made a mental note to criticize the kid for leaving his drink unattended. That was almost asking for something to happen to you._

_When he reached the seat he’d left Spencer in, he realized Timmy wasn’t there either and his drink was still sitting beside Spencer’s. The both of them had left their drinks there? Sometimes he swore that Timmy was just as absentminded as Spencer was. Maybe that was why he liked Timmy so much; in some ways, he reminded Derek of Spencer. A little focused on his education—ironically in a topic Spencer had a Ph.D. in—a little shy and a little awkward. But kind and funny and sweet._

_The bartender sidled over to him, giving him a friendly smile. “You looking for Spencer?” he asked._

_Derek resisted shaking his head. Leave it to Spencer to make friends with the bartender in a short time frame. “Yeah. You see which way he went?”_

_“He headed back to the restrooms. About a minute after him, your friend followed.”_

_Followed? Derek felt something in his gut that worried him. Why had Timmy followed behind Spencer instead of just going with him or waiting? He tried to brush the thought off but it nagged in the back of his brain. He had two choices here; wait for Spencer to come back and ignore the weird feeling in his gut. Or risk embarrassment and seeming silly and head back there to make sure he was okay. Which, he most likely would be. This would just be Derek overreacting. But he still found himself thanking the bartender and heading back to the bathroom._

_He was in the hallway when he heard a strange sound. Before he’d even fully registered it, his hand slid toward his waist where his gun would usually sit only to remember it wasn’t there. That sound was a moan and not one of pleasure._

_Ears on alert, he moved toward where he’d heard it. It had to be coming from one of two doors. Without his gun he felt a little naked doing this, but Spencer was back here somewhere. What if it was him that was moaning? That spurred Derek into opening the first door. Nothing. Just a closet. His palms were sweating a little when he moved toward the next door. After a deep breath, he thrust it open. What he found was the last thing he’d expected to see. “Spencer!”_

_In the middle of the floor was Spencer, lying on his side with his hands bound behind him. Beside him was Timmy, blood all over the floor, a knife sticking from his back as well as obvious multiple stab wounds. There was no doubt the other boy was gone._

_Derek rushed over and dropped down beside Spencer. He pulled out his little pocket knife, cutting away the ties around Spencer’s hands. As soon as Spencer was free, Derek dragged him close, holding him tight. Spencer’s hands came up to clench in his shirt. Even as Derek was grabbing his phone he was trying to soothe the young man. “I’ve got you, baby boy. I’m right here.” He told him while lifting the phone. Then he was placing his call to 911, telling them the situation and requesting medical assistance. When he hung up the phone, he turned all his attention back to Spencer, trying to block out the image of the body of a dead friend lying beside him. Then Spencer spoke, startling Derek with the raspiness of his voice. “Derek. He’s here, he’s watching.” He rasped out. God, his pretty boy sounded horrible!_

_“What?” he asked. What was Spencer talking about?_

_“The Unsub, he’s watching. Don’t break cover, please. Keep undercover. He killed Timmy.”_

_Derek saw the tears in Spencer’s eyes for just a split second before they slid closed and Spencer passed out. Frantic, Derek checked for a heartbeat, almost sobbing with relief when he found one. Somewhere out in the club he heard the sound of voices coming close. Paramedics. They were here, thank God._

~~present~~

Once the ambulance had arrived at the hospital, they’d sent Derek to the waiting room, taking Spencer back to get checked out. Derek had fought with them, demanding to be able to go back with him, but they had refused him and threatened to remove him if he didn’t calm down. So he was stuck here waiting for news. Waiting for anything.

The sound of footsteps drew him up out of his thoughts.  A doctor who looked to be in his mid-forties was making his way toward Derek. “Derek Matthews?”

“That’s me.” Derek brought himself to his feet quickly. “Is Spencer okay?”

The doctor smiled at him. “Your partner is doing fine. I apologize for leaving you out here to worry, but we needed to assess the damage to his throat as quickly as possible. Apparently someone tried to, um, to strangle him. He should be sore there for a few days, but I believe no serious damage was done. He has a mild concussion from the blow to the head. That, too, he’ll recover nicely from. It’ll leave him with a horrible headache and a little dizziness but that’s normal.”

Derek could have sagged with his relief. “Oh, thank God.” He muttered. Inside his head, though, he was cursing the bastard who dared to strangle the young man.

A new look crossed the doctor’s face. “Mr. Allen is showing signs of injuries to his stomach but he’s refusing to allow us to check him over in any parts that are underneath clothing. We tried to push it and he started to demand your presence. I’m hoping you could come back and convince him to let us look. We’d like to make sure there was no damage to his ribs.”

Rib damage? Had someone kicked him? Derek felt his anger grow a little again. He’d kill the bastard that had hurt Spencer. He locked that down for the moment. Right now he needed to focus on his partner and he needed Spencer to get checked out. Then they had to talk. He needed to know what had happened back there. “Of course.” He answered the doctor.

The man smiled at him, gesturing for him to follow. “By the way, my name is Doctor Randall and I’ll be the one dealing with Spencer tonight. So long as there’s no other serious damage, I feel comfortable releasing him to go home once the police have spoken with him. They’re waiting for us to be done before they come in.”

Maybe there was somewhere in the hospital they could speak securely. Or maybe they’d take them downtown to give their statement and they could find somewhere in there to speak without blowing their cover. This was going to be interesting to do. The cops at the station knew the truth about them. He wondered who got stuck with coming down here and if any of the team would be here.

All thought fled from his head when he was allowed into the hospital room and he saw Spencer. His best friend was sitting on the bed, knees curled to his chest, eyeing the nurse that stood with him as if he expected her to leap toward him. The blood had been cleaned off of his skin, thankfully, allowing Derek to see that none of it appeared to have come from Spencer. His eyes were red and his hands were trembling, but otherwise he wasn’t moving. That is, until he caught sight of Derek. His eyes widened and he started to unfold his body. “Derek!”

In three steps Derek reached the bed. He sat down directly onto the bed and gathered Spencer in his arms, feeling the tension in him release now that his baby boy was here for him to touch. Spencer responded by flinging his arms around Derek’s neck and shuddering. The older man held him close. “Shh, pretty boy, I’m right here. I’ve got you. It’s going to be ok, now.” Moving one hand, he gently held Spencer’s chin, tipping his face up. “I hear you’re refusing to let the doc look at you. If you’re hurt, you need to let him see, baby boy.”

Spencer averted his eyes, blinking back the tears there before they could fall. “I don’t want to have to answer questions.” He whispered. It took Derek a second to realize why. Questions? Then his brain clicked and he realized what Spencer meant. Oh. Oh! “Oh, baby boy. I know you don’t want to and you don’t have to. Just let them see your stomach and anywhere else you’re hurt. You want me to handle it so they don’t bother you?”

A small nod was his answer. Letting go of Spencer’s chin, Derek looked up at Dr. Randall. “Listen. The thing is, Spencer has some bad things in his past he really doesn’t like to talk about. That’s why he didn’t want to let you check his stomach. So can you guys just deal with the recent stuff and, you know, leave the rest of it alone? He doesn’t want to answer those kinds of questions.”

Understanding lit Dr. Randall’s eyes. He nodded his agreement. So, with Derek by his side, Spencer removed his shirt and lay back on the bed, letting the doctor check his stomach. It appeared that Spencer was lucky. All he would end up with was a mild bruise on his left side. No rib damage at all. Once that was done, he offered Spencer a hospital shirt to wear since his own had been covered in blood. That was put in a bag; for evidence, Derek knew.

The doctor paused by the door, looking to Derek, who was once again cradling Spencer close. “”I’ll go inform the officers here that you’re ready to speak to someone now.”

The door shut, drawing Spencer’s head up a little. “They’re going to have to take us downtown, aren’t they?” he whispered. His question was more than just a question; it was a reminder to Derek that they shouldn’t speak openly here at the hospital. He looked down into those wide hazel eyes and nodded, letting Spencer know he understood. “Yeah, they probably will, Spencer. It’s okay. I’ll stay with you, all right?”

There was a sound outside the door an instant before it opened. In walked Aaron Hotchner and Dave Rossi, the two Derek had expected to see. He tried to stay in role as the nurse followed them in, handing Spencer his discharge paperwork. “Just sign this, honey, and drop it off at the desk on your way out.” She told him gently. Then she was gone.

As soon as the door closed, the two senior agents moved toward the bed. There was only one window in this room, looking out into the hallway. They couldn’t draw the blinds without bringing attention to them, so Aaron angled himself so that his back was to the window. Dave moved to stand by his side.

“Is everything okay?” Dave asked, looking from one agent to the other. “Any serious injuries?”

Spencer shook his head but he stayed in the circle of Derek’s arms and didn’t even bother to lift his head from Derek’s chest. “My throat will be sore for a few days.” The harshness of his voice had the others wincing. “Otherwise, just bruising. No serious damage was done. I’ll be fine to go to school tomorrow.”

“We’re going to take you two down to the station so we can take your statements.” Aaron told them. “Are you two ready?”

Derek looked down at Spencer before looking back up. “Yeah, we’re ready. Let’s get this done with so I can get him to bed. It’s where he needs to be.” He could see that Spencer was in shock of some sort and all he wanted to do was take care of him.

* * *

Walking into the station, Spencer let himself lean a little more into Derek’s side. Since his shirt and jacket had been ruined at the club, his only covering over his upper body was the hospital shirt he’d been given to wear. The arm Derek kept around his shoulders allowed him to snuggle in and absorb some of his friend’s body heat, keeping him from absolutely freezing. Derek must have felt him shiver, though, because he stopped and took his jacket off, tucking it around Spencer’s shoulders. It was warm enough that the young man didn’t even bother to protest.

They were led back to an interview room by Dave and Aaron. When the door opened, Spencer saw Emily and Penelope waiting anxiously for them. Once the door was shut the two women pounced. Penelope reached Spencer first, her hands going right to his chin to tilt his head so she could look at his neck. “Oh, my poor little baby!”

“I’m fine, Garcia.” He croaked out. The sound of his voice didn’t help at all. It just had both women wincing sympathetically before dragging him over to make him sit down on the couch. Emily took a seat beside him while Penelope went to her bag to grab something. Spencer found himself wishing he could be back against Derek’s side. As soon as he had the thought, Derek sat down on his other side. He didn’t wrap an arm around him, but their arms and legs were touching, that alone offering comfort to them both. Right at the moment they needed to be touching each other just to be okay. Spencer could see that Derek needed it as much as he did.

Penelope brought him a bottle of water, which he gratefully took. As he was opening it to take a drink, Aaron and Dave moved their chairs over to sit in front of him. “We need you to tell us what happened, Reid.” Aaron said in a gentle voice. “As soon as you’re ready, walk us through what you can.”

He downed half the bottle before his throat felt wet enough to talk. “I was talking with the bartender, Jake. He was telling me that, um, that all the other couples frequented his establishment. He owns it, apparently. They didn’t just come to drink, though. He befriended them all, even playing poker with them on nights the bar was dead.”

Spencer paused, taking another drink. His hand trembled slightly and he quickly lowered it, hoping no one would notice. His head was aching, his throat was aching and burning and his stomach throbbed. He used those to lock down the emotions that kept wanting to build. Now was not the time to deal with those. Now he needed to work.

“I decided to use the restroom and make a call to let you guys know to come down and talk to him at some point. I was in the hallway when something struck me in the back of the head.” He remembered the explosion of pain. His skull throbbed dully in sympathy. “Then I felt myself being dragged into a room and my hands were being bound before I could reorient myself. Then someone was talking to me.”

Closing his eyes, Spencer clenched his hands against his pants, trying to bring himself back under control. He felt a familiar warm weight settle over his hand. After a short pause, Spencer uncurled his fist, letting the fingers there lace with his. Who cared if he and Derek held hands in front of them? It had been a hellish night. Right now he needed that contact, that comfort. It gave him the strength to keep going.

“Do you need me to directly quote what was said?” He asked quietly.

There was silence. Then, “Not unless it’s important information, Reid. Just give us a run through right now. If there are important words, we can discuss those in a minute.” Dave told him.

Spencer nodded. He kept his eyes closed, tightening his grip on Derek’s hand. “Timmy was there, talking to me, apologizing. It took me a moment to realize what he was talking about. But he told me ‘I’m so sorry I had to hit you’.”

“What?” Derek interrupted in shock. “Timmy was the one to hit you? What the hell!”

Dropping his head just a little, Spencer sighed. He took another drink off the water. Behind his eyelids he could see everything happening once again. “He started talking about taking me away and keeping me safe and how much he loved me. Somehow, in an undercover operation to get a stalking serial killer, I managed to also attract an Erotomaniac stalker, it appears. I tried to play into his delusion, but I wasn’t clear headed enough and pushed a little too hard on trying to call Derek. He realized I was lying about calling to break things off and he snapped. Kicked me a few times before climbing on me and choking me.” And God, he could still feel those hands wrapping around his neck. His breath hitched slightly. “I was trying to stay conscious, but my vision was blurring and my head was spinning and I was on the verge of passing out. Then Timmy jerked really hard and his hands went loose.” Even now Spencer couldn’t clearly recall everything that happened in the next few seconds of that memory. “I was gasping in air and the world was kind of swimming in and out of focus as I tried to regain my oxygen. But I could hear a sound that I didn’t understand at the moment. I do now. It was Timmy being stabbed.”

Spencer cut himself off, draining the last of the water from the bottle. His throat still felt scratchy and dry, but he knew he had to finish his report.

“The Unsub…he brushed his hand over my hair and my cheek. His hand was wet. It was gentle. It startled me and I made some sound and he was shushing me. He told me ‘You’ll be all right, Spencer. Everything’s going to be okay now. He can’t hurt you anymore. I couldn’t let him hurt you, so I saved you. You’re so special, Spencer, and you don’t even see it. So beautiful. You’re different than all the others. You’re the one I’ve been waiting for. I couldn’t let that brute hurt you.’ Then we both heard a sound in the hallway. The Unsub said ‘I’ll see you soon, Spencer. You and I, we’ll meet again, when the time is right. Soon, everything will be ready.’ And then he was gone. Right after that, Derek came.”

Derek’s hand was gripping tighter now just as Spencer’s was. “Jesus, kid.”

“He’s not what we thought.” Emily said slowly. When Spencer opened his eyes, he saw her looking at him with worry. “This changes the profile. We thought he had a type already narrowed down. But he told Reid he was the one he was waiting for. That implies that there’s a specific type he’s been searching for this whole time, even if he didn’t realize it until he saw it.”

“Who would Reid represent to him, though?” Dave interjected. “Maybe a male love he had as a teenager? An old boyfriend?”

Aaron looked around at them all. “We did profile that the rage in these kills would suggest suppressed homosexuality in our Unsub. Maybe there’s an event in his life where he lost someone he loved in a way that made him feel homosexuality is wrong.”

“And you think he feels that Reid is a, what, a recreation of this guy he lost?” Penelope asked them. She looked horrified by the thought.

Derek nodded at her. His face was calm, but Spencer felt the tension in their clenched hands. Neither was willing to let go of the other. “Most likely, baby girl. I’d guess something happened here, at Penn state, when he was in college. You should look up incidents going back ten years to see if there’s anything that comes up that fits the criteria. You might be able to find what set him off.”

Penelope moved to her laptop as they continued to discuss the Unsub.

“He does it at a specific time each year. Two months after the start of term.” Spencer reminded them all. He tried to focus on his work and to shut off the rest of his brain. “So narrow your search to one to three months after each term starts. Most likely the date is significant to him as well. Since his age range is between twenty and twenty five, this could have happened only a few years ago. Assuming that he’s twenty five, extend the search back six years, though I would wager it happened somewhere within six months to a year before the killings started. I think it was his stressor. He most likely suffered a psychotic break at the loss. Also narrow it down to couples that are interracial. That seems to be important to him.”

His voice was almost a whisper by the time he was done. Derek’s grip on his hand relaxed, but it didn’t let go. Instead, his other hand rested over top of their joined ones. “Breathe, Spencer. You keep it up and you won’t be able to talk at all.” He chided him.

Knowing Derek was right, Spencer settled back on the couch. For a second he spaced what the others were saying. At least, until Penelope’s voice broke into the group. “I’ve got it!” she exclaimed. She spun toward them, bringing her laptop with her. “Three years ago Damien Sullen was the victim of a hate crime on campus. The nineteen year old African American male was…God. He was beaten so severely they had to rely on dental records to identify him. He was found in his own home. Someone spray painted gay slurs all over the walls of his house.”

“Does it list a partner?” Aaron asked quickly.

Penelope shook her head. “No, it doesn’t. It says in one article that the boyfriend was being kept anonymous for his own safety. Apparently, though, he was out that night, on a run to the store for something when the killers struck. By the time he got home, the damage was already done. He called 911 but it was too late.”

“Well that’s a stressor right there.” Emily said with a shake of her head.

Clicking on her laptop, Penelope finally turned it toward them. “I accessed the police file. This photo was in there.” She showed them the image on her screen. Looking at it, Spencer felt his stomach lurch slightly. The white male was definitely the man that had been following them around lately. The one that had ‘saved’ Spencer tonight. But the other, the black male, he was smaller like Spencer was. His hair was braided back on his head, but it was obviously long. He had a tall, lanky frame and a quiet little smile. It was easy to see the love between them in the picture, but it was also easy to see the shyness in the darker male and the confidence in the white male. It was like Spencer and Derek, but the roles reversed. The only difference between this guy and Spencer was the color of their skin, really, and their Unsub was delusional enough that it probably was a detail that didn’t matter to him.

“Great job, Garcia.” Aaron told her. He turned to look at Derek and Spencer. “We’ll see what we can do with this and let you know anything we find out. Maybe if we’re lucky we’ll catch him before he tries to come after either of you.” It was left unsaid that they all now knew he would most likely only come for Spencer. His obsession had switched. “I want you two to head home and get some sleep. It’s been a rough evening. Spencer, you take it easy. Don’t push yourself too hard tomorrow, okay?”

“Yes, Sir.”

“Good. Now, Dave, will you escort them out and have someone drive them back to their car? We’ll start adjusting the profile and seeing if we can use any of this information to help us.” Aaron turned away from them and toward the others. “Garcia, I need you to dig up any more information you can about this and about Damien Sullen.”

Spencer let himself be pulled up by Derek from the couch and led out of the room. Once again Derek’s arm was around him, keeping him close, sheltering him. It gave Spencer a secure enough feeling that his mind simply blanked out, trusting his body to Derek’s care. He went into himself a little as they were led to a squad car and even as they were driven home. Only when they were inside and Derek was taking him back toward the bedroom did Spencer finally start to stir a little.

He let Derek undress him down to his boxers and even help him into a pair of pajama pants. Then he was being laid down in the bed. A moment later Derek joined him, having stripped down to his boxers as well. Silently he pulled Spencer into his arms, letting the younger man bury his face against his neck. There, Spencer let the tears fall. Though they said nothing, Spencer just silently crying, it was enough for the moment. They had lost someone tonight that they’d been growing to care for as a good friend. No matter what he’d done, Spencer needed to mourn him.

He stayed where he was, letting the tears come quietly, until sleep finally took him.


	16. Chapter 16

 

When Derek woke up that morning, he lay in bed for quite a while, letting himself stay wrapped around Spencer. He didn’t want to get up and take his usual morning run. Right now the last thing he wanted was to leave Spencer alone for any amount of time. No matter what his brain logically told him, his heart kept screaming that he could have prevented the events of the night before. He should have done something to keep his partner, his friend, the man he _loved_ , safe.

How could they not have seen what kind of person Timmy was? He had seemed like such a good kid! They were trained profilers, dammit! They should have been able to see something. But he hadn’t displayed any signs of being a stalker! Yet he had been and he had ended up almost killing Spencer. The guilt Derek felt over that would take a while to go away. The both of them had been so focused on worrying about their Unsub and about one another that they’d missed the obvious right in front of them. _But what are the odds of having a stalking serial killer in the same town, the same_ campus _, as another stalker? And why the hell are they always so damn attracted to Spencer?_

He shifted his position a little so he could rest his elbow on the bed and prop his head up on his hand. That allowed him to look down at Spencer’s sleeping face. The sight of the bruises around Spencer’s neck, just barely visible above the top of the blanket, brought Derek’s anger back even more. He hated thinking that Spencer might be dead right now if the Unsub hadn’t killed Timmy.

Even knowing what Timmy had done, both Derek and Spencer had silently grieved for their lost friend in this bed last night. They hadn’t said a word about it, but they understood what each was going through. The situation should have made them care less about Timmy—he had tried to kill Spencer!—but it couldn’t take away from the fact that the three of them had been friends for almost two weeks. They’d been out together, had Timmy and Trisha over to the house, spent time together during the day. So, all things aside, there had been grieving that had to be done for him. For the man they had gotten to know and the person he could have been.

 _What’s going to happen to Trisha_? Derek wondered. He winced slightly. This was going to be hard for her. Would she be furious with them? In denial about what happened and blaming them for it? Or would she be heartbroken? Would she understand? There were thousands of questions and thousands of answers. Each person reacted to their grief in their own way. The only thing they could do was wait and see.

The biggest worry Derek had, the one that kept him here looking down at his love, was the fear of their Unsub. Typically Derek wasn’t the type to become easily terrified. They saw a lot of horrible things in their line of work and while it didn’t make them less horrible, it did make a person a little tougher when it came to dealing with it. He’d gone into this assignment knowing that it was dangerous and that he and Spencer would be at risk for being hurt. Though he hadn’t liked the idea of Spencer potentially being hurt, that was part of the job. It was something he had to accept.

Now, the game had changed and the rules were totally different.  The Unsub wasn’t coming after the both of them anymore. In his eyes, he’d found a perfect substitute for the love that he’d lost. He would do anything and everything he could to get the object of his newfound obsession. Would he simply try to take him? Or would he take out anyone that got in the way? Derek knew that he couldn’t be around Spencer twenty-four/seven to protect him. Spencer was a trained agent; he could take care of himself.

Everything that they’d learned about their Unsub ran through his mind. A collage age student making a midnight run to the store, leaving a happy boyfriend behind. Then coming home and finding that boyfriend brutally murdered. Was it any wonder the Unsub had snapped? To come home and find the body of the person you loved so beaten so badly they weren’t even recognizable while all around you there was blood and spray-painted slurs against homosexuality on the walls of what should have been the place a person could feel safest. Their home.

Since then, the Unsub had been killing off couples that reminded him of him and his partner, Damien.  The first two murders had been white couples. Then he’d moved on to interracial couples like he and Damien had been. But logically, shouldn’t he have been looking for a black male that fit Damien’s physical appearance? Spencer fit the physique, yes, but his skin color was wrong. The skin color should be an important part of his fantasy. But it appeared that he was deep enough in his fantasy that the skin color didn’t matter; all he wanted was someone who reminded him of Damien. Spencer fit the bill in all other aspects, it would seem.

The hard part was going to be predicting what he would do next. Or trying to figure out what they would do next. Derek tried to imagine what the team was thinking. It was difficult not really being in the loop of things.

Most likely they would want the two to stay undercover—for now. Their best chance with this guy was catching him in the act of something. Right now there was nothing to tie him to any of the murders. If they took him, they’d have to rely solely on a confession. The only leverage they had against him at the moment to try and get him to confess was the story of Damien and that could blow up in their faces, making him clam up instead of talking. So they would need time to gather more and more. To build an accurate profile to help them. To give Penelope time to ‘work her magic’ and find out what she could and maybe get a name for this jerk.

If they gathered all of that before the Unsub struck, then they’d pull the two out of their undercover position and things could be normal. If they didn’t, this undercover operation was the only way they could actually catch the guy out. If he came for them and was arrested instead, they’d be able to use that against him as a wedge.

Derek had to fight between the part of him that knew that this was their job and they had to do this and the part that wanted to protect Spencer as best as he could.

His thoughts were broken when Spencer started to shift a little in bed. His eyebrows were drawn down in a way Derek recognized and his hands were clenching and unclenching at the blankets. Derek knew that soon Spencer would start mumbling. He was having a nightmare. Bringing one hand up, he stroked it over Spencer’s cheek, brushing against his hair. The kid had really soft hair. “Baby boy, wake up.” He leaned down and pressed a kiss to Spencer’s temple. “Come on, Spencer. It’s a bad dream, it’s not real. Come on, wake up for me.”

He could see the change on Spencer’s face. The way the tension drained a little just seconds before those wide eyes blinked sleepily open. “Derek?” he mumbled tiredly.

“Yeah, pretty boy, I’m right here. You were just dreaming.”

Still mostly asleep, Spencer rolled over, instinctively cuddling up against Derek’s chest. His arm slid under the blankets and wrapped over Derek’s side. “Mm. ‘S time to get up?” The sleepy words were muffled against Derek’s chest. He couldn’t resist smiling while he wrapped his arm around Spencer and held him close. “Nope. Your first class isn’t until two. It’s only nine right now.”

“Mm.” Spencer replied. He snuggled a little closer. “You’re warm.”

Folding his arm under his head, Derek let his head drop down so that it wasn’t resting on his hand anymore. “You’re always cold. That’s why I try to feed you. Maybe eventually I’ll put some meat on your bones.”

He felt Spencer yawn. “Good luck with that.”

Chuckling, Derek kissed the only part of Spencer he could reach; the top of his head. “How you feeling this morning? How’s your throat?”

There was a pause as Spencer most likely tried to get his brain to wake up a little. He was never very quick on things without coffee in his system. After a long pause, he said softly “I’m okay. My throat’s a little tender but it’s manageable.” His words were cut off by another yawn. Amused, Derek watched Spencer snuggle again, felt his body shift closer.

He couldn’t help the way his body started to respond to Spencer’s closeness. Derek was in just his boxers and Spencer in pajama pants; that left their upper halves pressed together. He could feel the soft puff of Spencer’s even breathing against his chest, sending chills over his skin. When the younger man shifted again, one of his legs sliding against Derek’s, a small moan teased at Derek’s lips, just barely held in. At least, he thought he held it in.

Surprise filled him when he felt a soft kiss pressed against his chest. He opened his mouth to make some kind of teasing remark, but Spencer kissed against his chest again, his hand lazily moving over the skin on Derek’s back, his nails just lightly scratching. Words dried up in Derek’s throat. Very rarely did Spencer initiate anything between them. Usually when anything happened, Derek was the one to initiate it, which was fine with him. The both of them enjoyed themselves each time. But having Spencer start these teasing little touches and kisses were one hell of a turn on. Derek felt his body respond almost instantly.

Spencer moved his head, kissing along Derek’s chest, up his neck, until finally their lips met. It wasn’t hard and hot, but soft and gentle, the perfect antidote to what they were feeling inside. In that moment they simply reveled in one another, enjoying this affirmation that they were both still alive and with one another. Derek hadn’t realized how badly he’d needed that until Spencer was here, offering it to him. Everything in him melted underneath that gentle kiss.

He was so lost in the kiss that he barely noticed Spencer shifting until suddenly he found himself rolled onto his back, Spencer’s body stretched full length over his. He couldn’t stop himself from moaning this time or from arching up, pushing their erections together. Derek brought his hands up, sliding them over Spencer’s hips, holding him in place so that he could push up, making his hips roll against the younger man’s.

A loud knocking sound interrupted them. Derek pulled his lips back, intending to say something, but Spencer growled lightly and bent to nip at his exposed neck. “Ignore them.” He muttered. Surprise had Derek’s eyebrows shooting up. That hadn’t been the response he’d expected. His lips curved. “Gladly.”

The knock sounded again, louder and harder than ever. Derek watched with amusement as Spencer lifted his head, staring at the doorway. He let out a loud sigh and rolled himself off of Derek. He stood at the edge of the bed and cast a wistful look at the older man. “I’ll be back. Don’t move.”

Grinning, Derek folded his hands behind his head and made a show of settling in. He watched Spencer chuckle before he grabbed Derek’s sweater off the dresser and headed to the hallway.

* * *

Pulling on Derek’s sweater, Spencer hurried down the hallway. “Just a minute!” He called out. Wincing, he scolded himself for shouting. That really wasn’t what his throat needed right now. He was rubbing at the soreness in his throat with one hand when he reached the front door. A peek through the peephole left him stunned for a split second.

Spencer quickly stepped back and opened the door. There, on his doorstep, stood Trisha. Her eyes swept over him quickly, focusing on the bruising on his throat underneath his hand, then down over his clothes and back up to his face. He could see what was going to happen before she did it but he didn’t bother trying to stop it. His heart ached for her.

Quick as a flash, she stepped into the house and raised her hand, slapping him across the face as hard as she could. The heat flared over his cheek. It stung like hell, but he didn’t make a sound. His eyes stayed locked on her grief stricken face.

“You little bastard.” She croaked at him. “How dare you? How dare you say my Timmy tried to kill you?”

There was nothing that Spencer could say that would make this better. He knew that. She was beyond upset right now; her grief was ripping her apart inside. He could see it in her eyes. “I’m sorry, Trisha.” They were the only words he could offer but he knew they weren’t enough. Nothing would be enough for her right now.

With a cry of pain and anger, she launched herself at him, her fists striking against his chest. “You liar!” she shouted. Down the hallway Spencer could hear Derek moving out of the bedroom, hurrying toward them. He paid no mind to his lover. All of his attention was focused on the girl against him who was trying to pound on him with her fists. Spencer did the only thing he could. He brought his arms up around her, holding her against him. She bucked and writhed and screamed in his arms, trying to break free, to hit him and hurt him. But he didn’t let go. He held her close, tucking his head down a little to keep his face from being struck again. All the while she was screaming at him. “How could you? Timmy wouldn’t hurt anyone! He wouldn’t have hurt you! I hate you! It’s your fault he’s dead!”

Tears filled Spencer’s eyes, trailing silently down his cheeks. Still, he held her, fighting to keep her against him. Slowly he felt her struggles become less and less. The screaming was becoming broken by little sobs. He felt when she finally gave over to the pain. Her hands gripped at his sweater instead of striking him and she moaned, low and deep, a sound so full of pain. He knew it was a sound he would never forget.

When her legs gave out, Spencer lowered them both to the floor, unable to hold both of them up. On his knees he cradled her to him, moving one hand to hold the back of her head, stroking her hair the way Derek did for him. She sobbed against his chest now, the force of it shaking her body. Now was the time to talk to her. Now he whispered soothing little words and sounds, not trying to stop her but to let her know she wasn’t alone. That he was there for her and she could just let go. As she cried, he let his own tears fall freely, grieving with her.

How much time passed, Spencer had no idea. But eventually her sobs tapered off, dying down until there was nothing left. She stayed curled against him, her body giving the occasional tremble. After a long pause, she asked him “Can you…can you tell me about it? The police, they brought me down, told me he was gone. They…they said he tried to kill you.”

A small shudder ran down Spencer. He closed his eyes, feeling Timmy’s hands around his neck again, taking his air away from him. “Don’t think of him that way, Trisha.” He whispered to her. It took iron control to keep his pain out of his words. “Remember him the way he was. That’s how he deserves to be remembered. Remember the love you two shared, not this.”

“How can I? Spencer, I don’t understand this!” A sob started, breaking off abruptly. “I need to understand.”

How could he help her? He had no idea what to say to her! Talking to victims, delivering news of a death in the family, that had never been a part of the job he’d been comfortable with. JJ had always delivered the bad news. In that moment, Spencer could appreciate all that she’d had to go through to do that part of the job for them.

His brain didn’t give him the words he needed, but his heart did. “Timmy was ill, Trisha. What happened at the end…he was sick. Trust me, you don’t want your images of him to be like this. Timmy was a good guy. Just think on the love you two shared and let that be enough for you.”

“They said someone else came in while Timmy was…while he hurt you. That the other guy killed him. But he let you live.”

 _Yes, he did, because he’s a sick bastard. He saved you so he could come back and kill you at a later time, Spencer._ He swallowed the lump in his throat. “Yes.” It was all he could say.

Trisha moved in his arms, pulling back just enough that she could look at his throat, bringing her hand up to rest over the bruises there. “I’m sorry.” She whispered to him. “Timmy, he was sweet and kind. I don’t know what was wrong with him that made him do this, but the man I fell in love with wouldn’t have hurt anyone.”

Spencer opened his eyes to look down into hers. “The friend I knew wouldn’t have either.”

After a long moment, the two separated, Trisha rising slowly to her feet, Spencer moving just as slowly. He felt Derek’s hand on his elbow, helping him upright. He’d forgotten completely that Derek was there. But he was grateful for the arm that slipped around his waist to support him once he was standing.

Trisha’s arms were wrapped around her waist in a position Spencer knew well. She was holding herself against the pain inside; holding herself together, hugging herself when the person she wanted to do it wasn’t there. “I’m sorry I came by like this.” She whispered, looking from one to the other. “I shouldn’t have done that.”

“You’re grieving.” To Spencer, that was enough of an excuse. “You can come by here anytime you need, Trisha. Anytime.”

“Thank you.” With a sad little smile, she turned toward the door. One last look over her shoulder and then she was gone as quickly as she came. Derek moved forward to shut the door and then turned and pulled Spencer close.

Derek buried his face against Spencer’s hair. “That was a kind thing you did, pretty boy.”

“She doesn’t deserve to have her images of him tainted.” Dropping his head, Spencer rested his forehead against Derek’s shoulder. “She doesn’t need to live with those thoughts. Let her grieve for the man she knew, not who he turned in to.”

“I love you, Spencer.”

For the first time, Spencer heard behind those words, knew they were more than just words said for their cover. He knew they were meant for him and they reached down to warm the colder places in his heart. He tightened his grip around Derek and sighed softly. “I love you too, Derek.”


	17. Chapter 17

 

In the shadows of his car, a man watched his prey leave the house. The larger of the two got into the driver’s seat of the car while the smaller, his Damien, got into the passenger’s seat. The man followed in his own car as the two went down the road. He followed, watching, as they went to the university. Damien was taking classes today. The man wouldn’t bother him there; Damien had always been so focused on studies. He would get angry if disturbed too much while working. That was ok; the man could wait. He would wait eternity for Damien.

So instead of following the one he wanted, he followed the other. After Damien was dropped off, the car started to move again, the man following discreetly behind. He hoped that by watching this other one, he might be able to figure out a way to get him out of the picture. He was in the way of the man and Damien’s happiness. This ‘Derek’ fellow needed to be gone. But how? How would he get him away? Or should he just take them together like he’d originally planned. Yes…he could do that. Then he could dispose of Derek in any way he wished and then he and Damien would be together. Forever.

The gleeful feeling in him froze when he saw where it was that Derek was pulling into. The police station? Why was he at the police station? The man had been watching the video stream since last night and he’d seen no phone calls that should have brought them back to the station. Plus, it was Damien who had been hurt. Damien was the one who had been attacked and who had almost died. Derek had failed to protect him! So the man had stepped in to protect him.

He felt that rage build in the pit of his stomach again. How dare someone attack what was his? It had been so satisfying to plunge that knife down into the boy’s back; to stab him, over and over, until he couldn’t harm Damien anymore. Then—oh, sheer heaven!—he’d been able to stroke Damien’s face. Touch him. Talk to him.

Watching, he saw Derek climb from his car, saw him go into the police station. Through the windows the man could see as Derek was led into the room the FBI was using. Now, what the hell was that? If he’d been talking to the cops it would have made a little sense. Maybe he’d be checking up on the report on Damien. But why would he be talking to the Feds? Why had the Feds been the one to interview the two men last night? Something was wrong here. Something was very, very wrong.

The man pulled away from the station, plotting in his mind. There was something off about all of this and he was determined to get to the bottom of it. He knew of only one way to get his answers. Driving his car to a specified place, he used a payphone to call in a disturbance. He’d seen the cop car nearby on his drive over and knew that only one cop was in that car. That cruiser would be the one to respond to this call and the man would be alone.

Waiting in the shadows, the man watched as his plan unfolded. He watched as the officer pulled into the run down lot, parking near the man’s empty car. When he walked over to look inside, the man moved slowly and quietly. Soon, he would have his answers. Soon, this cop would tell him everything he wanted to know.

* * *

When the last class of the day was done with, Spencer gathered his things together, stuffing them down into his messenger bag. He actually felt his lips curve a little as he thought about going ‘home’. Derek was supposed to pick him up. While he put his stuff together and headed out of the lecture hall, Spencer’s thoughts traveled back to that morning at the house.

Trisha’s arrival had broken the mood between the two men. That frisky feeling had been gone and reality had come crashing back in. For the longest time, Spencer had simply stood in the circle of Derek’s arms, trying to lock everything away again. He knew that others might think it was impractical of him to grieve over Timmy’s death, but Derek understood. They had both liked the man. It just went to show that even some of the most wonderful people, people you never would have suspected, could do something wrong.

After a while the two had moved to the couch, settling down together. Just being around one another had been enough to ease their tension, but Spencer hadn’t been ready to talk and his throat was too sore to handle more talking. So Derek had put a movie on and Spencer had grabbed a book. When Derek stretched out, his feet propped on the coffee table, Spencer had shifted sideways and put his back against the side of Derek’s chest and Derek’s arm had wrapped loosely around his stomach. Together they sat there for a few hours. Spencer went through a few books while Derek watched his movie. It had been the perfect way to relax.

But then the time had come for Spencer to get ready to go. He’d found himself eager to go; looking forward to learning new information. Knowledge was something he was always seeking. Anything that allowed him to learn something new was wonderful. Derek had laughed at him for being so eager, but Spencer hadn’t been able to help himself. He’d been smiling slightly when he’d headed to his first class.

Now as he walked to the parking lot, he was smiling once again. That smile grew even more when he saw Derek leaning against the side of the car, waiting for him. For one of the first times in his life, Spencer didn’t think about being in public or about who could see him. He didn’t realize that people were watching and he didn’t feel embarrassed. His eyes locked with Derek and he walked straight to him, moving into his arms as if it was something they’d done for years, pressing a kiss to the older man’s lips. When they pulled apart, Derek was smiling back at him. “Hey, pretty boy. Good day?”

“Yeah.” Spencer leaned in and stole another kiss. “I’m feeling better, I think. You know me and school.”

“Always eager to learn more. You’re one in a million, Spencer.”

Chuckling, Spencer broke free to get into the car. “I can’t help that I like to learn!”

“I wouldn’t have you any other way, baby boy.”

That comment had Spencer smiling to himself while the car started and they pulled out of the parking lot. Neither noticed the black car that followed them, blending into the traffic. As they headed down the road, Derek quizzed Spencer on his classes, actually seeming interested in the long-winded responses the younger agent gave. Encouraged by that, Spencer said more than he normally would have, giving more detail as he tried to describe what it was they were learning.

“The only downside to this all is maintaining the cover while I’m in class.” Spencer admitted after a few moments. “Hotch said it’s okay for me to read at my speed, but I have to cover up the rest of my intellect. I don’t quite know how to do that very well. It was hard not to correct the one professor when he misquoted our textbook.” Scowling, Spencer looked out the window. “How does someone misquote a book that _he_ assigned for his class? Shouldn’t it be a requirement to know what you’re assigning to the student body to read?”

Derek’s laughter only spurred Spencer on. He turned his body in his seat, hands moving as he got into what he was discussing. “I understand that he teaches quite a bit and sometimes a person can just be tired and make mistakes. I also comprehend that it’s logical for someone to paraphrase something. But the way he misquoted it actually changed the meaning entirely! What is that going to do to the students he teaches? If you’re teaching something, you should teach it correctly! I had a professor at Cal-Tech like that. That man was an abysmal professor. I wasn’t the least bit offended when he banned me from his classroom. I found a much better teacher instead.”

“You were banned from a classroom in college, pretty boy?” Derek said with another laugh. “What did you do to him?”

“If he hadn’t been so idiotic, I would never have called him out the way I did. But one can only take incompetence for so long before it becomes too much. If you’re not prepared for a student to answer a question then you shouldn’t ask it to begin with! When he put the equation on the board on the first day of class, he challenged us all to solve it. A contest, to see if any of us could.”

“And let me guess, you did, didn’t you?”

Spencer shrugged, but a small grin was tugging at his lips. “Before class was even finished.” He admitted. As Derek’s laughter grew louder, Spencer’s cheeks heated with his blush. “I didn’t realize he would get so upset! How was I supposed to know that the equation had taken him three years of hard work to solve? He simply put it up there and asked us to solve it. So while we worked in class, I let part of my mind wander over it. Was it wrong of me to solve it when he’d asked us to?”

By then Derek was grateful that they were pulling into the driveway. It allowed him to put the car in park and laugh without fear of crashing. “You solved something in one class that took your professor three years to solve?” He managed to snort out.

“Well, yes. It wasn’t that difficult, see. All I had to do…”

Derek brought a hand up, cutting him off before he could get going. “You know anything you say to me about a mathematical equation is going to go right over my head, Spencer, so you might as well stop now. Tell me what happened once you solved it. I’ve got to hear the ending of this.”

Still embarrassed, Spencer chewed on his lip and looked over at Derek, who was now turned in his seat to face him, grinning like a loon. That relaxed Spencer enough that he smiled as he finished his story. “When the class was ending, I was finished with my work ahead of the other students, so I put my hand up for his attention like we’d been instructed to do. He called on me and I told him that I was finished with my work and that I had the answer to his equation. He didn’t believe me. He said there was no way I had the answer but that I was more than welcome to come up to the whiteboard and try. So I did.”

“And were you right?”

Spencer gave Derek an offended look. “You think I’d go up there with a wrong answer?”

Chuckling, Derek shook his head. “Of course not. What was I thinking? Finish the story, baby boy.”

For a moment Spencer stared at Derek, unsure if he was still making fun of him. Then he shrugged and continued, smiling to himself as he remembered that day. “I wrote the answer on the whiteboard. I knew I was correct, as did he. When I turned to him, he accused me of cheating. I mean, I was young. The youngest in the room. So it was slightly understandable that he assumed I wouldn’t know the answer. Yet, my age should have been an indicator that I was more intelligent than the average college student. I was annoyed that he thought I cheated, though. I was tired of having to prove myself to him. I told him I’d figured it out in my head while we were in class. He said there was no way.”

All over again Spencer felt the annoyance he’d felt that day. It showed in his face and his gestures as he continued talking. “He actually had the nerve to say I’d been warned that he used this equation and had looked up the answer somehow. So, frustrated with him, I figured the easiest way to prove to him I had done it was to show him. I erased the board and wrote out the equation and my process from start to finish, explaining it as I went. When I was done, I set the pen down and told him that it was really a simple equation when one stepped back to look at it. He accused me of mocking him, which I hadn’t been doing, and of trying to make him look like a fool in his class. Then he told me to leave and not come back. I was happy to oblige.”

This time Derek shook his head as he laughed. He impulsively leaned in and gave Spencer a kiss that left the younger man smiling. “You are one in a million, pretty boy.”

Both men were smiling as they climbed out of the car. Spencer followed behind Derek, waiting for him to unlock the house before they headed inside. This place had almost really come to feel like home. Spencer put his bag down by the coat rack in the living room before adding his coat and the scarf he’d worn to hide his bruises. For a moment that thought tried to push in, but he shoved it back. That was the last thing he wanted to think about at the moment. School had helped him compartmentalize, shoving back the things he didn’t want to think about. For now that was how it had to be. If he wanted to be able to do his job than he couldn’t allow himself to freak out over what had happened and what had almost happened.

He went back to the kitchen where Derek was rifling the cupboards. “Nothing really looks good to eat. We should have picked up something on the way home.” Derek said, his voice muffled from inside the pantry.

Spencer moved directly to the coffeepot. Wonderful man that he was, Derek had made sure there was coffee waiting, knowing Spencer would want it. He was pouring his cup and adding sugar while he answered Derek. “If you want something, go ahead and go get it. I can get some laundry started while you do.”

“Why don’t we get something delivered?” Derek suggested. He straightened from the cupboard and turned to look at him, smiling as he saw Spencer sighing over the first sip of coffee. “What are you hungry for?”

Mm, the coffee was wonderful. Now that he had it in his system, Spencer smiled over at him.  “Chinese.” He decided. That sounded wonderful. _So long as Derek doesn’t give me too much crap about the chopsticks_ his mind teased. He didn’t even notice that Derek had now become Derek, even in his mind. “But they don’t deliver. There’s that place that’s only a couple of blocks down the road.”

Something passed through Derek’s eyes and his smile wiped away. “I’m not fond of leaving you alone, Spencer. Not after last night.”

“I’ll be fine, Derek. Nothing is going to happen to me here. The police will find the guy and we’ll be fine.” In that was the silent message _Nothing is going to happen to me tonight. You know he has a time schedule and this isn’t it._ But he still saw the indecision on Derek’s face. Sighing internally, Spencer walked over to him, giving him a gentle kiss. “Go, honey. I’ll be perfectly fine for the twenty minutes it takes you to go get our food and come back.”

For a long moment Derek only stared at him, a silly little smile growing. Looking at hm, Spencer couldn’t help but smile back even as he asked “What?”

“You called me honey.”

Chuckling, Spencer stepped away, moving back to lean against the counter. “So I did.” He teased easily. How was it that things that had scared him at the start of this job now came so easily? Talking, flirting, it had seemed so hard before. Now, with Derek, it was almost as easy as breathing. “Does that make you happy enough to go get me the Chinese I want?”

That had Derek laughing. “All right, all right. I’ll get your Chinese. But I’m going to make you try the number two pencils again.” He darted past Spencer before the younger man could reach out to smack him. His laughter echoed through the house as he hurried out the door. “Be back soon!” There was no need for him to ask what Spencer wanted. They’d eaten take out together often enough to know what the other liked.

Even as the door was shutting, Spencer was still laughing. It was good to see Derek in a playful mood. It was good to be in a playful mood, himself. He’d been afraid that the events of the night before would make the next little while difficult. But it seemed that they might do ok, so long as they had each other.

Spencer hummed the music of Moonlight Sonata to himself as he headed down the hallway to gather the clothes. They really did need to do laundry. He put everything in the basket, keeping his coffee cup nearby, and once it was ready he put the basket on his hip and picked up his cup with his free hand. On his way to the laundry room, which banked off the kitchen, he had to chuckle to himself. Didn’t he just look so domestic right now? Gathering laundry while his partner went to get them dinner.

Maybe when Derek got back they could go set up on the back porch to eat. The night wasn’t too cold and the stars would be pretty to look at as they came out. It would almost be like a little picnic for them. Plus, they’d be out of the range of the cameras, so it would be like they were actually having a private moment together. That would be something special to him.

He’d thought before that he loved Derek, but over the short time they’d been here together, Spencer was realizing just how much that love could grow. It seemed to do so every day. Each morning that he woke up in Derek’s arms, he felt the love he had for the man grow a little more and a little more. This whole faux dating underneath the cover dating had started as Derek’s way of showing Spencer what their life could be like together. If this was what they could have together once they were back home, he’d be a fool to pass it up. Every day was wonderful. There was no pain from being hurt, no fear of being hurt. Just love and friendship.

He couldn’t stop smiling as he put the clothes into the washer. Maybe Derek really was right. Maybe, when they got home, together they could find a way to get things with Michael taken care of and then he could really start his life with Derek. The idea was thrilling. A job he loved, friends, a person he loved and who loved him. What more could someone want?

Wrapped in his fantasy, Spencer was still smiling when he stepped back into the kitchen. That smile wiped away when he saw the figure standing by the dining room table. It was the face he’d seen so many times recently, following him. The face that had loomed over him just last night while a bloody hand stroked his hair. Yet where there had been compassion before, now Spencer only saw rage and insanity. He took a step back, shivering in the suddenly cool house, his throat going dry.

The man gave him a smile as hard and sharp as a shark. “Hello, Spencer. Or, should I say, Dr. Reid?”

For just one second, Spencer felt his heart stop. All his brain could think was _Oh, shit._


	18. Chapter 18

 

Humming slightly to himself, Derek let the music from the radio wash over him as he headed down the road to the Chinese restaurant. He smiled to himself as he remembered Spencer flirting with him in the house. They sure had come far from even just the start of this undercover operation. It was an awesome thing to sit back and watch the unfurling of the real Spencer Reid. To see the kid slowly grow into himself. He’d become so relaxed around Derek, so much more sure of himself. There was no doubting the emotion that sat between them; it was growing by the day.

He wasn’t the only one who was seeing it happen. Earlier that day at the police station, Penelope had taken a moment to corner Derek and tell him in no uncertain terms that she knew something was happening between them and she was happy for them and that it was ‘about damn time’. That memory made him grin. There was no one in the world quite like Penelope.

After Derek had dropped Spencer off at school, Aaron had called Derek’s cell and told him to come down to the station. They’d wanted to talk with him and try to get an assessment not only on how Spencer was doing, but on what could potentially happen in the up and coming days. At first, Derek had protested, worried that it might look suspicious. But Aaron and Dave both had told him that it would look perfectly normal for a boyfriend to check in with the police after an event like the night before. So Derek had gone down there, though he hadn’t stayed long. They’d tried to make it as discreet as possible.

He’d told them the truth about how he and Spencer were doing, not holding back on it. If they’d been watching the video feed, which someone always was, they would have seen Spencer’s silent breakdown when they’d gotten back to the house. But he’d been honest when he told Aaron “I think he’ll be fine from this. The thing with Trisha this morning let him get a little bit of it out of his system. You know him, Hotch. He processes things differently than we do. But he knows we’re here for him. He’ll be fine.”

They’d discussed the new obsession with Spencer instead of with the couple and the potential ramifications that could come from it. The general agreement was that the Unsub wasn’t going to strike yet. He’d told Spencer that everything would be ready soon. That implied that they still had a little time before it could happen. The Unit chief had wanted to make sure that they took at least a day to relax a little, but to keep vigilant and to be prepared. It could be days or even a week or a month before the Unsub struck. But it was most likely going to be soon.

Despite the situation they were in, Derek couldn’t stop himself from feeling somewhat happy. Underneath all the crap, good things were happening too. He and Spencer were getting closer and closer to one another. They moved around the house as if they’d been living together for a long time. It was easy to be with Spencer. There weren’t fights about the shower or over food or even TV. Somehow, despite their interests seeming so opposite, they struck a happy medium together. There were times they went out, as their cover demanded, which was really more of Derek’s scene. Other times they stayed in together, Derek watching a movie, Spencer curled against him and reading a book.

Those were actually the moments that Derek enjoyed the most. To be honest with himself, he admitted that if it wasn’t for the case requiring them to go out and be social, he would be content to spend his time at home with Spencer. Even when they were doing their own things, they still stayed close. As he watched a movie or a show, Derek could sit and run his fingers up and down Spencer’s side, feeling that smooth skin he loved so much. Or he could bring a hand up to play with Spencer’s hair.

That was how things could be for them after this case was over. They could be this happy together. At least, once they dealt with Michael. That thought was enough to sour Derek’s good mood a little. There was nothing he wanted more than to beat the hell out of that bastard once they got back home. How dare someone hurt Spencer that way? How dare they threaten him so that he couldn’t leave? It was going to be hell on Spencer to have to report it to the police. But it was the only way they’d be able to stop the man from coming after someone in revenge. According to Spencer, it was entirely plausible that Michael would hurt someone to make Spencer stay with him. The man was unstable, that much was obvious. But Derek vowed that he would do everything he could to protect Spencer.

The sound of his cell ringing interrupted his thoughts. He pulled into the parking lot of the restaurant while he checked to see who was calling. Oh, Penelope. He was putting the car into park as he flipped the phone open. “Hey, baby girl…”

She cut him off before he could get any further, her voice full of panic and terror. “You need to get to the house, now. The video feed suddenly shut off. I was watching Spencer gather laundry and it just shut off. There’s nothing. I can’t even access the cameras to find out what’s going on. The team is on the way but you’re closer.”

The car was already flying in reverse when Derek tossed the phone into the passenger’s seat. As he set off toward home, driving twice as fast as before, he prayed with all his might. _Please, let him be okay. Please, God, let him be okay. Don’t let me be too late._

* * *

Terror was the strongest emotion that Spencer felt. His brain seemed to kick into overdrive. How did the man know what his name was? His real name! Their cover was blown. He could see the rage on the other man’s face and had no problem making the leap to what had brought it there. The Unsub had built a fantasy around Spencer, casting him in the role of ‘Damien’. To find out that he was really an FBI agent here to trap him—however the hell he’d found that out!—would have shattered that delusion.

The Unsub faked a chuckle. “Well, aren’t I rude. You don’t even know my name, do you? Let me introduce myself. My name is Quentin. And you, you’re Dr. Reid of the FBI. You came here to trap me, to trick me. Taunting me.” Quick as can be his mood shifted from mocking humor back to rage. “That cop told me everything once I _persuaded_ him. I know the truth about you now. I know you’re a liar!”

Bringing his hands up to try and ease Quentin’s tension, Spencer spoke in a low voice, hoping to go for soothing. “I wasn’t trying to taunt you, Quentin. You’ve got this wrong. I don’t want to hurt you. I just want to be able to help you.” His brain was working hard, trying to figure out a way to get around him. Quentin was blocking the only exit out of the kitchen and the guns were hidden in the bedroom. Spencer knew that if he could just get down there, he could get his gun and subdue Quentin until backup arrived. Penelope had to be seeing this on the video right now. She would have sent someone and she would have called Derek. Help was on the way. If he couldn’t get to his gun, he just had to stall.

But Quentin wasn’t stable. Spencer could see that. The man was too far gone to be reasoned with. His face was a mask of rage. “No! I won’t listen to your lies! You’re going to pay for tricking me! I’m going to show you how Damien felt. You have to learn. All of you have to learn!”

“You don’t want to do this, Quentin. Police are going to be arriving any moment now. My partner will be back any moment. If they show up and you’re violent, they’ll take you down. That doesn’t have to happen. We can end this peacefully now. Let me help you, Quentin. Let me help you.”

“I don’t care about the cops. By the time they get here, it’ll all be over.”

That was all the warning Spencer had before Quentin lunged for him. Because he’d been prepared for it, Spencer managed to dodge the brunt of the tackle, but it still sent him flying sideways into the kitchen counter. He grunted with the force of the impact even as he was forcing himself to move. Quentin had hit the floor when he’d lunged; now, he flung himself forward, catching Spencer around the ankles, knocking him flat to the ground. Spencer hit the floor with a crash, the breath knocked from him. His mind was screaming at him to _move, move, move_! _Think past the pain!_ He tried to push off the ground and kick his feet out to break free but Quentin was moving over him. A solid hand on his waist flipped Spencer over just seconds before a fist connected with his face.

Agony exploded in his face and one eye was almost blinded from it. He struggled past the pain, trying to remember everything he’d ever learned about hand to hand combat. Only one move came to mind. With all the force he could muster, Spencer slammed his knee up straight between Quentin’s legs.

A loud grunt issued from the man over him. When Quentin loosened his hold, Spencer instantly shoved at him, knocking him off. There was no chance to try and run, though. The other man recovered quickly. His fist caught Spencer in the ribs, right over the bruising that was already there, making him fall back down. The next few minutes were a blur of fists and pain for Spencer. He fought back, hitting and kicking as best he could, but he was losing in sheer body mass.

A loud shout broke into their fight, giving Spencer the chance to connect a solid punch to Quentin’s face. He jumped up as soon as the other man freed him, only to find himself face to face with Derek. That distracted him long enough to allow Quentin a chance to push to his feet. Before Spencer could blink, Derek was pushing him out of the way, saving him from the fist that had been flying at him. Spencer crashed into the table, barely managing to catch himself before he would have fallen once more. He turned horrified eyes to where Derek and Quentin were wrestling with one another, slamming into the counters as each one tried to overpower the other.

Spencer let out a gasping shout when he saw Quentin grab the metal spice rack off the counter. It was too late. He swung it, smashing it into Derek’s head, knocking the agent to the ground. Then those psychotic eyes turned once more toward Spencer.

There was no time. Spencer shoved away from the table and raced down the hallway. He had to get to the guns! Somehow he made it to the bedroom and had his hand under the mattress, fingers curling around the gun, before Quentin caught up with him. A fist latched into his hair, yanking him back. Spencer rode with it, letting it send him to the ground, all the while trying to tighten his grip on the gun. Quentin saw it, though. His hand closed around Spencer’s wrist, trying to force him to drop the gun, pushing him further and further to the ground. “It won’t be that easy for you, you little shit. I’m going to beat the hell out of you so you can die a bloody mess just like Damien did!”

Spencer didn’t waste his breath arguing with him. Adrenaline was coursing through him, the only thing that was giving him the strength that was letting him somehow manage to hold his own. He tried to swing his other hand up, but Quentin deflected the blow, still squeezing Spencer’s wrist to try and get him to drop the gun.

Soon the grip would make him drop it, Spencer knew. His hand would go numb and he wouldn’t be able to stop it. His mind ran through the options he had and only one held a likelihood of success, even if it did hold risks. If it went off accidentally…he refused to let himself think that. There was only one choice. He swung his leg out, hooking it to catch Quentin behind the knees. The larger man fell down almost directly on top of him, their joined hands twisting. Something in Spencer’s wrist gave a sickening snap, making his fingers jerk. The sound of a gunshot ripped through the room.

* * *

Out in the kitchen, Derek was drawing himself to his feet, trying to force back the blackness that wanted to suck him under. One hand gripping the counter, he yanked himself upright. Spencer needed him. He had to help him.

Just as he started to make his way to the hall, he heard the struggles stop and the echo of a gun being fired. His blood ran cold.


	19. Chapter 19

 

The sound of that gunshot was louder than anything in the room. His eyes went wide and his body jerked. Staring up, Spencer saw wide eyes slowly growing wider. Shock painted the once insane looking face. Quentin’s mouth opened, his head tipping to look down between them. Somehow, even with his wrist snapped the way it was, Spencer still managed to keep the gun in place. It was pointed into Quentin’s chest, angled up. Blood was seeping down around it. When Quentin’s weight collapsed on him, Spencer almost cried out from both relief and a renewal of pain. Something was thudding in the distance, growing close rand closer. Footsteps. Those were footsteps. Why had that been so hard to think of? His brain felt kind of hazy.

“Spencer!” The sound of his name was a hoarse cry.

Suddenly Quentin’s weight was gone, rolling off of Spencer, even as the sound of more footsteps pounded through the house. Someone was coming. Who the hell was coming? Spencer gripped his broken hand tightly around the gun, his other moving to help hold it steady, not allowing himself to feel the waves of pain. Hazy eyes tried to focus around him. “Get back.” He croaked out.

“Pretty boy, it’s me. It’s Derek.” Derek’s voice was close; it was warm and soothing, like a fire on a winter day. If Derek was here, he was safe. Spencer let his eyes move from the crowd that was piling into his room and over to where Derek was moving up beside him. It really was Derek. Derek was here. Derek would keep him safe. “Derek.” He gasped out. Pain was starting to crash over him again.

He felt Derek’s hand settle over the gun and he let him take it. “Yeah, baby boy, it’s me. Spencer, I need you to look at me. Are you shot too? I need to know where you’re hurt.”

“No.” Spencer shook his head. He paused, trying to swallow down the bile. “I shot him.”

People were moving closer now, their shadows moving over Spencer’s body. He jerked his legs back, bracing on his elbows to slide toward the bed and away from the bodies. No! They couldn’t touch him. He didn’t want them to touch him! He had to stay safe. Had to, had to, had to. But then Derek’s familiar arms were there, pulling him close, wrapping him up safe and tight. Despite the pain it caused, Spencer dropped his head to rest on Derek’s shoulder, cradling his injured hand against his stomach. His eyes drifted closed; everything just _hurt_.

A new voice came over. “Morgan, Reid, paramedics should be here any minute.” Was that Aaron? When had he gotten here? Spencer decided it didn’t matter. He tried to breathe around the aching, but each breath was a new lesson in pain.

“Most of the blood doesn’t seem to be his.” Derek murmured. “He shot the Unsub. Is the bastard still alive?”

That thought drew Spencer’s interest. Had he killed him? The man was sick, delusional, but he deserved to live. He deserved to get help for what was wrong with him. _I have no idea what I’d do if Derek was taken from me like Damien was taken from Quentin. Would I still be sane afterwards? If I came home to find him beaten until he was unrecognizable, can I really say I wouldn’t snap? That I wouldn’t try to find a way to bring him back to me? That’s all Quentin wanted. He wanted to bring Damien back._

Spencer knew his thoughts were scattered and fractured. Most likely the result of a concussion mixed with the loss of adrenaline and the overload of pain. It was surprising he was actually wake at all!

A hand he didn’t recognize touched his leg and Spencer reacted instinctively. His body jerked before curling straight into Derek, despite how much it hurt to do so. A soft cry slipped past his lips and his good hand was gripping at Derek’s shirt.

One of Derek’s hands started to soothingly rub up and down his back. “Shh, shh, baby boy. It’s just the paramedics. They need to take a look at you, okay? You’re pretty banged up. Can you let them look at you? Can you do that for me?”

“I don’t want…Derek….” His mouth didn’t seem to want to work right. The world was spinning slightly around him, growing dark at the edges, wavering in and out. With his good hand he reached out, finding Derek’s hand and gripping it tightly. “Don’t leave.”

A kiss was pressed to the top of his head. “I won’t, Spencer. I’ve got you.”

With that reassurance, Spencer stopped fighting the darkness. With a sigh, he slipped down into unconsciousness.

* * *

It was hell for Derek when he saw Spencer’s eyes slide closed, his head lolling back and his body going limp. He knew what had happened. The young agent had held on as long as possible but he’d finally passed out. It was amazing that it hadn’t already happened. Derek lifted his eyes to the paramedic, nodding to let him know he could come close. Room was being cleared for a gurney to be brought in.

Derek had to bite his tongue to keep from saying anything when hands lifted Spencer from him and laid the young agent out on the gurney. But he said nothing, simply rising with them, moving to follow them. Someone said something to him to try and stop him. He didn’t care. Let them talk. Let them say what they wanted. His whole world was focused right in that moment on Spencer.

He followed them outside, waiting as the gurney was loaded in the ambulance. As soon as it was clear, he moved to climb in. One look silenced the paramedics. No one was going to separate him from his partner. No one. Derek took up a spot beside Spencer where he could once again clasp the agent’s good hand. He waited until the doors were closed and the ambulance was moving before he spoke to the medics. “Before we came on this job, Dr. Reid was in a domestic violence situation. He wanted me to make sure that the doctors do not tell anyone anything that pertains to old injuries.” Spencer hadn’t said that, but Derek knew. “He knows the doctor will update us on his current injuries, but old ones, old scars, things like that? He wants those kept private. The team doesn’t know what he lived with. Please, stress the importance of this to the doctor that takes him.”

One of the paramedics looked up from where he was gathering things for an IV. “Of course.” His tone was gentle and understanding.

Sure that he’d protected his baby boy as best he could here, Derek focused all his attention on the face below his. _I’m so sorry, Spencer. I shouldn’t have left you alone. I’m sorry, baby boy._

When they arrived at the hospital, Derek was forced to back away from Spencer. One of the nurses caught him, dragging him to an exam table so she could look him over and check the wound on his head. He waited impatiently through her poking and prodding. Finally he was deemed fine, told to watch his head and keep an eye out for signs of anything serious. Then she sent him to the waiting room to wait.

He’d only been there a few minutes when the rest of the team came racing in. Penelope moved straight to him, dropping down in the chair beside him and wrapping her arms around him. Automatically Derek lifted an arm to tuck her underneath it. “Any word, honey?” She asked.

Derek shook his head. “I just got back out here after they checked my head. I’m fine,” He threw out before Penelope could say anything. “That bastard hit me with the spice rack.”

“Can you walk me through what happened, Morgan?” Aaron moved to sit nearby, his gaze steady and strong. Derek nodded at him. He took a deep breath and walked them all through the evening, starting with the phone call from Penelope. When he reached the scene in the bedroom, his voice caught a little. There were no words to describe the terror he’d felt, not knowing who had been shot.

The room felt quiet as everyone processed what had been said. Derek focused his gaze on the hall, waiting for someone to bring him word of Spencer. They all took the hint and left him alone. Penelope hugged him just a little tighter, offering him support. In silence, the group of friends waited.

* * *

It was midway through his examination that Spencer started to come back to himself. At the feel of hands on him, he started to panic, not knowing where he was or who was touching him. All he could think was that he had to get away from the hands. He had to get to his gun! Quentin was going to kill him! Or…wait…hadn’t he shot Quentin? He jerked a little and suddenly felt something in his hands. Opening his eyes, Spencer looked down, seeing the IV attached there. Horror grew in him. Even as he lifted his eyes to where the IV bag was hung, he knew what was in it. Could feel it in his veins. Morphine.

The hands were on him again, trying to hold him on the bed as they called his name. “Spencer, Spencer!”

 _NO_! Spencer bucked is body up and jerked away from the hands, flinging himself off the bed. When he crashed into the floor, the pain intensified, ripping him to shreds on the inside. But he kept moving. He would not be pinned down on the bed again! He wouldn’t! His brain wasn’t catching up with the world around him. Instead of seeing the hospital room and the doctor or the nurses, all he could see was his room in his apartment and Michael standing over him, sneering at him. _“Come on, Spencer. You know you like it. You know you deserve this. It’s why you stay.”_

“I don’t like it!” He shouted back. Scrabbling across the floor, he darted quickly around the legs of the people in the room, racing to the bathroom. It was the closest place with a door. The IV ripped out of his arm as he moved, his wrist screamed at the contact, but he didn’t stop until he was in the bathroom and the door shut. “Go away, go away! I don’t want it, I don’t like it!” he shrieked.

Michael stood over him again. How had he gotten in here? No! He’d shut the door! He’d shut him out! Spencer pushed himself back, shoving himself into the small space between the toilet and the wall, trying to make himself as small as possible.

_“You know you’ve disobeyed, Spencer. You lied to me! You cheated on me with that bastard! Did you think you’d get away without punishment? I’ll fucking kill you!”_

“No, no, please!”

_“I’ll go find that little Godson of yours. How about that, huh? I’ll fucking slit his little throat and leave him on Mommy’s porch for her to find. I’ll leave her a note to tell her it was all your fault. You could have prevented it if you’d just listened to me. If you’d just done what you were told!”_

“ _NO!_ ” Sobs ripped their way out of his throat. No, no! Not Henry!

* * *

A light went off near the nurses’ station. Derek’s eyes locked on there as he saw the light flash and every available nurse race down the hallway. A sick feeling grew in his stomach. What if that was Spencer they were going after? Before he’d even thought of it, Derek was up out of his chair. To his surprise, no one stopped him. They all moved with him, actually, heading into the hall, following the crowd of nurses. When they reached the room, Derek stood outside, unsure what to do. He couldn’t see Spencer in there. What if this wasn’t him? What if this was someone else? Then he heard something that had his blood running cold. Spencer’s voice, full of absolute terror, screaming out “ _NO!_ ”

That was enough for Derek. He pushed his way into the room, not caring that the rest of the team was still behind him. He moved to the bathroom door, which seemed to be the center of the group, hearing Aaron grab someone and demand “What is going on here? What happened to my Agent?”

Derek couldn’t get everyone to move out of his way. He tried to push through, but he froze when he heard the doctor answer Aaron. “He shouldn’t have woken up yet. I don’t know how on earth he managed to wake up with the amount of morphine we put in his system. But he woke up and I think he panicked when he didn’t recognize what was around him. That panic combined with the morphine and it seems to have made him delusional. I believe he’s in a full blown panic attack. He managed to get to the bathroom and lock himself inside.”

 _“You gave him morphine?”_ Derek hissed out, spinning to face the doctor who was now looking at him with wide eyes.

The look on Aaron’s face was furious. His calm mask was gone. “It clearly states in his records that he does not take narcotic medication!” The unit chief snapped at the doctor. “That’s probably half his panic right there!” Behind him, Dave, Emily and Penelope were glaring at the doctor.

They could handle the idiot doctor. Derek heard another shriek from Spencer. Spinning back to the door, he gave up trying to come through and bellowed out “Clear the door!” in his best FBI voice. The nurses responded almost instantaneously. As soon as the door was clear, Derek darted forward, grabbing the handle and finding it locked. He didn’t hesitate any longer. These bathroom doors were flimsy, not meant to stand up to serious damage. One slam with his shoulder had the door shooting open.

Derek spared the crowd one last look. “Stay back!” he ordered them. His eyes locked on Emily, who was already moving forward. “Let no one in.” He told her when she reached him. Others might have thought that Emily’s gender and size would make her softer or weaker. Derek knew better. He knew that no one would get past her.

That allowed him to focus totally on Spencer. The young man was squashed between the toilet and the wall, his lean body curled tight, his wide eyes focused on something that Derek knew wasn’t there. The bruise over Spencer’s eye and cheek seemed so much starker in comparison to the paleness of the rest of Spencer’s face. _Jesus, his eyes almost swollen shut!_ Heart aching, Derek moved forward, his hands held out in front of him. “Spencer, honey, it’s me. It’s Derek.” He said softly. “Can you hear me, pretty boy? I need you to look at me and hear me. I need you to calm down, okay?”

Spencer’s eyes jerked toward him, but there was still that glazed look to them. It was a look Derek had seen one too many times as a cop; the kid was high as a kite.

He took another step forward, trying to think of how to get through to him, when suddenly Spencer shrieked at him. “Leave him alone! Please, _please_! I’ll do anything!” Tears poured down those pale cheeks suddenly, over the startling bruises there. “Please!” Spencer begged hoarsely. “I won’t fight it if you just leave them alone!”

In one sickening instant, Derek knew what was going on. He knew what Spencer was hallucinating. It had him wanting to throw up. Dropping down to his knees, Derek was only a foot in front of him. He knew he had to try to talk him down from this but he didn’t want the others hearing what he said. “Spencer, sugar, look right here, look at me. He’s not here, okay? He’s not here with you. You’re at a hospital and you’re safe.” He said gently. There was a small flash in Spencer’s eyes, a kind of recognition to Derek’s voice. Taking hope from that, Derek kept talking. “I’m right here, baby boy. I’m right here with you and I won’t let anything happen, okay? You know I’ll keep you safe. I won’t let anyone be hurt. Just look at me. See it’s me here, not him. It’s Derek. I’m right here with you and I’ll keep you safe, okay?”

Spencer’s mouth trembled slightly. “Derek?” he whispered. A small amount of clarity looked like it was growing in Spencer’s eyes. “I…Derek?”

“That’s right, Spencer. It’s Derek. You’re at the hospital, remember? I’m right here with you. He’s not here, okay? He’s not here. I won’t let him hurt anyone, Spencer, I promise you.”

That clarity grew more and more. Derek sighed with relief when he saw the familiar wide-eyed stare of Spencer lock onto his face, actually seeing him instead of seeing through him. Derek felt secure this time in opening his arms to the young man. It didn’t take but a second before Spencer was scrambling out and into his embrace.

Derek just held him for a moment, rocking him in place. “I thought, I thought he was here.” Spencer whispered brokenly against him. “I woke up and I saw the morphine and I panicked. Then everyone was touching me and I just, I…” A sob broke his words. “…suddenly I could see him. Don’t let him come here, Derek. Please! Don’t let him hurt anyone.”

“Shh, shh, baby boy.” His hand trembled slightly when he brought it up to stroke over Spencer’s hair. “Everything’s okay. Hotch is out there reaming the doctor for giving you the morphine and I’m not going anywhere anymore, okay? I’m sticking right with you. You’re safe, pretty boy. You’re safe.”

He felt Spencer burrow in a little closer. “You won’t leave?”

“I’d like to see them try and make me, kid.”

For a few more minutes the two of them sat there, rocking together. Eventually Derek looked up to the door. “Prentiss…” he called softly. When she turned her head, her eyes were soft as she looked down at them. “Is the room pretty clear? He won’t like all the people in there.”

“Rossi and Hotch cleared it out.” She answered him. “They’re standing guard at the door. Only the doctor and one nurse are here now. A new doc, too.” She bit her lip as she looked at Spencer. “Is he okay? I’ve never seen him like that.”

Derek nodded at her, not wanting to say too much. “Just a panic attack.”

Now that he knew the room was clear he needed to work on getting Spencer back out there. He shifted his hold on his friend—his love—and whispered “Let’s get you back out there, baby boy. We’ve got to let them finish patching you up. Soon as you’re good and they clear you to go, we’ll get you out of here, okay? You think you’re calm enough to go out there?”

He barely felt it, but Spencer nodded against him. Together they stood, Spencer wobbling slightly as he tried to support himself. Once he was on his feet he grew a little steadier. With the help of Derek’s arm around his waist, Spencer walked back into the room. Derek led him over to the bed and sat him on the edge of it before taking a seat beside him, his glare daring anyone to make him move. There was no way in hell he was going to leave him now. Not after something like this.

A woman walked over toward them, her smile sweet with just a hint of caution to it. Her entire posture was set to try and be non-threatening. “Dr. Reid? My name is Dr. Tao. I’d like to be able to finish your examination now, if that’s okay with you. Your friend here can stay with you if you’d like. That would be just fine with me.”

Derek decided he liked the woman already. Once Spencer nodded in permission, she moved forward, first checking where he’d ripped his IV out. As she worked, she spoke not just to them, but directly to Spencer, trying to draw him out a little. “They already did your x-ray for your wrist, I see, and they managed to reset it before you woke. I think we’ll be able to get away with splinting it for now, but once you’re home you’ll need to go see your personal doctor in a week to decide if it needs a cast afterwards. Luckily, none of your hand or finger bones were broken. It looks to be a Colles' fracture.”

Eyes closed, Spencer nodded. “The term Colles fracture is classically used to describe a fracture at the distal end of the radius, at its cortico-cancellous junction.” He rambled off in a slightly slurred voice. Dr. Tao gave him a look of surprise, but the other agents in the room smiled as Spencer continued his ramble. “Conversely, now the term tends to be used to describe any fracture of the distal radius, with or without involvement of the ulna, that has dorsal displacement of the fracture fragments. Colles himself described it as a fracture that ‘takes place at about an inch and a half above the carpal extremity of the radius’ and ‘the carpus and the base of metacarpus appears to be thrown backward’.”

“That’s quite impressive, Dr. Reid. You have quite a bit of knowledge on this type of fracture.” Dr. Tao told him. She worked as she spoke, bringing out the splint she was going to use and gently placing it around his hand.

Spencer paled slightly at the movement. As usual, he retreated to his facts even more to distract himself. “It’s named after Abraham Colles, an Irish surgeon who first described it in 1814 just by looking at the classical deformity before the advent of X-rays. Ernest Amory Codman was the first to study it using X-rays.”

“I think someone’s making up for not being able to spout his facts recently.” Emily teased from where she’d taken up post near the door with the others.

The smile Spencer gave her was slightly strained at the edges. He gripped his good hand tightly around Derek’s, holding him close. His eyes were hazed with pain and still held the glaze from the morphine. It was obvious he was fighting to stay in the here and now and to stay awake. “It does feel good to be myself.” He admitted.

Dr. Tao moved from his hand once the splint had it perfectly immobilized. “Be gentle with it. The fracture really wasn’t that severe, as these things can be.” She told him. “From what I see in your file, no other bones are broken. Mostly what else you have are some bruises and bumps, though nothing life threatening. Your body was just put through the wringer and really needs to rest. I’d like to keep you here for a few hours, just for observation. If nothing happens in that time, I’ll sign the release for you to head home.” She turned her smiling eyes to Derek. “And you’re more than welcome to stay here with him. I would like him to try to sleep though, so refrain from talking much. Just get him to rest. His body needs it. After a couple hours, the last of the morphine should be out of his system. I’ll write him a prescription for non-narcotic pain medication and an anti-inflammatory.”

It was Aaron who stepped forward, looking to Spence rand back to the doctor before asking the question that the others were all thinking. “This…what happened a bit ago, is that something we need to worry about?”

Dr. Tao shook her head. “Oh, no, Agent. I checked his charts. With the amount of pain he was in, combined with the amount of morphine that idiot gave him and the stress of the situation he came in from, a panic attack of that strength is perfectly fine. To be honest, I’m surprised he’s as rational as he is right now. Most likely he won’t remember much of this when he wakes up later.” She looked down at the chart she’d gathered and shook her head in disgust. “If you want to press charges against the doctor, I’d be happy to testify. Even if Dr. Reid’s chart hadn’t stated that he does not take narcotics, the amount of morphine he was given was far too much for someone of his size. It’s no wonder he was slightly delusional. To put it bluntly, that young man was higher than a kite.”

Her words brought the reality back to Derek. He looked over at Spencer, who was weaving slightly in his seat. How was the kid going to deal with this? On top of everything else, was he going to have to fight off the effects of withdrawal too? _God, this kid never gets a break, does he?_ He thought to himself.

Seeing Spencer wobble again, Derek shifted the both of them, murmuring soothingly as he laid Spencer back in the bed. He didn’t even think about anyone watching them and seeing their interaction. He didn’t think about them not being undercover anymore, or that they should be switching back to acting as friends, not a couple. If things went the way he wanted, they _would_ be a couple and he had no shame over that.

He brought the blankets up, tucking them around the young man, kissing his forehead when Spencer stirred a little. Then he scooted up, bringing a hand up to stroke Spencer’s hair in the way he knew would soothe the young man to sleep. As he watched Spencer slowly drift off, he bent down and kissed his forehead again. “I’ll take care of you, baby boy.” He promised softly. No matter what went down, he was going to be there for him.


	20. Chapter 20

 

It didn’t take long for Spencer to fully fall asleep. Even once he was out, Derek kept stroking his hair, making sure that the young man was completely asleep. He watched him as he slept, eyes traveling over the marks that were visible. The wrist in the brace was folded to rest over Spencer’s stomach, carefully out of the way of anything else. His eye still looked so swollen, even while shut. The bruise there was only going to get more colorful as it started to heal. It covered Spencer’s eye, down over his high cheekbone, so stark against the rest of that pale skin.

Scratches and bruises marred Spencer’s knuckles. His hands were going to be tender for a few days. Derek knew from experience that it would be difficult to do things for a little while. He’d been in plenty of fights in his life to know what it felt like on the hands the next day. Or even the next couple of days, sometimes, depending on how much hitting had been done and how hard.

He hated seeing Spencer beat up like this. Absolutely hated the idea that it had happened because he hadn’t been there to keep him safe like he promised.

“You know, it wasn’t your fault.” Dave said suddenly. He’d moved closer to the bed, watching the two of them with a sage look in his eyes. Surprised, Derek looked up, noticing for the first time that the room was empty. Where had the others gone? The question must have been written on his face because Dave smiled and told him “They all went to go take care of getting things ready for us to go home. Hotch was headed to the police station to take care of the last bit of paperwork. The Unsub never made it to the hospital, so there’s no interrogation to worry about there.”

Derek smirked as he turned to look at Spencer again. Good. The bastard wouldn’t be able to hurt anyone again.

When Dave touched his shoulder, Derek turned to look at him again, surprised at the compassion he saw there. “How long?” Dave asked him gently.

“What?”

“How long have you felt this way about Reid?”

That had Derek’s hand freezing in Spencer’s hair. After a second’s pause, he resumed stroking those long locks, soothing himself with the gesture. Was there any point in denying what he felt to Dave? He had no shame in his emotions. “A long time.” He finally said.

Dave nodded as if he’d already known. “I take it he admitted how he feels, too?”

Laughter tickled the back of Derek’s throat. “Not much gets by you, does it?” he joked.

“Hell, Morgan, I’ve been doing this job way too long for me to miss something so obvious. If this got by me, I wouldn’t deserve to have my job. Though I don’t think the others have caught on.” The two shared a soft laugh. Abruptly, Dave turned serious again. His eyes moved over to Spencer. “There are things I don’t know. I know that he’s in a relationship with someone and I know it’s not healthy. But what’s wrong with it, I don’t know. I’m hoping you do?” The last part was phrased as a question.

Eyes steady, Derek nodded, saying “Yes.” He wasn’t about to give away Spencer’s secret. That was something that was Spencer’s to tell, not his.

“So long as he has someone there to help him.” With one last look at Spencer, the older profiler turned to give Derek a final smile. “I’ll go check in with the others. We’ll be back in a few hours. If he wakes up and he’s clear to go before then, give us a call.”

“Okay.” Derek told him. He waited until Dave was by the door before calling out his name. When Dave looked back, Derek smiled. “Thanks, Rossi.”

Dave grinned at him. “Anytime, Morgan. Anytime.”

* * *

Hours later, Spencer and Derek were making their way outside to the waiting SUV. The two were quiet, not saying anything to each other as they moved. Though Derek hadn’t said anything, Spencer could see the worry written in his eyes. Not that he could blame him. Spencer felt that same worry running inside of him as well. There were so many things in his head at the moment that he was having a hard time processing them all. He couldn’t help but love Derek a little more when he saw that his love had understood. He’d seemed to catch on to Spencer’s mood from the instant the young man had woken up and he hadn’t pushed him. For a few short minutes they’d talked, Derek catching Spencer up on what had really happened and what hadn’t during the panic attack as well as what was going on with the case. After that, Derek had called Aaron, telling him they were ready to leave. Nothing had been spoken since then.

The first thing Spencer had been made aware of—which was also one of the things he was worried about the most—was the familiar feel of need coursing inside of him. That extra jitteriness inside that was testament to the medication he’d been given. How could someone have given him medication that was clearly listed on his chart that he did not take? What if he’d been allergic? The doctor could have killed him!

Derek had been quietly furious when he told Spencer that Dr. Tao said the other doctor had given him more morphine than necessary for his body size. So, while Derek was in the bathroom, Spencer had taken his chart from the end of the bed and read it. Not only had that told him what exactly was wrong with him, but it had told him how much medication he’d been given. _And really, the morphine they gave you wasn’t that much more than you should have been given. Dr. Tao would have thought it was a lot_ he thought to himself. _But the other doctor probably saw how quickly my body was burning it off. If it really had been too much for me, I never would have been able to get up out of bed and race to the bathroom the way I did._

Lost in thought, Spencer barely paid any attention as Derek helped him climb into the SUV. He missed the concerned look from Emily, who was driving, as well as the looks Aaron and Dave had given as they’d watched from the other SUV. He didn’t even see that Derek climbed into the front seat. All of his thoughts were focused inward.

It made him feel a little sick if he let himself think about that sensation of the morphine filling him. He could clearly recall how it had felt to wake up in that hospital bed and know, without a single doubt, what was in him. To recognize instantly the effects his body was under. It made him feel even sicker to think of the little kernel of enjoyment he’d gotten out of it.

Because thinking about it made him start to twitch slightly, the _wanting_ trying to take over, Spencer pushed his brain onto other thoughts. There were plenty of other things to think about.

The first thing that came in was Quentin. Though it had been in self-defense, Spencer didn’t like the fact that he’d had to shoot the man.  Nothing justified the things Quentin had done. In his head, Spencer knew that. But he couldn’t help feeling sorry for the man. He’d been through utter hell; not everyone had the mental strength to make it out the other side.

Derek had told him that Quentin had died before ever making it to the hospital. He also said that they’d found his identification in his wallet and Garcia had done a search for him. Apparently the rest of the team as well as officers had gone out to the only residence that came up under his name. In his house, they’d found all the information necessary to prove that Quentin had committed the crimes he’d been accused of. They found not only the set up to his link at home where he watched the houses, but videos he’d made of what he’d done to the couples.

After that, it had simply been a matter of wrapping things up. Penelope had un-enrolled Spencer from Penn State. The identities of Spencer Allen and Derek Matthews had officially been erased. Everything on their part was done. The case was closed.

Part of Spencer was happy with this. A killer was off the streets. They’d done good work, here. But the other part of him was almost sad to see it end. The little idyllic life he’d made with Derek had ended. Now it was time to return home; to return to reality. Everything had seemed possible when he’d been in that little house with Derek, cut off from their old life. It had been easy to relax with Derek and to put off thinking about what was waiting at home. Now it was almost all he could think about. More than anything else, Michael was taking center stage in his thoughts, even though he kept trying to push it back.

What was he going to do now? Derek said that he’d help him; that he’d keep him and the others safe. But how would he do that? They’d discussed reporting this to the police one time. Spencer felt his stomach lurch a little at the thought. That would be hell. Not to mention, he could almost guarantee the police wouldn’t take the case seriously, for multiple reasons. One of which being, he was a federal agent, trained to take down serial killers. They’d probably laugh at the idea that an Agent would be getting the crap beat out of him at home.

But even more than that was the fact that there was no physical evidence. The marks on his body from Michael’s beating were already gone. Any old scars could be explained away as part of his work, unless he let them do an internal examination and that wasn’t something he thought he could let them do. Even then, Michael could say that it wasn’t from him or that their sex was a little rough sometimes.

All in all, there was no evidence. Michael would walk. And then…Spencer shuddered. He knew what would happen next. Michael would hurt someone close to Spencer to get back at him, or he would come after Spencer and kill him. So what options did that leave him with?

He vaguely felt the car stop and turn off. Running on autopilot, he used his good hand to unhook his seatbelt. Before he could reach the door handle, the door was already opening for him. Derek’s hands were gentle on him, recognizable even with as far drawn into his mind as he was, leading him toward the jet. Spencer let himself be led inside and even led over to the couch. There he curled up without any need of assistance, his knees coming up to his chest, arms crossing over the top of them and his head resting on his arms. It allowed him to stare out the window.

There was little time left before they would be home. Just a few hours and he was going to have to face the last person he wanted to see. What the hell was he going to do? He didn’t want to go home with Michael. That was the _last_ thing he wanted.

For a second he indulged himself in thinking about what he wanted to happen. What he’d like to have happen was to go home with Derek. To head to his house and simply climb into bed. Nothing sexual yet; just that closeness that had grown between them on this operation. Would it still be there once they were back home? That was all he wanted. To just go with Derek to his house and lie in the safety of Derek’s arms. Being in Derek’s arms always made him a little safer, a little steadier.

Wrapped in that fantasy, Spencer slowly drifted to sleep.

* * *

He was jerked back awake by the feel of a hand on his ankle. The touch was gentle, almost a caress. That told him who it was before he even opened his eyes. Once his eyes were open, he lifted them, finding Derek sitting right beside him. It took a lot of Spencer’s control to not lean over and press a gentle kiss to Derek’s lips. He’d gotten so used to being able to do that over the past few weeks; it was a habit now. The thought that he couldn’t indulge it anymore left him saddened.

“We’re almost home, pretty boy.” Derek told him softly. There was concern on his face for anyone to be able to see, even without the skills of a profiler. “I know I should have asked you before, but…do you know what you’re going to do?”

Spencer’s head jerked up, instantly looking around the jet to see if anyone was close enough to hear. Only when he saw the others were all asleep did he look back at Derek again. “I…I don’t know.” He admitted in a low whisper. “I don’t know what to do, Derek.” Neither of them noticed the fact that Spencer still called him Derek. Before this case, it had always been Morgan. But now the name ‘Derek’ slipped out so much easier. Morgan was his best friend. Derek….Derek was so much more.

“I don’t want to let you go home.” The quiet admission went straight to Spencer’s heart. He couldn’t stop himself from moving his good hand off his knees, down to rest over Derek’s. Their fingers twined together in a gesture that had become normal for them. Another little trait that was carrying over without them even realizing it. Derek’s eyes looked slightly anguished as they locked onto Spencer. “I don’t want you to go back there and have something happen to you. All I want to do is kidnap you and take you home with me where I know you’ll be safe. Where I can see you, every day.”

Spencer couldn’t deny his feelings when he was faced with Derek’s this way. “I want that too, Derek. More than anything else. But if he finds out…”

“We can go to the police in the morning, Spencer. If, well, if you’re still okay with it.”

That had Spencer biting his lip. “I, I don’t know what help they’ll be.” When he saw Derek was ready to protest, Spencer squeezed his hand to keep him quiet. “You have to look at it like a cop, Derek. I have no hospital records or preexisting police reports to corroborate my story.” His voice was so low that Derek had to lean in to hear him. But they couldn’t risk anyone else hearing. “Any damage that he caused before I left is already gone. I have no viable proof to validate my claim. He’d be released and you know it. Then where would we be?”

“I can’t just let you go there and be hurt, Spencer. You can’t ask me to do that.”

“I don’t know what else to do.” And oh, how that hurt. “If you have any better options, speak up. But I haven’t been able to come up with anything.” He felt tears building in his eyes and had to fight to keep them back. He didn’t want to go home! He wanted to stay like this, with Derek, forever. Here on the jet with his family, with the love of his life, was one of the happiest places for him. One of the safest.

Derek took a shuddering breath and scooted just a little closer. “Spencer…I know you don’t want to do it, but I don’t know what to do and this seems like the only choice. We could tell the team. They’d help us, you know they would.”

Tell the team? Spencer’s eyes grew wide with horror. The idea of filing a police report had been bad enough. But to tell the team? Straight out tell them….God, he didn’t know if he could do that. But what other options did he have? He didn’t want life to go back to the way that it had been. If it did, he didn’t know if he’d survive it. Not physically and not mentally. He’d been shown what love was; he’d been given a taste of joy. How could he go back to hell now?

He didn’t know if he could do it, though. Could he bring himself to show them how weak he was? To tell them that he’d been an idiot and had not only put himself in a hellish position, but had inadvertently put them into one as well? Michael could go after any one of them or their families. He wouldn’t just let Spencer walk away from him. He’d do something.

But if he stayed, was that any better? Maybe, at one point in time, Spencer wouldn’t have cared. Before this trip, before he’d learned what it was like to live and love, he might not have cared about the threat to his own life. He hadn’t, actually. He’d let himself be in mortal danger each time Michael got mad and he’d never done anything to save himself. Here, now, looking at Derek’s face, Spencer knew one thing. _I don’t want to die_. He wanted to live. To do that, he was going to have to bring himself to do something he wasn’t comfortable doing. He was going to have to tell them the truth.

“Okay.” The word trembled slightly with the emotion behind it. Just two letters, yet they meant so much more. There was so much promised in them.

Joy lit Derek’s eyes. He squeezed Spencer’s hand to show his support and his love. “I’ll be with you the whole time, baby boy. We’re going to get this figured out, I promise you that.”

“I hope you’re right.”

The alert to put on their belts interrupted their conversation. Both men unfolded, preparing for landing, as the others around the plane woke up and did the same. No one really said a thing as the plane slowly touched down, but once they had landed and were cleared to move, Spencer knew he had to speak up. If he was going to tell them, it had to be tonight. It had to be before everyone went home. He didn’t know if he could do it here, though. Not on the jet.

Rising to his feet, Spencer wrapped his arms around himself, wincing as his wrist was jostled. The non-narcotic pain medication took the edge off of the pain so that it wasn’t sharp, but it didn’t dull it down the way the morphine would have. Just that little thought was enough to have the need pushing at him again. It was already showing in the small tremble in his hands. He hoped to God the others thought that was just from nerves. He didn’t want them worrying about his withdrawals on top of everything else.

Seeing everyone standing up, he knew he had to speak now, before any of them moved off the plane. “Uh, guys?” He called out. When all heads turned toward him, he gulped but straightened his spine. He wouldn’t back out of this. Derek was beside him, a hand in the small of his back to help support him, giving him the strength to keep talking. “I…I need to talk to you guys. Do you, well, do you all have time before you go home?”

Aaron had on his serious face, the one he usually wore when something serious came up. “I have to stop at the BAU before we go home to drop off paperwork. If everyone’s free, why don’t we gather in the conference room and talk there?” His expression said that he could see how stressed Spencer was and he wanted to give him time to gather himself. For that, Spencer was eternally grateful. He needed that little bit of time to get his nerves under control. When everyone agreed, Spencer smiled his thanks at them. Then he turned and started his way off the jet.

Derek was in front of him, carrying both their go-bags for them. Everyone stretched as they moved out of the jet and toward the cars they’d left there. Automatically Spencer moved with Derek, heading to his car with him. But one voice floated on the air, calling out his name, making him stop in his tracks, his eyes going wide with horror. The mask he’d perfected slid down over his features so that nothing showed through as he turned around. Someone was walking toward him, moving around the rest of the team who stood watching.

Swallowing the lump in his throat, Spencer forced his voice to work. “Hey, Michael.”


	21. Chapter 21

 

Spencer felt all eyes on him as Michael moved forward. The first thought Spencer could think was _How did he know to come here? How the hell did he know I was flying in today?_ Panic was making his thoughts race. But he kept it all locked down when Michael reached him and gave him a brief hug. Over his shoulder, Spencer shot Derek a pleading look, begging him with his eyes to keep his calm. He could see how tightly coiled Derek was and knew that his best friend was resisting the urge to come over and rip Michael away from Spencer. But he saw the small nod Derek gave, letting him know he would stay back. For now.

When they separated, Spencer made himself smile slightly. “I didn’t expect to see you here.” He said lightly. _How did you know to come here??_

Michael grinned at him, the edges of it slightly sharp. “That tech guy, Kyle? Kevin? He told me you guys were flying in and thought I might like to meet you. I thought I’d come pick you up and bring you home, since your car’s still at the Bureau.”

Oh, God, how was he going to get out of this? How was he going to stop from going home with Michael? He couldn’t just refuse! Michael would know something was up. All of his thoughts were racing around, one right after the other, trying to figure out what he could do or say that would fix this. There had to be some way he could get out of going home right now. If he did, there was no telling what would happen to him.

Salvation came from an unexpected source. Dave strolled unconcernedly toward him, acting as if he hadn’t heard a single thing they’d been saying, even though Spencer could see on the other man’s face that he had. “Hey, Reid, do you still need a ride to the office?” He asked casually. Even to Spencer he looked totally at ease.

Michael’s expression hardened for just a split second before smoothing back out. He turned toward Dave, giving him a smile that showed none of the monster underneath. “Actually, that’s what I’m here for. I came to pick him up. My name’s Michael.” He stuck his hand out. “I’m Spencer’s boyfriend.”

The smile Dave wore was polite and actually friendly. He reached out and shook Michael’s hand. “I’m David Rossi. It’s nice to finally meet you.” When he took his hand back, he stuck both hands in his pockets. “I didn’t realize you were here to pick him up, I’m sorry. He has to come to the Bureau for a while first, though.” He turned his grin toward Spencer, looking apologetic. “Sorry, kiddo. But we’ve got to get the last of your statement in to Strauss. Otherwise she’ll be giving Hotch hell for not getting it in.”

Spencer wasn’t an idiot. He caught the lifeline that Dave was throwing him. But he knew he had a part to play that was important if he didn’t want to make Michael suspicious. “Does it have to be tonight, Rossi? I was looking forward to getting in bed. I doubt I’ve got much energy left in me.”

“Sorry, Reid. It’s protocol.”

His smile slipping only slightly, Michael moved a little closer, his hand possessively coming out to rest on Spencer’s shoulder. “I’ll drop him off, then. That probably works out better anyways. You can drive your car home when you’re done instead of leaving it there even longer.”

If that was the only concession that he had to make, Spencer knew he was getting off lucky. He turned his head to smile at Michael. “I’d like that. Maybe when we’re done I can pick up some take out on the way home? I haven’t eaten for a while.”

“No problem. Let’s get you in the car.” Casually Michael steered Spencer away from the group. He didn’t say goodbye to anyone, instead pretending concern for Spencer. “Now tell me what happened, Reid. You look like you’ve been dragged through hell. What happened to your hand?”

“There was a bit of a struggle with the Unsub. I’m pretty much okay.” He answered. When Michael stopped by the car, opening the passenger’s door, Spencer slid into the seat and set to work on his buckle while Michael shut the door and went around the car. Deliberately Spencer avoided looking out at any of his friends. He didn’t know if he could handle the look that he knew would be in Derek’s eyes. Or maybe even Dave’s. It was obvious that Dave knew something was wrong; had he figured out the truth? Or…had Derek told him? He wouldn’t do that. He wouldn’t tell Spencer’s secrets! Would he?

No, Derek wouldn’t do that to him. It had to be something that Dave had observed on his own. Most likely he didn’t know the actual truth, but he obviously knew something. Dave was one of the best profilers out there. He would recognize something was up.

A squeeze on his thigh brought Spencer’s attention abruptly back to the present moment. He resisted the wince that wanted to spring to life; Michael had managed to squeeze right over top a bruise. “Are you even paying attention to me, Reid?” Michael demanded.

Spencer looked out the window, trying to bring his pain level down a little, noticing that they were moving. When had the car started moving? Spacing out with his co-works or when he’d been with Derek had been one thing. But he hadn’t spaced like that around Michael for a long time unless he’d been deliberately trying. The fact that his guard was down enough for him to do it without realizing was not a good thing. He needed his defenses to be high right now, not low. _You’re with Michael right now, not Derek. Don’t be stupid. Play it safe!_

“I’m sorry, Michael. My brain is still a little scattered from everything. It’s been a rough few days.” Even as the explanation left his mouth he was mentally yelling at himself to shut up. Michael hated excuses. Absolutely hated them. They only ever served to make him angrier. Now was no exception. The hand on Spencer’s thigh squeezed even tighter, making him wince visibly this time. “I didn’t ask for excuses, Reid. I was expecting you to listen to me. You don’t look any worse for wear, so don’t use the beaten up look and expect to get sympathy from me. You’ve been through worse and still managed to somewhat behave. What the hell’s going on with you that you’d have the nerve to zone out on me? And what the hell is this shit with your co-worker walking up and butting into our conversation like that?”

So that’s what he’d been asking about. He should have known Michael would be suspicious of something like that. He would look for hidden meaning in everything Dave had said. Spencer tried to think fast and run damage control; it was something he was familiar with. Sometimes it worked, sometimes it didn’t. But he had to try. The stakes were way too high this time. “I didn’t know you were going to pick me up, so Rossi was going to bring me over to the Bureau to do my closing interview. It’s standard operating procedure to do an exit interview on someone who has been undercover as I was. They need to assess the situation and log all the information as well as evaluate my mental health.”

Michael snorted at the last part. “We know you’re crazy as a loon, just like your fucking mom. Why the hell do they need to evaluate you?”

He bit back the urge to deny that he was crazy. That would get him nowhere. _Just a little longer. Just keep him talking a little longer and you’ll be at work. Then you can get out of the car and this can be over. Your friends will help you, don’t forget that. Just keep him talking!_ “They have to make sure that the job didn’t adversely affect my mental status. There are some instances of agents who have gone undercover and have a hard time transitioning back to a normal life when the job is done. Statistically, it’s more common in those that have been undercover for six months or longer, but it’s standard to do the evaluation on everyone.” No need to mention that the evaluation was usually done a few days after the person had been home.

“That’s all they’ll talk to you about—the job, right? Nothing else in your life?”

The warning in those words was obvious. Michael wanted to make sure that Spencer wasn’t going to tattle on him, for lack of a better word. “Yes, Michael. They simply want to know about the job and the effect it had on me. Beyond that, they don’t ask and don’t need to know.”

When he saw the sign for the FBI building, Spencer could have wept with joy. He was thankful that the trip was a short one. The airstrip wasn’t far from their work. But his heart plummeted a little when he realized that Michael wasn’t going to drop him off by the front doors. He was pulling into the parking garage. _Shit, shit. This is not a good sign. Oh, shit. What is he going to do? I hope no one follows us in. I hope no one sees this._

He drove the car to where Spencer’s was parked, pulling in right next to it. Unfortunately, that also left them covered on the other side by a large SUV. Essentially they were in a bit of a blind spot for the cameras right then, which was probably Michael’s intention.

After shutting the car off, Michael sat and gripped the wheel for a long minute. Each second of silence made Spencer’s heart race faster and faster. He couldn’t help the panic that was inside of him. Just seeing Michael after their time apart was enough to make him panic. But this silence? It was torture. Whatever he was going to do, Spencer found himself wishing that it would just happen already.

“How long is this going to take?” Michael finally asked. His voice was steady and even, a sure sign of trouble brewing. It was enough to make Spencer shiver. He bit his lip before stammering out “Potentially a few hours. I’m not quite sure.”

Like the strike of a snake, Michael’s hand shot out to grab Spencer’s chin, gripping it tightly as he forced the younger man to look at him. Spencer whimpered at the first touch but he didn’t resist. He knew better. “Let me make one thing abundantly clear, Spencer Reid.” Michael seethed at him. His eyes were dark and furious. “You tell them a damn thing and I will make sure you regret it every single day of your life. At least, until I kill you. Are we clear on this?”

The grip on his jaw made it hard to talk. Spencer had to nod. He felt his eyes widen with his fear and his body was trembling.

For another long pause, Michael held him there. Then he abruptly thrust Spencer’s head back, making the back of his head connect with the window. The ache in his jaw and chin left Spencer wondering absently if there would be a new bruise there. Typically Michael was smart enough not to leave any marks where they could be seen.

Michael brought his hand down to turn his car back on. When it roared to life, he shot a glare at Spencer. “Get out of my car. Go do your damn job, but you better tell your boss you want leave for a while. You’re injured, it should fly. Then you and I are going to spend every second of that time getting reacquainted. We’ll also deal with punishment. I don’t know what you did yet, but I know you did something and I will find out. Now get out.”

In his haste to do as he was told, Spencer tried to use both hands to get his seatbelt undone, but they were shaking too much to do it. Suddenly Michael’s hand was there, smacking his aside. The pain that flared in Spencer’s broken wrist was like white hot needles stabbing into his skin. He felt his vision haze under it for just a moment. The seatbelt was freed and Michael was glaring at him once more. Spencer locked down the pain again, as best he could, and climbed out of the car. No sooner had he shut the door than the car was pulling out of the parking spot and taking off down the garage. A small sob ripped its way up his throat. With his good hand, he gripped the side of his car, trying to hold himself upright. Trying to stay calm. His broken wrist was cradled against his chest, still throbbing from where it had been smacked, making his entire arm start to ache. He was so focused on trying to keep the pain down and to stay on his feet that he didn’t hear the footsteps approaching him at first.

A hand touched his shoulder, startling him so badly that he almost screamed as he jumped and spun, pressing his back against the car. Fear had his heart hammering.

Seeing Derek standing there, hand outstretched, Spencer almost collapsed. He couldn’t stop himself from whimpering slightly before jumping forward. He didn’t think about what he was doing or where he was at or who could see him. All he knew was that Derek was right there and he needed him now, more than anything else in the world.

Derek’s arms opened instantly to catch him, cradling him close as he whispered soothingly in Spencer’s ear, shushing him and trying to ease the trembles. “Shh, shh, baby boy, I’m right here. I’ve got you now. You’ll be okay.”

“I’m sorry.” Spencer shuddered out. But he gripped a little tighter. “How…how’d you know where to find me?”

One of Derek’s hands came up to stroke over Spencer’s hair. “I pulled in behind you guys and parked a little ways away and waited for him to leave. Once he was gone, I hurried over. What did he do, pretty boy? Where did he hurt you?”

There was no point in lying to Derek. _Remember, you told yourself you’d be honest with him, always. Don’t change that now_ he scolded himself. So, buried against Derek’s chest, Spencer told him about the car ride. When he was done he felt Derek’s larger frame almost quivering with anger. It was such a contrast between Derek and Michael. Where Michael terrified Spencer with even the smallest display of temper, Derek never did. Derek’s temper didn’t scare Spencer in the least.

In the face of it now, Spencer brought his hand up, cupping it to Derek’s cheek. “I’m ok, Derek. I’m right here and I’m fine. We made it, okay? Calm down.”

“Calm down? How the hell am I supposed to calm down, Spencer?” Derek hissed. His eyes moved over Spencer’s face, locking onto his chin for a moment. “You’ve got new bruises starting on your chin, you’re already pretty black and blue from kicking our Unsub’s ass and you just got done telling me he smacked at your broken wrist. How is any of that supposed to make me calm?” His hands had dropped down from Spencer to clench at his sides in fists.

Spencer just leaned in a little closer. He didn’t care if anyone came and saw them right then. What mattered to him was the anger in Derek’s eyes that was obviously fueled by hurt and fear, both of which Spencer could see there. All he wanted to do was soothe it away.

The hand he had over Derek’s cheek was gentle, lightly stroking the skin. “You’re right; all of that stuff isn’t exactly helpful toward calming down. But you need to focus on what’s important. We’re here at work, together, about to go tell the team and ask for their help. After that, I’m not going back to my apartment. As long as you want me, I’m not ever leaving you again, Derek.” He smiled softly, just a little quirking of lips. “You can play protector to your heart’s content.”

Some of Derek’s tension drained away at Spencer’s speech. He looked at him, dark eyes intent on his face, before finally smiling a little. “I’m always going to want you, Spencer. You’re not going anywhere. I plan on spending the rest of my life taking care of you.”

“Good.” Spencer leaned in, kissing Derek’s lips, short and sweet. “Then let’s get done here so you can take me home and feed me. I’m starving.”

His words had the desired effect. When the two separated, Derek was laughing. The older man leaned in, stealing one final kiss before they set off toward the building. Though they couldn’t hold hands in here, they walked close, arms brushing occasionally. Soon everything was going to come out. What would happen next, neither was sure, but they were sure of one thing. They weren’t going to face it alone.


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Detailed talk of violence/rape/assault ahead

 

In the elevator on the way up to the office was about when Spencer’s nerves started to come back. He shifted slightly from one foot to the other without even realizing that he was doing it. His arms crossed over his stomach, one hand scratching at his other arm, absently touching the scars from his using days through his shirt. Derek reached over, putting his hand on the small of Spencer’s back. Neither of them said anything. But that simple touch spoke volumes. Spencer sighed slightly, leaning into the touch just a little, letting himself relax. He could do this. He wasn’t alone.

When the elevator stopped and the doors opened, Spencer gathered himself and took those first few steps. _The first steps are always the hardest. After that, it can only get easier, right?_ Still, he stopped at the glass door. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to go in. He knew that he would soon. He stopped because he wanted to look in for just a moment; take in the familiar sights around him. Remind himself of what he had built here and the family he had earned. He could see them all, waiting up in the conference room. Penelope was up there with them as well, which didn’t surprise him. Of course she would be there. This was a family meeting. She was an important part of their family.

They were waiting for him in there. Though they most likely wanted nothing more than to be at home, in their own beds, with their families or friends, they were still here for him all because he’d simply asked. Never in his life had it been so simple. “I’ve never had a family like what I have here.” He said softly. A small little smile touched his lips. “Just because I asked, each one of them is here. They didn’t ask me why or even hesitate. They simply came here to wait for me.”

“We’re a family, Spencer.” Derek said. His eyes were focused up on the conference room as well. “That’s what family does. When one of us needs help, everyone’s there, no questions asked. Situations like this kind of have a way of showing you who your friends are. Real friends, family, will always be there for you. They never stop to think _what’s in it for me_ , or _its way to far_. They just show on up with their big ol hearts.”

Despite the seriousness of their conversation, Spencer couldn’t control the laugh that bubbled up from him. Humor lit his eyes and had him turning to grin at Derek, giggles slipping out. “Did you seriously just quote a Tracy Lawrence song to me?”

“You actually know who Tracy Lawrence is?” Derek shot back.

Trying to smother his giggles, Spencer shook his head and pushed open the glass doors. “I can’t believe Derek Morgan knows country music. Just when I think I’ve got you a little figured out, you go and throw me a curve ball.”

“You’ll never figure me out. I’m just that good, kid.”

Their laughter preceded them into the round-table room. Spencer was trying to smother his giggles again and was failing miserably. He met Emily’s eyes, her own lips curving at his obvious mirth, and he asked her “Did you know Derek listens to country music?” He snickered.

“Hey!” Derek exclaimed. He nudged Spencer with his hip. “Just because I happen to like almost all kinds of music isn’t a reason to make fun of me.”

“You quoted Tracy Lawrence, Derek. That’s a perfectly valid reason to mock you.”

Aaron rolled his eyes and called out “Children.” But even he was smiling slightly. That smile melted away when his keen eyes caught something that he knew hadn’t been there before. Spencer saw the change on the Unit Chief’s face and had to resist sighing. When Aaron stepped toward him, he held his ground.  “Reid, what happened to your chin?”

Even though he hadn’t seen his reflection yet, Spencer knew that there was bruising already starting on his chin from what Derek had said in the parking garage. He took a deep breath, trying to make himself say the words. It was one thing to agree to do this; it was a whole other thing to make the words actually come out of his mouth.

His eyes were drawn over to Dave, who was suddenly sitting down in his chair, a wide eyed look on his face. “Oh, Reid.” His voice was soft and low, full of sympathy. Spencer could see that Dave had pieced the last of it together.

 _Come on, you idiot. Man up and do this. You got through telling Derek, you can get through telling them. They’re your family, they’re not going anywhere. They’ll help you!_ His mind snapped at him. Without thinking about it, he reached a hand out to where Derek still stood beside him. Only when he felt the familiar touch, when their fingers laced together in a gesture Spencer had come to count on, only then did he find the courage to say the words out loud. “Michael grabbed my chin in the car.” His grip on Derek’s hand tightened even more. “It’s not the first time he’s left bruises on me. Though typically he knows better than to leave them out in the open.”

Penelope dropped down into a chair. “Oh my God.” She whispered.

Now that he’d started, suddenly Spencer found words wanting to pour from him. He couldn’t hold them back. This was now or never for him. All or nothing. “I’m sorry I’m just dumping this on you guys but I don’t know what to do anymore and I don’t know if I can go home. No, I know I can’t. I just can’t do it anymore. If I go home, he’s going to kill me, I know he will. Not tonight, maybe, but someday. I know he’ll kill me eventually and I’m terrified I won’t stop him.  He’s come close so many times. But I can’t just walk away and I can’t go to the police anymore. I have nothing to back me up and no evidence left on me.”

Releasing Spencer’s fingers, Derek moved up behind him, wrapping his arms around Spencer’s waist and resting his chin on his shoulder. It was enough to help Spencer take a deep breath and stop the flow of words from just pouring out of him.

Shock and horror were on the faces of everyone around them. Aaron, though, seemed to have kept his calm the best. “Why can’t you just walk away?” He asked seriously.

Spencer brought his hand up to rest over where Derek’s were resting on his stomach. “I tried. We’d been dating for four months, seven days and eleven minutes when I tried to leave. He…he b-beat me harder than he ever had. When he was done, he told me he’d go after you all and kill you if I ever left him.” The tears he’d been fighting back now came forward, one single one escaping to slide down his cheek. Ashamed of it, he tipped his face down and away from them, trying to hide it. “I couldn’t let him hurt you guys.”

His words left a shocked silence over the room. The air was charged with emotion. Finally it was broken by a furious hiss from Emily. “He used us to keep you there?” she demanded. The expression on her face was violent; she looked ready to commit murder. One of her hands had moved to rest on the butt of her gun. “That little bastard actually used us that way?”

In total contrast to Emily’s anger, Penelope looked heartbroken. “You can’t go back there, Reid. You can’t go home to him.” Her eyes turned, lifting to Aaron. “We have to help him. There’s got to be something we can do.” She pleaded.

The strength that was he was known for was written on Aaron’s body. He nodded firmly at Penelope, though his eyes never left Spencer. The young doctor couldn’t bring himself to look at any of them. He was fighting the tears, fighting the trembles that kept trying to take his hands, fighting so much. He didn’t know if he could look at them without losing that control. His hand tightened over Derek’s, needing his strength. Needing to feel that connection that had grown between them.

Resting his arms on the table, Dave leaned in to look at Spencer. “We need to know what we’re up against, Reid.” His tone was firm and yet gentle. “I hate to do this, but we need you to tell us about him. About the relationship.”

He’d been expecting that. That was what they did; it was their job. If this was any other case, they would have asked the victim the same thing. But he couldn’t control the little tremor that coursed down his spine. “All of it?” he squeaked out. The thought was horrifying. How much would they want to know? Telling the group of them the situation was bad enough. The idea of telling details to them all was just too much.

“The best thing to protect you is to make a formal statement here and turn it in to the police, kiddo.” The look Dave gave said he understood how hard this was. “Even if they can’t arrest him right now, this will protect you if he does try anything at a later date. You’ll have the report on record. I thought that it might be easier for you to make that report to us, but if you’re not comfortable with it we can take you down to the station and you can speak with one of them.”

That sounded worse than telling the team! Spencer shook his head, ignoring the ache it put on his bruised throat. “No, no. I’d prefer to speak here.” He said quickly. But his eyes couldn’t help shifting over his family, flinching slightly as he passed Penelope. The others might be used to hearing this kind of story, but how could he say something with the details they required while Penelope was here? This would hit her hard.

Warm breath brushed against his ear. “We’re all here for you, baby boy. None of us want to be anywhere else but with you right now. It’s okay. Go ahead.” Derek murmured so softly that Spencer doubted anyone else had heard him.

If he was going to do this, he couldn’t do it standing there. So he carefully disentangled himself from Derek and moved to sit on the small couch. It would be more comfortable for him than anywhere else. The pain medication the doctor had given him had taken the edge off, but it was starting to wear off and he was becoming more and more aware of the bruises he carried all over. Not to mention the shaking and shivering that was starting to grow right alongside the need to use, which was practically _singing_ in his veins.

He wasn’t surprised that Derek settled beside him, or that the others all took to their chairs. Emily moved to close the doors before she sat down. A small tape recorder was brought from a shelf nearby and set out on the table. That would make it so no one would have to write his statement down. All of it would be recorded. Spencer watched the button be pressed to start the recording and knew it was show time. He curled his legs up, tucking his feet off to the side, unconsciously leaning against Derek’s side. He was far enough in his own thoughts that he didn’t even really register Derek’s arm coming around his shoulders, or the knowing looks the other profilers gave at that move.

“Michael and I have been together for one year, one month, two weeks, three days and twenty seven minutes.” He started out in a soft voice. The numbers were easy to deal with. Stating them with everything else helped him to level his head. He was always more comfortable with numbers and facts and statistics; they were real, solid. Unemotional. His eyes glazed slightly as he drew back in his memory banks. “The first two months we dated were wonderful. Looking back now, I see things in a different light. I see the signs I ignored back then. But he wooed me with a single-mindedness that no one had ever shown to me before. He was so sweet and kind. Gentle, even. I think that made the rest of it worse in the long run. Harder to handle.”

Their first kiss played in his head, making him smile. “Our first kiss was sweet, albeit a little awkward. I was so nervous. I remember him telling me that it was good for a first try. At the time, I didn’t see the little dig in that. But immediately after that he told me that it would get so much easier with practice and I was ecstatic that there would be ‘practice’. He was good at insulting and then complimenting so that I never really noticed the insults. He broke down my self-esteem and then inserted himself as the person to bring it back up so that I grew to rely on him for those confidence boosting moments. I began to feel like no one appreciated me like he did and that I was lucky to have someone so tolerant of my mistakes.”

He bit his lip and dropped his eyes down to stare at the knee of his pants. “We’d been dating for two months, two days and fifty four minutes when he first hit me. It was a simple slap to the face. We’d been arguing about work, which was a problem between us. He’d been insinuating that no one at work cared about who I was, only the brain in my head.” Missing the looks of shock and outrage, Spencer brought a finger up to pick at a small thread in his pants. “I snapped a little and told him that just because he family didn’t respect him didn’t mean that mine didn’t. The next thing I knew, he was slapping me.” All over again he felt the shock of that hand connecting with his face. Saw the look Michael had worn; so horrified and stunned. “His reaction was textbook for an abuser. He apologized profusely, swearing that it wouldn’t’ happen again, all the while telling me that I shouldn’t have spoken of his family that way. In that, he was right. I never should have verbally struck out at him, knowing as I did that his family had disowned him for his sexuality while he was young.”

“That gave him no right to hit, Reid.” Penelope interjected. The others were staying quiet, letting him get this out in his own way, but Penelope hadn’t been able to hold that comment in. It broke her heart to hear Spencer’s calm rationalization for what had happened.

Without looking up, he nodded. “I know.” And he did. But it was easy to let himself believe, sometimes. “But at the time, I believed him. I stayed. And we were okay for a short while. Until, until one night I went out with you guys. He and I, we’d been dating for two months, twenty days and eight minutes by then.” _God, I don’t want to tell them this. I don’t want to make anyone feel guilty. This wasn’t their fault!_ Nervously chewing on his lip, he looked over to Derek, seeking help or advice or anything.

Derek squeezed his shoulder lightly. “We won’t judge, Spencer, and we won’t hold anything you say against you.” There was a knowing look in his eyes. “We also know that anything you say isn’t blaming us. What you’ve said before already established that he used us against you. We know that. Don’t hold back because you’re worried about our reactions. Just let it out.”

 _Just let it out like he said. They’ll understand. They love you._ Over and over he reminded himself of that. His gaze dropped back to where he was still picking at the thread in his pants. “I came home a little later than normal that night. Despite disliking clubs, I was in a good mood. That was the night you girls dragged me out on the floor to try and teach me how to dance.  Even though I’d protested it, I had fun. I really did. Then, when everyone danced as a group, well…it’s one of my best memories. Even though he tried to taint it.”

Here was where it would get extremely difficult. The first events were important to tell. They established the pattern for the rest of the relationship. If this was going to be given to the police as his statement, he needed to be detailed. Graphic. _God, I don’t want to do this. I hate this. But I have to. If I ever want to be free, I have to do this!_

“When I came home, Michael was irritated with me. He told me he hadn’t received my messages to tell him I would be home late. We…we argued about it. He accused me of cheating…”

~~flashback~~

“I didn’t cheat on you, Michael!” Spencer argued with him. He couldn’t believe that Michael was accusing him of this. He wasn’t a cheater! “I have never been anything but faithful to you. You’re my boyfriend. Why would I want anyone else?”

Michael wasn’t hearing any of it. “You think I don’t know, but I do. I know you want to be with someone else. I see it every time you look at me! I’m nothing but second best to you, Reid!”

The hard part was, it was true. He did want someone else. But that someone else would never want him. So he had settled. It didn’t mean that he didn’t care for Michael—he did!—but he couldn’t help feeling guilty for being with him when his heart obviously belonged to someone else. That guilt must have shown on his face because Michael suddenly looked even more furious.

“You little shit.” He hissed out. Stalking forward, he grabbed the front of Spencer’s shirt and slammed the younger man into the wall. “I knew it! It’s one of those bastards at your work, isn’t it? Did you let them touch you? Did you let them fuck you?”

Spencer couldn’t breathe. Panic was filling him in a way he hadn’t felt since he was a kid pinned to the wall by high school bullies. He tried to force words out but that fear was cutting off his voice. That only served to infuriate Michael more.

He never saw the fist coming, but he felt the impact in his stomach. Then he was being thrown sideways, crashing into the floor. “You lying little whore!” Michael shrieked at him. Even as Spencer tried to rise, a foot connected with his ribs, knocking him back to the floor. Then there was another and another. All the while, Michael was yelling at him, cursing him. “Who was it? Was it that boss of yours? Or was it that black guy? Huh? Maybe the old dude? Which one did you let fuck you, you little whore? Who was it?”

Spencer tried to make himself deny it. But the beating continued on and on, Michael’s foot relentlessly kicking him over and over so that all he could do was curl up and wait for it to stop. _Please, please, stop! I didn’t do anything! I didn’t touch anyone else like that!_ The words screamed out in his mind, his body unable to gather enough air to vocalize them.

The kicking stopped without warning, but it wasn’t over yet. Michael’s hand fisted in his hair, yanking him up slightly. Spencer brought his hands up, trying to break free, but Michael’s other hand hit the side of his head, leaving him dizzy and moaning. He could barely put up a fight as he was dragged by his hair down the hall to his bedroom. When he was lifted and thrown onto the bed, he gasped and tried to roll off the other side, to get away from him. Michael was too quick, though. He pounced on Spencer, grabbing his wrists with his hands and bringing them above his head. Still Spencer tried to struggle. He tried to break free. “Michael, please, please!” His voice had returned. Spencer had no time to feel ashamed of the whiney sound to it. All he knew was that he had to get free. His brain had already figured out what was going to happen and he knew he was hurting too much to put up a good enough fight to stop him.

When hands touched his belt, he bucked and kicked his legs, trying so hard to get free. His hands were immobilized; even one handed, Michal was stronger than him. “Please! Michael, stop!” he cried out. How had none of the neighbors heard him? Why was no one coming to help?

Once his belt was free, Michael suddenly flipped him over, yanking his hands behind his back. Spencer fought with everything he had. He knew that if Michael got that belt around his hands, he wouldn’t be able to get free. It was too late, though. The belt wound around his wrists, locking them together, preventing him from moving.

He felt Michael sit back and Spencer took advantage of that moment. He pushed back the pain as best he could and aimed a kick straight back. When he connected with something solid, he could have wept with joy. Maybe he could get free. Maybe he could still get out of here. Fight or flight had taken over and he knew his only chance was flight. He had to get out of there.

He’d barely started to move when his hands were grabbed and a hand was on the back of his head, shoving his face down into the bedding. Spencer gasped, trying to suck in air, unable to breathe. He tried to break free, but the hand held him there, depriving him of oxygen. He felt his head start to spin and his lungs were screaming for air by the time Michael let him up.

Too busy gasping in the precious air, Spencer didn’t notice at first that Michael was taking his tie. Just as he got back the ability to think clearly, the tie was shoved in his mouth, preventing him from saying anything. He felt it being tied behind his head.

Michael bent down, his body covering Spencer’s, his voice a low hiss. “You want to be a whore for everyone else? You want to let them fuck you, let them use you? I’ll show you how whores are treated.”

When hands touched his pants, Spencer started to sob.

~~end flashback~~

“That was the first time he…he r-raped me.” Squeezing his eyes shut, he tried to fight the images, tried to fight the tears. The pain of that moment was as fresh in his mind as if it had just happened. Everything else around him seemed to fade away. He barely realized he was still speaking. “In the morning, I was so scared, so broken down. That was the first time he threatened. He told me that if I told anyone, anyone at all, he would kill me. I knew he was telling the truth. I’d seen the monster inside. So, afraid, I stayed.”

His tears had started to fall without him noticing. He wasn’t the only one, though. Penelope was crying openly; the others had tears in their eyes, though none fell.

“Four months, seven days and eleven minutes. That was how long we’d been together when I finally decided enough was enough. As I told you, he beat me when I tried to leave, telling me that he would go after my team, my family, and kill you all. He said he would take away everything that meant anything to me. Then he would kill me last. I couldn’t let him hurt anyone. In my mind, I had two options then. I knew what kind of person he was. I could either live with the pain, praying I found a way out someday, or I could let him come after those I love. There was no choice, really. Yet again, I stayed.”

Spencer couldn’t bring himself to tell them every individual beating. He did admit that the ‘mugging’ that had put him in the hospital had really been Michael. But he just couldn’t bring himself to explain each scar, each mark. That was too much. He simply summed it up by saying “As time went on, the beatings grew progressively worse. He became even more unstable, to where I could no longer predict the mood he would be in or what would set him off.”

Finally be told them about the day before leaving for the undercover operation. When he told them how furious Michael had been and that he’d known a beating would happen, Aaron wasn’t able to keep quiet any longer. “Wait a second, Reid.” He interrupted. “Are you telling me that you worked this operation while injured?”

Spencer nodded. “Yes, Sir.” Hearing Aaron’s distress, some life came back to Spencer. He pulled out of the little shield he’d put around himself and lifted his gaze to meet his boss’s eyes. “He was convinced I was going to cheat. So he beat and raped me, telling me ‘You think you’ll go off fucking whoever you want? I’ll make sure you won’t feel anything but me for weeks. See how well you can cheat on me then!’.”

If it had only been his friends, he would have cut off his story there, but this tape would be sent to the police. He had to be detailed. So, once again, he shut his eyes and forced himself to speak. _Almost done_ his brain told him. _You’re almost done._

“In the morning before I came to work, I applied makeup over the slight bruising on my left eye, which was sufficient to hide the marking. Between my shoulders and knees is where he tends to focus, as it’s easier to hide. From the small of my back to the back of my knees was a network of bruising. My stomach was bruised, as were two ribs. There was a bruise on my chest, as well as one bicep, and two handprints on my hips. It was nothing I hadn’t dealt with before. It wasn’t going to stop me from doing my job. I was eager to go to work, actually. I looked at it as a vacation.”

Spencer fell silent, then. Everything had been told. Every secret he had was now exposed to those he loved and recorded on tape. Never had he thought he would speak so candidly about this. Never had he thought he would bare the truth that way, exposing himself to others so deeply. The entire process left him exhausted. That surprised him. If it had been possible, he would have just melted into Derek at that moment and simply slept.

He heard the tape be shut off and knew that they were done. What they would do now, he had no idea. But he had done the hardest part. He had told them the bare strokes of his life.

After a pause of silence, Spencer heard movement. “Reid.” Aaron said. He didn’t wait for Spencer to look up—most likely he knew that Spencer couldn’t right now. “I know what you just did was hard, but I’m proud of you for doing it. It was the right thing.” He waited, but Spencer said nothing. He couldn’t. After waiting a moment, Aaron continued. “No one is going to be hurt. You’ve protected all of us this whole time. As Unit Chief, now it’s my job.” His gaze swept the room, taking in everyone there. “No one is going home alone. No one. We go in pairs or we go as a group.”

“PG can stay with me.” Emily stated quickly. She put her hand on Penelope’s shoulder. The peppy blond looked at her with a hint of her normal smile. “I’ll definitely be safe with this bad ass watching me.” She teased.

Derek didn’t move from where he was still holding Spencer. “Pretty boy’s coming to my house.” His words left no room for argument.

Trying to inject some levity in the moment, Emily snorted. “Gee, as if that’s a surprise.” She teased them. “Imagine, the two lovebirds staying together. Wow, what a concept.”

Surprise had Spencer’s gaze snapping up. A second later he sighed. Had he really thought the others wouldn’t comment on it? _Look at how you two are_ he reminded himself. _Seriously. Derek is holding you and you’re pretty much snuggled against him. If they hadn’t figured it out, they wouldn’t be worthy of their jobs._ “I guess we’re not exactly being subtle anymore, are we?” he murmured in embarrassment.

“That leaves the implication that you ever were.” Aaron said with good humor. “I actually think you two were the last to know about the other.”

If anything, Spencer’s cheeks grew even redder. He broke the moment, though, by yawning. That seemed to bring them back to the present moment. Aaron rose to his feet, looking around at his agents. “Each of you keep your guns and your cell phones close. No one is to be alone. I’m going to turn this in at the station and get the process started for a restraining order.”

“I’ll help. “Dave offered. He grinned wryly. “We’re the last two, so we’re stuck pairing up. When we’re done, we can head to my place for the night. I’ve got plenty of room.”

“That works.” Aaron agreed with a nod. He looked back out at the others. “Strauss is giving us the rest of the week off to recover from this, so we don’t have to be at work. Why don’t we meet again tomorrow at Dave’s house to discuss what’s going to happen next?”

Everyone agreed to it. Spencer sighed and stopped fighting the urge to lean more into Derek. The others knew, now. They’d figured out what was between them. Why hide it? What he hadn’t counted on, though, was the emotional exhaustion mixing in with the physical. Now that he was comfortably resting against Derek, he couldn’t stop it from sweeping over him. With the voices of his friends making plans nearby, Spencer drifted off to sleep.


	23. Chapter 23

 

The feeling of weight against Derek shifted a little, sliding further against him. Without looking down he knew what had happened. Spencer was asleep. Derek moved his arm down, adjusting Spencer’s position a little. He fit perfectly into the curve of Derek’s body. With his knees still curled up and his feet tucked off to the opposite side, he was snug up against Derek’s side, his one hand coming up to rest lightly on Derek’s chest.

“Aww.” Penelope whispered suddenly. “He looks so cute when he sleeps!”

Curling his arm, Derek started stroking Spencer’s hair, the habit so soothing for the both of them. He absolutely loved Spencer’s hair. “Yeah, he is.” He murmured. Because they knew now and he didn’t have to bother resisting, Derek bent and kissed the top of Spencer’s head. “It’s the only time he really loses that stressed look.”

“He’s had a lot to be stressed about.” The gentle words came from Emily, who was watching Spencer with an expression of sadness and protection. “I can’t believe he lived like this and we didn’t see it. We’re profilers! Shouldn’t we have recognized the signs?”

Aaron was already shaking his head at her. “You have to factor in the fact that he’s a profiler, too. And he’s had plenty of practice at making sure people only see what he wants them to see. How else would he have managed to never have anyone know about his mother while he was growing up?”

“If there’s one thing the kiddo’s got in abundance, it’s courage.” Dave said.

Derek grinned down at Spencer’s sleeping frame. “Courageous to the point of idiocy sometimes.” It was said fondly, though.

Everyone had to laugh when, without moving, Spencer mumbled “I may be mostly ‘sleep, but I can still hear you, Derek. Shu’ up.” Everyone shared a fond look at those words. It was nice to see that some things never changed. Spencer, for some reason or another, tended to lose his high vocabulary when he was extremely tired or mostly asleep.

“Come on, baby boy. Let’s get you home before you pass out on me again.” He moved a little, forcing Spencer to sit up. He knew if he didn’t that Spencer would stay there and sleep. The last thing Derek thought they needed was for him to be seen carrying Spencer out of the building and if Spencer fell asleep again, that was exactly what would happen.

Spencer brought a hand up to rub at his eyes while sitting up. It took everything Derek had not to chuckle. He caught Penelope’s eye and the two of them grinned. _If he didn’t look like a little kid before, he sure as hell does now_ Derek thought.

Stifling a yawn, Spencer blinked his eyes and looked over to Aaron. “Hotch, is someone going to go look after my mom?” He muttered, obviously still mostly asleep. But the importance of this was still present in his voice. “He’s threatened me by using her before. I can’t let anything happen to her.”

“Don’t worry, Reid. I’ll make the call and get some security on her as soon as possible. We won’t let anything happen to your mother.”

“Good.” He paused to yawn and rub his face again, wincing when he rubbed over his black eye. “’M supposed to protect her. What about JJ? Should we call her?”

The rest of the team exchanged surprised looks. They hadn’t even thought of JJ. _I can’t believe we didn’t think of her. Just because she’s not on the team doesn’t mean that she isn’t at risk. Anyone who knows Spencer knows that JJ, Will, and Henry are important to him._ “Geeze, Spencer. Even asleep on your feet, you outthink the rest of us.” Derek teased him. He couldn’t help but smile as Spencer blushed.

Aaron and Dave exchange a glance, conferring silently for a moment. Then Dave turned toward Spencer. “I’ll give her a call, Reid, and let her know what’s up. We’ll offer them protection too but I imagine that she’ll deny it. Her and Will both carry, so they’ll be able to protect one another. You know JJ; she’s tougher than she looks.”

Derek rose from his spot on the couch, reaching down to brace Spencer’s arms and help him up. “Okay, pretty boy, that’s enough. You’ve got everything covered that you can. Now let’s get you home and in bed. You’re pushing the end of your rope here. The rest of this can be dealt with tomorrow at Rossi’s house. Right now let’s just get you some sleep.”

The younger man yawned once more. “Can’t protest that.” He admitted wryly. His sleepy eyes turned toward the room. “Thanks, guys. For, well, for all of this. For being there and such. I’m sorry I’m putting you guys in danger. I never wanted that to happen.”

Penelope moved forward and put her arms around him, giving him the hug she’d been resisting giving for a while now. She couldn’t stop herself anymore. “Oh, sugar button, of course we’re here for you. And don’t you dare start feeling guilty for what that sick creep is doing. It’s not your fault, okay? Don’t you worry about us. We’ll get through this just fine and we’ll make sure you’re safe.”

When they pulled apart, Spencer had a small little smile. That smile grew when Emily stepped up and pulled him into a hug as well. Her hug was shorter, a little tighter, but her eyes were shining when they stepped back from one another. She said nothing; no real words were needed. The two shared a silent moment and that was enough for them.

Next was Aaron. He embraced the younger man in a gentle hug, much like a father would with his son. Then he put his hands on Spencer’s shoulders, holding him back a little. “We’re going to do everything we can to keep you and everyone else safe, Reid. You’re not alone in this; I want you to remember that you’ve got family here to look out for you. I’m glad you’re finally starting to realize that.”

“Thanks, Hotch.”

Dave chuckled and nudged Aaron in the side with his elbow. “Move over.” He said jokingly. “It’s my turn.”

With laughter growing around them again, Dave brought Spencer in for a bear hug. Then he put his hands on Spencer’s cheeks and held his face still for a moment. “This will work out, kiddo.” He said. “And like Aaron said, I’m glad you’re realizing you have family here with us. But I hope you realize what that means.”

Spencer looked at him curiously. “What?”

“You’ve now been officially adopted by one protectively crazy Italian who looks at you like his nephew. That means not only will I kick this guy’s ass if he tries to touch you, but it means that if you ever keep anything from Uncle Rossi again, I’ll kick your ass too. _Avete capito_?”

Everyone was laughing even harder now. Blushing, Spencer smiled. “I understand.” Pausing, he grinned and added “Uncle Rossi.”

Dave grinned and leaned in, kissing either cheek, which served to make Spencer’s blush grow even more. “Good! Now, go get some sleep, kiddo. You look like hell.”

They all watched as Derek slowly led Spencer out of the conference room. All eyes were on the pair, saying nothing as the couple made their way through the bullpen and over to the elevators. No one said anything until the elevator doors closed. Only then was the silence broken.

Emily curled her hands into fists on either side of her. “Please tell me I can go to Reid’s apartment and kick Michael’s ass.” She hissed out. Emily Prentiss was not known for sitting back and crying in bad situations; she was more notorious for stepping up and handling them, whether with a cold calm or with temper. But Michael had made the mistake of messing with someone close to her heart.

The usual calm demeanor of their unit chief was gone when he turned to look at them. “Trust me, Prentiss. I’d like nothing more than to go there myself.” He couldn’t stand the thought that someone had done that to their youngest member. More than that, guilt ate at him that he hadn’t seen anything. Even though Spencer was a good profiler like Aaron had told them, he couldn’t stop the guilt from eating away at his stomach. He was supposed to be leader of this group! How had he not seen what had been going on? How had he not been able to tell that Spencer had been lying to them?

“None of us need to let our guilt get the better of us.” With his usual calm, Dave looked at them. His words drew all eyes to him. “I know you guys feel guilty. Hell, I do too. Even though we all know better, we know we’re not at fault, it won’t change the fact that we feel guilty. But we can’t let that consume us. Reid’s going to need us a lot for the next while. All we can do now is be there for him. We can’t change the past, but we can work on fixing the present. Everyone should go home, do what we suggested and rest up. I have a feeling tomorrow is going to be a long day.”

* * *

The ride to Derek’s house was mostly a blur for Spencer, at least the parts he was awake for. He only really became coherent when he heard his door open and a familiar pair of arms was picking him up. Without thought, he brought his arms up to wrap them around Derek’s neck. Still, he had to try and at least pretend to protest. “I can walk.”

“Never said you couldn’t, baby boy. But you’re dead on your feet. Let me spoil you a little bit.”

Spoil him, hm? Instead of feeling flustered at that thought, Spencer just let himself relax. Right then, in his sleepy mind, being spoiled didn’t seem too bad. He let himself lay in Derek’s strong arms, sheltered and safe and comfortable, paying no attention to anything else around him. He felt their movement pause, vaguely hearing the keys, and then they were moving again.

“You want to go straight to bed or you want to get clean first?”

Oh, getting clean sounded wonderful. “Clean.” He murmured. Again they were moving. In a moment of déjà vu, Spencer felt himself get set on the bathroom counter before Derek moved over to the tub. The last time that had happened, Spencer had been terrified about Derek finding out the truth about him. Now that truth was out and Derek was still here, still by his side. He watched through half lidded eyes while Derek turned the water on. Instead of starting the shower, though, Derek adjusted the water temperature and then stuck the plug in, running a bath.

He straightened up and looked over at Spencer. Seeing that he was being watched, the older man smiled. “You’re supposed to leave your brace on and I don’t think it’s waterproof. I thought a bath might be a little easier on you.”

After everything he’d heard, Derek was still here. _Not only here, but running you a bath and looking at you with that same loving expression. There’s a little more protectiveness there and an extra bit of worry, but that’s understandable considering the circumstances. The point is, he’s still here. There’s still love in his eyes. Somehow, you got lucky. Don’t screw this up._

He lifted his hands to try and start to unbutton his shirt. Before he even got the first button undone, Derek’s hands were there, moving his out of the way. “Let me help you, Spencer.” He looked up, flashing Spencer a heart-melting grin. “I told you; let me spoil you a little.” Then he proceeded to undo Spencer’s shirt and help him out of it. Once he had that off, he squatted down and took off Spencer’s shoes and socks, adding them to the pile. Standing up, he helped Spencer off the counter and helped him with his pants and boxers.

Spencer felt a slight blush in his cheeks at standing naked before him while Derek was fully clothed. Even though Derek had already seen all of him there was to see, it was still just a little embarrassing. But it was something he told himself he would happily get used to. He watched Derek move over to the tub, shutting the water off now that the water was ready. Just as he turned to help Spencer to the tub, the young man worked up the courage to smile and ask “Aren’t you joining me?”

Surprise lit Derek’s eyes first. It was quickly followed by a grin. “Yeah, I’ll join you.”

He couldn’t stop himself from watching as Derek stripped down. Each new bit of exposed skin had Spencer’s stomach tightening. _He’s so beautiful_. It was true. Derek was a beautiful man. Smooth dark skin, defined muscles, all just begging to be touched. Part of Spencer watched and appreciated while the other part of him wanted to sigh. He was way too sore for any ‘play’ tonight. His body wouldn’t be up for it. The bruises he’d gained from his fight with Quentin left him aching and his hand was already throbbing. He probably should have taken another of his pain relievers, but he wanted to avoid those as much as possible.

The older man finished stripping and stepped into the tub first. He sat down and settled back in the water, leaning against the end of the tub. Then he held a hand out for Spencer. What else could he do but take that hand and let Derek help him down into the tub? With a small sigh he settled between Derek’s legs, leaning his back against his love’s chest. Derek’s arms came around him, hands resting on his waist.

Another sigh slipped out, this one of contentment. Spencer felt his eyes slide shut and knew that he could easily fall asleep here. It amazed him that he was so at ease. In comparison to how shy he would have been just weeks ago, this was amazing. _I never thought I’d be this comfortable with another person. Letting them see so much of me. Letting them_ touch _me this way. The fact that we’re both naked in here doesn’t scare me or make me nervous or afraid. It…it turns me on in one sense and relaxes me in another. No one but Derek has ever made me feel this good about myself._

For the moment, nothing else seemed to exist for them. There was nothing for him but the warm water, easing the aches in his body, Derek wrapped around him, and the steady beat of their hearts.

He felt the rumble in Derek’s chest from his soft chuckle. “Let’s get you cleaned up before you pass out in here, baby boy.”  He reached out to grab a cup, stretching just a little to reach the bathroom counter. Once he had it they both settled back against one another. “Lay your head back on my shoulder. I’ll get your hair wet so we can wash it.”

Spencer followed his directions, relaxing even more. He closed his eyes and just let himself enjoy the water being poured over his hair, the feeling of Derek’s fingers running over his scalp. Then the shampoo was added. Just barely Spencer resisted moaning a little when Derek’s fingers worked the shampoo into his hair. God that felt good! He never would have suspected that someone washing his hair would feel so good.

Once Derek had the shampoo all worked in, he took the cup and started to rinse him off. Spencer just kept his eyes closed so he could continue to enjoy the sensation. _If this is being spoiled, I think I’ll let him do it more_.

“You’re hair sure is long when it’s wet.” Derek commented softly. He ran his fingers through it. “I like it long like this.”

Feeling those fingers stroking his hair and his scalp again, Spencer could only respond with a small moan. He was almost embarrassed by that. Almost. He felt too good to really care about being embarrassed. The sound must have pleased Derek, though. He heard his lover growl slightly by his ear. “Quit making those sounds, baby boy, or this relaxing bath is going to turn into something much different and I doubt your body could handle it right now.”

Spencer couldn’t help it. He arched his neck a little, leaning more into Derek’s touch, a small sound escaping his lips. “You want me to stop then quit what you’re doing.” He murmured. Not that he wanted Derek to stop. Oh, no. It felt so good. Derek gave a gentle little tug to his hair and Spencer moaned again. He heard Derek echo the sound and could feel behind him the reaction he was creating in him.

Suddenly Derek’s lips were on the side of his neck, nipping lightly at one of the few spots that wasn’t bruised. The little bite had Spencer gasping and shifting a little. When he heard Derek moan against his skin, Spencer bit his lip, shifting again, this time on purpose. He pushed back just a little, enjoying it when Derek’s hips pushed against him. _Is there anything more empowering, more of a turn on, than knowing you can drive your partner crazy?_ He loved getting those responses from Derek.

“This wasn’t what I had planned.” Derek sucked in the bottom of Spencer’s ear, giving it a light bite before letting it go. “But you’re awfully hard to turn down.”

“Who says you have to?”

At Spencer’s words, Derek sucked in a breath. His hand fisted lightly in Spencer’s hair, turning his head enough that Derek could capture his lips. Spencer didn’t hesitate to respond. His body was starting that familiar tingle. That tingle grew when Derek’s tongue thrust into his mouth, tasting and teasing him. Spencer couldn’t stop himself from moaning into the kiss.

He felt one of Derek’s hands slide away from his stomach, moving down his thigh, tracing the skin there. Shamelessly, Spencer let his legs fall open, resting them against Derek’s. Their kiss broke and Derek’s mouth moved toward his ear again. “Do you want me to touch you, Spencer?” The low, husky note to Derek’s voice made Spencer shiver. He’d come to love hearing that sound in Derek’s words. “Is that what you want, hmm?” His hand kept stroking Spencer’s thigh, moving close without quite touching what Spencer wanted him to.

His hips moved, trying to get Derek to touch him the way he wanted to be touched. “Please.” The plea slipped out like a breathy whisper.

“Look at you, writhing and moaning. You’re so damn sexy like this, pretty boy. Do you realize that? All flushed and excited. Quivering against me. Do you know how much you turn me on?”

A whimper slipped out. Derek knew what it did to Spencer when he talked like that. They’d discovered that quickly. Hearing Derek talk dirty to him in that husky, straight sex voice never failed to turn Spencer on. He grew harder with each word. “Derek, please, please…!”

Just when he thought he couldn’t take it anymore, Derek’s hand went up his thigh again, higher this time until finally—sweet Jesus! Finally!—he wrapped his fingers around Spencer’s aching cock. The young man’s hips jumped and he groaned. Instantly he rocked his hips, starting the friction his body was craving while grinding him against Derek at the same time. He was rewarded with Derek’s moan as well as a slight tightening in the hand that was in his hair. He didn’t stop to think about the fact that he’d hated when Michael pulled his hair, but it was turning him on even more to have Derek do it. Just like every time he was with Derek this way, his brain was shutting down and all he could do was feel.

“God, Spencer.” Derek groaned. His hand started to move; long, slow pulls that were driving Spencer mad. “You’re so fucking hot. You drive me crazy.”

Spencer was too lost to say a thing. His hips kept moving in time with Derek’s fist, pushing back against his lover each time he did to try and create that friction for him too. Derek’s hips started to move as well. The water splashed around them, the sound seeming to echo in the small bathroom, but it was soon drowned out by the moans and whimpers that fell from Spencer’s lips.

All the while, Derek continued to whisper in his ear, his words making the fire in Spencer grow. “That’s it, baby boy. Let it go. You always held back a little at the house, knowing someone was watching. Let it all go. I love watching your face, hearing those sounds. No one can see you but me. No one else can hear you.”

He did just as Derek said. How could he do anything else? There was no one here to watch them. Spencer let go of his control, let go of his inhibitions, turning himself over to the talented hands of his lover. Higher and higher he climbed, his good hand rising up to wrap around Derek’s head, pulling him in close for a desperate kiss. He was so close. Oh, so close!

When Derek’s hand picked up speed, so did Spencer’s hips. He heard Derek’s harsh breathing as their kiss broke. Could see through hazy eyes the look on Derek’s face that said he, too, was close. A minute later Spencer saw nothing. His orgasm washed over him, tearing through his insides. His hips thrust up into Derek’s fist and he let out a throaty scream, his head dropping to Derek’s shoulder while his back arched. He heard Derek’s deep groan and felt his hips jump as well, thrusting against his back a few more times as the older man let himself go, spilling his seed between them.

Pleasure hummed through Spencer; delicious little aftershocks that left his limbs trembling. His eyes closed and he melted into Derek’s embrace, breathing heavily. This was heaven. His limbs felt loose and heavy and he knew he could easily drift off to sleep here.

After a few minutes, Derek bent and kissed his temple, chuckling slightly against his skin. “We’ll have to drain the water and rinse off now.” But he didn’t sound like he minded at all. “Grab the plug before you fall asleep and I have to figure out how to get you out of here without drowning you.”

Using his toes, Spencer pulled the plug, keeping the rest of him still. He really didn’t want to move. That nice hazy feeling was settling over him. He barely paid any attention as the water drained away, but he made a small whining sound when Derek shifted them. It just made Derek chuckle again. The water was turned back on and Derek used the cup to rinse them off.

When he was done he helped Spencer out of the tub. It was a good thing he did, too, because Spencer’s legs felt like noodles. He couldn’t help laughing softly at the sensation. They stood there, toweling dry, smiling at one another.

Derek tossed his towel into the hamper. Then he stepped forward, cupping Spencer’s cheek and kissing him. “I love you, Spencer Reid.”

It was the first time those words had been said with his real name. The emotion it sent arrowing through him had his heart lifting and his eyes pricking with tears. He turned his head a little to kiss Derek’s palm. “I love you too, Derek Morgan.” No other words had ever been truer, or more perfect.

Derek pulled him close for another kiss. When they broke apart, both were smiling. “Come on. Let’s go get some sleep.”

Together, the two moved down the hall, not even bothering to throw on pajamas as they climbed into bed. Spencer thought to himself that the day had been hard and tomorrow would be harder, but right in that moment, lying in the circle of Derek’s arms, things were pretty damn good.


	24. Chapter 24

 

A loud pounding woke Spencer out of his sleep. It took him a moment to even decide to open his eyes. When he did and he saw the brightness of the room, he grabbed the blankets and yanked them over his head, burrowing down into the bed. He did not want to be up. Why on earth was he awake? More pounding reminded him of what had woken him up. _What is that damn sound?_ He scowled under the blankets as he tried to figure it out. It took him longer than normal to realize that it was the front door. _Derek can answer it._ Right on the trail of that thought came the realization that he was alone in bed. Where was Derek?

Spencer shifted the blanket once more, blinking his eyes to try and grow accustomed to the sunlight. Once he did, he looked around the room. No, Derek wasn’t here. The clock said it was eight in the morning; where would Derek be at eight in the morning? The shower wasn’t on. There was no sound in the house but the pounding on the door.

That meant that he was going to have to get up if he wanted that sound to stop. No one else was here to rescue him. The moment he shifted to get out of bed, the aches in his body flared to life, reminding him of their presence. That was enough to snap his brain to a more alert state. _Pain is a better stimulant to wake you up than coffee. Not that I enjoy it this way. I’d much prefer the coffee. I sure hope Derek put some on before he went wherever he went. Why’d he leave me alone here? We were supposed to be in pairs, right?_ Wait a second. Just barely he recalled Derek waking him up by moving too much. As Spencer’s brain became a little more alert, he remembered telling Derek to quit wiggling and go take his morning run. When Derek had protested, Spencer had assured him he’d be fine before going back to sleep.

Well, whoever it was could go the hell away. He wasn’t getting up to answer the door. If it was someone important, they would try calling if no one answered. Or they already would have broken down the door by now. He snickered to himself as he brought the blankets back up over his head. No, none of the others would break down the door. One, that was Derek’s typical reaction to something and he wasn’t going to break down his own door. Two, Derek would flip at them for breaking a door with no reason.

For a single instant Spencer thought that the sound of splitting wood was in his imagination. That maybe a memory of the many times Derek had kicked through one door or another had resurfaced and played the sound for him. Still half asleep, that thought seemed entirely plausible. That was, until he heard one thing guaranteed to freeze the blood in his veins. “ _I know you’re here, Reid!_ ”

All at once Spencer was wide awake. His eyes went wide and his body moved before he even finished the thought. He knew that voice. He knew who that was. Michael was here. Michael had found him. How the hell had he known to look here? How did he even know where Derek lived? Quickly he shoved that thought back. None of that mattered. What mattered was he was alone in this house with Michael and absolutely no way to get to anything that would protect him. He had no clue if Derek kept any weapons in his bedroom and their service weapons would be in their go-bags, which Spencer thought were either in the car or in the living room. _Did Derek carry them in with us? I think I remember him dropping the bags once we got in the door, but I was so tired. Dammit!_

He stood no chance of holding his own if Michael came after him. Between the other man’s size and Spencer’s current injuries, he would easily be subdued. As much as it galled him to admit it, he knew it was the truth. He barely had a chance even in full form. This was one of those moments that Spencer really, really hated not being built more like most men. The average male would have had a fighting chance. But him? Skinny, not overly muscled, and then injured as well? _Yeah, you’d be pulverized._ That left only one option and it was one that he hated. Hide.

He didn’t get that chance. In the twenty seconds it took for all of those thoughts to race through Spencer’s brain, Michael had already stormed down the hallway. The bedroom door was wide open; a split second later it was filled with Michael, who looked ready to kill. “I knew it.” He hissed out. Almost instantly his eyes had found Spencer, who was standing on the other side of the bed. The young man blessed at least having the bed between them. “I knew you were fucking him. You Goddamn whore!”

Spencer put his hands up, trying to gauge the distance between himself and the master bath. If he could just get to the master bathroom, he could lock himself in. Maybe it wouldn’t deter Michael, but if it looked like the furious man was going to get in, Spencer knew there was a window in there that would make a great escape route. His body didn’t seem to want to move, though. It wasn’t obeying the screaming of his mind to get the hell out of there. Instead he stood and stared, frozen, at a man he had once thought he loved.

Fury was written on every inch of Michael. “Did you really think I’d just let you walk away from me? That I wouldn’t figure it out when you didn’t come home last night?” He took one step toward the bed. “Get dressed. _Now._ I ought to fucking kill you right now and leave you’re fucking body for your boyfriend to find. You’re damn lucky I’m understanding. Get dressed; we’re leaving. I’ll deal with you once we get home.”

“No.” Spencer’s eyes were wide and his hands were trembling, but that one word was firm. Saying it helped him straighten his spine just a little. “No, Michael. I’m not going home with you. Not ever again.”

Michael went absolutely still. “You think you’re leaving me?” Surprise lit his tone. It was as if he honestly had never considered Spencer disobeying him.

 _He probably hadn’t thought of that_ Spencer admitted to himself. _Before this case, I wouldn’t have dared to disobey him. But I wouldn’t have dared to be here either. But I know what it means to love someone now and to have someone love me. And I know I deserve better than this._ “I’m not going to be hurt anymore, Michael. I’m not staying so you can use me as a punching bag when you’re upset by something.” The words sounded braver than he felt.

“You’ve had your little rebellion here, Reid.” Michael said mockingly. “Now shut up and get dressed so we can leave before that big dick gets back. I really don’t feel like dealing with him. But he can be the first one I deal with if you don’t listen to me.” The last was tacked on almost as an afterthought, but it worked in making Spencer’s stomach lurch. God, he was threatening Derek! Derek!

Instead of feeling afraid, Spencer felt something else fill him. Something strong. Anger.

For the past few weeks, he and Derek had watched each other’s backs, growing closer and closer as friends and, yes, as a couple. They’d been stalked by an Unsub that would have killed them if he’d been able to. He almost had! And now Michael stood here and had the nerve to threaten Derek to him? The hell that he would stand for it!

Standing up to Michael wasn’t the best option at the moment. Spencer knew that he wouldn’t stand a chance, physically. That meant that he needed to use his mind. It was the best tool he had at the moment. His mind raced in the way it usually did while trying to solve puzzles on their cases. Only one option came to mind. Quick as a flash, he calculated the probabilities and estimated the end result. _It’s the only choice I have._

Dropping his eyes just enough to look meek, Spencer bit his lip and let his body slump just a little. Not all the way or that would look suspicious. But enough to make him look like he was bowing under the strength of Michael’s threats. “I…I need my go-bag. It has all my stuff in it.”

“Where is it?”

Spencer chewed on his lip as he prayed he was right. “The living room. In, in the hallway.”

There was silence for a long second. Spencer let his head bow a little more, his hair falling over his face. It allowed him to peek out through that screen of hair and look at Michael’s face without being noticed. His boyfriend— _ex-boyfriend, you idiot. Not your boyfriend anymore!_ —was watching him with a serious look in his eyes. But Spencer could see when Michael finally reached his decision. When his eyes cleared and he gave a little nod to himself. Obviously he’d come to the conclusion that Spencer was going to obey him; that there was no threat here. He was underestimating Spencer and was over-confident in his power over him. That was his first mistake.

“Get out there.” Michael snapped at him. He gestured out toward the hallway. “Come on, move it. I’d like to get out of here soon. You’ve wasted my fucking night and half my morning.”

“Yes, Michael. I’m sorry.”

The words wanted to stick in Spencer’s throat but he forced them out.  Tensing, he prepared his body. Going past Michael most likely meant some kind of physical pain. But he had to get past him if he wanted to get out to the living room. Once there, he could finish the rest of his plan. None of it would work, though, if he didn’t get to the living room. So he gathered as much courage as he could and scrambled around the bed. As he’d expected, Michael couldn’t resist when Spencer passed him. He brought a hand up, grabbing the back of Spencer’s neck and squeezing. “You thought you’d just get away with this?” He snarled. Abruptly he pushed, shoving Spencer into the hallway. “Get moving.”

Move he did. Spencer scurried down the hall and straight to the living room. He’d gotten past the hardest part. This next part would be simple; he would just have to be strong.  A sob of relief wanted to slip out when Spencer saw his go-bag in the entry way hall. He grabbed the bag and brought it into the living room, setting it on the couch. While Michael lounged against the wall, Spencer dug in his bag and grabbed a pair of pants. First and foremost, this would be a hell of a lot easier on him if he had pants on. It was difficult to do with one hand, but he managed it, not even bothering to throw on boxers. He had to use both hands to button them.

Once those were on, he dug into his bag again, his hand brushing across two things buried underneath the clothes. One, his cell phone. Two, his gun. As quickly as he could, he flipped open the phone and pressed a few buttons, trusting to touch alone to tell him that he was pressing the right ones. Derek would have his phone on him—he always took it with him and he would have especially this morning while running—and even if he couldn’t hear what was going on, he would know something was up.

“Hurry up over there! What the hell’s taking you so long?”

Spencer jumped slightly. His eyes went wide and his breath wanted to hitch. No, no, Michael didn’t know what he was doing. He swallowed the lump in his throat and let the lie out in a shaky, nervous voice. “I, well, it’s a little hard, one-handed. I’m sorry.”

A scowl lit Michael’s face. He pushed away from the wall and prepared to start forward. “You’re pathetic.”

It was now or never. Spencer knew he couldn’t let Michael get close to him. He screwed up as much courage as he could, gathering that anger he’d felt in the bedroom, and he used that to give him the strength he needed to wrap his hand around his revolver. In one smooth move he took a step back and brought his gun out, pointing it directly at Michael’s head. “I’m not going anywhere with you.”

The sight of the gun stopped Michael in his tracks. He looked from the gun, to Spencer’s face, back to the gun, and then finally landing and staying on Spencer. Amusement was in his expression, with just a tiny hint of uncertainty. “You won’t shoot me.” He sounded so damn confident. So sure of himself.

All nerves were gone. Spencer’s spine was straight and his arm was steady. Without batting an eye, he pulled the hammer back. Gone was the quiver in his voice. Now it was steady, with a hint of hardness to it that had never been there around Michael. “Get out.” Spencer told him. “Turn around and walk out of this house, now.”

“Or what, Spencer? You’ll shoot me?” Michael laughed as if the idea was that amusing.

Spencer felt a cool kind of calm settle over him. He adjusted his aim, briefly thinking to himself that he hoped Derek wouldn’t be too upset at the hole in his wall. Then he fired, hitting the wall just inches from the side of Michael’s head. As Michael swore and jumped sideways, turning the air blue with his curses, Spencer just adjusted his aim until the gun was directly on Michael again.

Fury was radiating from Michael, but there was something new there. Fear. “You son of a bitch!” he shouted. “You almost shot me!”

“If I’d wanted to hit you, you’d be dead.” Spencer said with more confidence than he felt. “Now, I’m giving you one last opportunity. Get out, now. Because if I don’t shoot you, Derek might. And seeing as how I called him with the cell phone in my bag, he should be arriving shortly. And you’re not so brave when there’s a crowd, is there?” A sneer curled Spencer’s lip. “No, you prefer to come after people smaller and weaker than you. Take them on by themselves. Get the hell out, Michael, and don’t come back.”

Michael’s hands clenched into fists on either side. “Don’t think this is over, Reid. I’ll leave, but I’ll get you back. You’re _mine_. You think I’ll let this fuck here have you? I’ll kill them all.”

“You won’t touch any of them. I won’t let you hurt my team. I won’t let you touch my family.”

“You can’t protect them forever.” As he spoke, Michael moved toward the door, his eyes locked on the gun that never veered from him. “You can’t protect everyone at once forever. I’ll get you eventually. You’re mine, Spencer Reid. Don’t you forget that.”

Rage boiled inside of Spencer. He was _no one’s_ property! As Michael darted out the front door, Spencer stormed over there, pushing the door back open to stand on the front porch. He took aim, but Michael was already in his car, pulling out of the driveway and down into the road. There was too much of a chance of creating an accident in the road. Spencer growled lightly and lowered his gun to his side.

Just as his arm dropped to his side and as Michael took off down the road, Derek came running into the driveway. He didn’t break stride when he saw Spencer on the porch, but ran straight to him. When he reached the porch he visibly relaxed and slowed his pace. It was obvious that Spencer wasn’t injured anywhere.

“Jesus, pretty boy.” Derek moved straight to Spencer, cupping his cheeks and stealing a kiss. When they broke apart, he leaned his forehead against Spencer’s, breathing heavily. “You about gave me a heart attack when you called. I heard you and him but once I started running I couldn’t really understand your words anymore, but I heard the gunshot.”

Now that Derek was here, Spencer felt his tension start to drain away. The anger was gone, the fear disappeared. But embarrassment did seep in a little. “Oh, yeah.” He bit his lip and pulled back, fiddling with the hem of Derek’s shirt. “Yeah, uh, about that. I, um, I kind of put a hole in your wall.”

“What?” Derek asked with amusement.

Spencer felt his cheeks heat. “He wasn’t going to leave. He, well, he didn’t believe I’d shoot him. So I kind of shot next to his head. So you, um, you have a hole in your wall.”

The porch was silent for a moment before Derek’s deep laugh rang out in the morning air. His hands cupped Spencer’s face again so he could give him a big kiss that left the younger man breathless. When they pulled apart, both were smiling. “Look at you, baby boy.” Derek told him. “Fighting off your own demons, shooting holes in walls, threatening people. Wait until the others hear this.”

“Can I finish getting dressed first?” Spencer smiled, eyes sparkling. “I’ve had enough confrontation while being underdressed this morning.”

Derek’s eyes took on that sparkle that Spencer was becoming familiar with. “Oh, I don’t know, I kind of like you like this.” He wrapped one arm around Spencer’s waist, pulling their bodies flush. “Why don’t we head inside, Spencer?”

“Well, you are all sweaty.”

“And you hugged me here so it’s on you now too.”

Chuckling, Spencer turned to move inside the house, his hand linked with Derek’s. “I guess we’ll have to take a shower, then. Just for the sake of getting clean, of course.”

“Of course.” Derek agreed. But his grin was a mile wide as he shut the front door behind him.


	25. Chapter 25

 

One hour later, the two profilers sat at the dining room table, their team arrayed behind them and two police officers across from them. It had been Derek who’d had the foresight to call the police as well as calling the team. “Any evidence against him is good, sugar.”  He’d told Spencer after making the necessary calls. “Plus, this is something we might actually be able to peg him for. He could go to jail for breaking and entering at the very least.”

“They can’t pin him for the rest of this, Derek.” Spencer had argued with him. The whole situation had him more agitated than ever. “The phone call wasn’t recorded and there were no witnesses. It will come down to being his word against mine. Despite my credentials, any lawyer would exploit the fact that I’m claiming domestic violence and could say this was entrapment. They might try to infer that I invited him over here and set the whole thing up.”

This, as Spencer looked at the officers across from him, seemed to be exactly what the police were thinking. He could read the skepticism and disbelief in their body language as they settled at the table and were given a brief description of what had happened. One officer—Spencer saw his nametag said Officer Zach Ashland—looked from Spencer to the rest of the team. “I’m sorry, Agents, but we need to ask you to step away for a moment so I can speak with Mr. Reid.”

“Dr. Reid.” Aaron corrected automatically. The others had all been ready to say the same thing. “And the others will leave. I understand why they have to. I, however, will be staying.”

“Pardon me?”

Aaron didn’t even flinch. He stepped up behind Spencer’s chair and rested his hands on the back of it. “Not only am I his Unit Chief and therefore responsible for him, but I’m also his legal counsel. He won’t be questioned alone.”

It was easy for Spencer to see that Derek wanted to protest having to leave. They both knew it was necessary, though. They were going to be trying to make sure that this wasn’t some plan hatched between the young couple and so they would question them separately to see how their stories matched. “Go, Derek.” He murmured. Under the table, he briefly touched Derek’s leg. “Hotch is with me. I’ll be fine.”

After a long look, Derek nodded his head. He rose slowly from his chair, staring at the two officers as if he was trying his hardest not to say something to either one of them. Dave and Emily both stepped up on either side of him, shepherding him from the room and out toward the front porch. The living room was crawling with other officers who were inspecting the bullet hole in the wall as well as the broken front door. _Most likely one of them will step out on the porch with Derek and get his statement as well_ Spencer thought to himself.

He knew he hadn’t done anything wrong. That knowledge allowed him to look over at the officers without flinching. But he also knew that his personal life was about to come under great scrutiny. That alone was enough to make him want to squirm. His tension eased just a little when Aaron sat down beside him. His boss—his friend, really. A good, good friend—sat close enough to be supportive without completely being in Spencer’s space.

“Okay, Dr. Reid, can you walk us through what happened this morning?” Zach asked him. He pulled out his pad and pen and waited patiently, his eyes on Spencer.

Taking a deep breath, he focused on a spot over Officer Zach’s shoulder, focusing his vision on that spot as he started to speak. “I woke to the sound of pounding on the front door. Still in bed, I didn’t bother getting up. At first I decided that I would let Derek answer the door before I remembered that he wasn’t home.”

“And where was Agent Morgan?” The other officer—Officer Ty Gillian—asked him.

“He went for his morning run. I told him to go.” Spencer added before they could ask. “I know we were all supposed to be in pairs, but I assumed we’d be fine.” That part of the explanation he gave to Aaron, looking over at him. “I knew he’d have his phone if I needed him and I figured I’d be safe here. It was stupid, I know.”

Aaron nodded at him while Zach said “Continue. What happened next?”

“I was tired and didn’t want to answer the door, so I stayed in bed. I knew that if it was any member of my team, they would have either already called or would call from the porch, so I wasn’t too concerned about who could be on the other side. Then I heard the sound of wood splitting followed by a voice shouting ‘I know you’re here, Reid’.  Just as I climbed from bed, Michael walked into the bedroom. ‘I knew it’ he told me. ‘I knew you were fucking him. You Goddamn whore’.”

His eyes were trained on that spot over Zach’s shoulder again, so he missed the looks the two officers were giving him. He didn’t know that his voice changed when he recited what Michael said to him compared to how he sounded when he recounted the rest of it. He just kept telling his story.

“I put my hands up to try and show him I was unarmed, though that would have been obvious to him as I wasn’t wearing any clothes. He told me ‘Did you really think I’d just let you walk away from me? That I wouldn’t figure it out when you didn’t come home last night? Get dressed. Now. I ought to fucking kill you right now and leave you’re fucking body for your boyfriend to find. You’re damn lucky I’m understanding. Get dressed; we’re leaving. I’ll deal with you once we get home’.”

Ty moved his hand, cutting in to Spencer’s words. “That’s quite a description of what he said to you. You said you were tired, Dr. Reid. Is there a chance you might have misheard anything?”

For a brief second Spencer’s eyes flickered to Ty’s face and then down to the table. His leg was bouncing slightly underneath the table, a nervous move he wasn’t even aware of doing. “I have an eidetic memory, Officer Ty.” Spencer cocked his head, looking briefly up at them again, trying to force himself to look at their faces. It was difficult, because the more nervous he grew, the harder it was for him to meet someone’s eyes, but he knew that he would be viewed as guilty or as if he was hiding something if he refused to look at them. “While that mostly pertains to things that I see, it is not entirely exclusive to visual stimuli. Those are the words he said, verbatim. Not to mention that I was no longer tired at that moment. Knowing that Michael was in the house sent my body into fight or flight mode, thus triggering a release of adrenaline to my system…”

A touch to his arm from Aaron was enough to have Spencer cut off the ramble that had been getting ready to come out. He looked gratefully at him. Aaron looked over to the officers. “We have plenty of documentation to Dr. Reid’s memory. If necessary, I can provide copies of the pertinent information for you at a later date.”

“Thank you. Continue, Dr. Reid.”

So, even more nervous than before, Spencer told them the rest of the incident. They waited until he was finished before starting their questions again. “You fired a shot in the wall near the suspect’s head?” Zach asked him, raising one eyebrow.

“He didn’t believe I would defend myself. I never had before, so he was laboring under the assumption that I wouldn’t this time as well. If I had not fired a warning shot, he would have come straight to me. I knew that I would not be able to defend myself competently if he came within striking distance.”

Ty wrote something on his pad. “And why is that, Dr. Reid?”

That had Spencer’s eyebrows winging up. _Seriously? He really has to ask me that? Hasn’t he looked at me at all?_ There was a slight bite to his tone this time when he answered. “Aside from the obvious injuries I sustained recently?” He asked sarcastically. “You may also add in the fact that I’m quite a bit smaller in stature than him and I am not as muscular as he is. I know his strength intimately. I’ve felt it often enough to accurately judge the amount of damage he is capable of. He would have overpowered me easily.”

“Overpowered _you_ , a trained FBI agent?” The skeptical question came from Zach. In that moment, Spencer decided he disliked Zach far more than he did Ty. At least Ty was pretending to do his job. Zach was deliberately mocking.

Before Aaron could speak up for him, Spencer turned his glare over to Zach. “Proper training only takes you so far against your opponent. Other factors need to be added to the equation. Weight and muscle mass, to mention two. But my hand to hand training is not what is central. I did not engage him simply because it would not have been prudent to do so.”

“Prudent?”

“Prudent. By definition, having good sense in dealing with practical matters.” He defined instantly.

A flash of anger crossed Zach’s face. “I know what prudent means, Doctor.”

“Then why did you ask?” Spencer looked over at Aaron for a second before looking back to the cops. Realization dawned slowly. “Oh, you mean you want to know why it would not have been prudent? You need to better phrase your questions, officer.” Without waiting for the angry response he was sure was coming, he continued. “I have a Colles fracture on my wrist, taking one hand out of the equation. I would be defending myself one handed. The bruise on my face would be an easy point for him to strike and take me down from the pain of it. Not to mention the five other bruises or the four scratches that I sustained on the case, as well as the strangulation marks on my neck. Any one of these points would reduce my chances of withstanding the physical pain he would seek to inflict. When you add up all variables, the answer is rather obvious. As I said, it was not _prudent_ to engage him a physical fight.”

Folding his notepad and laying it on the table, Ty cocked his head for a moment. “Variables and equations? Do you look at it as a math formula?”

“Of course.” The question seemed ridiculous to Spencer. Of course it was a math formula. “Essentially that’s all that these types of situations are. You factor in all the different variables and use them to determine the proper equation that will lead you to a desirable answer. Almost everything can be broken down to a mathematical formula.”

“Is this all the questions you have for him?” Aaron interrupted.

Zach also folded up his notepad. “For now.” He answered. But his sharp glare moved to Spencer again. “But we’re not done. I’ll tell you two right now that something about this all isn’t sitting right with me. You better hope your friend’s story matches, Dr. Reid.”

When Zach rose, so did Aaron. He wore his most serious expression and his voice carried that note of authority that never failed to make officers and agents all over jump to attention. “Are you threatening my client, Officer Ashland?”

“Not at all, Agent Hotchner. I’m simply warning him to be honest with me. “He turned back to Spencer. “Keep available, Dr. Reid. We’ll call you down to the station if we have any more questions.”

When the two officers left the room, Spencer stared at the table, trying not to clench his hands into fists. His one hand would not handle that too well. It was a difficult thing, though. Even when Aaron touched his shoulder, he kept his gaze locked on the table, not moving. “Reid, are you okay?”

Without thinking, Spencer said the first thing that came to mind. “I think I need to go see a movie.” He used their code word to describe his NA meetings. Right now he needed to go to one. Just saying it brought to mind how badly he needed to go. The need he’d been pushing back was trying to worm its way forward again. His entire body seemed to pulsate with the desire to use. In his mind he heard the sweet siren call, promising him relief from pain, both physical and mental. No thinking, no feeling. Just peace. _It helps_.

The grip on his shoulder squeezed for a second. “The instant Morgan’s done, we’ll find you one.”

Spencer automatically looked over at the clock on the wall. “Twelve point three miles away is a…theater. The movie starts in twenty two minutes and thirty seven seconds.” He had stolen a moment while waiting for the police to arrive to text Penelope and ask her about local NA meetings. He knew she wouldn’t say anything to anyone and she wouldn’t judge him for it.

“We’ll make sure you’re there.” There wasn’t any recrimination in Aaron’s voice. Just strength and support. Spencer appreciated that more than he could say. Swallowing the lump in his throat, Spencer pushed up out of his chair. The hand on his shoulder dropped away, but Aaron stayed by his side. “Come on, Reid. Let’s go find Morgan and get you over there. The rest of us will wait outside until you’re done before we head over to Dave’s.”

“You guys don’t have to wait, Hotch.” The two made their way toward the living room, still side by side.

Aaron let their arms brushed together in a friendly sort of way. “We’re not leaving anyone alone right now, Reid, so don’t even think of protesting. If there’s somewhere nearby, we’ll grab a bite to eat or some coffee while we wait. You’re not going to go through this alone. Not any of this. No matter what, your family is here for you. Maybe it’s about time you got used to that.”


	26. Chapter 26

 

Spencer couldn’t help but think that it was a sign of how close he and Derek were, both from their original friendship as well as this new relationship thing they had, when he stepped out onto the front porch and Derek looked straight at him and nodded before walking directly to him and lacing their fingers together, asking “Want to catch a movie?”

It was a glorious feeling, having someone know you so well that you don’t really have to explain the important stuff to them. They just _know_. There was no one else who knew him the way Derek did. A small smile curved Spencer’s lips. “Yeah.” He admitted. The small squeeze Derek gave to his fingers was reassuring. A small sharing of support without words. _I’ve never had that with anyone before. I’ve never had that feeling of being able to talk without talking. To just understand someone and have them understand me. I’ve always been the kind of person no one understood. The freak._ But Derek didn’t make him feel like a freak. He made him feel unique and special.

Somehow Aaron and Dave got the house cleared of all officers while Emily, Penelope and Derek herded Spencer to one of the vehicles. Even though he knew they were a team, a family, it still kind of amazed Spencer to know that _everyone_ had showed up this morning once they’d been told about the incident. Not only showed up, but been entirely supportive. For the man who was so used to dealing with life on his own, he could barely process the fact that they were all there for him. Well, for him _and_ Derek. _Maybe they’re just here for Derek. It is his house, after all. Shots were fired here. That_ could _be it._

As he settled into the backseat, Spencer scowled slightly down at his lap. _They’re here for you too, you idiot. Like Hotch told you, this is a family. When are you going to get over this insane fear that everyone is going to walk away from you or hurt you? These people haven’t hurt you. They haven’t left you._

 _But others have. Others you thought you could trust_ that sly little voice reminded him. In moments like that, Spencer wished he could strangle that little voice. It was the same one that whispered to him that the drugs helped; that they took away the pain. _One little hit won’t hurt_ it was telling him. _You know it’ll make this easier. It’ll make it better. And you won’t be hurting anymore, outside or in. You’ll be floating, at peace. Just one little hit now, come on. You know you want it._

 _NO!_ The more practical part of his mind screamed. _I do not need it. I don’t need to go down that road again. It may help, but only for a little bit. Then it all comes crashing back, worse than ever. Then I get stuck in that stupid cycle. I hurt, so I use. I use, then I come down. I come down and it all hurts more, so I use again, more than ever, trying to make it last longer. But it’s never enough. It never lasts long enough. I can’t live like that again! I just can’t! I’ve got so many other things in my life. So many better things. I will not ruin it all by going down that route again._

There was no way in hell he was going to do that to himself again. Nor to the people in his life. It had been hard for all of them to watch him spiral. Sometimes he thought it had been as hard for them as it had been for him.

A gentle squeeze on his hand brought his attention out of his mind and back to the present moment. Blinking, Spencer looked around the car, realizing that they were parked somewhere else. When had they left the house? _I’ve really got to learn how to stop getting so lost in my thoughts and blanking out the real world. One of these days, it’s going to be the death of me._

“We’re here, pretty boy.” Derek murmured to him. The two climbed from the car together. Once the door was shut, Spencer looked around him, biting his lip. They were in the parking lot of what looked to be a cozy little diner. The whole team was there, standing with him. Spencer realized that he and Derek had ridden over in the backseat of Aaron’s SUV, with Dave riding shotgun. Emily and Penelope had apparently driven Penelope’s car over. All of them stood around him now, a solid presence for him, not a one of them looking at him with any judgment in their eyes.

Derek put an arm around Spencer’s waist and pulled him in for a small sideways hug. “We’ll be in the diner when you’re done, baby boy. Take all the time you need.”

Did they know how much he appreciated this? How much their support meant? Spencer couldn’t bring himself to say the words, but he gave them a shy smile. “Thanks.” One word that didn’t quite cover all that he felt, yet it seemed that they understood. All of them smiled right back at him. Their support gave him the courage to do something he might not have otherwise. He turned, kissing Derek right there in front of them before he broke away and headed to the meeting hall across the street. He swore he could still feel the support from all of them with him.

He was almost late when he walked in. Quietly he found himself a chair, sitting down and letting his eyes wander the room as the meeting was opened. He’d specifically requested Penelope find him a cop meeting and that was what she had done. This was specifically for law enforcement officers. He couldn’t bring himself to meet with people who weren’t in some field of law enforcement. That just didn’t seem right to him. His job affected his life very much and sharing with people who didn’t understand that wasn’t comfortable with him.

When the speaker asked “Are there any visitors here today?” Spencer raised his hand. Everyone turned to look at him and he stood, shyly telling them “Hi, my name is Spencer.” Everyone greeted him and he took a seat. The rest of it would come out soon enough. He actually felt himself calming as the leader spoke, taking them through the traditional opening. When it came time for sharing, Spencer put himself forward. He was brought to the front of the room to stand before everyone. This was usually the hardest part for him.

Shuffling his feet a little, Spencer looked around the room, trying to battle off his nerves as well as the need that crawled under his skin. “Uh, hi everyone. This isn’t my typical group, but I’m staying with someone and I was kind of in a desperate need. I, I should probably start this better. Sorry.” He flushed and bit his lip. “My name is Spencer and, well, I don’t really know how to label how long I’ve been clean. The last time I used was the last time I fell off the wagon, a one-time thing, one year, seven months, one week and two days ago.” He refrained from giving the hours, minutes and seconds. “My drug of choice was Dilaudid. I became addicted when I was kidnapped on a case and drugged by the Unsub.”

A small murmur ran over the room but no one interrupted. This wasn’t there time to talk. This was his. He put his hand in his pocket, fingering his one year coin.

“Recently I was on an undercover operation. Yesterday,” _Was it really only yesterday?_ “The Unsub came after us and I got a little beat up, as you can probably see. Um, when I was at the hospital I was unconscious and, well, despite the written notice in my records to not give me narcotics, the doctor kind of drugged me to the gills with morphine…” Slowly, as the story came from him, as he watched the faces of people who had been where he had been, Spencer felt some of his tension start to drain away.

* * *

While Spencer was speaking at his meeting, the others sat at one of the tables in the diner, drinking their coffee, eating their breakfast, and discussing what they were going to do next. The morning’s events were heavy on all their minds. Derek pushed his eggs around on his plate, trying to pay attention to the conversation and failing miserably. He couldn’t stop thinking about what had happened.

“Quit beating yourself up.” The stern voice that scolded him held a note of affection to it as well. Derek didn’t even bother turning to look at Penelope. He kept his eyes on his plate, hearing the rest of the table fall silent, waiting to hear what he had to say. He sighed and sat back a little in his chair. “I can’t help it, mama. I was supposed to be keeping an eye on him and he got attacked while I was out running.”

“Are you telling me that you knew something was going to happen this morning?” She challenged.

Derek shook his head. “No. But I should’ve known it was a possibility. I mean, this bastard’s dead set on having him. I should’ve known he’d freak out when Spencer didn’t come home last night.”

“I heard what Reid said, Morgan. He told the LEO’s that he practically made you get out of bed and go running.” Aaron interjected. He sounded firm and serious, but not scolding. “You had no way of knowing that something would happen while you took a run.”

When Derek looked up, he saw Dave was nodding his agreement. “Aaron’s right. Plus, think of it this way, Morgan. No one knows Michael better than Reid. If he thought he was safe at your house, of course you didn’t question it. Obviously Reid felt he’d be secure there; that there wouldn’t be a threat, which means that Michael’s behavior was erratic. Something out of the norm for him. This means that it couldn’t have been predicted. You couldn’t have known it would happen.”

The logic was sound. There was no way Derek could deny that. But he hated the thought that he hadn’t been there to protect the man he loved. “It just seems like every time I leave him alone the past two days, something happens to him.” Picking up his coffee cup, he snorted lightly. “Until this is dealt with, I’m not letting him out of sight. Who knows what’ll happen next time.”

Chuckles passed around the table. “He always has had a tendency to…attract trouble to him.” Emily said teasingly.

“He told me once that he feels like he must have a scent or an invisible sign that just attracts creepy people.” Penelope’s words had everyone laughing. She grinned around at them. “I told him he’s just too darn cute.”

Derek couldn’t stop himself from grinning. “Aint that the truth, baby girl.”

“From what Reid told the LEO’s, I’d have to say he handled the whole situation rather well.” Drawing the conversation back to their main point, Aaron looked at them. There was a small curve to his lips and a hint of pride in his eyes. “He managed to make Michael leave without either of them getting hurt. Well, except for the door and the wall.”

Chuckling, Derek took a drink from his coffee. “Yeah, I’ll have to patch those up. Can you believe that I got back from the run, terrified after hearing that gunshot, and the kid gets all nervous and embarrassed when he tells me there’s a hole in my wall?”

“That sounds like Reid.” Emily laughed. “Though I can’t believe he managed to shoot the wall right next to the asshole’s head. Since when does he shoot so well?”

Aaron fielded that question. “He works better when under pressure.” He said with a private kind of smile. There was obviously something more to that story that the others didn’t know, but they didn’t question it. “He’s not taking all of this lying down, either. I’m glad to see it. Holding his own against Michael. Staying calm enough to get to his gun. And you should have heard him during his interview.” A small chuckle slid out.

That definitely had the others attention now. They all leaned in, looking expectantly toward Aaron. He picked up his own coffee and smothered his smile in in for a moment. “They were skeptical about his account of the events.” Setting his cup down, Aaron shook his head. “He was reciting what was said and they thought he might have been mistaken on words from being tired. So he gave them a speech about his memory and adrenaline. Threw them off balance completely. Then later, he told them something hadn’t been prudent for him to do. When the officer repeated the word, Reid took that as meaning that the guy wanted the definition.”

He had to pause in his story to allow them a moment to laugh. Once they were calm, he continued, still grinning. “The guy told him he knew what it meant and Reid, nice as can be, asked him in all seriousness ‘Then why did you ask?’ Without even giving the time to answer, he realized what the guy had meant and basically told him he needed to ask his questions a little clearer.”

“Now that _definitely_ sounds like Reid.” Penelope said. She was sitting back in her chair, watching Aaron with amusement.

The Unit chief walked them through the rest of the interview, making a point to tell them of the cop’s suspicions at the end. “That’ll be something we may have to deal with later on. He was very upfront with letting it be known that he doesn’t believe Reid’s story.”

Sighing, Dave shook his head. “We’ll probably get a lot of that. Domestic violence against males isn’t something that’s typically publicized or believed, even. We know it happens, but there are still a lot of people who think it’s not possible, that no man would let it happen. Add on him being an FBI agent and it’ll make it even harder for them to believe.”

“Add on that there’re no medical records or police reports that can tie any injuries to Michael and that just makes it worse.” Derek told them. He hated that it was the truth. “All the scars he has, they’d probably try to explain away.”

The table fell silent. Not realizing why, Derek looked at them curiously. “What?”

Penelope was the one who answered him. “All the scars? How…how bad it is?”

Oh. He hadn’t even thought about saying that to them. Realizing that, duh, they wouldn’t know the extent of injuries Spencer carried—he hadn’t told them that many real details about the wounds themselves and no one else had seen the man naked—he felt bad for letting it slip like that. There was no hiding the truth from them, though. All of this was on its way out into the open. “Pretty bad.” And oh, how he hated to say that. Hated that it was true. “Some are barely noticeable. Some…some are pretty bad. From the way Spencer’s talked about him, it’s safe to say Michael’s a sadist. The more Spencer hurt, the more he tried to make it stop, the more excited Michael became.”

For a long pause the table was silent. They all knew the profile on sadists and sexual sadists. They knew what people like that could do to other people. Thinking of someone like that dating Spencer made them all sick. Forks were put down, plates pushed away. No one was going to be eating anything after thinking like that.

After they sat there for a while, each thinking their own thoughts on what Derek had said, Dave finally broke that silence. “Even though they might try to explain them away, it would most likely be a good idea to take Reid to a hospital and get him looked at. Photograph the scars and catalogue them all. Maybe they’ll try and argue them; maybe they’ll claim they’re from his job. But a good lawyer could use that evidence to his benefit. We can also get his records from that ‘mugging’ that he was hospitalized for.”

“He’s going to hate that.” Derek warned them. He knew it was a good idea, but he knew Spencer would absolutely hate it. To not only have to show his body to someone, but to let them photograph it and document it, to be so exposed in front of someone that way. It was almost a guarantee it would send the kid into a panic attack. _God, I hate this, pretty boy. I’m so sorry you have to go through this. Not just once, but over and over as you’re forced to relive it. I feel like we’re letting all these officers revictimize you. I wish we could just let this go, I really do. I wish I could take you somewhere and hide with you until everything was okay again._ Derek knew it was a foolish thought, but it was what he wanted to do. He didn’t want his baby boy to have to hurt anymore.

“Reid’s coming.” Emily said suddenly. She pointed outside to where Spencer was walking across the street. His hands were in his pockets and his head was down in the slight breeze, but it was obvious that his tension was less than it had been before. He looked more at ease than he had when he’d gone inside. This had been a good idea. The meeting had obviously been what he needed.

Done with their meal, the group rose to go meet him, Aaron pausing long enough to pay for everything—at his insistence.

Derek stepped outside and headed straight for Spencer. The two met eyes when Spencer got close. Neither paused, walking straight to one another. When they were close, Derek opened his arms and Spencer stepped right into them, folding his arms around Derek’s and burrowing right in, letting Derek hold him as tightly as he could without hurting him. They didn’t say anything at first; all they wanted was to hold one another.

Eventually Spencer pulled back, tipping his head just enough to let Derek know he wanted a kiss. The older man smiled and obliged him. “Glad you enjoyed your movie, baby boy.”

“It helped.”

He kissed him again. “Then that’s what matters.”

Their moment was interrupted by Aaron walking over. Derek could see on his boss’s face that something was wrong. He couldn’t help tightening his hold on his lover, instinctively reassuring himself that Spencer was still with him and okay. Everyone was looking at Aaron when he started to speak. “That was Strauss. She wants us all in the office, now.”

Emily’s mouth dropped open. “Now? For what?”

“Officially? She’s required to look into it when an agent fires their weapon off duty at a civilian. Not to mention that she needs to conduct her own investigation because of the report that was made with the police. So she’ll question us all separately about this and about anything that led up to this.” He looked over at Spencer. “I’m sorry, Reid. I couldn’t get her to put it off.”

Spencer didn’t even look surprised. His gaze was steady; the only sign of nerves being the hand that clenched slightly in the back of Derek’s shirt. “It’s ok, Hotch. I knew it was coming. Let’s go get this over with.”

With a bad feeling in his stomach, Derek followed his friends to the SUV, wondering how much worse this day could get.

* * *

Even knowing that it would happen—there was no way Strauss would let something like this go without calling them in—didn’t stop Spencer from stressing over it. A part of his mind had been preparing for this moment ever since they’d called the police. Well, technically, he’d been thinking of it since he’d first told the team the truth. Even then he’d known that Strauss would push herself into this. That was inevitable. The morning’s events had only bumped up the dreaded visit.

He tried to lock down as much of his stress as possible when they walked into the BAU. Derek’s presence beside him was helping tremendously. They weren’t holding hands there, though both wanted to. It just wasn’t the smartest thing to do here of all places. They knew that. Still, Spencer found himself wishing he could just feel the gentle pressure of Derek’s hand against his. Maybe that would take away more of his tension. Maybe it would make him just a little more relaxed. _You can do this._ He reminded himself. _You’ve done nothing wrong. You can’t get in trouble when you’ve done nothing wrong. Just calmly explain the truth in a set of facts that she cannot argue with._

All of his thoughts went out the window when they stepped out of the elevator and found someone waiting for them. Spencer only got one glimpse before he found himself with his arms full. He awkwardly hugged back; not because he didn’t want it but because his body was aching from so much movement today.

“God, Spence!” JJ pulled back, bracing her hands on his shoulders so she could get a good look at him. “I leave and this is what goes on around here? Am I going to have to come back just to keep you out of trouble?”

He couldn’t stop the smile that formed at her words. “You know I don’t actively seek out trouble, Jayje.”

“Yet somehow it always finds you.” Letting go of him, she moved her hands to her hips, looking suddenly furious. It was a look he’d seen only a few times and knew didn’t bode well for whoever had pissed her off. “Now, who is this little bastard and where do I find him?”

The others were chuckling as they formed a small group just outside the doors to the BAU. Spencer flushed and chewed at his lip. “It’s being taken care of.”

“So I hear. Luckily Garcia still keeps me updated on things. I find out about this all last night and get told to be on the lookout and then this morning she calls and tells me what went down at Morgan’s house. I don’t care how many cops are trying to take care of this, Spence. I still want to find him and kick his ass. How dare he hurt you?” She brought one hand up, brushing it over his bruised face. “Did he do this to you?”

Though he hadn’t looked in the mirror, Spencer knew how bad his face looked. He knew how bad all of him looked. The bruise on his eye had darkened overnight and looked worse than it felt. The marks around his neck had faded well, thankfully. Before too long there wouldn’t’ be much left to them. Though he bruised easy, they didn’t tend to stay for too long, a small blessing of his.

Realizing he hadn’t answered her question, Spencer hurried to do so. “No, no. These were from the last case. The Unsub got a little upset.” He held up his hand, showing her the split. “My hand’s the worst, but it’s not that bad.” His eyes drifted over her shoulder and he had to resist a sigh. Strauss was standing by Aaron’s office, looking at the crowd of them. When she saw that Spencer noticed her, she crooked a finger, gesturing for him to come to her.

He reached out and lightly touched JJ’s arm. “If you’re here when I’m done, I’d love to visit more. But I’m being summoned before ‘her majesty’ right now.”

JJ smiled and lifted up to kiss his cheek. “May the force be with you, Spencer Reid.” She teased him. He snorted at her and headed into the bullpen.

Once the door was shut, JJ turned to look at the others. “Okay, Will and Henry are settled in Rossi’s office. I’ve got time. I want you guys to catch me up on _everything_. Every bit of it.”

Aaron gestured toward the doors. “That could take a while. Why don’t we go to the conference room?”


	27. Chapter 27

 

The silence that stretched over Aaron Hotchner’s office would have been considered uncomfortable on a good day. But after the past few days, after everything that had happened with them, well, it was beyond uncomfortable for Spencer. Not that he was letting the woman sitting behind Aaron’s desk know that. No, his entire body was under his control right now, displaying only the image he wanted to display. Erin Strauss was not a profiler; he didn’t have to work hard to make her see what he wanted her to see. A young man, bent and weary, nervous at being called before a supervisor, slightly shaking from the mornings events. That was what she expected and it was what he gave her.

Inside, though, his mind was steady and calm, the uncomfortable feeling pushed to the back of his thoughts. He’d thought about this meeting from every angle and he knew the different routes it could go. For each point she might make, he had his argument prepared. Nothing and no one was going to make him leave his team or leave Derek. _If Michael can’t beat me down, can’t threaten me away, then I’ll be damned if I let this woman do the same. And I won’t let her turn it all on Hotch either._

“So, Dr. Reid.” Erin sat back in Aaron’s chair, crossing her legs and resting her hands in her lap. “Quite a bit has happened to you the past few days.”

 _Thank you for stating the obvious._ “Yes, Ma’am.”

“The undercover operation went well, I believe. Everything seems to have rounded up nicely, though it would have been better for those involved if you had been able to take the Unsub alive to confirm what he’d done. Still, it was a case well done.”

On the outside, Spencer nodded at her, avoiding meeting her eyes, giving the image he knew she wanted. On the inside he practically growled. _Better if I’d taken him alive? As if I really had a choice to shoot him or not in the end! How would you do, ma’am, if you were pinned down with a broken wrist and that’s the only hand that you have on your gun? Think you’d still be able to shoot your Unsub?_

“Yet, despite the good work done there, quite a bit of trouble seems to follow you lately. We have the attack by a civilian. Timmy, I believe his name is listed as. The report says that he tried to kill you and your Unsub killed him. Then, not that long after, you shoot and kill the Unsub in the bedroom of your undercover home—once the cameras are off.” Her tone grew just slightly nastier with each incident she listed. “Now, back home again for only a single day and already I have police reports with your name on them. It states in the first that you’re claiming domestic violence against your partner—your male partner. Also, there was apparently an incident at Agent Morgan’s house this morning.”

This was her biggest problem, he realized. Every inch of her body was screaming annoyance and disgust. But also, some kind of glee was in her eyes. _She thinks this is her ticket to breaking the team up_ he thought. _She thinks she finally has a way to break us all apart. The hell if I’ll let that happen!_ All other plans flew out the window. This wasn’t just about himself at the moment; this was about family.

Erin leaned forward, resting her elbows on the desk and looking down at the file there before pinning Spencer with her stare. “I want you to tell me what you were doing at Agent Morgan’s house this morning, Dr. Reid. I want a full report, now.”

“Well, see…the thing is.” Spencer paused, clearing his throat. _Time to get this started._ “I don’t actually have to tell you that. Ma’am.”

Surprise lit her face. “Excuse me?”

“What I do when I’m off duty and who I do it with is my own personal business. Ma’am. You have every right to investigate the fact that I fired my weapon this morning, but not to ask why I was at Agent Morgan’s to begin with.”

The surprise Erin wore was slowly transforming to anger. “I suggest you watch your tone with me, Agent. You’re skating on thin ice at the moment.”

Crossing his legs, Spencer leaned back to ease the ache his body felt. Loosely he folded his arms in his lap. Meetings between him and Erin Strauss never went well; there was a reason they didn’t happen often. No love was lost between the two of them. There was a mutual hatred between them that had made them both entirely happy to not deal with one another over the years. She wanted Spencer’s brain for the FBI, but she didn’t want the person that went with it. She had tried to force him early on to bend to what she wanted; to do things such as spy on the team, or work in multiple offices. She tried to manipulate him because of his age. It had been a surprise for her to realize that he wasn’t someone that was easy to manipulate.

With subtle moves, Spencer managed to extract himself from each one of her little manipulations without actually incriminating himself. He didn’t fight her right out as others might have. He didn’t battle her like Aaron did, both behind the scenes and head on. He couldn’t be up front about it the way that Dave was. Or step away the way that Emily had once tried to do. No, Spencer was much subtler about how he interacted with Erin. He used what he knew best—words. There was no one who could twist words around quite like Spencer and Erin had yet to figure out how to carefully phrase what she wanted from him without leaving him a loophole to worm his way through.

There was no way he was going to be able to just walk away from this meeting, though. Erin was obviously too excited about what she probably saw as the start of the downfall of Aaron’s team. Spencer knew that if he let her win this, it would give her a hold on him, something he’d fought too long not to let her get. But, more than anything else, if he let her win this, it could destroy his family here. That, he would _never_ let happen.

Raising one eyebrow, Spencer cocked his head to look at her. “I didn’t realize there was anything offensive about my intonation, Ma’am. As for thin ice, might I ask what you mean by that? I don’t understand half these references that people make these days.” It amused him that he could practically _see_ the headache starting in her eyes.

Just barely Erin resisted reaching up to rub at her temples. “Your actions at Agent Morgan’s house are under investigation. This is a serious thing, Agent Reid. As are the charges you’re leveling at this man you were dating. As of right now, I’ve assigned a few agents to investigate the charges of domestic violence. In the meantime, you’re on two weeks suspension without pay.” She seemed satisfied about that. “Now, the police report from this morning suggests that the whole situation might have been a set up. Well done, but a set up none the less.”

“Yes, I gathered that they had come to that assumption.” Spencer tried to keep himself from glaring at her. His face was a neutral mask. He said nothing about the suspension; that had been something he’d expected. “I have faith the truth will come out, on both cases.” He uncrossed his legs, resting his elbows on his thighs and leaning toward her a little. Gone entirely were the nerves he’d showed before, as well as the submissive look he’d worn. Now everything about him exuded calm and control. “Let’s, how is it put? Mm, yes. Let’s cut the crap here, ma’am. You know and I know that you don’t care about what happened at Derek’s house this morning. You picked Hotch’s office specifically because you know the cameras in here don’t work. Anything you say is going to be between you and me. If I try to tell anyone what’s said, it’s your word against mine and you know it. So why don’t you stop acting for a moment and say what you actually want from this. I’m tired of playing games.”

If his speech stunned her, it didn’t last for long. She gathered her control around herself like a cloak. Her eyes, though, were hard and hot. “You want it plainly, Reid?” Deliberately she dropped his titles. “I have no doubt in my mind that you made up the entire domestic violence story, just like I believe you set up the encounter at Agent Morgan’s house this morning.” She sat back once more, but her stare never left him. “Someone like you isn’t fit to be a field agent. With this, I’ll get you out of the field. After that, the rest of Agent Hotchner’s team will be split, just as it’s always needed to be. And if you and Agent Morgan continue this relationship of yours, I may not take your job, but I’ll definitely have his. If you don’t want that to happen, I suggest you cooperate fully with me. Maybe then I’ll find it in me to be lenient.”

“You’re right, _Erin_.” His use of her first name was just as deliberate. “You won’t take my job. But I guarantee you right here and right now that you won’t have Derek’s job, either. Nor will my team be splitting apart.”

“Excuse me? _Your_ team?”

“Conduct your investigations all you want.” Chuckling, Spencer pushed himself up off the couch. His eyes stayed locked on the woman on the other side of Aaron’s desk. “But don’t sit there and threaten me, Erin. You think you’ll call me to heel by threatening my team or my lover? You will leave them the hell alone if you know what’s good for you.”

Erin pushed up from the chair, her arms crossing over her chest. From the corner of her eye she saw that she hadn’t closed the blinds and Aaron and his team were standing in the bullpen, discreetly watching them and reading their body language. She tried to straighten up and present a more powerful image. This conversation was not going the way she’d expected it to! When had the geek grown such a backbone? “I don’t take well to threats.” She seethed. “This is not your team, or your department. I decide where people go and who travels where. You don’t scare me, Reid.”

For a second Spencer closed his eyes. When he opened them again, they were hard and hot. Anger was there in every inch of him, even for her to see. He stalked forward, placing his one hand palm flat on the desk to lean down and forward enough to put them eye to eye. She actually found herself backing up a step.

Spencer had to fight to keep himself under as much control as possible. “You’re right on one thing, Erin. This isn’t my team. They’re my family. And I’ll be damned if I let you split us apart for no reason whatsoever. If you try to split us apart, send us to other teams for this, or if you persist in trying to split Derek and I apart, I promise you I will make your life a living hell.”

“Now see…!”

In that same hard voice he kept talking right over top of her. “You think I’m too shy to stand before a crowd of people? I’ll call every media outlet I know and stand right here on the steps of the FBI and give an interview about how my partner and I were threatened and transferred and treated horribly simply because of our sexual orientation and because I’m a male victim of DV. That’s a hot topic right now, you know. Then I’ll file charges against you and trust me, I’ll pursue it.”

“You couldn’t afford the legal fees to fight the FBI.” She sneered.

Spencer didn’t even break stride. “Ten minutes in a casino and I can afford the best lawyer money can buy. So don’t think you could just wait me out. I’d keep you so tied up in legal tape you won’t be able to breathe. And that’s just what I’d start with.”

The color drained from Erin’s face until she was so pale he was almost afraid she might pass out. Her hands were down now, gripping the edge of the desk. Most likely to keep herself upright, he knew. “You…you don’t scare me.” She tried to say it bravely, but he could tell it was more said to herself than to him. She was trying to convince herself of that.

Slowly Spencer smiled at her. He leaned in just a little close. “Are you sure? I thought you were smarter than that.” He made a soft tsk tsk sound. “I’ve taken your crap for work for a lot of years, Erin. I’ll take your crap at work for years more. But I don’t take well to threats and I sure don’t take well to people trying to hurt those I love. Leave them alone, or I will make you regret ever messing with me. And that _is_ a threat, Ma’am.”

He straightened up from the desk, moving over toward the door. Right before he reached it, he heard her voice, stronger than it had been before. She’d pulled herself together slightly. “And if I decide it’s worth it? That I don’t care about the legal red tape you could put around me or the interviews you give? Legal could clean that up easily.”

“Is that a button you really want to push?” He asked, looking back at her over his shoulder. “Because I won’t hesitate to bare your secrets right alongside my own.”

For one last second she stared at him. He could see the debate in her eyes. See her trying to figure out what he could know. When all he did was stand there and smirk at her, the last fight drained from her eyes. It took everything he had not to gloat. Opening the door, he looked at her again, switching back to agent mode. “I’ll leave my badge with Hotch, ma’am. If you or any agents need to reach me, you can do so through the team. Have a good day.”

He put his good hand in his pocket and cradled his other against his stomach. When had he last taken something? Little knives of pain were poking at his wrist and making his whole forearm ache. _You just need to elevate it a little, that’s all. Get somewhere comfortable and get it elevated. That’ll ease some of the pain and pressure._

When he looked up to make his way down the ramp, Spencer saw the team standing near his and Emily’s desks. He knew they would have had a perfect view into Aaron’s office. A quick glance showed him that the blinds were open. Well, hell. These people were experts at reading body language. They had probably pieced together how it went in there pretty well.

The only way to stave off their questions was to start talking. So when he reached them, he moved easily toward Derek, who was sitting on the edge of Spencer’s desk. Smiling, Spencer joined him there, letting their hips bump a little. “Everything’s fine.” He told his friends quickly. “Two weeks suspension for me without pay while my reports are being investigated. That’s it.”

“There was quite a bit more than that.” Dave told him with a grin. “I know that body language. I’ve never seen you be an aggressor before, kiddo. But you had her cowering.”

Some of his earlier anger came back, making him furrow his eyebrows and putting a little sharpness to his tone. “I’ll take her crap when it comes to me. I’ve done it for years. It’s really not that hard to slip out of what she tries to order me to do. But when she threatens me and the ones I love, I won’t stand for it. Now she knows that.”

“She threatened us?” Aaron asked in disbelief. He’d dealt with Erin multiple times, but in those times she’d never come right out and threatened him.

Spencer gritted his teeth. “She tried promising me that this would break the team apart and that if Derek and I pursued anything, she’d keep me working, but she’d have Derek’s job.”

The little group moved a little closer together, making a tight little circle around them. For a moment they fell silent as Erin left the office, moving down the walkway and then off down the hallway. Once she was gone, all eyes were back on Spencer. Emily was sitting on her desk, grinning over at him, while JJ and Penelope stood right in front of her. Aaron and Dave were in front of Spencer and Derek, close enough that they could talk quietly without them all being pressed up against one another.

Derek turned his head to look over at Spencer. “She threatened to take my job if we date?” He looked beyond just angry.

Moving his good hand over, Spencer took hold of Derek’s, squeezing it. “You think I let her get away with that, Derek? I promised to make her life hell if she even tried.” When he let go of Derek’s hand, he moved his head to rest on his lover’s shoulder. Immediately Derek’s arm was around his waist, holding him in place. “I told her that if she messed with anyone over this, the first thing I’d do is interview with every media outlet on the front steps of the FBI about homophobia in the workplace and how male victims of domestic violence are treated. Then I told her I’d press charges.” He shrugged slightly while his eyes drifted closed. “Then I told her I wasn’t afraid to bare her secrets right alongside mine. She knows the things I know about her would have her fired before she could even begin to protest.”

The group of people was silent for a moment. Dave finally broke that silence by chuckling. “Remind me not to piss you off in the future, kiddo.” He said. Laughter sounded as Spencer blushed. Reaching out, Dave clapped a hand on Spencer’s shoulder. “Come on, let’s head up to the conference room. That’s where we were headed before your show distracted us. We’re going to catch JJ up on everything and then we’re going to make a plan.”

Spencer resisted sighing. He wanted to stay where he was, wrapped up in Derek. Or better yet, home and in bed, wrapped up in Derek. But all of this had to be done. So he slid off the desk alongside Derek, the older man’s arm staying around his waist. While the others moved forward, Derek hung back a minute, his grip on Spencer keeping him there as well. “I just wanted to take a moment to tell you that I’m proud of you, baby boy.” He murmured to him. The hand on Spencer’s hip was stroking slightly, a little gesture that warmed him. “You’ve stood up for yourself quite a bit today.”

A corner of Spencer’s mouth quirked. “I can’t promise it’ll keep happening.” He joked with him. “I’m a little on edge today. I think that’s kind of giving me more of a temper than normal.” By on edge, he meant he was not only craving, but feeling the withdrawal. He knew that Derek would understand that. Those sensations had always made Spencer angry in the past; those were the times he had snapped at people the worst.

“Either way, baby boy. I’m proud of you.” Derek leaned in, stealing a quick kiss right there in the bullpen, smiling when Spencer blushed. “I love you.”

“I love you too.” Spencer said back. Still, his blush stayed in his cheeks all the way to the conference room.


	28. Chapter 28

 

 “You want me to _what_?” Spencer looked from one face to the next with total shock. There was no way they’d said what he thought they had. Absolutely no way. They couldn’t ask him to do that!

The team had settled down in the conference room, shutting the doors and setting up at the round table. Aaron had taken the leader position, laying out what they wanted to do to try and help Spencer. Apparently that help meant exposing himself to people and letting them document and _photograph_ the scars on his body. There was no way they could ask him to do this! Talking about it was one thing; that had been beyond difficult for him. But to let his body be put on display like that? To put it all right out there for everyone to see? The idea made him shudder.

Emily reached over to rub her hand on his arm, freezing when he instinctively shrunk back from her. That had been the last reaction she’d expected. It was only a gesture from Derek that kept anyone from saying anything. He recognized the look in Spencer’s eyes; he knew the younger man wasn’t with them at the moment. He was lost in thought inside his own head, most likely thinking about his scars and how he’d gained them.

The room was quiet for a long moment. Spencer slowly pulled himself away from the memories that wanted to overwhelm him. The logical part of his mind could see that this was necessary. It would provide them with some kind of documentation. But the scared part of him was trying to take over. That part was growing, pushing down the courage he’d had only moments before. His strength was vanishing like dust in the wind.

Blinking his eyes to bring himself back to the present moment, Spencer looked at his friends again. “Will…will you have to run the, uh, the r-rape kit?” He already knew the answer, but he had to ask. Had to hope that they’d give him a different answer.

Aaron’s eyes were sad. “I’m sorry, Reid. But it would be best.”

 _Damn. Damn, damn, damn. I don’t want to do this. I don’t want to go in there and expose myself like this. Not just to the hospital staff, but to everyone else. The team, the cops…everyone. Anyone who is helping me press charges against Michael is going to have access to those records as soon as they’re submitted into evidence._ “I’ll go.” He told them. _I don’t have to like it, but I’ll do it._

Someone was going to have to go with him. That thought struck Spencer. He didn’t want to do this alone and one of his team would come with him. The automatic person they would assume he wanted there would be Derek, of course. Realizing that, Spencer to look at Derek, who was still sitting beside him and offering silent support. Without thinking, he blurted out “I don’t want you to come with me.”

That was the last thing anyone had expected. Derek looked startled. Biting his lip, Spencer wished they weren’t surrounded by everyone so he could try and explain to Derek what he was feeling. He couldn’t seem to bring the words together to say it right now, though. All he could do was stare into Derek’s eyes. In them he could see the surprise, then the hurt, and then they were shielded, something they hadn’t been around him for a while now. “If that’s what you want, Spencer.”

Swallowing the lump in his throat, Spencer looked back at his team. Later, he would explain it to Derek. Assuming Derek wasn’t too upset with him. _I just can’t have him there. I can’t!_ “Can we get this done? I, I’m tired. I’d like to finish and then I’d like to go get some rest.” _I want to get the hell away from here. I want to get away from everything, but especially away from the hurt I just put in Derek’s eyes._

“Yeah, kiddo.” Dave said. One look told the others he had this under control while he rose to his feet. “I’ll take you over. You mind if I’m there with you?”

Spencer shrugged one shoulder. If it had to be someone, Dave was a good choice. Better than others, really. More than anything he really did want Derek to be with him—the last thing he wanted, though, was to have Derek see all those scars in that kind of setting. He knew telling Derek that he didn’t want him there had hurt the older man quite a bit. He couldn’t take the words back, though. Even if it really upset Derek, he couldn’t take them back. The flash of hurt he saw on Derek’s face when he agreed to Dave coming just twisted the knife in his heart a little.

When he rose to his feet, Derek didn’t touch him, didn’t kiss him. Spencer closed his eyes for just a second before giving a small shudder and moving to follow Dave out of the room. His heart gave a sharp throb in his chest; how badly had he messed things up just now? He fought back the urge to turn around and run into the room and throw himself at Derek.

Dave’s hand gently cupped his elbow, helping to lead him through the bullpen. Once the two were inside the elevator, Dave let go and turned to look at him. “He’ll understand, Reid. He’s a smart guy, he’ll figure out why you couldn’t handle having him come with you.”

“Will he?” Spencer murmured. He lifted his eyes towards the numbers.

A gentle hand settled on his shoulder. “He will. He loves you.”

In his heart, Spencer hoped that it would be enough. With everything they were going through right now, he really hoped it would be enough. Because he had the feeling this wasn’t going to be the last time he hurt Derek as all of this came into light.

* * *

The two men didn’t speak on their way to the hospital. Dave called ahead, letting them know what was necessary and when they would arrive. Beyond that, they said nothing. The older man was leaving Spencer to his thoughts, knowing that this was difficult for him. Knowing how private he was and how hard it had already been to open up to everyone. If there was one thing that could hurt Spencer easily, it was an invasion of the privacy he so cherished. This was beyond invasive.

Spencer felt his mind starting to shut down on him a little as they made their way inside the hospital. It was a trick he’d learned with Michael; to pull back from reality a little and shut down his emotions some. He couldn’t call that feeling up at will, but it was easily triggered by painful and highly stressful situations. He knew that he could trust Dave to keep an eye on him and make sure he got where he needed to go and that he was going to be safe. So he let himself shut off just a little.

Once he was inside a small exam room, he was given a gown to change into. Dave discreetly turned his back so that Spencer could. After he got the gown on he sat on the table. Only minutes later there was a knock just before two women came in. One was a rape counselor, Spencer assumed. Or a domestic violence counselor. Either would work. Maybe she specialized in both. He cut his thoughts off when he realized he was rambling even inside his own mind.

The other woman, the doctor, looked over at Dave. “I’m going to have to ask you to leave for a little while. This is a pretty…private exam he’s going to get.” She spoke delicately and in a kind voice. Still, her words pulled Spencer back to himself enough to feel the flicker of panic. He wanted to reach out and grab Dave’s hand; to force him to stay here. He didn’t want to go through this alone! Even though he would be naked and exposed in front of not only a friend, but a colleague, a man he respected greatly, he couldn’t stand the thought of doing this alone.

In the end, he didn’t have to say anything. Dave’s hand settled on Spencer’s shoulder, calming and reassuring, and he looked at the doctor. “I’m his Uncle. I’ll be staying.” That was all the explanation he gave. The word Uncle made Spencer want to chuckle. He held it in, though, knowing that it would end up with a hysterical sound to it.

The doctor didn’t protest anymore. She walked over to the table, looking at Spencer’s face, not commenting on how he couldn’t meet her gaze. “Hi, Spencer. My name is Ciara and I’m the one doing your physical examination today. Is that okay with you?” She didn’t tack her title to the front of it, trying to keep him relaxed and at ease. He recognized the technique for what it was.

Was he okay with this? Did he really have a choice anymore? “As okay as I have to be.” He answered truthfully. “I’d appreciate just getting this done, ma’am.”

The counselor walked over, taking a small digital camera out of her pocket. “My name is Kara. While Ciara checks you over, Spencer, I’m going to take the pictures, okay? Anything you tell us we can document to go with each picture, or you don’t have to tell us anything. I just want you to talk as you feel comfortable and if not, it’s not a problem.”

“Fine.” The one word answer was all he could get out. If they expected him to be especially articulate, they were going to be disappointed. He would talk because he had to but it would be as short and concise as possible.

Ciara gave him a blanket, helping him wrap it around his waist, telling him they’d start with everything from the waist up. Once they were done there, they’d move to his legs, then to the most private part of the examination. He didn’t say a word as she explained this. When she requested he lower his gown to his waist, he did so, fixing his gaze on a point on the wall.

He felt Dave’s hand link with his and couldn’t stop himself from squeezing gratefully. That little link to someone that cared about him helped keep him grounded enough that, when Ciara started over at his broken wrist, he didn’t flinch. “Can you explain this injury for me?” She asked him gently.

“Any current injuries you see were sustained while working. I’m an FBI agent.” Spencer told her in a dull voice. He was surprised at how lifeless he sounded. “The scarring is what we want documentation of. The fresh injuries are work-related.”

“Okay, Spencer. How about we start here on your arm, then? Kara, let’s get photographs of these.”

They started with the scars on his upper arm. Each time they touched one, each time a picture was taken, he told them what had caused it. “Knife…bite…knife…” She worked up and over his neck, finding some that were slightly hard to see through some bruises. Then they had him turn so they could see the back of his neck and his back. Scars littered his back, he knew. Ciara was gentle, touching each little scar, warning him when her hand was there, sometimes keeping it on his skin and just sliding it over so as not to startle him. The scarring at the base of his hairline, the bumpy, scarred skin there, had even the two women pausing when he told them “A lighter.”

When she reached the network of crisscrossing marks on his lower back, Spencer closed his eyes and shuddered at the memory. “Belt.” He croaked out. “He belted me because he saw me leave the bar with my coworkers and I had slipped slightly on the icy sidewalk. Hotch just barely managed to catch me.” He trembled a little, remembering how furious Michael had been once Spencer had got home. “He told me I should have fallen. That I had only pretended just to get him to touch me. So, since I’d faked falling just to get touched, he was going to make sure my backside hurt so I would be reminded for days not to do something like that.”

If his eyes had been open, he would have seen Dave’s pained grimace. But he couldn’t open his eyes yet. That had been the most detailed description he’d given so far and he was fighting off the memory. He kept them closed as they moved to his other arm, not breaking stride in their examination. When it came time to look at his chest and stomach, the ladies had him lay back on the table. Dave rose, keeping hold of his hand, moving up to stroke a hand over his hair and try to help soothe him.

Each scar they came across, each time Spencer told them the weapon that had done it, Dave felt his anger and pain grow. How the hell had this kid lived through all of this without it being known? The amount of cuts and belt marks and other things were adding up so high that he didn’t know how the hell Spencer hadn’t broken underneath it all. It made it amazing that the kid was as sane as he was or that he was even managing to be as close to Derek as the two obviously were.

Dave could hardly stand to see the scars. He found himself wanting to go out and find Michael and throttle him. Tie him up somewhere and replicate every scar he’d put on Spencer’s skin. No one deserved to live this way.

When it came time for the sexual examination, Spencer started to quiver slightly. He pulled back into his mind again, knowing that they would need no explanation from him for these scars. He couldn’t stop himself from clenching tighter to Dave’s hand when the women moved him down the bed and got his feet in the stirrups. Thankfully no pictures were taken here. He didn’t think he could have handled that.

Ciara tried to talk to Spencer as she worked, trying to keep him calm and comfortable. Dave could have told her it was a waste of time. One look at Spencer’s face told him the young man wasn’t there right now. He’d gone somewhere in that giant brain of his that was safe and pain free. Still, Dave continued to stroke Spencer’s hair, needing to do something.

Finally the examination was done. They helped Spencer to cover himself and sit up straight once more. Then Ciara offered him a smile. “We’ll go ahead and get everything filed now, Spencer. You did really well. Why don’t you go ahead and get dressed now? Whenever you’re comfortable, you’re free to leave.”

“Thank you.” Spencer mumbled.

Once the two were gone, Spencer looked over to the chair that held his clothes. He closed his eyes for just a moment to try and pull himself together. This had been an experience he never wanted to live through ever again. He tried to take a few deep breaths and bring himself back under control, but so many memories were surfacing. This had brought up so many painful moments in his life. Inside he felt exposed, raw.

The hand on his let go, sliding up his arm before slipping around his shoulders. Spencer found himself pulled in tight for a hug. Instead of flinching away, he almost melted against Dave. The tears didn’t come; not yet. But his body shuddered from invisible sobs. All the while Dave rocked him, keeping him wrapped in his arms, making soft sounds over him.

By the time Spencer pulled away, he’d managed to lock things down once more. Dave could see it in the young man’s eyes. He was functioning on auto-pilot now. “Why don’t you go ahead and get dressed, Reid? I’ll wait out in the hallway.” He offered, trying to act as if he was just giving the man privacy. When Spencer nodded, Dave gave him one last squeeze before moving out of the room.

As soon as the door closed behind him, he had his cell phone out and up to his ear. After a few short rings he heard a voice on the other end of the line _“Is everything okay?”_

“Get to my house. I’m taking him over there shortly.”

_“Is he all right? Nothing…nothing happened, did it?”_

Dave snuck a glance to the door. He knew his time was limited before Spencer would come out. “Tell everyone we’re all staying at my place to night. All of us. A group will be less of a risk. Have them come later as a group, once they’re done working. But right now, he needs you more than he needs anything. Be there as quickly as you can. And Derek? He had his reasons for not wanting you here. Give him the chance to explain. You hurt him and you’ll have to deal with me.”

Right as Dave hung up his phone, the door to the exam room opened and Spencer came out. Seeing that distant, slightly dead look was still there, Dave took his elbow. “Come on, kiddo. Let’s get you out of here.” Slowly, as if he was with a child, Dave led Spencer from the hospital, plotting the ways he could murder Michael the whole way home.


	29. Chapter 29

 

The ride back to the house went entirely unnoticed by Spencer. He just sat in his seat, staring out the window with a distant look in his eyes. It left Dave worried. The only time he’d seen Spencer get like that was when he was lost in thought or working. Even then, he was never this still. Never this…absent. Instead of the glazed look of thought, this was more a look of absence. Like looking into eyes that were dead.

He was beyond grateful when he pulled up at his house and saw Derek leaning against the side of a SUV. _Thank God_. He was here. If he hadn’t, Dave might have had to kill him. While he parked, he looked over to Spencer, growing even more worried. Spencer should have been able to see Derek from where he was sitting; there should have been some kind of reaction from him. Happiness, sadness, anything. But there was nothing.

Dave left the car running and climbed out, meeting Derek at the hood. “You better take care of him.” He told the younger man without hesitation. “Right now, I think you’re the only one who can. So if you’re still mad at him or hurt or anything like that, I hope you can push it aside. He needs you.”

“I love him.” Derek said it simply, yet the words summed up so much. The honesty in them had Dave’s tension going down a little. Just a little. He looked through the window at the broken young man and couldn’t stop himself from sighing. “He’s almost catatonic, Morgan.” He told him bluntly. “I can’t think of any other word for it. He’s not talking, not doing anything. It’s not his ‘lost in thought’ look, either. His eyes…they’re just empty. He moves when prodded, but that’s it.”

Derek nodded almost as if this was what he had expected. “Thanks for taking care of him, Rossi.” His voice was low and full of emotion. “I’ll get him now. And thanks for letting us use your house.”

That reminded him. Dave pulled out a spare key and handed it to Derek, as well as a piece of paper he’d written his security code on. “Make yourselves at home, just don’t break anything. You can have the room at the top of the stairs, end of the hall on the left. Best view; and anyone coming in will have to get past all the other rooms before getting there. It’s the most private, aside from mine.”

With a nod, Derek moved around the car, going for the passenger’s door. He didn’t say anything as he opened the door, or even as he reached in to undo the seatbelt. But once he was done, he murmured something Dave couldn’t hear while reaching out and cupping Spencer’s elbow. There was no real sign of life from the young man except for the movement of his body as he allowed Derek to pull him from the car.

Dave exchanged one last look with Derek. Then he was getting in his car and pulling out of his driveway.

* * *

_I don’t want to think anymore. I don’t want to feel. I want to be numb. So numb I can’t think or feel a thing. I’m so tired of hurting. Tired of hurting over and over again. Did any of them think of what it would do to me to go through that? To have someone looking me over, touching me, taking pictures? Yet again, I was turned into an object. Yet again, I wasn’t a person. I was just a thing. A case. I’ll be evidence now._

_Is this how the victims feel in cases? Is this what it feels like to be the victim of a violent crime? To have your body, your life, put out on display. Every intimate detail of the horror you’ve experienced, right there for countless people to inspect and dissect and discuss as if there was no person attached to it all. Is that what I’ve done to people?_

Something was tugging at him, a light sensation at the edge of his thoughts. It wasn’t enough to pull him out, but enough to let him know it was there.

 _How am I going to do this? Not only live through this, but stay clean while I do. Where is the strength I felt earlier? Where’d it go? I stood up to Michael. I stood up to_ Strauss _! Yet now I just want to climb in a hole somewhere and hide. I don’t want to have to feel anything right now. I want to hide until this is all done and over with. Until all of it is gone. But it won’t ever be gone. It will always be a part of me._

_Will I ever be more than what he made me?_

Soft murmurs with that gentle tug now, slowly worming its way in. What was that sound?

_I can be. I have to be. I refuse to lie down and die. I refuse to let this spoil my whole life. I was dealing with it before I went to the hospital for the photos. I was coping. This is just a setback. It has to just be a setback. I can do this. I have the strength to do it. And when I don’t, I’m not alone. I don’t have to bear this burden on my own. My family is with me, helping me, supporting me, holding me up._

_Derek is with me._

As if summoned by his thoughts, he heard Derek’s voice, a gentle murmur so full of love, saying his name. Just his name. He let the warmth from that fill him, pushing back the shadows, chasing away some of the darkness. Blinking, Spencer followed the voice back to himself, back out of his mind and to his body. Back to reality.

He blinked again, clearing his vision. The room he was in was strange; he’d never been here before. It was done in earthy colors, browns and greens, with rustic styled furniture. This was a bedroom. One that he had never been in. There was a bed underneath him that wasn’t familiar either. The material was soft, as was the mattress, but it wasn’t familiar. The arms around him, though, were extremely familiar. He recognized them instantly, as well as the hand that was stroking his hair and the voice that was murmuring in his ear. Gently, cautiously, Spencer lifted his chin, turning his head to look up into Derek’s face. The older man smiled down at him. “Welcome back, baby boy. I was beginning to worry about you.”

“I…um, my brain went into overload. I tend to, well, to kind of pull in my head then. I go on autopilot, so to speak.” Spencer stammered out. He didn’t move from Derek’s arms, didn’t drop his gaze. “I’ve only done it that deeply a few times. It’s kind of my body’s defense against too much emotional trauma.” He winced at the last two words.

There was no judgment on Derek’s face. He nodded as if what Spencer said made perfect sense. “I can see how that might help sometimes.” Bending, he kissed Spencer’s forehead. “The way your life has been, I guess I see how you had to teach yourself to do that. Keeps you from freaking out, right?”

Spencer nodded. That was exactly what it did. He drew in to himself, cutting off from anything that might make him feel worse, locking his thoughts and emotions in with him so nothing leaked out. That allowed him to slowly gain control of himself.

“You know, there’s something else you might try that could help you feel better.” Derek suggested. His tone still sounded gentle and caring. As if this was a normal conversation, not anything too serious. Because of that, Spencer was at ease, feeling enough courage to ask “What?”

The hand stroking Spencer’s hair moved around to cup his cheek, his thumb stroking over the high cheekbone. “You could let it out.” He kissed the tip of Spencer’s nose. “You don’t have to lock it away with me, baby boy. We’re alone here right now. No one’s due to show up for a while and even if they did, they’d leave us alone or they’d call first. We’re as private as we’re going to get. Instead of locking everything away in that brain of yours, why don’t you try letting it out for once?”

Let it out? “That’s what I’ve been doing, Derek. I’ve told you and the others. I’m not keeping it a secret.”

“That’s what happened, Spencer. Not what you feel. You’ve shuddered and shaken over this. I’ve held you while you tremble. But I haven’t seen you give in and break down and cry. Everyone needs a good cry when their life takes a turn like this. It’s not healthy to hold that all back.”

Cry? Derek wanted him to cry? “There’s no point.” What good would crying do him?

The expression Derek wore was sweet and full of love.  “Aw, pretty boy. There’s plenty of point to it. You can’t block away everything that hurts. You’ve got to let it out sometime. If you do, you might find you don’t need to go catatonic like that anymore.”

Looking at the love that was right there on Derek’s face, in his eyes, for anyone in the world to see, Spencer spoke without thinking, asking the thought that was in his mind. “Why are you here? I thought you…I thought you were mad at me.” His voice trailed off a little at the end. He remembered the hurt look Derek had worn when he’d left. The way he hadn’t even kissed him goodbye.

Spencer suddenly found himself pulled into Derek’s chest, their bodies cradled together. “I’m not mad at you, Spencer.” The whisper was said against his hair. “I can admit it hurt a little, but I’m not mad.”

“I really did want you there.” Here, wrapped safe and tight, with the sound of Derek’s heartbeat in his ear, Spencer found the words he hadn’t been able to earlier. “I really did, Derek.”

“You don’t have to explain, baby boy.”

“No.” Spencer cut in. He wanted to say this. He wanted Derek to understand. “I need to. Please. Please?” He waited, feeling Derek sigh slightly. The arms around him tightened just a little before one shifted to stroke at his hair again. Spencer took that as silent approval. He let himself lay for a moment, breathing in the scent that was purely Derek. Slightly spicy mixed with the man’s natural scent. It was wonderful. “I didn’t say it to hurt you. I didn’t mean to imply that your presence wasn’t _wanted_ there. I just couldn’t have you there. I love you, Derek. The thought of having you with me when they poked and prodded and took pictures. When they put me in those stirrups and…well, you know. I just, I couldn’t have you there for that. With you of all people, I couldn’t stand the thought of being turned into an object. I don’t think I could have done it if you’d been with me. It would have made it too real.”

The hand stroking his hair stilled for just a second. Still, Spencer didn’t stop talking. “I have lots of scars, Derek. Some of them you’ve seen, you’ve felt. You’ve seen me naked, so you know they’re there. But…I guess it sounds stupid, but I didn’t want you to learn about them that way. Not with a woman taking pictures and another asking questions. I didn’t want you to learn about them in some hospital room as evidence for a case. I, I wanted to be the one to tell you. On our own, without anyone else there. Oh, I’m not making any sense.”

He felt Derek shift before there was the touch of lips to the crown of his head. “You’re making perfect sense, sugar. Showing your scars like that, it’s an intimate thing. Between two people who love one another, that’s something that should be done in private, not on display for others.”

“Exactly.” Spencer breathed out. He felt the tension in his stomach uncoil. Derek understood. Even though Spencer’s thoughts had been only half formed, still Derek understood. He relaxed even more into the embrace. “I want to show you, Derek.” He admitted quietly. He hadn’t realized he was saying them until they were coming out of his mouth, but he knew they were true. Right. He wanted to show Derek before he saw the photos anyways.

Pulling out of Derek’s arms, he rested against the headboard of this strange bed and lifted his eyes to Derek’s. “Before you go see the photos, before this becomes all part of the report against him, I want to be the one to show you. Me.” Sitting up straight, Spencer stared at Derek’s eyes before unbuttoning his shirt. Slowly, one handed, he undid every button before shrugging out of the material. Their eyes stayed locked the entire time.

Derek looked at him for a long minute. Then, leaning in, he kissed Spencer, one hand reaching around to cup the back of his head. As always, Derek’s kiss shot an arrow of heat down to his groin, taking away his ability to think for a moment. Because of that, he barely noticed when Derek scooted him down the bed a little and laid him down on his back. When the kiss broke, Spencer looked up into Derek’s eyes, basking in the heat that was there. “We’ll uncover them together.” Derek murmured.

He slid down the bed, surprising Spencer. He could only watch as Derek pulled off one sock, then the other, leaving Spencer barefoot. Then his hands were sliding up, undoing the top of Spencer’s pants. The younger man couldn’t say a thing; all he could think of was the look on Derek’s face. The love and passion mixed there into a combination that filled Spencer’s heart and warmed his blood.

His pants were drawn down, casually tossed to the side. Derek kissed the skin on his exposed thighs while reaching up for his boxers next. Spencer made a soft sound in his throat. He didn’t know if it was a denial, if he was asking for more, or what he wanted. But Derek murmured softly against his skin, kissing down his leg as he pulled his boxers lower, his words unintelligible but soothing nonetheless.

Soon Spencer found himself lying naked on the bed, Derek still down by his feet. He ran his hands over Spencer’s foot, tracing the skin there, moving up to his ankle. When he found a small scar on Spencer’s ankle, he bent down and kissed the slightly raised skin. “Tell me, baby boy.” He whispered. Then he moved his tongue, tracing the scar, leaving behind heat and moisture. Shivering, Spencer tried to find his voice. “I t-tore it.” He stuttered out. Little bursts of pleasure came from each lick, each nip. “On the restraints.”

Derek kept moving up, hands and lips traveling over his calf, up his thigh, before moving to the other leg. Each scar he came across, Spencer gasped out the explanation as Derek touched and tasted each one. With his hands he found them, drawing the terror of them from Spencer, listening to the words. Then he soothed him back down, putting a pleasant sensation over each horrible memory. He skipped over his groin, moving straight to his hips and stomach, continuing the same treatment. Down each of Spencer’s arms, gently kissing over the brace on Spencer’s hand. No scar was left unattended.

The sensation was amazing, making it so Spencer could hardly think, hardly breathe. Yet he still spoke with each one. He took the bad memory and let Derek replace it with a new one. One that was so much better. Little pants and breathy moans were slipping out, breaking in his words, but Derek never stopped. When he reached Spencer’s neck, his moans grew louder, needier.

Derek had him roll over so he could continue the process down the back of him. The pleasure was only heightened when he couldn’t see what Derek was doing. All he could do now was feel. Hands slid down, tracing over the belt marks on Spencer’s lower back, the faint ones Derek had felt before but never commented on. Warm, wet, open mouthed kisses were pressed against them, making Spencer gasp and moan, his hips pushing against the bed. Every inch of him was on fire. “Derek.” The second syllable was long, drawn out on a whimper.

Finally, Spencer felt hands on his hips, turning him over again to lie on his back. He couldn’t think anymore. His earlier terror was gone. All he could think, all he could see, feel, breathe, was Derek. He filled Spencer’s senses completely. He felt Derek’s hands slide from his hips, moving toward the one part of Spencer that was aching to be touched.

Blind from passion, Spencer didn’t see it coming, but he could do nothing but feel when Derek’s mouth closed over him, taking him in deep almost instantly. A loud keening cry slipped past Spencer’s lips. He didn’t care. His whole word was focused on the wet warmth of Derek’s mouth, drawing him in, sliding up before taking him deep once more.

His back arched and his hand fisted in the bed sheets. “Derek, oh! Oh, God. Derek.” Words that sounded like pleas, echoing around the room. He barely realized he was saying them. He felt Derek hum, the sensation almost too much. “So close, baby, God.” He was already on the edge. It wouldn’t take much to throw him over.

A warm hand wrapped around him and Derek pulled back, kissing his tip as his hand pumped. “Let go, baby boy. Wanna hear you scream. Wanna watch you come undone for me.” Then Derek’s mouth was back, sucking him in, hard and deep, his hand going down to fondle Spencer's sac, and it was all just too much.

The scream that ripped out of Spencer’s lips was a sound of pure pleasure mixed with Derek’s name, “Derek!” drawn out long and loud. The world seemed to explode around him. Derek kept him in, sucking him as he emptied himself, taking every last drop even as Spencer’s body limply dropped back to the bed. He gasped when Derek let him slip from his mouth. Then that strong body was sliding up the bed, gathering him close. Spencer could do nothing but roll into Derek’s embrace limply. There, cradled against the chest of the man he loved, Spencer felt the last of his earlier fear leave him.

Somehow he found the energy to lift his head and press a kiss to Derek’s lips. He tasted himself there and smiled into their kiss. “I love you.” He murmured when they broke apart. Derek kissed him again, lightly, saying “I love you too, Spencer.”

Spent, Spencer laid his head back down, safe and secure where he was. This had been perfect. This was how Derek should see his scars; not in a clinical environment. This had been personal and private and special to them. This had been perfect.

Realizing something, he forced his head to move again, despite how tired he suddenly felt. “What about you? I didn’t…”

“Shh, baby boy.” Derek kissed him once more. Then one of his hands pulled Spencer’s head back to rest against Derek’s chest. “I’m fine. This was about you. Now hush. Just sleep with me a little. I’ll still be here when you wake up.”

What else could he do? Physically and emotionally drained, Spencer drifted off to sleep, a content smile curving his lips.

* * *

The whole way to the BAU, Dave drove in silence, his thoughts circling around in his head, all centered around one thing. Over and over he kept seeing the way Spencer had looked at the end. The quick flash of fear and shame that had been in those big eyes before they’d finally gone blank. It had his temper growing and growing so that, by the time he was at the BAU and walking into the bullpen, headed to where he could see the others in the conference room, he was in a fury. He marched straight up to the room and inside without a word to any passing agent.

Emily, Penelope, JJ, Will, and Aaron were around the table, with Henry asleep in a stroller beside the table. All of them looked up when he entered, taking in the expression on his face. “Tell me we’ve got something so we can lock this sicko away.” Dave hissed, censoring himself for the sake of the child present.

Something on their faces told him that there was something wrong. When Aaron finally spoke, Dave realized how wrong things had gone. “Michael vanished. He’s not at Reid’s and they live there together. No credit card purchases, no sightings of him anywhere. Nothing. But the apartment was apparently ransacked before he disappeared. He left a note on the dining room table.”

Penelope did something that brought a picture up on the big screen. Looking up, Dave felt his anger boil over.

_I told you what would happen if you messed with me. You were warned. You brought this on yourself. Remember that. Can you live with the consequences? By the time I find you, you’ll be begging for me to finish this._


	30. Chapter 30

 

Voices were what woke Derek from his sleep. The sounds of voices and footsteps out in the hallway. For one groggy instant he wasn’t quite sure where he was or who he was hearing. All it took was opening his eyes for him to remember. One look at the rustic styled room and his brain clicked back into place. _I’m at Rossi’s house. That’s right._ Huh. Who would have pegged Dave to have a room decorated this way? Then again, it was a guest room. The rest of the house was pretty classic, pretty Italian. Definitely toward the man’s roots. _Not a house. A mansion. Sheesh—this guy lives big. Must be nice, having that kind of money._

A couple of doors opened and closed and then there were more footsteps, this time coming closer. Derek shifted just a little, adjusting the blankets they must have pulled up in their sleep. He checked to make sure Spencer was entirely covered; he was. That also brought to light the realization that Spencer was still naked and wrapped tightly against Derek’s side, one arm flung over him and his head resting on Derek’s shoulder. One of Spencer’s legs was even lifted over Derek’s, resting between them. All in all, he was completely twined around Derek.

He brought his hand up from under the blankets, pulling them up just a little higher, and he curled his arm so that his hand was running through Spencer’s hair. He really did love his hair. So soft to the touch.

A quiet knock brought him out of his thoughts. Eyes flashing to Spencer— _good, he’s still asleep_ —Derek called out “Yeah?”

“Everyone’s here and we’ve got food.” Dave called back through the door. “You need to bring him down. We need to talk.”

Something in his tone told Derek that whatever they had to talk about wasn’t going to be good. _Great, just great. If it isn’t one damn thing, it’s another. When the hell is this going to just stop? When is the kid going to catch a fucking break already?_ Out loud, he called “You better have coffee waiting.”

He ignored the chuckling outside the door when he felt Spencer shift and try to burrow his head down underneath the covers. “’S too loud.” He grumbled. “Shut up.”

Amusement had Derek’s lips curving. “Ah, ah. Time to get up, baby boy. Rossi’s home and the others are downstairs with food. And coffee.”

“Don’t care.”

Now that had Derek raising an eyebrow. “Since when does Spencer Reid not care about coffee?”

“Since now.” The younger man mumbled. He tightened his grip over Derek, pressing them just a little closer together. “Coffee or cuddling? Easy choice.” One of his hands moved against Derek’s shirt, snaking underneath to rest on his skin. “You got too many clothes on.”

Looking down at the messy hair, the only part of Spencer’s head that was really visible above the blankets, Derek couldn’t help but feel amazed. _He’s got to be one of the most resilient people I’ve ever met. Before he fell asleep, he was just shy of breaking into little shards. Now he’s snuggled up and flirting with me—no, not flirting. He’s too sleepy for flirting. He’s being semi-serious and semi-playful. I don’t know how he does it. He never fails to amaze me._ Mussing Spencer’s hair, he bent and pressed a kiss to the top of his head. “Hate to break it to you, Spencer, but my clothes are staying on and you’re going to put yours on. Rossi said he wanted us downstairs.” And hopefully Dave wasn’t still standing outside the door. _Oh well, if he is, it’s his own fault what he hears_ Derek thought, resisting the urge to chuckle.

The little whiny sound Spencer was beyond cute and not something one would think an adult would make. Then, before Derek could blink, Spencer was rolling on top of him, a knee on either side of his hips, bracing on his elbows so that their faces were only inches apart. Spencer bent those last few inches, nipping Derek’s bottom lip, his hair falling on either side like a screen. “Do we have to?” he murmured, punctuating the question with a small roll of his hips that had Derek fighting back a moan. “I’m quite happy right here.”

“Trust me; I’d love to stay here with you.” Derek had to cut off when Spencer rolled his hips again and he trailed his lips over Derek’s jaw, stopping to nip at his ear. Gone was the sexually shy kid when they’d first started this. Spencer was coming in to his own, sexually. _I’ve created a monster_. The thought was a pleasant one. He shuddered, unable to stop himself from bringing his hands up and threading them in Spencer’s hair. “You’re killing me, baby boy. God. If we don’t downstairs, someone’s going to end up coming in here and getting quite a show if you don’t stop that.”

Spencer pulled back with a deep sigh. Bracing one hand on Derek’s chest, he sat up and shook his hair back from his face. Just looking up at him had Derek groaning. When Spencer bit his lip, looking down at him with those wide, bedroom eyes, he couldn’t hold back anymore. He grabbed Spencer’s hips and flipped them over, pinning the younger man underneath him in bed. “You little porn star. I keep telling you, you’ll be the death of me one of these days.”

“Does that mean you’d like me to stop?” Spencer gave a little smirk.

“Hell no.” Just as Derek bent his head, ready to crush their lips together and forget entirely about the people downstairs, Aaron’s voice echoed up the hall and into their room. “Spencer Reid and Derek Morgan! If you’re not downstairs in five minutes, I’m sending Garcia to come up there and drag you out!”

A look of horror replaced any signs of arousal on Spencer’s face. His eyes went wide and his mouth dropped open. Then, quick as a flash, he was scrambling out from underneath Derek and toward the edge of the bed, snatching up his clothes. What else could Derek do but sit back and start to laugh? And when Spencer glared at him, Derek only laughed harder.

“You laugh all you want.” Spencer told him while he shimmied into his boxers. “But I’m not sitting here and letting Garcia barge in while I’m naked.” Pausing in the act of pulling on his shirt, Spencer gave a little shudder, and then shook his head. “No, no. definitely not. I’d never, _ever_ hear the end of it. That woman’s seen too much already.”

Watching Spencer try to work his buttons, Derek cut off his laughter and sat up. He brushed Spencer’s hands out of the way before doing up his buttons for him. Then, before the kid could protest, Derek pulled him to sit down. “You’re one handed and I can see it’s hurting you, baby boy.” He said, cutting off Spencer’s protests. He moved off the bed and grabbed Spencer’s socks while ignoring the younger man’s stuttered protests. As if it was perfect normal, Derek slid Spencer’s mismatched socks onto his feet, not even looking up, though he knew the blush that would be in those cheeks would look extremely attractive.

With the two of them working together, they got Spencer’s pants on, Derek doing the button for him. Finally the two were both dressed and making their way from the room. Derek slid an arm around Spencer’s waist, stealing one last kiss at the top of the stairs. “Quit pouting, baby boy.”

“I’ll pout all I want.” Spencer grumbled at him. His eyes held a slightly mischievous light, though. Together, the two moved down the staircase, following the sounds of conversation. “I think I have every right. I was quite…comfortable.”

Derek squeezed his waist. “There’s always later.” He promised in a husky, low voice.

The look Spencer slanted him shot straight to Derek’s loins. “That being the only reason I didn’t bar the door and ignore the world.”

They stepped into the dining room, which seemed to be where all the voices were centered, and the two men were instantly assaulted. Just a step in the door and a little voice cried out “Untle Penner!” Then Spencer was shifting, dropping down into a crouch to catch the little body that flew at him. Derek watched with a smile as Spencer scooped up his Godson and cradled him close, the little boy flinging his arms around Spencer’s neck. There was a slight wince from Henry’s grip on the bruises that were still fading over Spencer’s neck but Spencer said nothing about it, just hugging Henry with one arm.

Penelope sidled up to Derek, slipping an arm around his waist, hugging him sideways. “You two just had to ruin my fun, didn’t you?” She teased him, eyes twinkling. “I was just about to head up there, too!”

He looked down at her and chuckled. “I know how to get pretty boy moving now. Just threaten him with you. I’ve never seen him fly into his clothes so fast.”

Laughter filled the dining room, growing when Spencer shot Derek a glare. Emily pretended to shudder even as she chuckled. “Thanks, Derek.” She called out to him from where she sat at the large table. “That’s just what I needed. Confirmation of what you two were doing up there.”

“Hey, we weren’t doing anything!” Derek cried out. His grin told a whole other story, though. That grin grew when he heard Spencer murmur “Not for lack of trying.”

He probably hadn’t intended for anyone else to hear that. But the room had been just quiet enough that everyone heard it. All eyes turned toward him with surprise. Instantly Spencer blushed bright red and buried his face against Henry to hide, bringing back the laughter. Even Aaron was sitting back in his chair and laughing. Looking around at his friends, Derek couldn’t keep the smile off his lips. Neither could Spencer. No matter what was going on, this right here was good. This was family. This group right here was bonded in ways no one else would ever be able to understand. They were connected beyond even that of a normal family.

With surprise, Derek saw Jack walk from where he’d apparently been hiding by Will, over toward his dad. Aaron scooped him up, bringing the little boy into his lap. Food was spread out over the table, plates set up for people to dig in. It looked like they’d already started. A plate sat by Will, obviously made up for Henry, just as one was now sitting by Aaron that Jack was picking off of. It looked like they’d hit up take-out. KFC. Buckets of chicken were sitting open, as well as containers of mac and cheese, beans, coleslaw, and two big boxes of biscuits.

Derek and Spencer took the two open chairs, right next to one another. Henry settled onto Spencer’s lap. The boy obviously had no intentions of moving. From her spot next to Spencer, JJ smiled and pulled over Henry’s plate so the little boy could go back to picking at his food, babbling all the while to ‘Untle Penner’.

Though Jack could speak perfectly fine, he too called Spencer ‘Penner’. It was a nickname the two boys had coined for the young doctor. Spencer never bothered to correct them. At one point in time Jack had called him ‘Mr. Reid’, but when Henry had started talking and had moved to calling him Penner, so had Jack.

Penelope took the seat next to Derek, drawing him in to the conversation with the others about the size of Dave’s house and the style in it. Soon enough Derek found his plate full of food and himself caught up in a good conversation with the best friends a guy could ever ask for. The tension he’d felt earlier was slowly evaporating. This was what family was. He dropped a hand down under the table, resting it on Spencer’s thigh while he got into an animated discussion with Dave about the structural elements of the house.

* * *

Dinner was a noisy affair. It was almost the perfect end to the shitty day that he’d had. Spencer couldn’t seem to stop smiling as he looked around the room at everyone. There were stories and laughter and jokes and just a general feeling of love amongst them all. Feeling Henry in his lap, Spencer let himself focus on that feeling of family, pushing down the stress of everything else.

When the food was gone and the plates cleared away, the kid had been set up in the living room with the TV on cartoons. Will had offered to go sit with them and keep his eye on them so that the others could talk. He smiled at everyone and kissed JJ before shepherding the two kids out of the dining room. Almost the instant the door closed behind him, the mood in the room shifted perceptibly.

Spencer lifted his chin when he looked at his friends. The earlier fear and pain were still there, but he knew right now that he couldn’t afford to break apart. Something had happened. Something that was serious. Though he wanted to hide from it, he wasn’t going to. He was going to be strong enough to get through this. That determination showed in his cool tone when he asked them “What did he do?”

There was no need for him to explain his question. Everyone knew what he meant. JJ was the one to reach over, laying her hand gently over his splinted one on the table. Her eyes were both angry and sad, a combination he’d seen so many times in their line of work. Only this time it was stronger; more poignant. She was protective of those she loved and she loved Spencer Reid like a brother. “Spence, when the cops went to the apartment to talk to Michael, he wasn’t there. But your door was open and they went in. The place was ransacked. He tore things up, took some of his stuff, and it looks like he skipped town.”

Spencer felt a pang for some of this things; he knew Michael wouldn’t have treated them nicely. He would have gone for the things he knew mattered to Spencer. Thank God his most personal, important possessions were in storage at the moment. Some of the stuff in the apartment was important, yes, but slowly over the past six months, Spencer had taken things that he knew he couldn’t stand to lose and had put them in storage, always afraid of what Michael might do to them.

He could see on their faces that there was more. Shifting his good hand, he dropped it down to where Derek’s still sat on his thigh. Their fingers lacing together reassured him enough to continue. “What else? I know there’s more.”

With a soft sigh, Aaron nodded. “There is. He left a note on the table.”

From her bag, Penelope pulled out her laptop, opening it and loading something on it. A moment later she turned it to Spencer. He found himself looking at his table, thinking to himself that his tablecloth had been ruined. It was torn and not sitting right on the table. Such a random, inane thing to think of. Yet he couldn’t help it. His brain didn’t want to focus on the note sitting there. Yet it did. His eyes were drawn to the words that jumped out at him, burned now into his brain, never to be forgotten. ‘ _I told you what would happen if you messed with me. You were warned. You brought this on yourself. Remember that. Can you live with the consequences? By the time I find you, you’ll be begging for me to finish this._ ’

“Everyone’s secure, Reid.” Emily said into the silence. “All of us, our families, your family. Your mom’s being protected, even your dad. He can’t get to us.”

“We can’t all hide forever.” Spencer said in a dull voice. _You brought this on yourself._ “Maybe he’ll be patient enough to wait, maybe he won’t. In that sense, he’s very hard to predict. Meticulous when need be, he can also randomly be served by solely emotion. He’s not stable. Though it’s not frequent, his mood swings can be deadly. He’ll try to build a plan and he has enough intelligence to do just that, if he can keep his rage from overpowering him like he did this morning. Like he apparently did in my apartment as well.” _You were warned._ “Though hurting others will hurt me and that’s the goal he seeks, I’ll still be his main target. If he sees a way to take me, he will, and he won’t be afraid to take out whoever is in his way. To him, nothing matters but the final goal. The end result.”

“I’m keeping tabs on all his information, sweetheart.” Penelope said while she turned her screen back towards her. “If he uses his ATM, his credit card, anything like that, I’ll know the instant he does.”

Spencer nodded and looked over to her. “Did you flag my information as well?”

“What?” She looked up in surprise.

He was almost as surprised as her. _How did they not think of this?_ “If he wants to run, he probably would have taken my cards. He has his own copy of my credit cards as well as a debit card to my account. Most likely he’ll use my money instead of his own.”

For a single minute Penelope was gaping at him. Then her fingers were flying over the keys. Then her eyes grew wide. “Holy shit!” She exclaimed. Lifting her head, she stared at Spencer with a trace of embarrassment and plenty of sadness. “Oh, honey, I’m sorry we didn’t think about it. I’m sorry we didn’t look earlier. Three hours ago someone went into the bank and withdrew almost all the money in your account. Checking and savings.”

That sparked a reaction in Spencer. He closed his eyes and tried to fight back the waves of anger and pain. “All of it?” he whispered through numb lips.

“There’s a grand left in the savings and a hundred dollars in the checking.”

 _That son of a bitch. That God damn son of a bitch!_ “I don’t care about the checking account. The savings…that pays for Mom.” _Pays for her care, so she can stay there at Bennington. Pays for all of it so that she’s taken care of and safe and okay._ “That bastard knew that. He knew it and he did it intentionally.”

“We’ll cover your mom’s care, Reid.” Dave spoke up. His eyes were steady when Spencer looked over to him, ready to protest. The older man shook his head and gestured to his house. “Does it look like it would hurt me to cover her care for a month or two? We’re not letting Michael mess this up too. She’ll be taken care of.”

Swallowing his pride, Spencer nodded. He brought his hand up, running it over his face as he sat back in his chair. So many things were crashing down on him today. So much, all at once. It seemed like everything that could possibly go wrong today, was.

In the sudden silence of the room, the ringing of the cellphone in his pocket almost made him jump. He hadn’t even realized he was carrying his phone. Eyebrows drawn down, Spencer reached into his pocket, the sick feeling in his stomach telling him before he even looked who it was going to be. Sure enough, there on the screen was the name he’d expected to see. Looking to Penelope, Spencer said “Trace it.” Then he gathered as much of his strength as he could.

With the support of his family around him, the touch of the man he loved now on his thigh again, JJ’s hand still on his other hand, Spencer took a deep breath, stilled his trembling, and flipped his phone open.


	31. Chapter 31

 

“Hello again, Michael.”  There wasn’t a trace of fear or nerves in Spencer’s voice. It was strong and steady and didn’t waver in the least bit. Maybe at the moment he couldn’t control his body, but he would not give Michael the satisfaction of hearing anything in his voice but strength, anger, or disdain. He refused to let him win even at this. “I didn’t exactly expect to have you call.”

“You always were more of a fucking idiot than anyone else knew.”

Michael’s voice seemed to ring in the dining room. Spencer hadn’t been stupid enough to try and be the only one to listen. There was no way the others would have stood for that. This involved them all now. There was no hiding anything from them anymore.

Closing his eyes, Spencer worked to keep his voice that same calm, strong tone as before. “I don’t think I’m the one that’s acting stupid here. You made a mistake, coming for me the way you did. I contacted the police, Michael. They’re looking for you.”

“You think I don’t know that, you son of a bitch? You think I don’t know what you’re trying to do?” Michael shouted out. Behind him, Spencer heard the dining room door open; he glanced back quickly to see Will walk in. JJ rose to meet him and in their whispered conversation he heard Will tell her the kids were asleep. Then all his attention was back on the phone that was sitting on the table. “I know _everything_ you’re doing, Spencer Reid! I know all of it. I know that you went to that fucking hospital and let them touch you. Let them take _pictures_ of you. Did it feel good, telling everyone what you did wrong? Telling them all the ways you made me punish you?”

A lump built in Spencer’s throat. Michael was just baiting him. Just trying to draw him in and exert his control. But why? He had to know that a phone call wouldn’t change everything. “It hurt to tell them what you did to me, but I did what was right. You won’t get away with this. I won’t put up with this from you anymore. I deserve a hell of a lot more than you.”

“Oh? And you think that Morgan is the fucker to give it to you?” Michael seethed. What he said next surprised all of them but Spencer. “Are you the knight in shining armor, Morgan? Do you like my sloppy seconds?” The anger in his voice turned to a leering sound. “Have you fucked him yet? Everything he knows, I taught him. There’s not a part of that body I haven’t touched, haven’t fucked.”

Spencer tightened his grip on Derek’s hand, begging him silently to keep his cool. He heard Derek hiss “You son of a bitch.”

Laughter echoed from the phone. “Has he given you head yet? God, he’s got a great mouth. He can take it all, too, can’t you, Reid? Just like a whore.”

“Is there a point to this conversation, Michael?” Spencer interrupted before anyone could say anything. He hadn’t opened his eyes yet, afraid of what he would see on the faces of his friends. “Or did you just call to make your pathetic taunts? Because, really, I have to say you’re losing your touch if that’s all you have is jabs about my sex life.”

“Afraid your little boyfriend will get jealous?”

The others watched as something flashed over Spencer’s face. He couldn’t stop himself from replying to that taunt, even though he knew he shouldn’t. “Jealous of what? The fact that I was able to deep throat you? It’s not hard to swallow something the size of my middle finger.” The size was a lie, but he knew the jab would cut Michael deep.

As he’d expected, he could hear Michael almost growling in the background. “When I get my hands on you again, I swear to fucking God I’ll make you regret every damn minute of this.”

“Trust me; I already regret every minute I wasted on you. You can’t hurt me, Michael, and you can’t hurt those I love. We’ll stop you. You think you’ll win this, but you won’t. Turn yourself in now before this goes any further. Because I promise you, if you come after those I care about, there will be no hole deep enough for you to hide in.” Anger was gripping Spencer once more, filling him. “You think I was angry this morning? Hurt them and I guarantee, I won’t miss the next time.”

“It’ll be interesting to see, won’t it? We’ll see if you have the balls to go through with that threat, Reid. Or if you’ll end up begging on your knees, just like you always do.”

The phone clicked, indicating the end of the call. Spencer kept his eyes closed as he asked “Did you find him?”

“I got it!” Penelope said with a squeal. “He’s…oh shit, he’s at the airport. Just a second, just a second.” There was the sound of her fingers flying across the keys. Spencer finally had to open his eyes and look over at her, needing to watch for what was coming. Michael was at the airport? Where was he going to go? Who was he going to go after?

Penelope finally stopped typing. Her face lost a few shades of color, going paler and paler. Wide eyes lifted, turning, and Spencer knew. He knew exactly where Michael was going. His heart almost stopped when Penelope’s eyes locked on to Derek. The entire dining room was silent as Penelope stared at Derek, her mouth moving soundlessly. Spencer’s brain had been the first to make the leap. He knew Michael better than them all. In Michael’s eyes, going after Derek’s family would make the most sense and cause the most damage. Not only hurting Spencer, but potentially putting a rift between the two men at the same time. It was a win-win for Michael.

Color seemed to leech from Derek’s face. His hand, which had been holding Spencer’s leg, went limp. “No.” The soft word slipped past his lips with a horrifying weakness none of them had ever heard there before.

All at once life seemed to fill the room. Aaron had his phone out, dialing even as he commanded “See if you can delay his flight, Garcia. Anything. I’m contacting the local PD.” He cut off when the person on the other end of the phone answered. Rising, Aaron moved toward the kitchen, his voice trailing behind him as he went. “This is SSA Aaron Hotchner of the FBI and I have…” The door closed behind him, cutting off his words.

Fingers flying once more, Penelope was trying to delay the flight as best as possible, muttering at the computer. Derek had finally regained life. He was scrambling for his cell phone in his pocket, barely able to make his hands work. Without a word, Spencer thrust his cell phone at the older man. Not a word was exchanged between them as Derek took it and dialed. In a short moment he was speaking into the phone, his voice hoarse with emotion. “Mom? Yeah, it’s Derek.”

Spencer didn’t bother staying to listen to the conversation. He couldn’t stand the thought of being in there. While the others were distracted, he pushed his chair back, easily rising to his feet and heading toward the door. He knew he should probably stay there and comfort Derek; the two were, well, he didn’t know quite what they were. More than friends, obviously. But they hadn’t officially labeled one another as boyfriends. All he knew was that, even if he should, he couldn’t stay in there with him.

Someone called his name. He didn’t pay them any mind. Moving fast, he was already halfway up the staircase when he heard the dining room door open and someone start coming after him. Even with their footsteps behind him—who was it? He wasn’t quite sure. He didn’t care—he didn’t bother stopping. Just headed straight for the room he and Derek had shared.

When he reached it, he didn’t hesitate to snap the door shut behind him. Even as a hand touched the knob on the other side, Spencer clicked the lock into place. He didn’t want to see anyone at the moment. Didn’t want to talk to anyone or hear what they had to say. Couldn’t they understand that being around them right now was almost impossible for him? Any of the physical pain he was feeling was almost completely gone now, overshadowed by the pain that was wrapping around his heart.

 _This_ was why he hadn’t told anyone. _This_ was why he’d stayed and put up with this for so long. Now, because he’d tried to step away, because he’d told everyone his dirty secret, all of them were in danger. Their _families_ were in danger. For _him_. Well, no more. There was no way in hell he was going to stand around here and let everyone stand between him and Michael. No one was going to be hurt because of him. Spencer marched to his go-bag, ignoring the knocking on the door, and pulled his holster and gun out, easily attaching them to his hip. If everyone thought he was going to just take this lying down, they had another thing coming. Not only was Michael going after the family of someone he cared about, but he was going after the family of the man he _loved_. In turn, he was going to destroy Derek. All bets were off, now.

The only thing Spencer had to figure out was how to get out of here. One handed, it was going to be interesting. He moved toward the window, intending on taking a look and seeing if there was a way he could get down from there. Just as he lifted the window, though, the bedroom door burst open. Spencer only had enough time to turn around before he found a hand fisted in his shirt, pushing him against the wall by the window and a very angry Emily in front of him. “What the hell do you think you’re doing?” she demanded.

He didn’t even flinch. “Whatever I need.”

“So you were going to take your clumsy ass out a second story window and what? Try and find Michael? Even if you snuck out of here, he’s on a flight to Chicago! You can’t fly, Reid. You’d never get there in time.”

Of course he wouldn’t. That hadn’t been his intention. His silence seemed to answer her, though. He watched comprehension dawn in her eyes. She let go of him, stepping back to gape at him. “You were going to call him and turn yourself over, weren’t you?”

Was there any point in denying it to her? In lying to a trained profiler? “Like I said, I’ll do whatever I need.” He repeated. Coolly he stepped away from the wall and straightened his shirt. Pride and determination were all that kept his spine straight and his voice steady. “Did you actually think I’d sit here while he goes…?” He couldn’t finish that sentence. Swallowing, he contained the pain, pushing it down inside. “I will _not_ let people be hurt because of me, Emily. I won’t.”

“So you decide to sneak out a window, potentially killing yourself in the process?” she fired back at him.

Didn’t she understand? “Am I just supposed to stay and wait for a call to tell me if he’s caught or not? If he succeeded or not?” he yelled at her. The tone and volume of his own voice surprised him, but not enough to make him stop. “Am I supposed to just sit here like some damn damsel in distress and let people act as a shield between he and I?”

Emily stepped up until they were almost nose to nose again. Her voice was just as loud as his as she shouted right back at him. “You should be down there with Morgan right now, helping him through this! That’s what you should be doing! He needs you, Reid, and you’re up here being an idiot!”

The pain and rage he’d been pushing down now reared up, morphing together and exploding from him. He spun away from her, kicking a chair out of his way so he could march sideways. When he reached the wall, he spun around to face her again. “Do you really think he wants me down there?” He shouted in an agonizing voice. “How am I supposed to help him, Emily? Huh? Am I supposed to tell him it’ll be okay? Am I supposed to hold his hand? I’m the reason his family’s in danger to begin with! And you want me to go comfort him? This is my fault! Mine! I’m the last person Derek needs to see right now.”

“You’re exactly who I need to see.” Derek said hoarsely.

Emily turned to look at Derek, who was standing in the doorway, his hands braced on the doorframe. Behind him stood Aaron, Dave, Will and JJ. Penelope had elected to keep working and to keep an ear on the children.

The sound of Derek’s voice had Spencer’s eyes sliding shut. He couldn’t bring himself to look at the other man. Couldn’t stand to see the pain on his face. It was hard enough to hear it in his voice. The guilt that was eating at Spencer’s insides grew a little more at how hoarse Derek had sounded. How could Derek say he was exactly who he needed to see? This was his fault. All of it was his fault.

Soft footsteps sounded, telling Spencer that Derek was coming in to the room. There were no other sounds. The rest of the team stood silent, watching the scene unfold, unable to look away from the two men. Derek stopped about a foot away from Spencer, not bothering to reach out to touch the man. Anyone could see that Spencer was not going to allow himself to be touched now.

Air caught in Spencer’s throat. He found himself holding his breath when Derek stopped. He waited for the recriminations, the anger. _He’d have every right. I never should have let it get this far. I never should have said anything._

“Spencer, I’m not mad at you.” Derek finally spoke in a gentle voice. “This isn’t your fault. And my family, they’re safe. Police are on their way now to watch over them. They’re fine. But this is not your fault and I am not mad at you for this. “

Spencer couldn’t stop himself from saying “You should be.”

“Why? You aren’t responsible for the decisions he makes. You aren’t him. This, all of it, it’s on his shoulders, not yours.”

“But I knew!” The emotion built again, breaking down Spencer’s walls. His eyes flung open and his hand came up to tap at his chest as he let himself turn and look at Derek. He didn’t pay attention to anyone else in the room. “I knew what he’d do, Derek! He’s told me countless times in vivid detail what he’d do to any of you guys. He wrote it out and made me read it just so he could be sure I’d never forget it. I _knew_ and I still was stupid enough to put you guys in this position. How the hell can you not be mad at me?”

“You think it’d be any better for me to know that you were still living like that with him, Spencer? Do you think the idea of you being hurt will hurt me any less than the idea of my mom or my sisters being hurt? You’re just as important to me as they are!”

“I shouldn’t have ever even let you know what was going on.” The words were ripped from Spencer without thought. His eyes burned with the effort to keep the tears inside. But the agony was too much to restrain. It poured from him in his words. “I’d done a damn good job of surviving before. I never should have said anything! Then none of us would be here. If I’d just kept my mouth shut, if I’d sucked it up and dealt with it, none of you would be in danger right now.”

“The hell with that!” Angry now, Derek closed the last bit of distance between them, putting himself right in Spencer’s face. “Eventually he would have killed you and you damn well know it! How is that better? How is that okay?”

“At least you’d all be safe and alive!” Spencer shrieked. In those words, the anger was gone, only the agony remained. He couldn’t keep his head above it anymore. It was drowning him, blocking everything else out. “Because of me, your families are in danger. Because of me, all of you are in danger. Because he wants to hurt me! _Me_!” As another wave crashed over him, Spencer brought his hands up, covering his face. All the fight drained out of him. He felt his knees buckle underneath him, but he never had the chance to hit the ground. Derek was there to catch him; to gather him close and hold him tightly.

The tears came now, burning their way down his cheeks. That iron control that Spencer kept over his pain was gone now. He didn’t retreat into his mind the way he usually did; he couldn’t. All his mental reserves were gone. For the first time in so long, Spencer couldn’t control the tears or the pain. It poured from him with great, gasping sobs that made his body shudder. Derek’s arms were tight around him, holding him up, keeping him safe and steady. That only made it worse. Derek’s family was the one that was in danger and here Spencer was, breaking to pieces. He should have been gone. He should have been the one comforting Derek. Yet Derek was here, holding him, comforting him. That thought made Spencer’s tears come harder.

All the while, Derek whispered in his ear, never leaving him. “That’s it, baby boy. Let it all out. You’ve held it in too long. You just go ahead and let it out. I’m here and I’ve got you. I’ve got you now.”

Spencer cried for everything in that moment. He cried for the pain he’d lived with; for the feeling of being someone so worthless that a man who was supposed to have loved him had ended up hurting him. He cried for all the bruises he’d never allowed himself to cry for before. He cried for the pain he was causing his friends, the danger he was putting them in. All of it poured out of him in rivers of tears and sobs that sounded almost like screams as they clawed up his throat.

There were tears sliding down Emily’s cheeks at the raw pain emanating from her friend. Aaron and Dave stood, their own tears shining in their eyes but not falling down their cheeks. Will held JJ close, her sobs silent. The pain in the room was palpable. When Spencer started to pull in Derek’s arms, to try and get free, muttering something that sounded like “shouldn’t be here. My fault…my fault” Their hearts ached even more.

Derek took it all, never letting go. When Spencer’s struggles grew, Derek simply sank down to the ground with him and held him closer, continuing to whisper to him. He wasn’t whispering words of reassurance anymore. Instead he whispered, over and over, “I love you. I love you.”

The words filled Spencer, bringing on more and more tears. He stopped trying to fight Derek and instead flung his arms around the older man’s neck. There he cried until there was nothing left to cry. Until the sobs had quieted to soft hiccups and his eyes couldn’t shed another tear. But he didn’t move. He couldn’t move. It felt like there was nothing left to him.

They all heard soft footsteps outside the room. When they stopped, the whisper that came next was audible in the sudden silence of the room. “I couldn’t stall the plane, sir. But I’ve sent out a warning to airport police. They’ll nab him when he arrives.”

Another tremble ran down Spencer’s body. He heard someone start to talk, but the ringing of a cellphone interrupted it. Spencer paid it no attention. He didn’t care about who was calling who. At least, not until he heard Penelope’s painful “ _What_?” followed by a “Yes, yes. Thank you, I’m on my way.”

Spencer somehow managed to lift his head, though it felt as if it was stuffed with cotton. He looked to where Penelope stood. She was pale, eyes wide, and Spencer knew something bad had happened. Something else had gone wrong. A rushing sound filled his ears and his eyes closed, but it didn’t stop him from hearing what Penelope said. “That…that was the hospital. Graceful Heart. They…Kevin was shot in the parking garage at work. He’s fine, but they had to remove the bullet from his arm.”

That was the last thing Spencer heard before the rushing in his ears overtook him and his mind succumbed to the pressure it was under by sucking him down into darkness.


	32. Chapter 32

 

One hour later, Spencer was sitting on the couch in Dave’s living room, a glass of cognac cradled in his hand, his eyes distant. The light from the fireplace flickered and danced over his skin, giving him an almost eerie look. To an outside perspective, someone might have thought there was something seriously wrong with him. His eyes were puffy, his cheeks still slightly red, his bottom lip was caught between his teeth, and there was something slightly tormented in those eyes that were looking in the direction of the fire but not actually seeing it.

After refilling his glass of scotch, Derek moved to sit beside his lover once again. From his spot in a nearby armchair, Will nursed a glass of bourbon, his eyes locked on Spencer and his ears trained for the sounds of the children sleeping in the room down the hall. “You look like hell, _mon frère_.” Will spoke up in a warm, low voice. The familiar voice combined with the nickname he’d earned after Henry’s birth—meaning ‘my brother’ in French—was enough to draw Spencer’s attention back to the present moment. He blinked a few times, turning his gaze to Will. “Hm?”

“I said you look like hell. You should go upstairs, try to get some sleep.” Will smiled gently at him. “It’s been a long day for you. Now it’s time to take care of you for a little bit.”

Spencer shook his head. He took a small sip from his cognac, eyes moving back to the fire. Unconsciously he shifted his weight so that his and Derek’s legs pressed together a little more. “I’ve taken care of me all day today, Will. I can’t go lie down and do it some more. I need to wait. I need to wait for them to call so I know everything’s okay and I need to wait for them to get back so I know they’re safe.”

After much debate, the team had gathered and gone to the hospital to not only check on Kevin, but to see how soon he could be released and put under protection. Aaron had sent two agents ahead to the hospital to stand guard at the door. Then they’d all hurried to go make sure he was okay. Aaron and Dave had to go, not only to check on Kevin but to make their report to Strauss, who was meeting them at the hospital. Penelope—naturally—needed to see him. Emily and JJ went with her as a support system; this was not a time Penelope needed to try and be strong on her own.

That left Spencer and Derek here at the house, both of them deemed safer here in the confines of Dave’s home. Will was left with them by his request to not only watch out for them, but to stay with the kids. For an hour they’d been sitting and waiting.

Something about this whole thing just didn’t seem right to Spencer. He couldn’t quite place his finger on it, but something wasn’t right. Michael’s actions weren’t making any sense. Looking down into his glass, Spencer swirled the cognac around a little, his mind traveling as he thought of everything that had happened. So much, in such a short time.

Coming home on the jet and finding Michael there waiting. Then, the ride to the BAU with him. His fury with Spencer. Going in and telling everyone the truth. After that, going home with Derek, being in his house and just enjoying each other’s company, falling asleep in Derek’s arms as he’d come to love. Waking up in the morning to find Michael there. The fight between them. Dealing with the cops, going to his meeting, dealing with Strauss. Then dealing with the hospital and the pictures before coming back here and making up with Derek. The phone call from Michael….

That had been the first aberration. Why had Michael called him? What was he hoping to gain with that phone call? _It doesn’t feel right. It doesn’t match with him. Why would he call and taunt me that way? There’s usually a motive to what he does. I don’t ever remember him doing something that didn’t make sense. So what was the point of the phone call?_

Derek’s hand brushed over his shoulder, a soothing stroke that drew Spencer out of his thoughts. “Penny for your thoughts.” His lover said.

Blinking a few times, Spencer chewed on his lip as he turned his head to look at Derek. For a moment he debated talking about what he was thinking. The last thing he wanted was to stress Derek out more than he already was. The older man had to be worrying as he waited to find out if Michael was caught when he landed. But he found himself blurting out “It doesn’t make sense.”

“What doesn’t, baby boy?”

“Any of this.” Wrinkling his forehead, Spencer looked back down at his drink, trying to put his thoughts and feelings into words. “This doesn’t fit Michael. I mean, ok, look at the phone call. If you were profiling him, what would it tell you? What was the point of it?”

When he looked up he saw a thoughtful expression on Derek’s face. “All he really did was taunt you. He didn’t gain any information from the call except maybe confirmation that you weren’t alone.”

“Exactly!” Spencer exclaimed. He set his glass down, shifting a little so he could look at Derek and Will both. “There was no real point there. He wasn’t making a power play; he wasn’t really making threats until I upset him. And he stayed on the phone long enough for us to get a trace on him. I know he knows better than that. Nothing about the phone call was logical.”

Will tipped his head, looking from one to the other. “I hope this doesn’t sound wrong, but going after your family is logical, Derek. He picked the family of the most important person in your life, Reid, because he knows it’ll hurt you the most.”

“And he probably hoped it would put a wedge between Derek and I.” Spencer finished, nodding his head. “That does make sense. But the phone call doesn’t. And Kevin…in a sense it follows his threat. He’s hurting Garcia’s family in a way because that’s her boyfriend .But Kevin and I aren’t exactly close. I barely know him. And Michael’s more the type to go after someone he knows would hurt me as well. Someone that would be important to me, even just by extension. So why would he call?” Spencer murmured that question more to himself than anyone else. His brain was whirling, racing along a million different routes. He felt like he was missing some important little clue here. Something vital. But what was it?

All of a sudden it hit him like a ton of bricks. Cursing—something he rarely ever did out loud—he grabbed his phone from his pocket and dialed the first number he could think of. Aaron. After a moment his boss picked up. “What is it, Reid? Are you okay?”

“Hotch, listen. Do they have an estimate on the time that Kevin was shot?” Spencer asked quickly. His eyes were trained on the fire, praying that the answer he got wouldn’t be the one he was thinking of.

The phone was quiet for a moment. “I’m not sure. Let me check around. I’ll call back in no more than five minutes.” The phone clicked off. Clenching it tightly in his fist, Spencer rose to his feet, unable to hold still. Neither of the men in the room moved to stop him. They just watched as Spencer paced back and forth, his hands in front of him and a distant look on his face. Derek straightened up, recognizing the look Spencer got when he was on to something with a case. “What is it, Spencer?”

“None of it makes sense.” Spencer murmured absently. He barely noticed that he was talking. All of his attention was focused on the puzzle he was trying to piece together. “Why would he call like that? Why was he stupid enough to stay on the phone long enough for Garcia to get a trace? He knows she’s good at what she does. He knows the average time for a trap-and-trace. I’ve rattled off that statistic more than once. So he should have known that we’d be able to figure out where he was. Maybe he didn’t think we’d be able to figure out what plane he was on or where he was going?” Pausing for a second, Spencer shook his head and resumed pacing. “No, no. He’d know we’d be able to figure it out. He knows Garcia’s the best hacker out there. That only means one thing; he wanted us to know he was on the flight. But why? Is he flying somewhere else instead and wanted to throw us off his trail?”

“That would make sense.” Derek said slowly. There was a small flash of hope on his face, there and gone. “Have us looking one direction while he goes somewhere else entirely.”

Spencer twirled his phone in his hand, thinking harder and harder. He felt like he was so close to figuring something out. What it was, he didn’t know. But he was close. “Where would he go, though? He’d have to be flying under a different name or else he knows he would have found it when Garcia hacked in.”

“Could he be flying under your name?” Will interjected.

That was very plausible. “It would fit his profile. But where would he go to? Who would he go after? He’s looking to cause the most damage. To hurt me in the biggest way possible. He can’t be going after you, Derek, because you’re here with me. Jack and Henry are here. There’s protection around my mom; there’s no way he’ll get in there.” _There’s one thing he could be doing, one place he could be going._ His brain taunted him. No, he wouldn’t think like that. Not yet. Not until he got the answer he needed from Aaron.

He kept pacing, muttering to himself, until his phone rang once more. He had it open and up in an instant. “Reid.”

“From what we understand, it had to be between seven and seven thirty, Reid.” Aaron’s voice came over the line. “What’s going on? Has something happened?”

Seven and seven thirty? Spencer looked at the clock on the wall. It was just shy of nine now. The call from Michael had come in at…sweet God. It had come in at six fifty one. All at once everything clicked into Spencer’s brain. His eyes grew wide and his stomach rolled. “None of this was making sense, Hotch, and I know why. The call from Michael came in at six fifty one. That was _before_ Kevin was shot. Michael’s not on the plane to Chicago at all. It was just a smokescreen. He just wanted us to think he was going there. I knew the phone call didn’t make any sense! Now it does. He was just trying to throw us off.”

“To distract us from who he’s really going after.” Aaron agreed with him.

Spencer could see that Will and Derek both agreed with him. The looks on their faces told him that. He started to pace again. “No, no, it’s more than that.” Spencer insisted. His brain was moving faster than had ever known it could. Realization struck him and he froze in place, almost going down as his knees tried to buckle. Derek was there in an instant, bracing him by his elbows, helping him to keep his feet. Spencer barely paid any attention to him. His eyes were distant again and full of horror. He didn’t notice when Derek took the phone from him and put it on speaker. All he could think of was the truth that was now blazing in his mind. “He’s separating us.” He whispered.

“What?” The note of command was in Aaron’s voice that he always got when he grew serious.

It was all clear to Spencer now. “He knew we’d feel safe separating if we thought he was on a plane somewhere. He shot Kevin to get us to split apart, knowing that we’d feel safe doing it. He wanted us divided.”

There was a moment’s pause on the phone before Aaron said “We’re on our way, Reid. Do not leave the house.”

“No!” Spencer cried. He felt the panic trying to claw at him again but he shoved it down. He couldn’t afford to panic right now. He had to keep a level head. None of them knew Michael like he did. If anyone had a chance of predicting the man’s actions, it was Spencer. “Don’t leave, Hotch. There’s a possibility it’s you guys he’s after. He could have separated us so he could come after you guys as you leave the hospital. You won’t stand a chance against a bullet if you can’t see it coming.”

“And what if he’s coming after you, Reid?”

“Derek, Will and I are all armed. We’re in a house with security on it, Hotch. We’re safer than you guys are. Please, please, be careful. Keep everyone there and safe. Don’t leave without backup. He won’t hesitate to pick you off from a distance. Or he’d put something in your car and kill you all on the way home. It doesn’t matter if it’s hands on with you guys because you’re not his target. He’ll take you out in any way he can.” He knew he was right. He knew it.

Aaron seemed to agree with him. “I’ll call in some backup and post more agents here with Kevin. We’ll convince Garcia to stay with him. As soon as it’s safe, we’ll get out and get back there. You guys stay in the house and keep everything locked up tight. Do not go outside for anything, Reid. I mean it. He may want to hurt you buy hurting us, but he won’t hesitate to take you if the opportunity strikes.”

“Is everyone with you? Is everyone safe?” Derek spoke up for the first time.

There was quiet as Aaron apparently looked around. All of their hearts stopped when they heard Aaron ask “Dave? Where’s Emily?”

Just faintly they heard Dave’s answer. “She took a walk to cool off.”

Cursing sounded on both sides of the phone. The three at the house listened as Aaron moved quickly, never hanging up the phone, obviously racing through the hospital. The sound of footsteps indicated that there was more than one person running. Most likely Dave and JJ were with him. On bated breath, Spencer stared at the phone, praying. _Please, please, let her be okay. Don’t let me have figured it out too late. Please, let her be ok!_

After what seemed like forever, Spencer heard someone shout out “Emily!” only seconds before the most terrifying sound of all came over the speaker of the phone. The sound of a gunshot.


	33. Chapter 33

 

As the three men stood listening in the living room of their friends house, two more gunshots sounded and there was the crash that they assumed was the phone dropping down to the ground. Shouts echoed, garbled by the distance, unable to be understood amidst the obvious commotion going on. It was all Spencer could do to stay upright. Over and over his mind kept repeating _Emily, Emily, Emily_. She had to be okay. She just _had_ to!

Just when it was starting to be too much, when they would have dropped the phone and said the hell with it all before racing to the hospital, someone scooped the phone back up. Dave’s voice came over the line. “Reid? Morgan? Will? You guys still there?”

“Is she okay?” Derek asked in way of a reply. That was all they needed to know right now. Would she be okay?

Dave’s answer came quick. “She’s fine. A graze on her arm, barely tore it open. She doesn’t even need stitches, just a bandage.” There was a soft chuckle. “Though I think she’s scarred the ears of most of the people in here. Who knew that woman had such a mouth on her? She’s been cursing to high heaven and back the entire time they cleaned her up.”

The relief was so great that Spencer would have hit the floor if Derek and Will both hadn’t caught him and sat him down on the couch. They took up positions on either side of him, the phone held out in the middle. “Everyone else is okay?” Will asked. His worry was evident in his voice; JJ was there. He had to know JJ was okay.

“Everyone’s fine. Hotch has everyone heading to the waiting room until extra agents arrive and can clear outside. You guys make sure you stay there, you hear me? Stay safe. Seems like the bastard’s here, so you should be fine so long as you don’t come here.”

How was this right? How could he just sit here while his friends were being shot at? While the bastard who wanted him—him, Spencer Reid, not anyone else. Not any of his friends, but _him_ —was at the hospital trying to pick his friends off in an effort to draw him out. To hurt him. He knew Spencer well enough to know that he wasn’t the type of person to just let others be hurt. Spencer was too much of a protector.

_Most people wouldn’t cast me in that role when they look at me. They’d see the protected, not the protector. And the team does tend to look out for me a little more than they do the others—how many times have I been called a danger magnet? But I’ve never had the relationships with anyone else the way I do with all of them and that’s something I cherish. A thing I want to protect. I’ve always been a little on the protective side anyways. Mom said I was her little warrior; the protector of the innocent. It amused her and made her smile at me._

The fact that he was rambling in his own thoughts was something of a concern for Spencer, but that didn’t mean he could stop it. He just couldn’t focus on anything else right now.

_So now I have to just sit here and wait for people to escort those I care about back here where they can be safe. But what about after that? We can’t hide at Rossi’s house forever. We have lives, a job, families. None of us can just lock away in Rossi’s until Michael’s found. That’s no kind of life. At one point we’re going to have to leave here. What then? Is my family going to be at risk all the time now? Am I going to have to spend forever looking over my shoulder, waiting for one of them to be taken from me, all because Michael wants me back? The only other option is handing myself over to him._

Just the thought of that had Spencer’s stomach rolling with nausea.

 _How selfish does it make me that I don’t want to do the one thing that could save them all? I would have done it earlier if Emily hadn’t stopped me. I know I’d do it now if I thought I could get away with it—ha ha, like Derek will let me out of his sight long enough to get away. But…I don’t want to. Part of me was_ glad _when Emily stopped me. That same part is glad that Derek won’t leave me alone because he knows I’d take the opportunity to run. You know you’re getting pathetic when parts of you are warring with one another and you can’t even make it make sense in your own mind. Snap out of this, Spencer Reid! If people could read your thoughts, they’d lock you away as a lunatic._

Lips pressing against his abruptly drew Spencer from his thoughts and into the present moment. He knew the feel of those lips perfectly and couldn’t stop himself from responding to the kiss. God, Derek could kiss! Every time he managed to somehow shut Spencer’s brain off so that he could only feel.

After pulling back, Derek smiled at him. “You were thinking too loudly, baby boy. Did you even notice Dave hung up the phone?”

Hung up the phone? Spencer looked down to see the closed phone in Derek’s hand. Huh. No, he hadn’t noticed. okay so, wow, he’d really spaced out that time. _You’re lucky no one’s locked you up for THAT. You really need to learn to not get lost in your own thoughts so often, you freak. That can’t be healthy. Normal people don’t do that._ Since when had he been normal, though? “Sorry, Derek. Just…”

When Spencer trailed off, Derek picked up the sentence for him. “Too much. I get it, Spencer. It’s okay.”

That was when Spencer first noticed something else. He looked over to where Will had been on the couch, then around the room, finally settling back on Derek’s face. “Where’d Will go?” he asked. The laughter Derek let out had Spencer blushing. “You really were out of it, weren’t you, sugar? Man. He got up to go down the hall and crash with the kids for a bit. I told him I’d wake him up if we found out anything more.”

“I’m sorry.” Spencer apologized. His cheeks heated a little more with his blush. He felt a bit foolish now.

Derek shifted them, leaning back into the corner of the couch and pulling Spencer back with him. The younger man moved without thinking, letting Derek lead him back. The older man pulled him down so that Spencer’s head was cradled in Derek’s lap. Instantly one of Derek’s hands started to stroke his hair, nails lightly scratching over his scalp. It felt wonderful. Heavenly. Just light enough to be comforting instead of arousing; he loved when Derek’s fingers gave those little pulls to his hair when they were together. Loved the little jolt it gave him.

“Sleep a little, pretty boy. We’ve probably got a little time here. Just relax, rest that big brain of yours, and sleep a little. We’ll hear the phone if it rings.”

It sounded like a good idea. He was tired enough that he knew he’d fall asleep quickly if his brain would just stop racing. But there was still something about this whole thing that wasn’t setting right with him. Something still felt a little off. _What is it, though? I figured out that he’d be going there after them. I figured out that the Chicago trip was a ruse. What’s still bugging me about this?_

A tug to his hair drew him back again. “I thought I told you to quit thinking so hard.” Derek scolded him.

Spencer wrinkled his nose a little. “You do realize it’s just a little creepy when you do that, don’t you?” He said, letting his eyes drift shut. “Even without seeing my face, you knew I was thinking again.”

“I’m just that good, Spencer.” When Spencer snorted at that comment, Derek let out a laugh. “And it helps that you give yourself away. Your body was tensing again and I could feel the frown on your face against my leg.”

It was weird, in a good sort of way, to have someone who understood him so well. Spencer made his body relax a little and tried to shut off the thoughts running around inside his brain. _Focus on something else. You’re just being paranoid about this with Michael. Everyone is okay. Focus on something else._ He smiled a little and brought his hand up to rest on Derek’s leg, near his face. “I’m not quite used to someone understanding me as well as you do.” He admitted softly. “Usually I’m the freak that people can never quite understand.”

A little tug to his hair told him he’d upset Derek. He quickly found out why. “You’re not a freak, Spencer. Different, yes, but not a freak. I don’t like hearing you talk about yourself like that.”

“Derek, I’ve always been the freak in the crowd. It’s something I came to terms with a long time ago. The first time I was bumped up in school, I knew it. It’s okay.”

“That doesn’t make you a freak.” Derek really sounded upset with this. If he hadn’t been so comfortable, Spencer would have rolled over to look up at his face. But Derek’s hand was stroking at his hair again and he was so warm and comfortable laying this way. Plus, it made it easier to have this kind of conversation when he didn’t have to look at anything. Just lay with his eyes closed and enjoy the closeness. “Why does it bother you so much?” he asked.

“Because I love you, Spencer, and I don’t like to hear you put yourself down that way. You’re a fantastic person. I’ve thought that from the first day I met you. Just like I could see even then that you don’t realize it. Other people may be hard on you, but you always seem to be harder on yourself.”

Was he harder on himself than other people were? Spencer had never stopped to think of that. It seemed…odd. He didn’t think that he was. “I don’t look at it like that. It’s just, well, when you’ve been told something for a long time, whether it is true or not, your brain comes to accept it as the truth. I’ve been called a freak my whole life, Der.” Somehow it was easy to say these things right now; things that, before, he never would have dared to say to anyone. “By my dad, the kids at school, at college, in the academy. Even at the bureau. You eventually get to the point where you think it has to be true if everyone else in the world sees it.”

The hand in his hair stilled for a moment before resuming its stroking. When Derek spoke again, his voice was slightly hoarse, like there was something stuck in his throat. “I don’t see a freak when I look at you. I see someone wonderful, someone beautiful. One of the smartest, kindest, most gentle men I’ve ever known. Yet underneath all that is this core of strength even you don’t seem to notice.”

Core of strength? That had Spencer’s eyes opening wide with surprise even as his cheeks flushed with the compliments. “I’m not that strong.” He argued almost instantly. “Look at the places I’ve put myself in? Look what I let be done. The drugs. Michael.”

“Hush. You may have had weak moments, but that doesn’t take away from the strength. Yeah, you got addicted. But you pulled yourself up out of it. You got clean. Hell, kid, you’re so much on the straight and narrow that you don’t even take narcotics when you’re injured. To deal with the pain you’ve dealt with and _not_ give in and take those narcotics shows immense strength.”

He’d never really thought of it like that. _I don’t see that as ‘strength’. That’s just doing what needs to be done._ But he didn’t get to say that. Derek wasn’t done.

“And with Michael you’ve shown more strength than anyone. There aren’t many people I know that would be able to deal with the abuse you dealt with and still be alive, let alone sane. And you did it, not just out of fear of your own life, but to protect all of us. Not everyone could have done that. Plenty of people would have broken underneath the strain of that, pretty boy. But somehow you managed not only to survive, but to keep going. To move on.”

The blush in Spencer’s cheeks grew more and more. He turned his head, burying his face against Derek’s leg. He just wasn’t used to hearing people talk about him like this. It was wonderful, but it was embarrassing too. He didn’t know what to say, what to do. How to act. A chuckle from above him told him that Derek knew he’d embarrassed him. “All right, baby boy. I’ll stop. But you better get used to hearing some compliments from me. I can’t help myself. You’re just that damn good. And we haven’t even gotten into how hot you are.”

“Shut up.” Spencer mumbled. When Derek laughed at him again, Spencer gave in to the urge in him and bit the older man’s leg. It only succeeded in making Derek laugh more. “Quit biting me, you little brat.” Derek said teasingly. “Or you’re going to start something here on Rossi’s couch that we probably shouldn’t finish right now.” Now that brought wonderful, tantalizing thoughts into Spencer’s brain. He smiled a little. Derek must have felt it because he chuckled again and said “Uh-uh, Spencer Reid. Get your brain out of the gutter and take a little nap. Your body needs that more than anything right now.”

Spencer couldn’t resist asking “Do I have to?”

He was rewarded with more of Derek’s laughter. He really did love hearing him laugh. It was such a deep, warm sound. “Yes, you have to. Behave and I’ll make it worth your while later.”

“Mm. I’m holding you to that.” _When did I become so sexually forward? I remember feeling so shy about all of this before! Something about Derek just makes it so…easy. I don’t feel worried about doing something wrong. I don’t feel awkward anymore. He just…he makes me comfortable in my own skin. He makes it easy to just let go and feel instead of think._ “I love you, Derek.”

“I love you too, Spencer. Now hush and sleep.”

He decided to take his advice. Sleep really did sound like the best bet right now. After the day he’d had, even with the earlier nap, Spencer felt exhausted. It had been a physically and mentally draining day. So he snuggled back in, closed his eyes again, and let himself get lost in the sensation of Derek stroking his hair.

Slowly his thoughts started to slow, emptying out a little more with each passing moment. The tension in his body eased and he could feel himself slipping toward the edges of sleep. Just a little nap while they waited for the others to call back. Just a little bit.

It was in that moment of perfect stillness, absolute peace, that the last piece of the puzzle fell into place for Spencer. The one thing that had still felt off about the whole situation, the thought that had been eluding him, jumped right to the front when his mind stopped overanalyzing it. Everything in him grew tense as the truth became glaringly obvious. _Holy shit. I’m an idiot. I can’t believe I didn’t see it._

Before Derek could ask him what had him tensing, Spencer was shooting up off the couch, his eyes wide. “Oh my God.” He whispered.

Derek rose to his feet, looking at Spencer with confusion and a trace of fear. “What is it? Spencer, what’d you figure out?” He knew that look of realization. The whole team did. It was the expression Spencer got when he’d figured out a puzzle on a case. Something crucial. Something that brought it all together.

“It was another distraction.” Spencer breathed out. Those words released the paralysis that had gripped him for just a moment. His body was moving, racing up the stairs and toward the room they’d been in earlier. He needed to get to his gun. When he’d passed out earlier, Derek had taken it off and left it on the bed. He needed to get his gun!

He heard Derek racing up behind him and didn’t bother to pause and explain. When he reached the room, Spencer grabbed his gun and checked it as the words tripped out of his mouth. “He’s a better shot than that, Derek. If he really wanted to take Emily out, he would have. If he was close enough to hit, he was close enough to kill. I couldn’t understand why he didn’t take the shot. She was another distraction.”

The realization was dawning on Derek’s face too. Then he was moving, grabbing his gun as well. “Because she wasn’t the target. None of them were.” He ground out while he checked to make sure his gun was loaded and the safety was off.

Spencer moved from the room, gun held at the ready in his hand. “It was just to distract us. To keep the others at the hospital, afraid to leave, waiting for backup. He wanted them distracted so he could do what he really wanted.” He was racing down the stairs now, amazed he wasn’t tripping. “He’s coming here, Derek. He’s coming here, now!”

Leaving Derek to secure the back doors—he was already moving toward the dining room—Spencer raced down the downstairs hall to where Will and the kids were. Somehow he contained his anxiety and refrained from jerking the door open too hard. Will was up in an instant, gun in his hand, looking at Spencer. “He’s coming here.” Spencer said simply. “No matter what you hear, don’t come out of this room. Guard the kids.” That was all he needed to say. Will rose from the bed and nodded, taking up place between the door and the bed where the two kids still slept on. His gun was steady in his hand.

Spencer shut the door and raced back out toward the living room. He heard Derek checking the back doors still, making sure they were locked and secure. Moving quickly, Spencer raced toward the front door just in time to see it come flying open. He didn’t even have time to lift his gun. He was too close. Time slowed for Spencer. He saw his hand trying to come up, felt the shout well up in his throat, saw Michael come tearing in with a gun in hand. Then a fist to the side of his head sent him flying into the wall, his gun clattering to the ground, right before an arm wrapped around his throat and he felt cold metal pressed against his temple. All around him he heard the shrill sound of the alarm.

“Shut that fucking alarm off, or I blow your brains out and then I blow out your little fuck buddy’s brains when he comes barreling in.” Michael hissed in his ear.

The threat wasn’t an idle one. Dazed, Spencer brought a hand up, punching the code into the keypad he was shoved in front of. Right as the alarm shut off, he heard Derek’s footsteps and then his voice, deep and furious. “Let him go!”

The door was kicked shut and Spencer felt the grip around his throat tighten as he was turned. Wide eyed, Spencer met Derek’s gaze across the distance. His lover stood there, gun held high, a look of determination on his face. Only someone who knew him well would see the fear in his eyes.

A nasty little chuckle sounded in Spencer’s ear. The gun dug in a little tighter, making Spencer’s body tremble. “Well, well. This was much easier than I thought it would be.” Michael said nastily. His smile was evident in his voice. “Drop your gun, Agent Morgan, or I blow his brains out right here and right now.” When Derek didn’t move, Michael’s arm tightened a little more over Spencer’s throat, making him gasp for air. “Do it, now!”

Eyes locked on Spencer’s, Derek sent an unspoken apology before he knelt down and set his gun on the ground. 


	34. Chapter 34

 

_Eyes locked on Spencer’s, Derek sent an unspoken apology before he knelt down and set his gun on the ground._

“That’s it, that’s it. Now kick it towards me.” Michael said with a sneer. Spencer watched as Derek kicked the gun forward, toward Spencer and Michael’s feet. Then he straightened up, hands held loosely out on either side of his head, a gesture to show he was unarmed and peaceful. “There, Michael. I’m unarmed. Now, let him go.” Derek said calmly. The anger in him was tapered down and the profiler was rearing its head. Though Spencer could see in his eyes it was difficult, Derek was trying to push the emotion down enough that he could do what he was trained to do. Talk down a dangerous Unsub.

Laughter echoed around the room. The arm over Spencer’s throat tightened enough that his hand flew up to try and pull at it. Air became just a little harder to draw in. “Let him go?” The words were said mockingly. “I did all this to _get_ him. Why on earth would I let him go?”

“You won’t get anywhere with him, Michael. How do you think this is going to play out? You can’t think you’ll just be able to walk right out of here as if nothing happened. Put the gun down and let him go.” Derek’s words were easy and level, not threatening in the least bit. That was good. Michael would only respond to a threat with violence. Seeing as his neck was the one being held, Spencer didn’t really want that violence to come out.

But Spencer could have told him that there was no way he could reason with him. People like Michael couldn’t be reasoned with, most especially when it came to the object of their obsession. _Quit rambling in your head you idiot and think of a damn plan to get out of this mess!_ He screamed in his mind. His good hand gripped tightly to Michael’s arm, still trying to relieve some of the pressure there. If he didn’t get him to loosen up a bit, it wouldn’t matter if Spencer made a plan or not; he’d pass out before he could do anything.

Finally the arm around his throat gave just enough that Spencer could draw air. He sucked in a few greedy breaths, ignoring the conversation between Derek and Michael for the most part. His ears were ringing just enough from the fresh flow of air that he couldn’t hear anyways. Most of his brain was concentrating on getting air, but the other part was logging away the progression of the conversation as his hearing came back to him. _Derek’s still trying to talk him down. It won’t work. We just have to hope like hell that Will gets us some help. If we can stall until the others get here, they can save us. Or if I can get the gun from him. I have two more at my feet and this one at my temple. If I can get away from the one and get my hands on one somehow, this could be over. But how? How the hell am I going to distract him?_

Only one way came to mind. He had to use what he knew about Michael. The thought made him slightly sick, but it was the only thing he could think of. He felt the tension growing tighter in Michael and he knew that he had to act soon or it was all going to be over. “Michael.” He interrupted. Deliberately he made his voice tremble, trying to put as much terror in there as possible. _He responds to terror. It turns him on. Oh, God, I can’t believe I’m doing this._ “Please, Michael, p-please. Don’t d-do t-this.” Spencer looked straight in Derek’s eyes. _If you really can read me that well, I hope to God you understand what I’m about to do, Derek. I’m sorry. So, so sorry. Please understand. I can’t let him shoot you. I can’t risk letting him loose in the house with the gun and two kids sleeping down the hall. I have to do whatever it takes to get the gun away from him._

Spencer arched his body, acting as if he was trying to get pressure off his neck but in reality he was deliberately pushing his backside against Michael, trying to make it seem as innocent as possible. “Please, Michael. Please d-d-don’t h-hurt me.”

* * *

Sitting on the hospital bed, Emily Prentiss scowled down at the bandage on her arm. She couldn’t believe that she’d been shot. Well, not technically _shot_. This couldn’t be called being shot. This was a graze. A pathetic graze. The guy didn’t even have the talent to take a good shot!  No, he had to take some piss poor, pathetic little shot that just ripped her arm open. Well, if she got her hands on him, she’d show him. _If someone’s going to shoot me, they damn well better take me down with the shot. Otherwise, the assholes are just pissing me off_ she snarled in her mind.

“You’re going to scare people away with that face.” JJ’s teasing voice interrupted Emily’s thoughts. When Emily looked over, her friend was standing beside the bed, holding a clean shirt and jacket in her hand. “I brought you these. They said you’re good to go as soon as you get dressed and I thought you’d definitely be ready to bust out of this joint.”

“Oh God, yeah. I’m so ready to be out of here.” Some of Emily’s temper went down at the prospect of leaving. She took the shirt from JJ and slid it on, quickly doing up the buttons before she took the jacket and put that on as well. It was a relief to be dressed again, not left sitting in pants and a bra. The ache in her arm gave a particularly nasty throb, but she kept that to herself as she followed JJ out to the waiting room.

Almost instantly she was bombarded by Aaron, Dave and Penelope. Naturally it was Penelope who walked straight over and hugged her. “Oh my God, Em! Don’t you ever scare me like that again. You are _not_ allowed to get shot like this on my watch!”

“I’ll try to keep it from happening again, PG.” Emily said dryly. Humor lit her eyes though. No matter what, Penelope just seemed to make them all smile. Looking at the crowd, Emily asked “Everyone else is okay? Morgan and Reid and Will too?”

Dave was the one who nodded and answered. “We’re fine. The guys were on the phone with Hotch when the shots fired, so they panicked, but I got the phone and let them know everyone was okay. When we hung up, Reid was spacing and Morgan was going to try to get him to lay down for a little bit and Will was going back with the kids.”

“This is getting ridiculous, Hotch.” Turning to her boss, Emily crossed her arms. “I feel like this guy’s just playing us all over the place. Something still doesn’t seem quite right about all of this. What was the point of this? Why on earth would he come here and shoot at me right outside the hospital? It doesn’t fit the general profile!”

A ringing cell phone interrupted the conversation. JJ moved off to the side, the smile on her face as she answered telling them all who was on the other line. But Emily saw as the smile was wiped off of JJ’s face. The bad feeling in Emily’s stomach grew. Her hand slipped to where her gun usually sat. Something had happened. Something bad.

JJ snapped her phone shut and moved right back to them, her face hard and terrified. “Michael’s at the house with a gun. He has Reid and Morgan. Apparently Spence figured it out and made Will stand guard over the kids, so he doesn’t think Michael knows he’s there.”

There was one single, frozen moment. Then the team was racing off, one goal in mind. They had to get to that house before it was too late.

* * *

Nausea still rolled around inside of Spencer. He hated what he was doing. Hated what he knew it was causing. This was going to hurt and it was going to make him feel sick, but it was the only way he could think of to keep everyone alive. So far, the plan was working, too. Michael squeezed his throat a little and pressed the gun in just a bit harder.

Spencer let himself moan at the pain of the arm pushing on the old bruises on his throat. Those kinds of reactions were what Michael wanted. Right now he had to give him what he wanted. “P-Please!” He begged. His bad hand came up, gripping lightly at Michael’s arm despite the pain his wrist felt when he did. That wasn’t important. His other hand dropped down and grabbed Michael’s hip like he was going to try to break away. “P-Please, I’ll d-d-do anything!” To speed things along, he arched again, letting his ass rub against Michael’s growing erection again. _It’s working. It’s working. Please, God, let the rest of the plan work!_

In Derek’s eyes he could see how hard of a time his lover was having. Silently he tried to convey his love, hoping that Derek could see it.

“Just let him go.” Derek said gently. “This doesn’t have to be like this. You don’t have to hurt him.”

Michael was breathing heavily in Spencer’s ear. “What if I want to hurt him? What if I _like_ to hurt him?” He turned, biting the bottom of Spencer’s ear so hard that the young man couldn’t stop himself from bucking again, this time actually trying to pull away. It only served to arouse Michael more. “See? He likes it when I hurt him. And, oh, I have plans to hurt him. So many plans, as soon as we get out of here. Which we’re going to do, _Agent Morgan_ , just as soon as I take care of you. Can’t have you following me.”

_Shit! He wasn’t supposed to be ready to go yet! I need to distract him more. I’m going to have to take this further. Derek, forgive me for this! I can’t let him shoot you!_

“N-No!” Spencer made the quiver in his voice stronger. _Weak_ he told himself. _Afraid. He wouldn’t react if you just gave in, but if he thinks he’s hurting you, that whatever he’s doing is hurting you, he’ll get more turned on. The more turned on he gets, the bigger chance his grip will loosen on that gun. All you need is just a moment. Enough time to get clear of the gun._ The hand he had on Michael’s hip slid along the top of Michael’s jeans, shaking in a way he knew used to really turn Michael on. “I’ll d-do anything, Michael. J-Just p-p-please, don’t h-hurt him!”

Bile threatened to come up Spencer’s throat, momentarily cutting off his words. But his hand kept moving. Michael wasn’t stopping him. If anything, he was breathing heavier in Spencer’s ear. Once again he bit there and Spencer let himself cry out. His eyes moved to Derek again, a plea, a demand, telling him to stay back. To stay silent and wait.

He managed to get the button on Michael’s jeans undone. The bile rose more when Spencer slipped his hand into Michael’s shorts, grabbing hold of the hard member there. With that first touch, Michael was sucked into the moment, so distracted that Spencer knew he didn’t even notice Derek there anymore. But the gun didn’t move away from Spencer’s head.

It was difficult at the angle he was at, but Spencer managed to make his hand move, stroking Michael a little while letting the fear he felt shake his body, trying to continue to display the terror that would keep Michael into this. He felt Michael’s breathing pick up, felt the slight tremble in the gun by his head, and he knew it was time. Holding Derek’s gaze, Spencer took a deep breath.

The hand he had around Michael’s cock gripped tightly, so tight the other man almost screamed. With his bad hand, Spencer reached for the gun at the same time, making his wrist scream as he grabbed the gun and twisted it, unable to take it away but managing to point it to the ceiling. At the same time he kicked a foot out, sending the gun on the floor flying back toward Derek.

All of this happened in just a split second. Spencer gave another hard squeeze, making Michael scream once more, and it was just enough to relieve the pressure. Almost instantly Spencer let go with both hands and made his body limp, dropping down from Michael’s grasp, trusting his life in that moment to his partner.

Even before Spencer fully hit the ground, he heard the gun go off. Hitting the floor, Spencer rolled his body, moving quickly out of the way. He came up, gun in hand, having grabbed it as he moved. What he found waiting for him had everything in him wanting to go limp.

Michael lay on the ground, blood pooling from a single gunshot wound to the chest. It took Spencer only a minute for him to see that the other man was still alive. He felt frozen, standing there and staring. There was nothing he could do; he could easily see that. No ambulance would arrive in time to save him, no matter what they did to try and help. It frightened him a little that he really didn’t want to help.

Only seconds had passed since he’d gotten to his feet. It only took seconds for him to look down and see Michael. Or for Derek to close the distance between them and wrap Spencer tightly in his arms, cradling their bodies close together. It was Derek’s touch that brought him back to reality. Spencer took one great, shuddering breath before spinning and melting right into Derek’s arms.

* * *

Having heard the gunshot, Will knew he couldn't stay in the room any longer, waiting for the others to arrive and help. Somehow the kids were still asleep. So, making sure to securely shut the door behind him, Will crept down the hallway, his gun in his hands, prepared for just about anything. What he did find had him freezing in place. Michael, lying in his own blood on the entryway floor. That was the first thing Will noticed.

But what drew his attention the most was the couple standing a little ways away from him. Derek had his arms tight around Spencer, holding him as close as humanly possible. Spencer’s arms were pinned between them, his hands gripping at Derek’s shoulders, tears streaming down his face. Will could barely understand what Spencer was blubbering out, but it sounded like “I’m sorry…had to do it…sorry!...didn’t know what else…only way…so wrong…” And all the while Derek was shushing him, his cheek pressed Spencer’s temple. It took a moment for Will to hear what Derek was saying. After a moment it became clear. Once he realized, Will couldn't stop himself from smiling, even in the middle of the chaos. Even as he looked at his two friends, one of which was splattered with blood through his hair, Will couldn’t help but smile at them.

Over and over, Derek whispered the simplest, most important words. “I love you. I love you. I love you.”


	35. Chapter 35

 

The ambulance arrived at the same time the rest of the team did. As they were pulling in the drive, Derek and Will were gently helping Spencer shuffle around the body in the entryway and to the outside. Spencer’s broken wrist was cradled against his chest, the pain throbbing through it. He knew he shouldn’t have grabbed Michael’s arm with it but that had been his only option at the time. At least, it had felt like it had been the only option. Now, though, he had a feeling he had aggravated the break. _They’re going to have to re-set it, most likely. Shit. They’ll put me in the cast this time for sure._ He wrinkled his nose at the thought.

While everyone piled out of their cars, Derek tried to convince Spencer to move towards the ambulance. The younger man took one look at it and shuddered before planting his feet. That sudden stop almost had Derek colliding with him. “I am _not_ going to the hospital in the back of that thing.” Spencer declared loudly. His chin tipped up, giving him a slightly defiant look. No one—not even Derek!—was going to convince him to get in there. Way too many times he’d had to ride in the back of an ambulance. Why on earth would he willingly do it now for a broken wrist?

“Spencer, baby, we need to get your wrist looked at. It looks like it’s swelling inside the brace.” Derek pointed out gently.

Raising an eyebrow, Spencer asked “So?”

His words seemed to surprise Derek. “What do you mean, ‘so’? You need to get that looked at!”

“And I will. Once we get to the hospital. Where we’re going to go drive to in one of our cars.”

Surprise had Derek’s mouth dropping open. “The ambulance is right there. They can take a look at it now, Spencer.”

He shook his head and straightened a little, ignoring the group of people hurrying toward him. His team could wait; first he had to convince Derek that he wasn’t going in that ambulance or else all of them would try to gang up on him and make him go. “Now you listen here. I am _not_ riding in the ambulance for a re-broken wrist. Now, grab your keys and I’ll willingly ride in your car and go to the hospital. I’ll let them re-set it and I’ll even let them put the stupid cast on. But I am absolutely refusing to ride in the back of an ambulance!”

“I swear, Spencer, I’ll pick you up and carry you over there if I have to.” Derek gave him a look that said exactly how serious he was about this.

Spencer knew it was because Derek cared about him; that was the reason he was so overprotective. That was why he wanted Spencer looked at right this instant instead of just waiting a little bit until they could get to a hospital. On the average day, Spencer would have either given in or found a way to gently lead Derek to his side of things. But this had been a hellish day and Spencer swore he latterly felt the last of his patience slipping out of his fingers. With a glare of his own, he stepped up nose to nose with Derek and snapped “I may love you and I may not have two good hands to stop you with, but so help you if you try to pick me up and carry me over there I swear I will kick you. Now _shut up_.”

Laughter alerted Spencer that the rest of the team was there. Dave walked right up to him and slung an arm over his shoulders. “Knew I was right by adopting you.” He said affectionately. He looked Spencer over from head to toe. “Your hand the only injury?”

“Yes, Uncle Rossi.” Spencer said with a roll of his eyes. Humor lit them, though. He couldn’t explain the good mood that he was in. _Really, it makes no sense. I should be upset. I should be worried because of Kevin and Emily being hurt. I should be scared after being held by Michael and disgusted with myself because of what I had to do. But I can’t seem to feel anything but this weird happiness. I just…I’m free. I’m finally free_. That was the crux of it. The main thought that kept running over and over in Spencer’s mind, working as a buffer against any other thoughts. He was _free._

Aaron stepped over and looked between the two men. “What exactly happened here?”

So, in short terms, Derek told their boss what had gone down. While he spoke, Spencer noticed Will going back to the house, presumably to go to the children. It was an amazement that the kids slept through the entire thing. For that Spencer could only feel gratitude. He almost shuddered to think of what could have happened if they’d woke and tried to come out of the room or made some noise. _But it didn’t happen. They’re perfectly fine._

The pain in his hand started to push to the forefront of Spencer’s mind. His other thoughts dwindled off as he felt the ache in his wrist grow and grow. His attention was snapped back to the present when Dave’s arm moved off of him and Derek’s slid around his waist. Even when he wasn’t paying attention, he recognized Derek’s touch. “Come on, baby boy. Let’s get you to the hospital and get that hand looked at.”

Spencer looked around him at his friends. They all smiled at him, Aaron nodding. “Go, Reid. We’ll meet tomorrow and take your official statement on these events and discuss anything that could come from this. Just go get fixed up.”

With Derek’s arm comfortingly warm against his waist, Spencer nodded and let himself be led over to the car. No more words were exchanged between the two lovers; in silence they rode to the hospital, happy for the moment simply to be with one another and to be alive.

* * *

It was hours later that Derek was escorting Spencer into his house. Exhaustion seemed to drag at Spencer’s every step. He felt as if he could barely lift one foot to put it in front of the other. Somehow he found himself in the house and moving back toward the bedroom. Then Derek’s gentle hands were sitting him down before the older man squatted down in front of him. All Spencer could gather the energy to do was watch as Derek took his shoes off for him, followed by his socks. “I can undress myself.” He finally made himself say.

Derek smiled when he rose, pressing a kiss to Spencer’s forehead. “You’re barely managing to sit up straight, Spencer. Now hush.” He laid Spencer back on the bed. Then he unhooked his pants, pulling them down his long legs, tossing them down to the floor. Spencer tried to gather the energy to sit up and undress himself, but he found that he couldn’t. The bed felt far too comfortable.

His shirt was left on. At the moment, he probably couldn’t have sat up even to let Derek peel it off of him. Through half lidded eyes he watched as Derek left the room, presumably to go and lock the house down. Then he was back, shutting off all the lights but a single light lamp, leaving the room with a warm, hazy glow. His eyes moved over his lover’s body as Derek stripped down to his boxers.

Once he was dressed down for bed, Derek pulled the blankets back and climbed in. As soon as he had the covers up, he rolled toward Spencer and reached a hand out, hooking it around the younger man’s stomach and pulling him into their customary spooning position. The softness of the bed combined with the warmth of Derek’s body was pulling Spencer further and further toward sleep.

And yet…he found he couldn’t seem to shut his brain off. As exhausted as his body was, his brain was still racing, running over everything that had happened. He felt a small kiss press against the back of his neck. “Stop thinking so hard and sleep, pretty boy. There’s time enough for everything tomorrow. Right now your body’s been through hell and it needs to sleep.”

“I can’t stop thinking.” Spencer whispered. It was true. He couldn’t chase the images away.

“Wanna talk about it?”

Did he? Earlier he would have said no. Even with Derek, the idea of talking about the events of the day seemed hard. There were so many emotions, so many different things that were going on in Spencer’s brain that he wasn’t sure how to vocalize them. But something about lying in this bed, spooned up with the one person he loved more than anything and who mysteriously loved him too, feeling that warm weight behind him—it just didn’t seem as hard anymore.

The words started before he even fully thought about saying them. “I can’t seem to make up my mind how I feel. Part of me is so _happy_. I’m finally free, Derek. He’s…he’s gone. But another part of me is sickened that I’m happy over someone being dead. What kind of person does it make me that I’m celebrating the loss of a human life?” He looked down at his freshly casted hand, resting on the pillow in front of him. “He wasn’t entirely bad, you know. He had good qualities to him.”

“Feeling that way doesn’t make you a bad person.” The words were just a murmur against his hair. “He put you through hell. Tonight, he almost killed you. You’re entitled to feelings of happiness. Of relief. That doesn’t make you bad, Spencer. It makes you human.”

He knew what Derek said was true. But the words were hard to take in. “I can’t help feeling this way. If I’d spoke up sooner, tried to get help before, none of this would have happened. He could have got the help he needed. Kevin would never have been hurt. Emily wouldn’t have been shot.”

The hand on Spencer’s stomach tightened slightly. “Baby…”

“It’s true, Derek.” Spencer cut in. Now that he’d started, the words kept coming, his innermost thoughts pouring out of him. Things that were half formed yet were taunting him in his head. “Look at everything that’s happened because I let myself get into a stupid position. Look at the people who had to get hurt. You can’t convince me that it wasn’t because of me. I put all of you in a horrible situation and some of you got hurt. How am I supposed to deal with that kind of guilt?”

“Now you listen here and you listen well. This is not your fault!” Derek’s arm pulled him a little closer. He didn’t lift up or move them to look at Spencer’s face, seeming to understand that the younger man couldn’t handle that right now. Couldn’t have this conversation if he had to look at Derek’s face. “Yes, you should have got help sooner. But not because of us. Because of you. You didn’t deserve to be hurt, baby boy. But the fact of the matter is, you didn’t get help then. You got it now. Looking back and playing the ‘what if’ game isn’t going to change it. Guilt isn’t going to change it. All we can do is live with what we’ve all done and keep going on.”

Spencer closed his eyes and tried to calm himself down. He knew Derek was right. None of these thoughts were going to do anything but cause him pain. They couldn’t change the past. All he could do was try and live a better life now. A better life with Derek.

“I know you know all of this, Spencer. You’re a smart person; you know you can’t change what happened. Why don’t you tell me what’s really bothering you right now? What’s going on in that brain of yours that’s upsetting you so much?”

How on earth had he seen underneath those words to know that there was something more? The how of it didn’t matter. All it took was those simple words and Spencer’s heart gave a little throb while the words spilled over his lips. “I hate what I had to do, Derek. I hate it. I knew what I was doing, but I had to! It was the only way I could distract him enough. But it made me feel low and dirty and disgusting. I deliberately turned him on. I _touched_ him. I played hurt and terrified because I knew it’d make him aroused. I squirmed and ground against him to encourage it! I, I…it made me feel cheap and…and dirty….” Tears cut off the rest of his words.

Derek did shift them now, rolling Spencer onto his back. Immediately Spencer turned his head toward Derek, trying to bury his face against the older man’s neck. But Derek shifted away enough that he couldn’t. Then he planted little kisses all over Spencer’s face. The hand on Spencer’s stomach moved up to cup one of his cheeks, his thumb wiping away a few of the tears that had escaped. “I want you to listen to me now, Spencer Reid. No arguing until I’m done. Just listen, okay?”

“Okay.” Spencer whispered.

“What you did back there, it does _not_ make you dirty. No,” He shook his head when he saw Spencer’s mouth open. “I told you, no arguing. I’m not done yet. You are not dirty or cheap for what you did. What it makes you is smart. I was at a total loss back there. I had absolutely no idea how to save you and I could see that he was going to kill me and take you away. It was the most terrifying thing I’ve ever had to live through. There was no way I could see that we’d get out of it. What you did, well, it was brilliant. You saved our lives. You used your knowledge of him, your own profile, and if I know you at all then I’d bet you analyzed every possible outcome before deciding that this was the only way to take care of things. Am I right?”

Blinking back tears, Spencer looked up at Derek’s face and nodded. He couldn’t seem to find his words. Looking at the love in Derek’s eyes—so strong, wrapping around him and holding him tightly—he found that he couldn’t say a word.

Derek smiled warmly at him. “If your genius brain saw no other way out, then I believe that what you did was the only thing that could have saved us. You say it makes you feel cheap. Did you enjoy what you did to him, Spencer?”

“What?” Spencer managed to find his voice in his shock. “No!”

“Then you have nothing to feel cheap over. You did what was necessary to save your life and mine as well as protect Will and Henry and Jack. You were the hero of the night, baby boy. I’m proud of you.”

Those last four words shot straight to Spencer’s heart. He felt his eyes widen and his mouth drop a little. He could count on one hand the amount of times any had ever said to him that they were proud of him. To hear those words come from Derek meant more to him than any of the other times combined. To not only hear those words, but to see the sincerity of them in his eyes. His mouth trembled a little when he closed it and his war with tears seemed to be lost. “I love you.” It was the only thing he could think of to say. Just three words, yet they summed up so much inside of him. So many things that he didn’t know how to express.

Bending his head, Derek kissed Spencer’s lips. “I love you too.”

Oh so gently, Derek used his hand to wipe away Spencer’s tears. Only when they were gone did Derek lie back down. This time, he didn’t have to pull Spencer back against him. The young man scooted into the curve of Derek’s body, relishing in the contact. When Derek’s arm wrapped around him once more, he felt nothing but peace. Within just a few short moments, Derek had chased away the demons of the night. Oh, Spencer knew that those demons weren’t gone. In one way or another they would always haunt him. But like with all the others, he would learn how to deal with them. How to move past them. And this time, he wasn’t going to do it alone. He had someone by his side that would be there every step of the way. With that thought, Spencer finally gave in to the demands of his body and drifted off to sleep, a little smile on his lips.


	36. Chapter 36

 

Two Months Later – Day Before Thanksgiving

Normally in the morning time, Spencer and Derek enjoyed their morning coffee together after Derek’s shower and before Spencer’s. It had become a bit of a tradition to drink their coffee at the table and talk about the night, about any dreams they’d had or what they hoped to do with the day. After that, Spencer would go take his shower while Derek cleaned up the cups and gathered their things. Then the two would head to work together.

Though Spencer still had his apartment, he pretty much lived with Derek. The only thing that kept them from getting rid of his apartment was the slow process of moving him out. First there had been the entire situation happening and the fallout at the end. They’d had police to deal with, as well as the bureau. Surprisingly, Erin Strauss hadn’t been a problem. They’d made their report to her and that had been the end of it.

Then there had been Spencer’s recovery time. His wrist had taken time to heal. Six weeks after getting his cast on, they finally removed it and started him on the minimal physical therapy he would need to do to get his full range of motion back. The other bruises on his body had long since faded. But it wasn’t just his physical healing they’d had to deal with. There was his mental healing. Nightmares plagued him for that first week; each night he woke in a sweat, Derek’s arms wrapped tight around him as the older man tried to talk him down. He let Spencer cry, let him shed the tears he’d always been so scared to shed before, always staying there and helping Spencer find his way back to sleep. Now the nightmares came once or twice a week instead of every single night. He was getting better and better.

Part of his mental recovery was making peace once more with the addict in himself. Though the cravings weren’t extremely strong during the day, in those random flashback moments or after a nightmare, they did tend to rear their head and try to swarm him. He set himself up at the meetings near Derek’s house, becoming a staple there now instead of a guest. It helped him to make that necessary peace and to bring the demon in him back under control. Cravings would always be there for him, but he brought himself back to the place where he controlled them instead of them controlling him.

It seemed like everything in Spencer’s life was going so well. He should have been one of the happiest people in the world! But, two months after the incident at Dave’s house, Spencer found himself sitting at the kitchen table, drinking from his cup of coffee and scowling down at it. Really, it was a stupid thing to be upset over. Maybe he was just overreacting. Or…maybe not. He scowled harder at his cup as if it had been the one to upset him.

How logical did it seem to be mad at Derek right now? Especially for something like…this. Yet logic didn’t seem to factor in to it. Taking a sip from his coffee, Spencer had to admit to himself that, logic aside, he _was_ mad at Derek. Ok, maybe not ‘mad’ but definitely frustrated. _Ugh, I can’t even get my thoughts organized. I’ve only had two drinks of coffee—now is not the time to have a huge internal debate._

But he couldn’t get it out of his mind! Two months had gone by since Michael had been shot to death. Two months since the nightmare had ended. Two weeks had gone by since he’d had his cast removed. His wrist only hurt now if he pushed it too hard. And during these past two months, the only sexual contact between the two men had been similar to any they’d shared before. Hands, yes. Mouths, yes. Actual sex? No.

Spencer scowled at his coffee once more. It sure wasn’t for lack of trying on his part! He was ready to take their relationship to that final level. Well, he was ready to try. Sure, he was still a little afraid of it. That had been something that had always hurt with Michael. Always. It had been one of the most painful experiences that Spencer had ever had with the man. But he knew Derek would be different. Derek had opened up an entire new sensual world to Spencer. He’d showed him that just because an act was sexual didn’t mean that it had to hurt.

So yes, Spencer was scared of actual intercourse. But he knew Derek and he trusted him to take care of him. He trusted him to help chase away the fear and replace it with good memories. He trusted Derek to help him heal. But every time he so much as even tried to step things up to that level, Derek seemed to divert him. They’d both end up happy from their encounters, lying with one another and panting to catch their breath. The pleasure was still immense. But Spencer couldn’t stop himself from longing for more.

It was because of all this that Spencer was sitting and scowling into his coffee. Last night he had tried to step things up once more between them. And, once again, Derek had easily diverted his attention. Afterwards Spencer had wanted to ask him about it; he’d wanted to know why Derek kept stopping them from taking the last step. But he was afraid of the answer he’d get. He was absolutely terrified that Derek didn’t want to be with him that way because of Michael. Not just what Michael had done and the scars that were left behind, but maybe Derek didn’t want something so, so used.

“Someone looks like he woke up on the wrong side of the bed.”

Spencer tried for a split second to wipe away the scowl before deciding that he didn’t care. He just grunted in response and went back to staring at the dark liquid inside his mug. Who cared if he was grumpy? Wasn’t everyone entitled to be a little grumpy now and again? He couldn’t be expected to be totally pleasant all the time. Even to himself, that sounded stupid.

He heard Derek slide a chair out and sit down just moments before a hand touched his arm. “Hey, Spencer, what’s going on? You ok, baby boy?”

 _Yes, I’m perfectly fine, except for the fact that you don’t really want me the way I want you_ his brain screamed out. The pain of those thoughts made him flinch. Without thinking about it, Spencer pushed away from the table, leaving his cup sitting there. “I’m going to go take my shower.” He mumbled before darting out of the kitchen. He was thankful when he heard no sound following behind him. Most likely Derek knew something was going on that Spencer needed to think through. He was good about giving Spencer time to gather his thoughts when it was necessary.

Once inside the bathroom, Spencer shut the door and leaned against it with a sigh. He closed his eyes and let his head come back to rest against the wood. This was getting ridiculous. _You’re a grown man and you’re hiding from your boyfriend in the bathroom. Really, can you act any more like an idiot?_ Scowling once more, he moved to turn the shower on, letting his body run on auto-pilot while his mind ran round and round.

_Rightfully you can’t be mad at Derek for this. Yeah, he’s not letting things progress, but have you talked to him about it? Have you come right out and said you want to take things up a level? No, of course you haven’t. Because you’re a coward. A giant freaking coward. You’re terrified you’ll say something and he’ll tell you that he doesn’t want that from you. And really, who could blame him? Look at how used you are. Look at how disgusting you probably seem to him._

Tears burned the backs of Spencer’s eyes. He tried to blink them away while he stripped and step underneath the spray of the shower. The water crashed down over him and washed away any of the tears that managed to escape. His thoughts were flaying him, throwing all his fears up in his face. It was true. He was scared Derek wouldn’t want him. And he really couldn’t bring himself to fault Derek for it too much. He _was_ used goods. His mind replayed Michael’s words to Derek from that long ago phone conversation. _“Have you fucked him yet? Everything he knows, I taught him. There’s not a part of that body I haven’t touched, haven’t fucked.”_

Had that turned Derek away from being able to take that final commitment with him? _That doesn’t make sense, though._ Spencer realized. _If he was turned off of sexual encounters with me, he wouldn’t do what we still do together. He wouldn’t touch me that way. He wouldn’t put his mouth on me, on any part of me. So what the hell is going on here?_

None of it was making sense anymore. All his thinking was doing was leaving him more and more confused. _There’s only one way to find out_ his mind told him quietly. That little thought was enough to have him freezing in the act of washing his hair. Yes, he did know. It was the one thing he didn’t want to do. He would have to ask Derek. The idea of having that conversation put butterflies in Spencer’s stomach and left him feeling nauseous. Yes, he and Derek talked about pretty much everything. But this was an area that touched deeply on Spencer’s insecurities about himself. He didn’t know if he could handle hearing what Derek’s response could be if it wasn’t good. It had the potential to destroy him on the inside. _If you don’t talk to him and just let this eat at you, it’s going to destroy you anyways._

Determination pushed away the butterflies. Or, at least it pushed them down enough that he could manage them. He had to talk to Derek. If he didn’t, then this would destroy him. How was that any worse than being turned down now? One way or another, he had to know. That determination stayed with him as he rushed through the rest of his shower and turned the water off. He had to do this now, before he lost his courage. Before he chickened out once again and went back to silently wondering and analyzing and driving himself crazy.

Wrapping a towel around his waist, Spencer stopped and looked in the mirror. He took a deep breath before walking out of the bathroom. His quiet footsteps carried him down the hall, away from the bedroom. He could hear the sounds of the TV playing in the living room. Holding tight to the courage he’d found in the shower, Spencer didn’t let himself hesitate to walk into the living room and straight to where Derek was sitting on the couch.

His lover looked up at the sound of him entering the room. The flash of desire in those dark eyes was enough to spur Spencer forward. He walked over to where Derek was and quickly moved so that he was straddling the older man’s waist. Instantly Derek’s hands came up to rest on his hips and the desire in his eyes grew. “Well, hello there, Spencer.” A corner of his mouth quirked up in a grin that was just a little sharp at the edges. It was a look Spencer knew well; he recognized the passion written there. That was good. That was a good sign.

How should he do this? Should he just try and go for broke or should he just say something? Words had always been his refuge. More than actions, he relied on his words. So, straightening his spine a little, Spencer looked at Derek’s face, forcing himself to stare into the older man’s eyes as he bluntly asked “Derek, do you want to have sex with me?”

Surprise had Derek’s mouth dropping open. “I…what?”

“I need to know.” Spencer made himself say. His determination was slowly fading away as he watched the shock travel over Derek’s face. Nerves were starting to come back. “Two months have gone by and you’ve never even tried. Is…is it because of me? Because of my past?”

That had the surprise on Derek’s face growing. “What? Baby, no!” he exclaimed. The hands on Spencer’s hips tightened slightly. So many emotions traveled over Derek’s face there. To Spencer’s complete surprise, Derek’s body slumped slightly and his eyes slid closed. A second later he was leaning back on the couch, tipping his head back to rest there. “God, I’ve really fucked this up.” Derek mumbled.

Worry spiked in Spencer. But, more than anything else, he felt concerned. Hearing Derek talk like that brought up the instinct in Spencer to soothe his lover and chase away whatever it was that had Derek sounding so…broken. That was how his voice had sounded when he’d said that. Broken. He couldn’t stop himself from bringing a hand up to rest over Derek’s heart. He said nothing, sensing Derek was trying to gather his words together.

Lifting his head, Derek brought his eyes up to lock on Spencer’s. Emotion was swirling around there. It held Spencer captivated so that he could do nothing but look down into Derek’s eyes and listen. “All this time you’ve been thinking it was something you did, something about you. It wasn’t, Spencer. This wasn’t about Michael and you; at least, not directly.”

Now he was more confused than ever. Spencer bit his lip and tipped his head to the side a little. He studied Derek almost like he was a puzzle. “I don’t understand.” He finally said. Not understanding left him frustrated; he wasn’t used to not knowing things. He wasn’t used to being without answers. But none of this was adding up for him.

 “I wasn’t holding back because I didn’t want you, Spencer. I…fuck.” One of his hands came up, running over his scalp. There was a look in his eyes that Spencer couldn’t name, but it made him want to wrap Derek in his arms. That feeling only grew when Derek said “You’re not the only one with hang-ups about sex, pretty boy.”

Hang-ups…? Oh. _Oh_. Spencer’s eyes widened as Derek’s words sank in.

His lover saw the recognition dawn on his face and nodded, smiling ruefully. “Yeah. I mean, I’ve come a long way since…since Carl. I’ve come to terms with my sexuality and I’ve had a sex life—I won’t deny that. But, well, I looked up to the guy. Before all of it, I really looked up to him. And he came into my life when I was at my lowest and my weakest. He took advantage of me when I was weak and he used that weakness to hurt me. I don’t ever want you to feel like that’s what I’m doing to you.” Love and pain were in Derek’s eyes in equal measure. “Ever since we got home after that shit at Rossi’s house, I’ve watched you hit bottom in things and I’ve watched you climb back up, stronger than ever. But when it comes to sex, I know you’re scared, baby. I know you’re worried it’s going to hurt the way it always has.”

Spencer hadn’t been able to bring himself to say anything since the realization of what Derek was talking about. Now he found the words easily rising to his tongue. “I trust you, Derek. I’ll admit I’m scared, yes. Maybe a little terrified. But I trust you. I know you won’t rush me and you’ll be careful with me. I know you’ll do everything you can to make it good for me.”

A corner of Derek’s mouth quirked. “And I’m terrified I won’t be able to. I’m absolutely terrified that I’m going to hurt you.” He took a deep breath, sighing it out. “I can see how scared it makes you. Yet every time we’re together, every time I touch you and you touch me, I want it. And that scares the hell out of me. Knowing you’re scared, would it make me any better than him if I pushed the issue? It made me feel like I’d be hurting you just like he hurt me.”

Oh, how had he missed this? How had he not even thought to take into account the problems Derek would be having? It made Spencer feel small. He had only been thinking about his own issues. Derek’s issues had never crossed his mind. The other man just seemed so confident when they were together; so secure. Yet underneath that confidence lurked fears, just like any other person in the world. _Oh, Derek. I’m so sorry._

Knowing what he did now, any of Spencer’s earlier irritation melted away. Even his embarrassment disappeared. He took his hand from Derek’s chest and brought it up to rest it on his lover’s cheek. His heart swelled a little at the way Derek turned into his hand, nuzzling it slightly, his eyes falling to half-mast. Instead of leading with his brain, Spencer looked at the man he loved and spoke with his heart. “You could never be anything like him, Derek. Never. The fact that you worry about it is proof of that. But more than that, I know you. The man I love would never take advantage of someone and hurt them. You could never hurt me, honey.”

“It could hurt you though, baby boy.” Derek argued quietly. His words sounded pained. “There’s a little physical pain at first and there’s the mental pain you might feel. I can’t stand the idea of hurting you.”

Spencer smiled at him. “I trust you.” Those three words didn’t come easily to him and so they carried that much more power to them. “It may hurt, yes. It may be a little difficult for the both of us. But does that mean we should deny ourselves that closeness? That joy you’ve told me about? I want to be with you, Derek. Completely. Maybe it’ll hurt at first, but from what you’ve told me, what you’ve showed me, the pleasure is going to be so much more.”

“I don’t want to hurt you more than you’ve already been hurt. You deserve to never be hurt again.”

“You don’t deserve to be hurt either.” Spencer pointed out gently. “But if we don’t confront this, it’ll be an open wound inside of both of us. We can’t let our insecurities and hang-ups come between us. You aren’t forcing me into this, honey. I want this. More than that, I think we both need it. We could heal, together.”

The living room was quiet but for the sounds of the TV for a long moment. Then Derek was tilting his head a little more to the side so that he could kiss Spencer’s palm. “I love you, Spencer Reid.” He murmured in a low, husky voice. “I don’t know what I did to deserve someone like you, but I thank God for having you in my life.”

The tenseness of the moment was fading. In that gesture, those words, Spencer saw the start of their healing. He couldn’t stop from smiling or from teasing, trying to interject some levity into the situation. “I imagine you were very good as a young child.” He teased. Laughing, Derek leaned up enough to steal a kiss. His hands, still on Spencer’s hips, pulled the young man in closer, abruptly reminding Spencer that he was straddling his lover while wearing only a towel. That seemed to come to Derek’s attention as well. He nipped at Spencer’s lip, his own curving. “Why don’t we take this back to the bedroom, baby boy?” he murmured. Spencer could only manage a brief moan when Derek kissed him again.

There were times that Derek did things that showed Spencer exactly how much stronger the older man was compared to him. This was one of those times. The hands on Spencer’s hips shifted around back, cupping his ass and pulling him close at the same time that Derek rose from the couch. Though it wasn’t the first time Derek had picked him up, Spencer couldn’t keep himself from startling. His legs quickly wrapped around Derek’s waist and he gripped tightly to his shoulders to make sure he wouldn’t fall. He felt Derek laugh into their kiss.

Each step Derek took made a delicious friction between them. Spencer broke the kiss to throw his head back and moan when Derek’s fingers kneaded his ass and their hips ground together. That sound slipping over his lips was enough to have Derek turning halfway down the hall and pressing Spencer against the wall. In the back of his mind, Spencer thought to himself how appropriate this was. Their first sexual encounter had started with Derek carrying him down the hall to their bedroom. It seemed kind of right that their first time having actual sex started out this way as well.

Lips were attacking his collarbone, taking away all thought. Spencer rolled his hips again and groaned. Derek had a talented mouth and he knew exactly where to use it to reduce Spencer to a quivering mess. “Derek…bedroom.”

Somehow they finally made it in there. Spencer found himself lying in the middle of their bed. He lifted up on his elbows, shaking his head to toss his hair back out of his face, one leg curving up slightly. He watched as Derek stood beside the bed and divested himself of his clothes. This part of things they were comfortable with. This part they knew well. Spencer chewed his lip in anticipation, feeling his desire grow as Derek finally stripped down to nothing.

The older man stood there, staring down at Spencer. “God, Spencer. You look so beautiful there and you don’t even have any idea.” Slowly, Derek knelt on the edge of the bed, right near Spencer’s calf. “All that soft, smooth skin.” He bent and his mouth ghosted over Spencer’s thigh, moving up his hip, making the young man shiver. “That beautiful flush that builds there.” Derek continued, his mouth moving further up, over Spencer’s ribs now. “The way you bite your lip. Those fucking bedroom eyes.” Derek came up finally, his lips pressing against Spencer’s, a kiss that was eagerly returned .Spencer’s arms slid out from under him as Derek stretched out fully over him. All Spencer could do was bring his hands up to wrap around Derek’s neck, cupping the back of his head.

When Derek broke the kiss, Spencer instinctively tried to move after him, to follow and press their lips together once more. Derek just chuckled and moved his lips to Spencer’s jaw while he pressed their bodies together, settling his hips between Spencer’s legs. Right as he bit that point below Spencer’s ear, he ground his hips down, wringing a loud gasp from Spencer. “Derek!”

“So beautiful, baby boy.” Derek murmured. One hand was bracing him on the bed while the other slid over Spencer’s hip, across his stomach and up to his chest. He brushed over the pebbled nipple there, drawing it between two fingers to give a slight tug, making Spencer move underneath him.

Spencer could barely think. He ran his hands across Derek’s back, tracing the muscles there, needing to feel him. His eyes could barely manage to stay open with the pleasure that was racing through him. But keep them open he did. This wasn’t something he wanted to miss. As Derek’s mouth and hands brought to life that wonderful fire inside of him, Spencer set about trying to do the same to his lover. His hands traced over skin, his mouth moved to steal long, mind-numbing kisses that left the both of them breathing heavily. He rolled his hips up against Derek’s, building the friction there until neither one of them could handle it anymore.

Their kiss was suddenly broken and Derek was pressing their foreheads together. The sound of their heavy breathing filled the room. Spencer swore he could hear his own heartbeat. “Are you sure about this, baby boy?” Derek looked down at him seriously. “I don’t want you to be pressured into this.”

Even own, even as their bodies were screaming for completion, Derek still found it in him to offer Spencer an out. To give him the opportunity to back away without recrimination. _How could he ever think he’d be like Carl?_ Spencer smiled and stole a gentle kiss. “I want you, Derek.” No matter the fears in his stomach, he knew those words were true. He knew he could trust Derek to help him through this. And, in turn, he would help Derek through this as well.

Derek shifted them both a little so that he could reach over into the nightstand. From there he pulled out the pack of condoms and the lube that had been kept there, but never used. He set them on the bed beside them before kissing Spencer deeply. That was enough to have Spencer’s body arching once more. His eyes drifted closed and he gripped tightly to Derek’s back.

This time when Derek broke their kiss, his mouth just moved, tracing faintly over his jaw, down to his neck. “Just lay back, baby boy, and hold on. I’ll take care of you.” The soft murmur against his skin had Spencer shivering. What else could he do but listen? As Derek’s mouth traveled lower, Spencer brought his hands up, running them through his hair. They moved to grip the pillow when Derek kissed the inside of his thigh, just barely nipping at the skin.

One hand clamped on Spencer’s hip, the only warning he had before he felt warm lips wrap around the head of his cock. He tightened his grip in the pillow, trying to keep from thrusting up into that warm mouth, a low moan echoing in their room. Derek knew exactly how to drive him crazy. Spencer couldn’t stop the moans and whimpers that slid out as Derek took him further and further in. All thought drained out of Spencer’s brain. He forgot entirely about what they were about to do as the pleasure washed over him.

He didn’t hear the click of the bottle cap, but he felt Derek’s finger at his entrance, gently tracing there, cool against his fevered skin. He didn’t get a chance to even begin to feel apprehensive about it. That finger started to push in at the same time that Derek took him fully into his mouth. Spencer let out a keening cry, shoving his head back into the pillow. “Derek, Derek…” His name came out on a sob when Derek started to bob his head again. That first finger slid in easily with Spencer’s distraction.

The younger man was surprised at the lack of pain he felt. There was a slightly full feeling, but it didn’t hurt. He didn’t get long to think about it. Derek did something with his tongue, his teeth, that had Spencer’s hips moving of their own accord. If Derek kept this up Spencer was going to be done long before they started.

Derek must have sensed that. He pulled off of Spencer with a slight popping sound, kissing the prominent hip bone. All the while his finger never stopped its slow movements. Kissing further up, Derek stopped at Spencer’s chest, drawing a nipple between his teeth. Spencer writhed underneath him. He felt like he was on fire once more; that delicious fire that only Derek could create in him. He felt Derek’s finger pull out, only to be replaced by two a moment later. There was a slight burn as they slid in, a hint of remembered pain. Spencer squeezed his eyes shut and tried to remind himself to breathe through it. That it was Derek over him, not Michael. _You’re fine. You’re perfectly fine. This is Derek and he’ll take care of you. He doesn’t want to hurt you. The burnings already fading, see?_ His thoughts cut off completely when Derek’s fingers moved, curling and pressing against something that had Spencer’s entire body exploding in sensation. He didn’t even hear the sobbing cry that he let out.

That little spot was pressed again and he cried out “Derek!” Clenching tighter to the pillow by his head. Lips covered his, dominating their kiss. Pleasure was filling Spencer so that he couldn’t think anymore. He heard Derek murmuring at his ear and it only served to turn him on more. “You look so beautiful, Spencer. You have no idea what you do to me. So fucking sexy right now. You’re driving me crazy, baby boy, with those sounds you’re making, the way you’re responding to me. So fucking hot.”

Two fingers became three and once again Spencer felt that burn, but before he could react to it, before he could think even, those fingers curled into his prostate once more and the pleasure was filling him once more, setting fire to his nerve endings. This was like nothing he’d ever felt before. It was like the pleasure he and Derek had shared before and yet it was more. So much more.

Looking down at the face under his, Derek couldn’t help but wonder how he had ever worried about this. He’d worried before that he’d be taking advantage of Spencer; that he’d hurt him without realizing it. He should have known better. He should have known how stupid that thought was. This was nothing like that he’d lived through; nothing like what either one of them had lived through. The look Spencer wore, that full body flush he had going, those indecent sounds that he was making, all of those left Derek no doubt that Spencer was lost in a sea of pleasure. There was no pain for him at the moment. Only pleasure. He moved his fingers, curling them again, enjoying the way Spencer’s body jerked and the sounds that he made. Derek had to force himself not to grow angry at the feeling of scars his fingers came across—now wasn’t the time for those. Later, he would release his tension on those. Right now was about their pleasure.

Now came time for the part he worried would be the hardest for Spencer. Hard for him, too. He’d slept with men before, but never with someone who mattered to him the way that Spencer did. Looking down once more, Derek knew he wanted to do anything he could to make this easy for Spencer. One idea came to mind and had him smiling. There was one way he could think of that would give Spencer a sense of control and that might be just the thing to make this easier on him. He slid his fingers from that tight body, chuckling at the whimper that Spencer gave, shushing his young lover slightly. Then he brought his hands to Spencer’s hips and surprised the younger man by bracing him tightly and then flipping them over.

Spencer gasped as his body was turned, ending with him over top of Derek, looking down into amused and aroused dark eyes. Before he could say anything, Derek kissed him. When they broke apart, the older man was grinning. “I want to watch you, Spencer.” He murmured sensually. One of his hands went over, grabbing a condom from beside them. “I want to watch you ride me, watch you fuck yourself.”

Those dirty words had Spencer shuddering. He gave a sudden grin that surprised Derek and stole the condom from him. When he’d broken it open and shifted to the side enough to slide it over his lover’s length, it was his turn to watch Derek’s face and enjoy the expression there. To thrill at the sound of the moan Derek gave. Once the condom was firmly in place, he watch grabbed the lube, slicking down his lover’s cock, teasing him with the slow, firm strokes. Derek had been driving him crazy ever since they’d come into the bedroom; Spencer thrilled at being able to return the favor.

One of Derek’s hands was against Spencer’s back, stroking the skin there. It suddenly moved up to grip in his hair, yanking his head down for a hard kiss. Spencer moaned and released his lover, letting Derek guide him so that he was straddling the older man’s hips. With one hand Derek helped line their bodies together. Spencer broke the kiss, wanting to see Derek’s face as they did this, as they took this final step together. He needed to be able to see his eyes.

It was Derek’s eyes that chased away the tiny kernel of fear in Spencer’s stomach. Looking down and seeing the love in Derek’s eyes reflected back up at him, how could he be afraid? How could he worry? This was nothing like that he’d felt with Michael. This was good, this was real. Spencer smiled down at him and cast away the last of his reservations. This was about him and Derek, not him and Michael. He wouldn’t allow that memory to intrude on this moment any longer.

Without a single word, Spencer shifted and slowly impaled himself on his lover’s body. There was that burn again, stronger than before. It was enough to have Spencer’s eyes closing and his body tensing. But he pushed until he was fully seated over him. Harsh breathing filled the room as the two stayed totally still, adjusting to one another. Spencer felt the burn slowly start to fade and couldn’t stop himself from giving an experimental move of his hips, loving the sound Derek made below him.

Spencer braced his hands on Derek’s chest and started a slow rise and fall, gasping as the burn disappeared and pleasure took its place. Derek’s hands were on his hips, helping to guide him in their movements, bringing him down to meet each upward movement of Derek’s hips. Through heavy eyes, Spencer watched Derek’s face, saw the pleasure there and felt a thrill, knowing that he was the cause of that pleasure. “Shit, Spencer.” Derek gasped out. He pushed up again, his head tipping back again. “Fuck, you feel so good, baby boy, so tight.”

The sound of flesh hitting flesh echoed obscenely around their room, broken by moans and whispers and sighs. Sounds grew louder and louder as their pace increased. Spencer was almost senseless, rocking his hips faster and faster. When he straightened his body and Derek pushed right into that sensitive bundle of nerves, Spencer almost screamed.

Derek could barely hold his thoughts together anymore. His whole world began and ended with the lithe body over top of him. All he could feel was Spencer’s skin under his hands, that tight heat clenching on him. All he could see was the look of absolute pleasure on Spencer’s face as the young man straightened his spine, his hands fisting in his hair, riding the pleasure. Derek could feel that he was getting close; he wouldn’t last much longer. The sensation combined with the way Spencer looked was quickly sapping any control. He moved one hand from Spencer’s hip, wrapping it around his lover’s cock and fisting him, matching his pace to the pace of their hips, moaning when he heard the keening cry that Spencer gave. God, the sounds that man made!

“Come on, baby boy. Let go for me. Come for me.” Derek said huskily. He knew Spencer loved to hear him talk to him. “Just let it go, Spencer. You look so fucking hot like this, riding me. Wanna watch you, wanna feel you as you come for me.”

Spencer couldn’t do anything else. He screamed Derek’s name, his body coming apart from the inside out. He didn’t realize he was sobbing as the pleasure rode its way through him and he shot his load against his lover’s chest. He barely felt as Derek thrust into him and came with a loud shout.

The next thing he felt was Derek shifting him off his lap, laying him down in the bed. Boneless, Spencer melted into the blankets, his mind blank and his body sated. He felt the bed shift, part of his mind registering that Derek was probably disposing of the condom and maybe cleaning up. That was fine. He didn’t mind. Content, Spencer let himself just lay there. He doubted he could have moved even if he’d wanted to—which he didn’t.

That had been better than he’d ever imagined it would be. Even in the few fantasies he’d indulged in, he’d never thought the fire would burn him that way, be that all-consuming. He couldn’t keep from smiling. He and Derek had finally taken that final step together. As a couple, they’d taken their most horrible memories and replaced them with wonderful ones. Together. Spencer knew that now, he could finally move on. Now he could Michael behind him where he belonged.

The bed dipped with Derek’s weight as the older man climbed in beside him. Spencer mustered up enough energy to roll over, flinging one leg and one arm over the man. He distantly heard Derek chuckle at him before the older man’s arm wrapped around him, hand moving to stroke at his hair. “I love you, Spencer Reid.” The soft words were whispered against his hair, followed by a gentle kiss. The words held so much to them, packed full of emotion that neither knew how to put into words.

Spencer smiled and kissed Derek’s chest. “Love you too, Derek Morgan.” He murmured. Tightening his grip on Derek’s body, Spencer’s smile grew. For the first time in over a year, Spencer felt at peace; mind, body, and soul. Wrapped around the man he loved, his body sated, his heart full, Spencer drifted off to sleep.

 


End file.
